comment

this sheep feels rather chopped up and cooked (barbequed/ grilled...)

this sheep needs to rest (literally sleep as well...) and feed.

now. probably.

this sheep is also a tad too stoned to do the above.

horseradish =

mustard.

silly me. hehe. i da-baoed dinner from cedele... beef pastrami with horseradish sauce. and spent the journey trying to remember what horseradish was. which i didnt, that is, until i took a bite of the sandwich.

news: one down two to go

and this:

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of
peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Jeremiah 29:11 (NKJV)

has been stuck in my head for the past couple of weeks throughout the university/ scholarship application madness. Ps Chin preached abt it in the Last Campus Service Ever... then Ps Joshua at bible study... and Ps Gabriel talked abt it during the communion prayer too. i wonder what's in store. hmmmm.


speaking of Campus - now Arrow Ministry.
I need a steeper learning curve for projection... i seem to be getting slower and slower in response time =(. i miss video... stand behind camera and follow pastor... but i want to learn projection... and must must get better in it.... Lord... tell me what pastor is going to use before he says it. and give me quick quick quick hands to show it on screen so that people don't have to wait. Amen.

enter the elephant

*SPLIT LEAP!*

.

.

.

.

.

*CRASH!*



lol. i just forked out $198/- for ballet lessons... starting.. this sat... or next (more likely next... gotta buy all the stuff. *tights omg!*... not to mention there's campus this coming sat.) most decisions i make have to get parental approval. under 21 and all... and this particular one went like this:

Me: i wanna take ballet... i haven't done anything physical since pe ended
Mom: eh your back how?
Me: err... it's adult ballet... not like they're gonna ask old fogies to do gym stuff..
Mom: oh okay... maybe it'll make you more of a lady. *shrugs* it's your money anyway.
Me: -_-
Dad: do they teach you how to carry yourself?
Me: dunno? it's just ballet, i assume that's a side-effect
Dad: hmm... will they accept someone as old as me?
Me O_O""" *imagines dad in a leotard, tights and doing leaps...*




on another note...
i was being very happy today... cos there were only two major uni things left before i could sit back and wait for acceptances... usp interview tmr... med interview thu. but then i opened my email. and discovered... some psychological interview that MOE wants to carry out (presumably for the scholarship) on me on fri. 0_0

what.

if you had a lot of work and your children came to pester you would you get angry, lose your temper and push them over the parapet?

hmm. i can't imagine. i suppose that they tell you late late so you can't prepare answers.


*sigh*

hurry up and finish all the selection processes already! hehe.

i guess they just don't want to get people they'll regret funding... but we're only human... and humans are finicky people... full of regrets. you can't give people psychometric tests and pick the ones conforming to the mould of 'the perfect person for this job' only Jesus is perfect. besides, people change... i've read blogs of teachers who start at the first entry - excited - and end at the latest entry - completely depressed, hopeless - i bet their boss doesn't know that... i bet the interviewers had no clue when they were offering that job.


ah. people.







hmm... i wish i could keep the previous post as the first post forever... cos it's just such a fantastic reminder of what has happened... and it holds such promise to the things to come...

make way old. the new has come. *prods*

tears

watch
choke down, swallow.
dry-eyed, the pain pools inside
tears are a weakness
i must be strong.

no emotion. only blackness.

watch
there is no escape.
my blood weeps on my behalf.
tears are a weakness
i must be strong.

no hope. only fear.

watch
as the veins feel like burning ice.
i will not let you in.
tears are a weakness
i must be strong.

blackness. and only despair.

--

watch
as a Hand reaches past the darkness
to cradle my heart.
love embraces and warms this frozen soul
i weep.

only hope.

watch
the Eyes of forgiveness
pierce through insecurities and fears.
"I am forever here for you" they say.
i weep.

only love.

watch
the hands of God working
"I am your strength" they say.
i give You my burdens.
i rest.

only joy.

--

know
the tears He shed for my pain
He sweat tears of blood,
how His blood flowed like rivers
on my behalf.
it was all for Love.

only peace.



see salvation.
experience Jesus.

pray for me

check out my schedule...

17/4 tmr: MOE scholarship interview
19/4: Med portfolio due
20/4: no more night cos of cg
21/4: video min training 10am to 3pm (hweifen's house. zomg far.)
22/4: Med on-the-spot essay and psychometric test (*wail essay*)
24/4: University Scholars Programme interview
26/4: Med interview

ahahaha. Lord HELP.

[see the swan? look under the water. that's me right now]

Jesus You're my favour.

He that is in me is greater than he that is in the world

revelation!

was at bible study... super blessed by it. and during worship, i caught a vision in the spirit.

i saw Jesus, as a man, super-imposed onto my form... like the layers in photoshop, where He was like a watermark layered onto my solid form. it was a perfect merge, finger matching finger, skin stuck to skin... complete perfection. He was not bound by my body, there was glory radiating, His spirit simply HUGE. He was in me, a part of me, yet he was more than me, all-encompassing... and so Powerful

i Saw... as i stretched out my hand - His hand... everything that His hand touched was blessed, broken lives were made whole in His glory, people were restored, diseases healed... but at the same time. it was MY hand that was there. and just radiating Glory... it was Him... but it was also me.


that just floored me. cos... to me, i'm just small fry... i haven't topped any subject ever... just another 'mediocre RJ student'... someone who fell so fast and so far... someone who tried - and failed to give up living (lol that was the ultimate failure at that time... or so i thought) and my hand was doing miracles... doing things that i couldn't comprehend. it wasn't really me, it was Him doing it, all i did was to lift a hand in worship



and i realised. caught a glimpse of His love, His glory, His majesty, and the things to come.

the only decision i'll never regret in life: the day i stopped being a 'grandchild Christian' and accepted Him as my personal Lord and Saviour

the day i accepted Christ, the Holy Spirit suffused me, infused me, filling all the cracks, all the brokenness. He became one with me, never to leave me.

and He healed my soul, my mind, bit by bit that i released to Him to love, to fill with His goodness

for every bit that you let go to Him - aligning yourself in the Word, the Holy Spirit permeates, makes whole, makes new, brings it to perfection.

single word description: restoration







there is no fear, no worry, no regret. cos i moved the hand... but Jesus did the work.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.



My God is GREATER.

phone =)

pretty ain't it? and only 18 bucks =D with a 50 dollar voucher and renewal of 2 year plan from M1 (mom's phone) yay.

and there was another

i've never felt so helpless in my life.






Lord do something. anything.
Love her into wholeness...
Till the pain is gone.
Till only Your love remains.


praying for you. whoever you are.
Jesus loves you. He doesn't condemn you. He died for you.

ARGH

i washed my pants

my handphone was in my pants

i didn't know my handphone was in my pants

my handphone got washed.

GRAWH.
Kam Mei En Charity Theodora...



[i shall see whether it works tmr after it dries out.. or else.. will buy a new phone.. pfft]

*prods blog*

*blog squirms*


*prods brains*

*brains don't respond*



my head is empty. eh. i guess there'll be a lack of posts that make sense... unless pastor rerails my brain today with the message.



ah yes.

happy easter =)

And now I'm all alone again,
Nowhere to turn, no one to go to.
Without a home, without a friend...
Without a face to say hello to,
And now the night is near
I can make believe he's here.

Sometimes I walk alone at night.
when everybody else is sleeping..
I think of him and then I'm happy
With the company I'm keeping,
The city goes to bed
And I can live inside my head.

On my own pretending he's beside me,
All alone I walk with him till morning,
Without him I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way
I close my eyes and he has found me.

In the rain the pavement shines like silver,
All the lights are misty in the river,
In the darkness the trees are full of starlight...
And all I see is him and me forever and forever.

But I know it's only in my mind,
That I'm talking to myself and not to him.
And although I know that he is blind,
till I say, there's a way for us.

I love him
But when the night is over,
He's gone the river's just a river.
Without him the world around me changes,
The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers.

I love him
But every day I'm learning,
All my life I've only been pretending.
Without me his world would go on turning,
A world that's full of happiness that I have never known.

I love him
I love him
I love him,
But only on my own.

On My Own - Les Miserables


[it's stuck. hohum. what happened to the days of belting out musicals in random corridors?]

aha. i wanted to write something about perfection and lives... but i can't seem to gather my thoughts... so it shall have to wait till i find two brain cells to rub together...

on another note... one that requires less long term thought

i want to:

• learn ballet (yes. insane probably. but dance is funner than gym classes... i think i'll embarrass myself less than say, in a salsa class... and get this body nicely toned up lol.)
• get that photoshop class thing over and done with... gah. can't bring myself to call them
• settle the driving issue (ugh. why can't i just take lessons from the school... price not that different right? *long-suffering look at mom*)
• have the time to slack around, read the bible, spend time with God like i did the day i took leave to write my USP essay...

i need to:

• go through that pile of prospectus and decide which uk uni offer i'll accept... and apply for accomodation
• prepare for the teaching scholarship interview
• read anatomy for fun... (well this is a want. but my brain's so dead after work it's hard!)
• sleep more
• mug for basic theory test (haha... well... not really... just that it's on thursday)
• figure out how to get to the driving school... lol =P

aiyah i dunno already. give up. my thoughts are going in spirals