oh charity... you fool...




Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves

To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out His hand

But the waves are calling out my name
And they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. "Boy, you'll never win!""
You'll never win!"


But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
The voice of truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth


Oh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand

But the giant's calling out my name
And he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again. "Boy you'll never win!""
You'll never win!"

But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don't seem so high
From on top of them lookin' down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me

I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth




Lord help me

i was floundering around and watching stuff people sent me cos it's a monday and mondays make me depressed... so i watched the clip that hwei sent to me that i didnt see at all =P and the player somehow had the 'can' video in the playlist and continued playing into that vid.




it just reminded me of my Father's love for me. again.

picture that.

just where the father picked up his totally helpless son and carried him out of the rocking boat to applause

God picks you up when you are helpless and carries you to victory




even when i lose faith,

My Jesus is faithful

f_CK... no i'm not cursing

i forgot about this.. hehe...

i realised, when writing receipts for the RC classes my parents teach (i'm working for them doing admin)... that when signing the receipts:
1. my initials happen to be C.K.
2. when signing on behalf of the honourary RC treasurer, you put an f.
3. i tend to have a space between the f. and the C.K.


well yeah. so now it looks like the title... >.<
[and to think my mom was scolding me for signing my actual signature... and saying that i should initial...]



but she has a point there... dont wanna put my signature all over the place so pple can forge it...

so um. sorry from me if you get a receipt like that...

ho hum

pastor prince got pastor lian to read out someone's testimony today...

someone whom God brought to DARE just by randomly taking 700A and going to every floor in suntec tower 4 to amuse himself...

someone who felt empty and who would sit at the top of his HDB every day after beating people up with his gang wondering whether he should just die... someone who would cut to get rid of the emptiness...

someone now completely transformed by God.




i admit to fighting a (thankfully winning) battle with my face... such love just gripped my heart at that time... together with the pain i knew the person would have gone through... and sudden inspiration... as to how God would never ever forsake us.



it's bloody ironic, that it takes one to know one...

i always wished that people wouldn't have to feel such pain... yet it's the people who have gone through similar things that can give comfort... and thank God for those people who know divine intervention... people who know to direct me to Jesus at the right time...


today's message... i am a new creation, old things have passed away, behold all things have become new.
thanks Daddy =) i needed a reminder


i am just in awe of how You are using me...

video =)

got called down with hwei, amanda to make the vid for ps on sat tmr... or today tt is. heh. i've learnt alot abt transitions and adobe premiere pro in *gasp* one week! poor zhengkai (Campus TV leader =D and very pro guy lol.) now has to handle our half-done-not-so-pro/good stuff and make it into something show-able for campus tomorrow...

in the process though... something more worth mentioning than the lack of sleep i got trying to sync music with video clips and frantically trying to find media to even make the clip... here's something that jos blessed us with for the vid... it's really fantastic!

can you imagine? how much more Daddy God loves us...

who am i to think

that Jesus would not know physical pain... after all He was whipped 39 times - 39 times with the flesh being ripped from bone

that He does not understand scars... the holes in His hands and feet remain

that He does not understand temptation... the devil tried it on Him for so long

that He does not understand desperation... He had to choose to die

that He does not know the darkest bits of me... he bore the world's sin, every last bit of shortcoming, every bit of condemnation, every evil thought

that I am not loved... He died for me

that I am not worthy... my God died for me



who am I to ignore the greatest gift anyone could give?

but still the flesh is weak...

guilt...

i agree... as mrs naidu said to me once... it's such an underrated emotion

the brother to condemnation... handy weapon for the devil

and the things it makes people do







knowing that Jesus died for me... knowing that there's no condemnation... somehow doesnt make things easier. there's a fight... a fight to remember the cleanness - as pastor was sharing yesterday at bible study, the rivers of living water... the spirit and its significance to the Jews, that they would be constantly clean. man's brain is so stubborn... maybe it's just me, but my brain sometimes wont accept things... like when i give my fears to Jesus but i can't seem to let go of bits. bits that are so deeply buried that it takes people probing for me to realise

nuts!

about chocolate (haha brings back memories...)

or trying not to become nuts with work...

about Jesus =)

nuts are fattening... hmm

two faced snake...

my mom would probably say something like that...

i feel like i have 2 personalities heh. there's me and there's charity

charity doesn't come out often... she only dares to when it's heidi and company or people in the caregroup. charity's fun and vaguely hyper and does stupid things... haha and pose for crazy photos in photoshoots... charity takes the time to love people too.

me on the other hand well... i am reserved, serious and responsible, the one who supposedly makes things better...the one who 'can handle it'... i end up staring into space instead of talking to people, i don't seem to have the time to just be with people and love them... to spend time with them... i fight with ghosts of the past and the skeletons in the closet... then in that span of time wonder why the rest of the world seems to be oceans away


then it comes together sometimes... where i know that for all my shortcomings i am accepted by God through Christ...and i'm sort freed to be both at the same time...
i wish i could hold that all the time... but either charity or me takes over expecially when with the class

but i know at least that Jesus loves me... and that is enough for now... the rest will come with time. no one said life would be smooth sailing, only that He would be there all the way