fruit comes in all shapes and sizes

i've been too busy with school to post... and i've been too lazy to post anything this school holiday cos they were all passing thoughts and i didn't want to have to sign out of all my email accounts just to sign in to blogger (terrible reason right? haha)

anyway. i was having tea with some friends
 
and we were sharing about what we've been doing the last couple of months - i was telling em tt i recently 'got promoted' to be a leader in choir so life has gotten quite a bit busier with the added responsibilities.

and j said 'wow charity, just a year or so ago when we last had tea you were planning to audition for choir and worrying that you wouldn't get in'

wow indeed! i was floored... cos God is just so good. It's been a crazy busy year - i'm so out of my league... all Glory to Jesus! there were many nights of weariness, helplessness and prayer and 'i can't do this' whines... but so many things have happened in such a short span of time with such great favour and success.

so here's a quick snapshot... to thank God for:

-amazing working relations with my colleagues
-being given opportunities to sing @ church & serve in a greater capacity
-being picked to take on different roles @ work (it really doesn't make sense for them to pick me for some things considering how i'm always asking so many 'huh how to do???' questions and making mistakes)

the view from the treetop walk @ Bukit Chandu when we went for the P4 camp recee

singing in the easter item @ church

the product of many saturdays of labour with Sha & the beautiful ppl who came specially to help

having a successful gala dinner @ school (after a ton of last min changes) 

 

back to basics

sometimes worship and praise erupt out of the joy you feel.
when there's that spontaneous song keeps ringin in your head... and there's this bright hope in your heart... cos you know that you know that God's on your side and nothing can keep you down.

then there are the times where the worship comes first and the joy comes later.

this worship is cos you know in your heart that you're redeemed, cos the work has been finished. even  if circumstances say otherwise. you worship cos you're grateful to have gotten this far even if you can't see the light at the other end. 

you make that choice to jump, to clap, to sing cos god is worth it.. even if that jump is weary and the clapping is halfhearted. and in the midst of tt praise... God floods in and all those cares are lifted off... and you find that joy again... and the song on your lips.

worship is wholehearted surrender.

it's term 2 week 6

i've been somewhat escapist these few days...

got a mountain of marking on my table... some ongoing projects at school, not enough time to settle them... cos i'm settling some fight between my kids half the time.

and yet i don't do anything when i'm at home.
and yet i don't think i'm at rest.

need to take hold of those thoughts and bask in Daddy God's presence again. i don't know how other people do it, but i really can't work when i'm feeling sian.

i had a random thought about whether cutting would relieve the pressure again. silly i know. it's not even my thought. go away devil shoo.

girlyness... hmm

i'm escaping the report book comments writing so i've decided to write on my blog instead haha.

been thinking about 'girl rights' recently... (cos i bought purple eyeliner on a whim lol.)

you know, the right to make the guys wait while you stare into the mirror in the toilet and fix your makeup/ hair.

i was just reminded of what a guy friend said to me once - that waiting is the guy's responsibility... and he'll wait for as long as the girl takes to makeup/do hair/ whatnot to look good.

i never knew that before!
i always thought that getting out of the house as fast as possible was the way to go. (as long as i was wearing something and my hair wasn't sticking out at a weird angle!) but i never really thought much about what he said until i started serving in choir and spending at least 30min on makeup on sunday mornings...
and so i'm just getting the revelation that God created all us girls to be beautiful - and we're meant to take care of our temple, make it look attractive as a part of what He has blessed us with.

i think being in the choir has grown me lots lol... from the uni days where the bros nicknamed me mgtg (more guy than guy)... to being onstage and being comfortable with makeup and all. funny how things go huh?

lil snippets of happiness

been staring at this lil bag...

can't help but feel blessed and loved that i'm remembered

yet it brings an incredible emoness at the same time cos i recall the days in London all at once and can't help but compare it to life now.

need to see/ feel/ hear/ live in that same kind of contentment again. but it's kinda difficult over here.. where discontent is the one emotion that people express openly. ah well. i guess remembering London makes the current 6 years of bondage feel more worth it =P

eyes on the prize

these last two weeks have been incredibly exciting/ challenging/ heart-stopping/ painful/ crazy.

every step of the way i've realised tt i really can't make it through my own efforts... they'll just never be good enough.

like...
-the standard of the exam paper i set
-what people think of me at work
-how i manage expectations & people (this one really really need grace man)
-how i really don't have it all together and tend to screw up in the little things


then there were the 'what-ifs' that came to my mind this week, wondering how things would have turned out if i had made a decision back then out to say i felt rather than following my fear of the consequences - to put my heart out there and trust God to keep it safe rather than trying to guard it all by myself


but Jesus really comes through in times like these. saw it in the grace and the favour extended at work... in the stability of my heart in those broken moments where i had to come to terms with my shortcomings... in peaceable resolution of conflict in the times where i couldn't cope...

so i'll keep my eyes on the prize... Jesus Christ... and He'll come through for me.

let my steps be directed by God's will and not mine. and i'll surrender that person who managed get in so deep in my heart (without me realising it till now) to my First Love... and trust that His plans for me will always work out for good and for His glory.

happy unbirthday!

my birthday passed... in a flurry of activity and no great presents or celebration or whatever. boring right? the actual day itself was DISGUSTINGLY BUSY.

that said, all the well wishes and random remarks made it bearable... and my kids waited quietly in class just to wish me happy birthday =) so sweet right? to those who remembered and made a point to say something/ do something - you made my day =)

and to God... who orchestrated a leaders meeting that was sprung on me at the last minute in the midst of the business - thank You... i absolutely needed that to refocus and keep sane.

well for now the term madness and exam madness has ended (hooray it's the march holidays!). i can finally breathe again and enjoy my year-older-status heh.

someday maybe

had a conversation with one of my kids today...

boy: miss kam, maths is so hard! what was your worst subject? or your best subject?
me: er i don't know... i got all As in primary schcool
boy: so good! what school you go?
me: oh i went to this school, same as you
boy: har. then what secondary school you go
me: raffles
boy: then after that?
me: also raffles
boy: but then raffles is the very good that one right?
me: mhm
boy: so good one, i sure cannot go
me: it never hurts to try right?
boy: cannot one lah, all my subjects so lousy.


i was mulling over this convo on the way home today - wish that i could've told him that his worth isn't in his grades or in what school he gets into... wish i could've told him that his worth comes from his creator - and that his creator loves him, that he isn't a mistake even if he's failing school, that he is made for something great. after all, i never believed i would amount to anything even though i got all straight As and went to good schools.

honestly... only Jesus matters...

only by grace

i was humbled this week and awed at God's favour in my life - i was running to class (cos i left my kids alone to get some stuff from the staffroom tt i forgot) and a girl said hi to me. I vaguely registered the 'hi' but i actually didn't know her =/ oops. then i overheard this as i continued speeding past...

friend: who's that?
girl: i just said hi to my favourite teacher

like... omg i can't remember her name and i'm her fav teacher??? i'm guessing it must have been from last year's 'Super Relief Teacher' experience where i taught every single class in the morning session as an internal relief cos they didn't have a class to give me.

but. seriously... THIS MUST BE GOD.

you know you're loved when...

someone gets you free coffee!!! haha.

http://weheartit.com/entry/14449151/via/tiatyra

well that's what Jesus got me today. i went to starbucks instead of getting bubble tea (prompting?) then realised that my friend sent me a starbucks promo while i was in the queue! one for one coffee+cupcake set =) so i got my drink to tide me through the marking... a drink to tide me through tmr... and a yummy cupcake to top it off.

Life Cycles

i've been on this topic for quite some time in science... life cycles - how life just keeps repeating and growing and repeating

so now i've a penchant for linking things with arrows ⇒ like so

anyway... today i was just thinking about responsibility (mainly cos i just received news of increased responsibility recently)... and i can't wrap my mind around it. i'm just so underserving of the position. i'm new, noob, make blunder upon blunder... yet here i am experiencing grace upon grace

and here it is, represented with arrows:

i prioritise rest in God ⇒ God increases me ⇒ people see and increase responsibilities ⇒ i just have to prioritise rest in Jesus' finished work cos i can't cope ⇒ God increases me ⇒ people see and increase responsibilities ⇒ i just have to prioritise rest in Jesus' finished work cos i can't cope ⇒ God increases me ⇒ people see and increase responsibilities ⇒ i just have to prioritise rest in Jesus' finished work cos i can't cope

so awesome.

i do wonder

today as i was finishing up work (or packing up to bring work home lol) i had a random thought:

i'm really not very much good at anything but studying

and then a secondary thought:

i wasn't THAT great at studying... yeah i'm smart, but so are the people i grew up with 

hmm... so come to think of it... what exactly am i good at?? defo not teaching... i'm still as noob as it gets.

.
.
.

i guess i should just become good at depending on God.

eyes on me

"EYES ON YOU!"

at least that's what i've trained my kids to say.

i keep encountering this problem in class - i give out a worksheet, and everyone gets busy writing their name, looking at the questions, and then i get at least 10 questions of the same kind, all asking 'how to do this teacher?' well. usually i try to preempt them... give out the worksheet, get their attention with 'eyes on me', give the instructions, go through a few examples... and then off they are on their own.

and i was just thinking on the way home that i'm probably like my kids when it comes to life. i hit a roadblock... and i spend all the time trying to figure out a way to solve it, pull my hair out... and maybe, eventually, ask God 'how to dooo? what do i do next?' ... God's probably like me on the other end, saying 'eyes on me' but i'm too preoccupied to notice. and He just repeats that and waits (with much more patience than i have in class) and waits till i finally look up and away from the 'problems on my desk' and he can finally guide me through the process till everything is solved.

hmm.

my current occupation

lol. that's probably the opinion of my students... 'why is there always work for us to do??'


that said, i have a few plastic boxes of THIS on my table at work

cool? the kids get to bring em home and grow them into beetles to learn about the life cycle. this part of the education system i absolutely love. though i must say the mealworms shit a lot and are smelly and take up space on my table =P

Lord help me be an educator, a leader, a mentor... not that dude who goes into class and lectures boredom cos it's in the syllabus.

the end of 'hell week'

i have survived the first week of school... and even manage to nua the whole day away today =)
part of this rest was spent watching fireproof and one line of the theme song caught my attention

"love is peace in the middle of a war"

maybe everyday at school is a battlefield... being a teacher is like firefighting
but Christ in me the hope of glory - my peace in the storm

here it is again.
the time to look ONLY to JESUS
and say that the country i'm in doesn't matter
the people i'm surrounded by do not dictate who i am
the amount of work i need to do doesn't matter
the amount of time i have to do that work doesn't matter
how i perform DOESN'T MATTER

Lord teach me to not get caught up in the busyness of life. this should be where i'm at everyday

heart matters

saw this on fbook and thought it was quite cool. we all identify with that kind of sentiment once in a while right?
but well. without the heart... then there's no real reason for living is there? everything would be emotionless and sian. (i say this but i'm still struggling with mine on a daily basis)


on a side note, i was totally absolutely floored at school today - and not in a good way
2012 is looking to be a challenging work year: last class (ALL THREE CORE SUBJECTS OMG), challenging kids (thank God i'm the co-form teacher instead of the form), english department (a very busy department!), staff welfare committee, the usual CCA stuff

man. Lord. help me see that the giants are my bread... and that Your grace is sufficient for me, Your strength made perfect in my weakness (heck. everything that's got to do with work is a weakness as i see it)

[edit] department's changed... just so the info on the web is correct lol [/edit]

simply worship

this home-alone for a week thing is rather liberating

suddenly it's just me and God.... no more hiding cos the parents might just choose an unfortunate moment to walk in/ ask me to do something in which case i'll have to discreetly wipe away the traces of my communion with God and go on pretending that life's cool and i've got it all together

nah. i really don't have it altogether at all... and i'm finally ready to admit it to myself. worship, cry, pray, disintegrate, whatever.




hello Daddy... i'm home now. sorry i ran away.

i'm not busy... i'm just in hiding

hey Lord, where are you? i need to be swept up and away and be lost (and found) in You

i still haven't done my christmas shopping!

rather... i've thought about doing christmas shopping but i dunno who to buy things for at the moment aside from the parents #epicfail

alamak. that kinda shows how dry i really am, how i haven't thought about other people and have no real leading to bless anyone. oopsie.