no way.

someone died the first week of school...

http://live.cgcu.net/news/2019

ball. plural.

yesterday at covent garden i heard a busker say 'i have three balls hidden in my pants. don't worry parents, your children won't get that. but if they do then i wonder what you've been teaching them'


today at church at the youth meeting,
we were talking about how christian men nowadays 'do not have the balls' to ask a girl out.


oh hello london. i've missed you. lol

london

feels more like home than singapore did in the last 3 months. odd.
(and my roomie agrees with me)

at the same time i really wish i could be present to experience life with you over there.

greedy aren't i?

perfect people

i had a nice chat yesterday with a friend over supper... and we were swapping 'life-stories' about how God has worked in our lives. and this dawned on me --


we humans pursue perfection...

we admire the 'pro's in their various fields wondering why we may never be like them - and we seem to realise that we fail miserably most of the time, being simply unable to reach the 'perfection' we desire...

then there seems to be two kinds of people in the world --
a) those who act out (extroverts maybe?) and start trying everything and anything in the hope that through 'that something' they'd achieve the happiness they perceive the 'perfect people' achieve
b) those who give up (introverts?) and take it out on themselves - thinking that there's no way to get the happiness of 'perfect people'


but hey no one's perfect.
so what is this 'perfection' that we all strive for?

i think it's there simply because of God - the God that people don't seem to want to acknowledge.

we were created in His image, the very image of perfection... and covered by His perfect grace and favour. and then our dear adam ate that fruit -.-" and we obtained the concept of 'getting what you deserve'... only that it's root is probably 'being perfect gives happiness' and true perfection can only be found in Him - in Jesus' perfect finished work on the cross.


oh yeah... i left out a group of people... the 'self made' ones who haven't realised that no amount of effort to be ' almost perfect' would put them in the desired state of happiness.

seek ye first the kingdom of God huh.

annoyed

1. i got a virus in my thumb drive
2. i plugged it into lappy
3. i did stuff with files on thumb drive
4. i plugged my hard drive into lappy
5. i did stuff with hard drive and thumb drive
6. i removed both and plugged them into dad's desktop comp
7. dad's comp detects virus in all removable media
8. i google the name of the virus
9. i find out that it's a high risk trojan that records keypress
10. i realised that i did some internet banking transactions
11. i go around trying all the virus scanners & adware scanners available
12. i still can't find and get rid of the root of the virus
13. i go fishing in all my stuff for the recovery discs and drivers and end up digging up all the 'things to bring to london' and dumping them in suitcase (note: room looks like a tornado hit)
14. i run through files and back stuff up on my poor infected hard drive praying that the desktop can keep it clean later on
15. i run the recovery disc and install drivers
16. one of the drivers cannot be installed
17. i attempt to download driver and transfer with thumb drive.. it doesn't work
18. i install the virus protectors and go online to get the driver
19. i get the driver and have to re-install a list of things that can only be installed properly with that driver already present
20. i begin moving files back and installing all the programs again

it has been 10 hours and counting. ouch.
but hey. thank God i didn't lose any data, haven't encountered any bank fraud... and i'm still in sg where i can go buy new stuff =P

closet elmo

leaving for london this year is different.

it's not not that i don't want to go... heh. i love london to bits. and my calling for the season is there... so much so that for the last month i've been looking forward to life in london even while in sg. i guess it's simply the place where i'm actually 'of use' and blessing people rather than simply being present


but going means too many things this time around...

leaving people behind - it only struck me this year how fast people's lives move on... how the population has increased by 1 mil in 2 years 0_o. being gone one year was fine... but in two years you somehow get half erased from people's lives. summer was spent trying to get to know people properly again - and finally 'integrating back' it's time to go again. shucks

the end - graduate, leave london, new season.
somehow i don't wanna have so much change anymore... i've given up a piece of myself to each new person i've met in the last two years (to different degrees of closeness)... a part to each place i've visited and things i've done.

yeah sure. there are new and exciting things coming.. things that Daddy intend to bless me with - and i'll enjoy them... but bits of me have been left behind and are going to be left behind for good in the near future. honestly, that's frightening... even knowing that God's in control [lol. i'd say it's exciting on a good day... but it's not that easy to move on]



ah i found a word for it..
bittersweet.

what can i say

enter stage left:
man insecure of his existence, fear of failing

enter stage right:
woman insecure of financial provision

stage center:
prove youself. earn my trust. oh i'm working so hard



need God yo.

hrm

on hindsight... perhaps i'm just afraid to get into any situation that requires more commitment - perhaps for fear that the situation will turn out to be something like what i see everyday at home... or for fear that i'll break something in the process

one more thing for You to restore huh.. Daddy God?
it's not supposed to be about me or my fears in the first place -.- but for me to realise that You hold all things together... me included.

strange arguments

this is just so 0_o!
check it out and tell me what you think?

[note: if you're not a believer/ a new believer... it's probably best not to read it. it's just... strange]

thinking occurs in the shower

when there's just the water the soap and Jesus there's nothing much else to do but think. and the byproduct of thinking half the time is strange questions that i have no answer to.

for example, how do you raise a child to understand that love is free but doesn't come cheap. that only by giving can you receive something in return. and that money can't buy anything of real worth at all... but can be used to bless people (worth more than anything money can buy)?

......

anyway in cg today we were talking about addiction... and doing some sharing - what is your response to boredom/ loneliness.. and what do you do to fill the gap? during the whole time i just couldn't think of a thing i'm really addicted to... all the addiction seems seasonal... like anime to fill time during holidays... being 'addicted' to studying when it's exam period... addicted to meeting and talking to people cos it's summer and i haven't seen them for so long - things that basically come and go (although i must admit that they do have a hold on me... many times undesirably so)

then i just realised in the shower that yeah. there has been major addiction... a rather long time back. an addiction to pain. an addiction to the identity of being unreachable, untouchable, always in pain, emo, self-harm etc etc. interesting how i completely forgot about it... considering i was toying with the idea of blogging on that topic a couple weeks back. oh the wonders of a shower. lol

you are so sweet

what happens on a trip to KL to visit the relatives? aside from the eating and following the parents and eating and following the parents and eating and eating and eating and maybe a little shopping... and eating and eating - you get my drift -.-"

there are moments of brilliance like this:

cousin: you are so sweet

me & aunt: awwwww

cousin: i mean your blood

me & aunt: *realise that the comment refers to the conversation about mosquitoes* oh.

oh look it's september already

spent thursday in jb being brought around by wenx and er jie (heh.) but i have no pictures to show of it cos it's jb after all and my camera isn't something that could fit in my pocket.

summary:
get picked up... driven... makan... driven... buy buns... chill... driven... dessert... chill... buy kueh... chill... driven... makan... chill... go back sg

oh that's the life man =P
and i really loved the short time there with her family (and 'family') just being in the middle of something that isn't dysfunctional... to have/ see real live family conversation instead of 'talk'. thanks wenx for the awesome time =)


today was yet another day of waking up to a horrible alarm clock and going back to sleep... and waking up once it they shut up... heh then went to help do some stuff for decor for connect 09 and rehearsal for my sabo-ed role in the intro segment

then rushed over for the ocf freshers welcome thing where i was greeted with
'oi/ hey haven't seen you for the whole summer! where/ how have you been?'
which ended in supper @ chomp chomp and conversations about london churches, discipleship and the like... perhaps i'm in seasonal transition lol. these friends actually feel more 'right' to be with than many people i've gone out with in sg -which is probably a good thing cos they're the people i'll spend the rest of the year with. or maybe it's just that it's more 'comfortable' to spend time with people you're already spending time with rather than attempting to pick things up where you left off.

at any rate... the date simply reminds me that things are moving on... more change to come... more leaning on Daddy.. to appreciate what is right in front of me for it's not going to stay there for much longer.

and the time reminds me that i have to sleep (though i'm not sleepy) to make it for breakfast at 740 before connect. right. i am gone.