God send His son to bring salvation in order to love us for eternity...
i'm simply blown away
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Thursday, December 21, 2006
back from Historymakers 6ix and just so full of the love of Christ. I just seal the work done in camp by the blood of Jesus and pray that God will make this camp real in my life. camp doesn't end until the next camp begins... i'm so excited for the blessings that God will bring in 2007
I'll stand, with arms high
And heart abandoned
In awe, of the one who gave it all...
i'm just so amazed at what God has done in my life... and i believe the work done in this camp will be a milestone in my walk with God. before camp i was sort of bordering on the verge of being sick and just wishing i could crawl away and hide from all the strife between my parents and the stress in their office. but i just told God: i am excited about camp, maybe apprehensive, but i know that it is going to be a wonderful experience, so daddy God, i thank you that i am healed and i can enjoy the camp to the fullest.
so i went for camp. feeling empty in and of myself, but just expectant... and God did not disappoint. it's so amazing, even before camp i found out Joscelin was my camp group leader (yes our lovely national swimmer =D), and it made me inexplicably happy to know that i wasn't gonna be under jia hao (he's such an anointed cg leader but i didn't feel that it would be right)
DAY 1
took the bus up to KL meeting the rest of the campers at 730 am with all of 4 hours sleep and a hectic emotional useless free makeover the day before that took up my packing time. [and plagued by the ulcers on my tongue and lip that didn't want to go away] on the journey up... somehow i couldn't stop thinking of my uni apps and the deadlines... which i hadn't even started writing essays on. by the prompting of God perhaps, i decided to shelve those thoughts and all memories of the strife at home and just enjoy camp. so i was pretty happy when i reached the hotel and sat through the briefing.
met my roomie joanna, a really blessed woman of God and stoned together with hweifen waiting for our room key which didn't want to come, washed up, watched polar express and bonded heh. then came service. man it was powerful! Pastor called for those whose heart rang at the word 'restoration' and i went up. i was just standing there with my eyes closed, happily drowning in the love of God when someone (i think coach maddy) started praying for me. she said that God was taking away the bitterness and giving me joy. the other thing was to not try to do what is God's to do and bar the thought that 'i am not good enough'. it just set me free... it was like God was removing the scars in my life. my first reaction was 'got meh?' but as i thought about it i found areas in my life that i had just pushed to one side, things too painful to remember - the hurtful things spoken into my life, the condemnation, trying to keep my parents civil to one another, the doubt of whether they would divorce and the bitterness at all i had encountered, the wishing i could have grown up as someone else. at the end of that i was just crying, knowing that God was not just loving me into wholeness or piecing me together like He did the last few camps, but He was putting the 'finishing touch', kind of like refurbishment, i was complete and new. it was just so amazing... and knowing that God knows me far better than i know myself there is such assurance and safety.
then came the message which was awesome... but what struck me the most was this one-liner. Don't focus on the question but the answer - and the answer is always JESUS. the whole session just really made me rest in Him and just go 'i want more Lord'...
then came 'breakout' where the cg just met and shared. it was really powerful, the presence of God was with us even in the hotel room and people were sharing amazing things that happened in service, like michael being healed of heart palpitations and never needing to fear if he would die in his sleep again. Jos shared too... and was really personal about it, saying how it was difficult to be open - it really encouraged me, with one of my camp expectations being the courage to love and be vulnerable. at that moment i decided that i would share what God has done in my life with the people at camp, no matter what it took... and the agreement in the spirit was so strong. but i didnt get the chance that night.
DAY 2
i was serving for the morning service, woke up early, hung around =P. one thing about video is that all the action happens around you and you want to join in but you can't. at one point pastor just released the leaders to go into the crowd and pray for people, at the same time calling forward the people who wanted to serve full-time some day. and there i was filming people crying, getting slain, people totally lost in worship and wondering what in the world i was doing behind the camera. then God reminded me of the different portion for servers and i got swept up in the anointing... staying alert strangely and wonderfully enough... it was like i was being lifted up on wings and flying with the camera...
message was on right believing produces right thinking - big task... but just start small with giving thanks for what you have. i just know that in this service though nothing much was really an impact on my life, God removed so many yokes from people's lives and put joy in their place. I just sensed throughout the service that bondages were being removed and people begin to stand on victory ground as they heard the word and believed... such a work was done and i was just privileged to be aware of it as a server...
lunch... more sharing... then GAMES!
shared the duty with hweifen... didnt do much for the first game... detective thing with a very very very good and obscure plot! then i was a 'horse' in the pool for the people on top to whack each other off with floats... then wet me swapped with hwei to do camera duty hehe... so i missed the dirty games. and boy was it dirty! relay: turn round 10 times, crawl along a slippery mat holding a cup of water, jump around in a gunny sack, eat an item from the breakfast table (sausages, ham, soya sauce, french toast, juice etc.), smear on honey/ maple syrup onto face, blow flour away and pick a polo sweet up in mouth... and finally you're done. lol. zj was so gungho that he smeared all the honey from our group's plate... over his nose and all. euch.
didnt really get to see my group playing the other games as i ran off to film random groups at the other stations... but the games comm was ingenious! charades... to answer, roll on the floor towards me then whisper the answer in my ear. strange wet game... hold a bucket of water (full) with your toes and turn it around/ sing a song etc. and 'table soccer' which i didnt get to see or film. oops.
3rd service
(gosh this is a really long post... )
i actually thought the flow was weird... there was worship... which sort of wound down instead of winding up... then pastor started preaching about ministry (in 3 areas, evangelism, mission, community) and the hunger for the word and the discipline to obey the hunger and put aside time to seek God. i thought it was rather strange... like it wasn't really my portion to do that kind of thing. my spirit agreed with evangelism but not the rest, and even then it wasnt like [yes! that's how i'll serve] and the message itself was aimed at people not already serving.
what came after was a shocker... we continued worship and God's presence was really strong when pastor suddenly called all the leaders to the front and set them loose to pray upon our calling and destiny. gosh it was amazing watching the line of leaders advance towards us... i was standing there wishing i was holding a vid cam. one of the leaders cut through the crowd (like 5 lines of people) in front of where i was standing and started praying for jofid beside me... at that point i went to catch jo (automatic response heh.) when anna cut through with this really purposeful look and grabbed me. what she said over me was just so amazing (and private... until it happens. amen) and it was totally absurd and crazy. my mind is still denying it but my spirit totally agreed when she was prophesying. i still cant comprehend the enormity of it all.
we had a really short breakout session this time... didnt get a chance to share either cos jiahao was talking to much ;) but one thing stuck: to expect even more from Him and to pull down the anointing. at that point i just believed, God, show me just how good you are, i can't imagine it getting any better than this, but Lord just fill me to the overflowing... and if there's too little space left, just make space in me.
DAY 3
breakfast. strangely enough i started talking to bryan (anointed guy, man) and shared that i wanted to share... strangely perhaps cos i felt that i wouldn't ever volunteer anything even though the desire to share was so strong. i said that one of my camp expectations was to be given the courage to be vulnerable... and this was a step that i was being led to take. what he said really encouraged me... in that taking the first step was always the hardest, but God would make it easier.. that hey, even saying that was an act of being vulnerable. it was a shock, realising that it really was... and sort of gave me more courage to share.
4th session. no sermon for this one, just worship... amazing worship. zhengkai released me to just 'enjoy myself' instead of taking footage... thinking back. i'm really really glad i wasn't serving. God's presence was so strong in the room... at one point someone brushed past me and i was just slain, found out later that it was an usher and that jem ran to try to catch me. he didnt quite succeed but i sorta floated down (it's really true, what wei heng said to the ushers in dare... don't worry if you fail to catch a person, God makes sure they don't get hurt). it was different this time in a subtle way... i was shaking... and sort of being cleansed... at the same time whatever was spoken over me the day before was being reaffirmed.
when i got up... it felt like i had already been prayed for, like i had received my portion and more... i realised hwei was the one who nearly fell on top of me (thank God for that. heh) and that amanda was manning the center cam. pastor chin was moving around praying for everyone and it felt wrong... that she shouldnt go up to receive. so i took her place for a while - i think it was a life changing thing. hm. it's hard to find words to describe the inexplicable. later on it suddenly occured to me that i hadn't been prayed for although i was filled. i just thought to God: make space in me Lord for a double portion, i want to get prayed for by pastor. someone asked me if i had been prayed for and i somehow got pushed to the front.
it was unexpected. pastor didnt say a word. but i just went over when he laid his hand on me. the anointing too was different. i was just at peace, warm (the ballroom was really really cold) and talking to my Daddy being affirmed, reassured, loved. ask me the 'how do you know God exists' question... and i still can't answer you, but i know beyond a doubt that He does, He gave me a reason to live. it was surprising to say the least, as an usher i've seen people fall backwards, forwards, move like 5 metres from where they were standing somehow, seen people just fall, ushers fall while catching, people crying, laughing, rolling around, people whom you could feel fire emnating off and people who looked like they were asleep. the people 'asleep' always left the most lasting impression on me cos they were just lost in Him, like with the emotions disconnected. i feel privileged... to have had such a touch from Him.
when i was on the floor i could hear people on my left bawling and someone on my right screaming like she was fighting 10 guys. each sound was like a spear through the heart, sort of a mix between what i was feeling and a glimpse of how much God loves us. at that point in time there was a very clear voice going 'hear that? i will build you up to touch the lives of people like that' it was so amazing to hear my dream confirmed as a destiny... pastor said earlier, God puts the desire in your heart and makes it possible - God wrote your destiny. there was such buildup and confirmation this camp.
we were then released for shopping... didnt go, spent time with the cg over lunch and just hung around instead =) the Bangi burger was BEEG and GOOD lol. and so was the pizza =D i think i underpaid for food but the money worked out somehow =P. then we prepared for the night event.
Campus superstar
was serving again... at the same time as hwei this time, both recording and doing the live feed of the performance. man the costumes for streetwear were so cool! there was zj's caregrp that took streetwear in london winter, the SMU group that took it as street wear, with paul twohill with a hill roadsign, orchard road, dutch road etc. my cg that was wonderfully cheapo with a red tie and hat and the NUS cg that came with painted faces (white black red. v. scary!). performances included singing, dance, strange thing with 'penguins' doing the happy feet thing. really good entertainment. too bad i watched most of it through the LCD cam screen. heh. didnt know that i was supposed to take footage of everything that was shown on the feed (sorry zhengkai). it was so so fun! though half the time i was praying 'God make them turn the feed to a different cam!' half the time cos i was stuck in really weird positions trying to avoid the photographers/ judges table/ corner of the stage/ moving lights/ people standing up trying to see with me blocking.
worship after that was just wild... haha i dont know where all the energy came from =) it ended at 1am plus... and people kept going acapella when the band stopped. i'm blessed to be part of this ministry where God is doing GREAT things and people are just so on fire for Him. it's cooler than anything else on earth that i can imagine. pastor let off the curfew 'sleep early' thing and the cg met at 2am to share and pig out and stuff. Jem shared about what went on in camp and was so open to the point that when jia hao was just waiting for the next person after saying that it would be the last i just jumped in and started sharing my walk with God and how He built me up from brokenness. I could feel Him holding me up through the whole sharing so i could keep on going and stay focused instead of going to pieces. heh. we ended at 6 am and went back to our rooms... talked with hwei till 7 + am when joanna came back from her cg, finally went to take a bath and came out to discover hwei snoring away ^^ then talked with joanna till 8 30 before i fell asleep to wake up at 9 for breakfast. heh.
DAY 4
back to singapore! sorta had breakfast, hung around, talked to people then got on the bus. had an attempt at worship with me/ joel playing random songs on the guitar... qing fei de yi somehow had the most response although it wasnt quite a worship song (understatement of the day) then kenneth took over and we just praised God for 1 hr plus while being bounced around in the bus. it was like icing on a cake, to top off the end of camp instead of being k.o. for 4 hours.
God is moving... God is moving...
Can you hear the sound of Revival?
I'll stand, with arms high
And heart abandoned
In awe, of the one who gave it all...
i'm just so amazed at what God has done in my life... and i believe the work done in this camp will be a milestone in my walk with God. before camp i was sort of bordering on the verge of being sick and just wishing i could crawl away and hide from all the strife between my parents and the stress in their office. but i just told God: i am excited about camp, maybe apprehensive, but i know that it is going to be a wonderful experience, so daddy God, i thank you that i am healed and i can enjoy the camp to the fullest.
so i went for camp. feeling empty in and of myself, but just expectant... and God did not disappoint. it's so amazing, even before camp i found out Joscelin was my camp group leader (yes our lovely national swimmer =D), and it made me inexplicably happy to know that i wasn't gonna be under jia hao (he's such an anointed cg leader but i didn't feel that it would be right)
DAY 1
took the bus up to KL meeting the rest of the campers at 730 am with all of 4 hours sleep and a hectic emotional useless free makeover the day before that took up my packing time. [and plagued by the ulcers on my tongue and lip that didn't want to go away] on the journey up... somehow i couldn't stop thinking of my uni apps and the deadlines... which i hadn't even started writing essays on. by the prompting of God perhaps, i decided to shelve those thoughts and all memories of the strife at home and just enjoy camp. so i was pretty happy when i reached the hotel and sat through the briefing.
met my roomie joanna, a really blessed woman of God and stoned together with hweifen waiting for our room key which didn't want to come, washed up, watched polar express and bonded heh. then came service. man it was powerful! Pastor called for those whose heart rang at the word 'restoration' and i went up. i was just standing there with my eyes closed, happily drowning in the love of God when someone (i think coach maddy) started praying for me. she said that God was taking away the bitterness and giving me joy. the other thing was to not try to do what is God's to do and bar the thought that 'i am not good enough'. it just set me free... it was like God was removing the scars in my life. my first reaction was 'got meh?' but as i thought about it i found areas in my life that i had just pushed to one side, things too painful to remember - the hurtful things spoken into my life, the condemnation, trying to keep my parents civil to one another, the doubt of whether they would divorce and the bitterness at all i had encountered, the wishing i could have grown up as someone else. at the end of that i was just crying, knowing that God was not just loving me into wholeness or piecing me together like He did the last few camps, but He was putting the 'finishing touch', kind of like refurbishment, i was complete and new. it was just so amazing... and knowing that God knows me far better than i know myself there is such assurance and safety.
then came the message which was awesome... but what struck me the most was this one-liner. Don't focus on the question but the answer - and the answer is always JESUS. the whole session just really made me rest in Him and just go 'i want more Lord'...
then came 'breakout' where the cg just met and shared. it was really powerful, the presence of God was with us even in the hotel room and people were sharing amazing things that happened in service, like michael being healed of heart palpitations and never needing to fear if he would die in his sleep again. Jos shared too... and was really personal about it, saying how it was difficult to be open - it really encouraged me, with one of my camp expectations being the courage to love and be vulnerable. at that moment i decided that i would share what God has done in my life with the people at camp, no matter what it took... and the agreement in the spirit was so strong. but i didnt get the chance that night.
DAY 2
i was serving for the morning service, woke up early, hung around =P. one thing about video is that all the action happens around you and you want to join in but you can't. at one point pastor just released the leaders to go into the crowd and pray for people, at the same time calling forward the people who wanted to serve full-time some day. and there i was filming people crying, getting slain, people totally lost in worship and wondering what in the world i was doing behind the camera. then God reminded me of the different portion for servers and i got swept up in the anointing... staying alert strangely and wonderfully enough... it was like i was being lifted up on wings and flying with the camera...
message was on right believing produces right thinking - big task... but just start small with giving thanks for what you have. i just know that in this service though nothing much was really an impact on my life, God removed so many yokes from people's lives and put joy in their place. I just sensed throughout the service that bondages were being removed and people begin to stand on victory ground as they heard the word and believed... such a work was done and i was just privileged to be aware of it as a server...
lunch... more sharing... then GAMES!
shared the duty with hweifen... didnt do much for the first game... detective thing with a very very very good and obscure plot! then i was a 'horse' in the pool for the people on top to whack each other off with floats... then wet me swapped with hwei to do camera duty hehe... so i missed the dirty games. and boy was it dirty! relay: turn round 10 times, crawl along a slippery mat holding a cup of water, jump around in a gunny sack, eat an item from the breakfast table (sausages, ham, soya sauce, french toast, juice etc.), smear on honey/ maple syrup onto face, blow flour away and pick a polo sweet up in mouth... and finally you're done. lol. zj was so gungho that he smeared all the honey from our group's plate... over his nose and all. euch.
didnt really get to see my group playing the other games as i ran off to film random groups at the other stations... but the games comm was ingenious! charades... to answer, roll on the floor towards me then whisper the answer in my ear. strange wet game... hold a bucket of water (full) with your toes and turn it around/ sing a song etc. and 'table soccer' which i didnt get to see or film. oops.
3rd service
(gosh this is a really long post... )
i actually thought the flow was weird... there was worship... which sort of wound down instead of winding up... then pastor started preaching about ministry (in 3 areas, evangelism, mission, community) and the hunger for the word and the discipline to obey the hunger and put aside time to seek God. i thought it was rather strange... like it wasn't really my portion to do that kind of thing. my spirit agreed with evangelism but not the rest, and even then it wasnt like [yes! that's how i'll serve] and the message itself was aimed at people not already serving.
what came after was a shocker... we continued worship and God's presence was really strong when pastor suddenly called all the leaders to the front and set them loose to pray upon our calling and destiny. gosh it was amazing watching the line of leaders advance towards us... i was standing there wishing i was holding a vid cam. one of the leaders cut through the crowd (like 5 lines of people) in front of where i was standing and started praying for jofid beside me... at that point i went to catch jo (automatic response heh.) when anna cut through with this really purposeful look and grabbed me. what she said over me was just so amazing (and private... until it happens. amen) and it was totally absurd and crazy. my mind is still denying it but my spirit totally agreed when she was prophesying. i still cant comprehend the enormity of it all.
we had a really short breakout session this time... didnt get a chance to share either cos jiahao was talking to much ;) but one thing stuck: to expect even more from Him and to pull down the anointing. at that point i just believed, God, show me just how good you are, i can't imagine it getting any better than this, but Lord just fill me to the overflowing... and if there's too little space left, just make space in me.
DAY 3
breakfast. strangely enough i started talking to bryan (anointed guy, man) and shared that i wanted to share... strangely perhaps cos i felt that i wouldn't ever volunteer anything even though the desire to share was so strong. i said that one of my camp expectations was to be given the courage to be vulnerable... and this was a step that i was being led to take. what he said really encouraged me... in that taking the first step was always the hardest, but God would make it easier.. that hey, even saying that was an act of being vulnerable. it was a shock, realising that it really was... and sort of gave me more courage to share.
4th session. no sermon for this one, just worship... amazing worship. zhengkai released me to just 'enjoy myself' instead of taking footage... thinking back. i'm really really glad i wasn't serving. God's presence was so strong in the room... at one point someone brushed past me and i was just slain, found out later that it was an usher and that jem ran to try to catch me. he didnt quite succeed but i sorta floated down (it's really true, what wei heng said to the ushers in dare... don't worry if you fail to catch a person, God makes sure they don't get hurt). it was different this time in a subtle way... i was shaking... and sort of being cleansed... at the same time whatever was spoken over me the day before was being reaffirmed.
when i got up... it felt like i had already been prayed for, like i had received my portion and more... i realised hwei was the one who nearly fell on top of me (thank God for that. heh) and that amanda was manning the center cam. pastor chin was moving around praying for everyone and it felt wrong... that she shouldnt go up to receive. so i took her place for a while - i think it was a life changing thing. hm. it's hard to find words to describe the inexplicable. later on it suddenly occured to me that i hadn't been prayed for although i was filled. i just thought to God: make space in me Lord for a double portion, i want to get prayed for by pastor. someone asked me if i had been prayed for and i somehow got pushed to the front.
it was unexpected. pastor didnt say a word. but i just went over when he laid his hand on me. the anointing too was different. i was just at peace, warm (the ballroom was really really cold) and talking to my Daddy being affirmed, reassured, loved. ask me the 'how do you know God exists' question... and i still can't answer you, but i know beyond a doubt that He does, He gave me a reason to live. it was surprising to say the least, as an usher i've seen people fall backwards, forwards, move like 5 metres from where they were standing somehow, seen people just fall, ushers fall while catching, people crying, laughing, rolling around, people whom you could feel fire emnating off and people who looked like they were asleep. the people 'asleep' always left the most lasting impression on me cos they were just lost in Him, like with the emotions disconnected. i feel privileged... to have had such a touch from Him.
when i was on the floor i could hear people on my left bawling and someone on my right screaming like she was fighting 10 guys. each sound was like a spear through the heart, sort of a mix between what i was feeling and a glimpse of how much God loves us. at that point in time there was a very clear voice going 'hear that? i will build you up to touch the lives of people like that' it was so amazing to hear my dream confirmed as a destiny... pastor said earlier, God puts the desire in your heart and makes it possible - God wrote your destiny. there was such buildup and confirmation this camp.
we were then released for shopping... didnt go, spent time with the cg over lunch and just hung around instead =) the Bangi burger was BEEG and GOOD lol. and so was the pizza =D i think i underpaid for food but the money worked out somehow =P. then we prepared for the night event.
Campus superstar
was serving again... at the same time as hwei this time, both recording and doing the live feed of the performance. man the costumes for streetwear were so cool! there was zj's caregrp that took streetwear in london winter, the SMU group that took it as street wear, with paul twohill with a hill roadsign, orchard road, dutch road etc. my cg that was wonderfully cheapo with a red tie and hat and the NUS cg that came with painted faces (white black red. v. scary!). performances included singing, dance, strange thing with 'penguins' doing the happy feet thing. really good entertainment. too bad i watched most of it through the LCD cam screen. heh. didnt know that i was supposed to take footage of everything that was shown on the feed (sorry zhengkai). it was so so fun! though half the time i was praying 'God make them turn the feed to a different cam!' half the time cos i was stuck in really weird positions trying to avoid the photographers/ judges table/ corner of the stage/ moving lights/ people standing up trying to see with me blocking.
worship after that was just wild... haha i dont know where all the energy came from =) it ended at 1am plus... and people kept going acapella when the band stopped. i'm blessed to be part of this ministry where God is doing GREAT things and people are just so on fire for Him. it's cooler than anything else on earth that i can imagine. pastor let off the curfew 'sleep early' thing and the cg met at 2am to share and pig out and stuff. Jem shared about what went on in camp and was so open to the point that when jia hao was just waiting for the next person after saying that it would be the last i just jumped in and started sharing my walk with God and how He built me up from brokenness. I could feel Him holding me up through the whole sharing so i could keep on going and stay focused instead of going to pieces. heh. we ended at 6 am and went back to our rooms... talked with hwei till 7 + am when joanna came back from her cg, finally went to take a bath and came out to discover hwei snoring away ^^ then talked with joanna till 8 30 before i fell asleep to wake up at 9 for breakfast. heh.
DAY 4
back to singapore! sorta had breakfast, hung around, talked to people then got on the bus. had an attempt at worship with me/ joel playing random songs on the guitar... qing fei de yi somehow had the most response although it wasnt quite a worship song (understatement of the day) then kenneth took over and we just praised God for 1 hr plus while being bounced around in the bus. it was like icing on a cake, to top off the end of camp instead of being k.o. for 4 hours.
God is moving... God is moving...
Can you hear the sound of Revival?
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
expectations...
camp camp! hm... in no particular order
1. passion for God - renew the fire
there have been so many things trying to swamp me that it feels that i'm only left with a small spark... maybe candlelight... i just want to fall in love again =)
2. passion for life -
God has really answered my prayers these few years... and all the camp expectations too... still, there's more to this life meant just for me and i want to live it to the fullest
3. clearer understanding of my purpose and my path
4. courage-
to love, to feel, to help
perfect love casts off all fear, yet somehow i fear to love people... the people i come to love are the ones that can hurt me the most. i just want to lean on Him for everything, and know that i am secure, even at times where it feels as if someone is hacking my heart to pieces.
5. healing-
for lots of things =P i know some have come to pass... like my eczema , my brokenness but i'll just keep asking cos my daddy God is good =)
- to have baby skin... skin minus the scars from eczema, mozzy bites whatever
- to have a perfect back again without the dislocation (for some reason i've never been able to truly believe till now)
- to have perfect eyesight (never believed this too... although various people have been healed) Lord I don't want to wear specs, people say i look nicer without them... and i dont want to wear contacts either!
- to be whole
6. i dont know! haha just bless me to overflowing Lord!
it's just so amazing knowing the love of God... to be able to ask without inhibitions, knowing that He can give and He will give for He gave His only Son for you
and it's not just for camp! camp doesn't end until the next one comes... God give me the grace to practice what is taught =)
1. passion for God - renew the fire
there have been so many things trying to swamp me that it feels that i'm only left with a small spark... maybe candlelight... i just want to fall in love again =)
2. passion for life -
God has really answered my prayers these few years... and all the camp expectations too... still, there's more to this life meant just for me and i want to live it to the fullest
3. clearer understanding of my purpose and my path
4. courage-
to love, to feel, to help
perfect love casts off all fear, yet somehow i fear to love people... the people i come to love are the ones that can hurt me the most. i just want to lean on Him for everything, and know that i am secure, even at times where it feels as if someone is hacking my heart to pieces.
5. healing-
for lots of things =P i know some have come to pass... like my eczema , my brokenness but i'll just keep asking cos my daddy God is good =)
- to have baby skin... skin minus the scars from eczema, mozzy bites whatever
- to have a perfect back again without the dislocation (for some reason i've never been able to truly believe till now)
- to have perfect eyesight (never believed this too... although various people have been healed) Lord I don't want to wear specs, people say i look nicer without them... and i dont want to wear contacts either!
- to be whole
6. i dont know! haha just bless me to overflowing Lord!
it's just so amazing knowing the love of God... to be able to ask without inhibitions, knowing that He can give and He will give for He gave His only Son for you
and it's not just for camp! camp doesn't end until the next one comes... God give me the grace to practice what is taught =)
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
woahh...
busy busy busy!
prom's over.. got nice photos with the people i wanted... i probably missed a few hehe but i had a nice time not sitting with my class and walking ard like crazy ppl with heidi ruth and mj =) i guess my mommy's willingness to spend money on me paid off [i actually got compliments! and a certain *someone* whose name starts with 'h' is now trying to get my mom to buy me contacts]
post prom was spent at home sleeping while the class went clubbing... hehe... i'm glad i didnt go =D and i've been working for my parents ever since. my mom's ability to put me down is seriously unrivalled. *growl*
one week to History Makers 6ix... can't wait!! camp expectations coming soon.
one week left to finish uni essays
one week left to get my stuff from the school locker and pass envelopes to ms lim
oh look. it's so disjointed. just like the state of my brain. hm.
prom's over.. got nice photos with the people i wanted... i probably missed a few hehe but i had a nice time not sitting with my class and walking ard like crazy ppl with heidi ruth and mj =) i guess my mommy's willingness to spend money on me paid off [i actually got compliments! and a certain *someone* whose name starts with 'h' is now trying to get my mom to buy me contacts]
post prom was spent at home sleeping while the class went clubbing... hehe... i'm glad i didnt go =D and i've been working for my parents ever since. my mom's ability to put me down is seriously unrivalled. *growl*
one week to History Makers 6ix... can't wait!! camp expectations coming soon.
one week left to finish uni essays
one week left to get my stuff from the school locker and pass envelopes to ms lim
oh look. it's so disjointed. just like the state of my brain. hm.
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
so the A levels ended
and what have i done? hah.
1. went to American Club with Kong and Guangmian (my poor fellow Bio Sers) to 'celebrate'.
- played pool on a super small table (i cant aim! and GM and i are a study in bad luck... how often can you commit 3 fouls in a row? not hitting your ball, hitting the 8 ball then pocketing the white ball...pfft. AND we lost to Kong... even though we played 2 on 1 with GM trying his best to foul to let me move the white ball to give nice straight shots)
- tried to keep the pingpong ball on the table with bats (nowhere close to a game... it was more like... ball picking)
- had Lunch where Kong wonderfully signed away our debts using his mother's money^^ and a very nice lunch too! i won't even try to spell the names of what we ate
2. went to work
- did much filing... someone messed up the system
- agonised over printing certs straight so the name wouldnt go over the line
- more filing... hmmm
- more filing... (this sounds familar)
3. went shopping with mom
.
.
.
and didnt find anything. well okay i did... just that it didnt really fit. i'm not ready to buy something that costs $140 that doesnt quite fit well (@%$! the non-Singaporean figure... blessing in disguise i guess... sigh.)
.
.
.
but i did manage to get my eyebrows plucked... by a very interesting makeup artist who says she 'shapes eyebrows, not plucks them'
4. now trying to write application essay
and i'll continue writing for the next 3 days. egads.
all in all a nice happy useful day right? =)
1. went to American Club with Kong and Guangmian (my poor fellow Bio Sers) to 'celebrate'.
- played pool on a super small table (i cant aim! and GM and i are a study in bad luck... how often can you commit 3 fouls in a row? not hitting your ball, hitting the 8 ball then pocketing the white ball...pfft. AND we lost to Kong... even though we played 2 on 1 with GM trying his best to foul to let me move the white ball to give nice straight shots)
- tried to keep the pingpong ball on the table with bats (nowhere close to a game... it was more like... ball picking)
- had Lunch where Kong wonderfully signed away our debts using his mother's money^^ and a very nice lunch too! i won't even try to spell the names of what we ate
2. went to work
- did much filing... someone messed up the system
- agonised over printing certs straight so the name wouldnt go over the line
- more filing... hmmm
- more filing... (this sounds familar)
3. went shopping with mom
.
.
.
and didnt find anything. well okay i did... just that it didnt really fit. i'm not ready to buy something that costs $140 that doesnt quite fit well (@%$! the non-Singaporean figure... blessing in disguise i guess... sigh.)
.
.
.
but i did manage to get my eyebrows plucked... by a very interesting makeup artist who says she 'shapes eyebrows, not plucks them'
4. now trying to write application essay
and i'll continue writing for the next 3 days. egads.
all in all a nice happy useful day right? =)
Sunday, November 26, 2006
Friday, November 24, 2006
it's so strange...
a levels are... winding down... for lack of a better description
Bio S paper to go, next monday and i have absolutely no motivation to mug.. not to mention i don't know what to study =S as i said to mr tan... S paper is a study in bo-chap-ness... go to exam hall, do paper, finish paper as best as you can, give it to God and forget about it. and i know my God will give me good grades... undeserving unprepared fool that i am =) He gave me Jesus... and nothing else compares.
no shouts of joy cos everyone ends on different days... hmmm
a levels are... winding down... for lack of a better description
Bio S paper to go, next monday and i have absolutely no motivation to mug.. not to mention i don't know what to study =S as i said to mr tan... S paper is a study in bo-chap-ness... go to exam hall, do paper, finish paper as best as you can, give it to God and forget about it. and i know my God will give me good grades... undeserving unprepared fool that i am =) He gave me Jesus... and nothing else compares.
no shouts of joy cos everyone ends on different days... hmmm
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
balukoo
most of the As down and 3 papers to go
and dear Sam opened her locker (above mine) and whacked me on the forehead with the corner of the door. ouchie. yday... before the bio paper lol. it's now a nice little red lump.
on the note of ouchies... i wish *some people* would stop fighting every night... not to mention morning
and dear Sam opened her locker (above mine) and whacked me on the forehead with the corner of the door. ouchie. yday... before the bio paper lol. it's now a nice little red lump.
on the note of ouchies... i wish *some people* would stop fighting every night... not to mention morning
Sunday, November 12, 2006
a level survival kit
1 pencil
1 pen
4 lifesavers
1 meiji chocolate bar
1 packet of (i forgot how to spell) laqerol er.
6 hershey's kisses
1 stress ball (with a big happy grin)
1 cd (with a sermon and nice songs)
in a nice clear bag/case thing
how not to feel happy heh.
yay my caregroup juniors rock! =)
1 pen
4 lifesavers
1 meiji chocolate bar
1 packet of (i forgot how to spell) laqerol er.
6 hershey's kisses
1 stress ball (with a big happy grin)
1 cd (with a sermon and nice songs)
in a nice clear bag/case thing
how not to feel happy heh.
yay my caregroup juniors rock! =)
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
thanks for the sms Jem =).
GP tmr. i have promised ruth and andrea free lunch if i get A1. By Your grace Lord. Then i finally get to treat people to food =D
so the A levels start. meh. panic. no. more like 'oh gosh it's starting?!'
[much ado abt school, a bit slow i am, just found out. no point spreading it any further than it is]
GP tmr. i have promised ruth and andrea free lunch if i get A1. By Your grace Lord. Then i finally get to treat people to food =D
so the A levels start. meh. panic. no. more like 'oh gosh it's starting?!'
[much ado abt school, a bit slow i am, just found out. no point spreading it any further than it is]
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
i just realised that i'm really really afraid of hearing a loud scream around my house... considering that i stay in HDB... well...
maybe being home makes me think more... i guess that's the reason why i go to school to mug.
i'm really afraid that someday i'll come home and find an ambulance like the other time when a maid jumped... or an ambulance and a body bag...
somehow just a scream (one of those long drawn out ones) is enough to bring all the memories rushing back... then i go through the next 5-10 min where my heart starts beating like crazy and on the verge of panic i listen out for the 'splat'...
maybe you'd panic for the screaming person too... i dunno. but i can't seem to get over it sometimes... the sound replays over and over...
and when things like that do actually happen and people tell me about it and try to dissect the reason behind it... i just put a wall up - indifference, knowing full well what it is like to be a person desperate with no reason to live [no matter how insane the reason to seek death may be]... then with a terribly straight face i go 'ah yes' and try to join in the conversation if they're close friends.. or just walk away like i don't care if i cannot keep a lid on the vulnerability
argh. times like these i just wonder if i'm real to anyone anymore... Lord help me.
maybe being home makes me think more... i guess that's the reason why i go to school to mug.
i'm really afraid that someday i'll come home and find an ambulance like the other time when a maid jumped... or an ambulance and a body bag...
somehow just a scream (one of those long drawn out ones) is enough to bring all the memories rushing back... then i go through the next 5-10 min where my heart starts beating like crazy and on the verge of panic i listen out for the 'splat'...
maybe you'd panic for the screaming person too... i dunno. but i can't seem to get over it sometimes... the sound replays over and over...
and when things like that do actually happen and people tell me about it and try to dissect the reason behind it... i just put a wall up - indifference, knowing full well what it is like to be a person desperate with no reason to live [no matter how insane the reason to seek death may be]... then with a terribly straight face i go 'ah yes' and try to join in the conversation if they're close friends.. or just walk away like i don't care if i cannot keep a lid on the vulnerability
argh. times like these i just wonder if i'm real to anyone anymore... Lord help me.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
i'm excited!
today was confimation... there's something big happening. the last few times i opened my eyes during worship, just watching the people surrender completely to the presence of God... there was always this sense of awe, and that it was only the beginning of what God was doing in church. My cgl was sharing some other time that the leaders were blogsurfing andmany youths caught the same vision... of campus reaching new levels - worshipping in the indoor stadium. soo cool!
i've got no words for it... REVIVAL is hitting the church... first DARE then Campus Ministry... and now i feel like it's happening to main service as well. Rev. Col Stringer was preaching in service today to 'Arise' and follow where God leads - and God brings you from glory to glory, to new levels
here's my dream, a vision that came sometime during worship:
- we will see Singapore on the streets praising Jesus - like people do in church, in hillsong concerts - freely and fully comfortable.
the streets, orchard road, and extending onwards was lined with people; people so far away from the stage that they couldn't possibly see what was going on, people so far from the speakers that they would not know what was going on. yet every single person was singing a song of grace, a song of Jesus. and the presence of God just filled the place like never before
- we will see the Singapore media exalt Jesus and send the gospel to the world
the praising in the streets will spread like wildfire; the fire of God would spread to the world
and we all have a place in this... a place in making this happen, a destiny that God has ordained.
it's just so amazing and awe-inspiring. that in all of God's fantastic plans, He made plans for you, not just plans that include you but plans made just for your small insignificant life... a life that is not at all insignificant to God. =)
i've got no words for it... REVIVAL is hitting the church... first DARE then Campus Ministry... and now i feel like it's happening to main service as well. Rev. Col Stringer was preaching in service today to 'Arise' and follow where God leads - and God brings you from glory to glory, to new levels
here's my dream, a vision that came sometime during worship:
- we will see Singapore on the streets praising Jesus - like people do in church, in hillsong concerts - freely and fully comfortable.
the streets, orchard road, and extending onwards was lined with people; people so far away from the stage that they couldn't possibly see what was going on, people so far from the speakers that they would not know what was going on. yet every single person was singing a song of grace, a song of Jesus. and the presence of God just filled the place like never before
- we will see the Singapore media exalt Jesus and send the gospel to the world
the praising in the streets will spread like wildfire; the fire of God would spread to the world
and we all have a place in this... a place in making this happen, a destiny that God has ordained.
it's just so amazing and awe-inspiring. that in all of God's fantastic plans, He made plans for you, not just plans that include you but plans made just for your small insignificant life... a life that is not at all insignificant to God. =)
Saturday, October 14, 2006
promises
"this is only the beginning" is what's ringing in my spirit. two souls saved in campus today.. and the last song "awesome God" was powerful - it was a declaration of war against the devil. in singing that song... it was as if we were speaking into our lives, proclaiming good things to come -- and it's only the beginning.
pastor shared about studies today.. was serving at the camera, can't remember much. the gist of it goes:
pastor shared about studies today.. was serving at the camera, can't remember much. the gist of it goes:
- study from a position of grace - where you know that Jesus death has paid for everything and that you are given the grace and favour to tackle the exams
- stuff about fear
- [i can't remember!!! no chance to take notes... no verses either. there was a lot about daniel(?) and wisdom]
- and an exam tip => study in cycles of 7 (number of perfection). God rested on the 7th day - so on the 7th hour/ 7th day, commit all that you have done to God, trust that you remember it and go rest!
on another note... did SAT II today... bio chem math. AND THEY ARE OVER!! YAY! heh. did bio mcq in 30 min and wondered for the next 30 min why i managed to finish 80 qus in that amount of time
thank You God for my nice slack day =). now. motivation. mug.
Sunday, October 08, 2006
"cg rocks"
or so hwei would say...
i think some people have been wondering why i dont go for all the cg outings.. or even just cg... it's just too painful for fight for it cos my mom digs up the past and throws it in my face.. we came to a compromise, sorta, that i can go for either something on saturday or something on sunday. and yes, i'd pick sunday service over caregroup
yesterday i made an exception - and a good one it was =)
i think... cos jiahao asked directly, and there wouldn't be any chance of going for cg nearer the A levels... i decided to ask... and decided that i would just miss today's service
worship was ... powerful to say the least, somehow i took a very very long time to get into the flow. only after the 5th song (and there were only 6 in total) did i realise the 'who' i was singing about. then God rushed in and took over. there was such an undescribable presence in the house, jiahao and coach andy started speaking over us.. i don't remember what they said and i don't think i really heard them [it was really strange... like i was underwater or something] but my spirit was jumping up and down shouting "YES and AMEN"!
they called for people who wanted acceleration... so i went to catch people first..
then jiahao decided to pray for me suddenly lol.
i guess prayers are private =) but he said somth like "without touching you i can feel the anointing flow over you" and i thought "oh is that what it is?" lol. it was.. warm... then he said "like oil" and i dunno whether he touched me or not (maybe my hair =P) but one moment i was standing, the next i was falling and wondering why in the world i was falling... could feel whoever it was struggling to catch me... heavyweight i am =P
[that was for you, all you people who want(ed) to know what being slain is like]
what happened yesterday.. i never felt before. i was on fire.. it was Hot! Hot! Hot!... and such assurance and love... and... strength was imparted to keep the fire for God burning and... strength to 'give away?' to love people.. so different! that is, from everything i've felt from various prayers...before it was all healing of brokenness.. this was empowerment.
then the message:
it was about the Benjamin generation... -who we are- and to know how to take for ourselves the benefits God has already given.
Benjamin had:
5x the food => bread of God - the word
5x the clothes => that we are clothed in righteousness and are now entitled all the benefits
and ps darren's revelation... tt got passed down through jiahao
"Benjamin is a ravenous wolf;
In the morning he shall devour the prey,
And at night he shall divide the spoil" ~Genesis 49:27
Benjamin is hungry for more - and he eats without having to fight
=> God has fought your battle and what you take from him is according to your hunger - to eat of the 'bread of life' of the word in the day.
the blessings/ benefits that Benjamin had were given to him in accordance to his 'hunger'
=> you obtain benefits from God later - and this is 'spoil' for you need not work for it.
the message opened a whole new realm for me... we'll see where it leads =) i just want to really take hold of it and apply it. i dont know how yet... =P as God leads
after that was the bbq! (i dont know how to spell bbq in english =S) fantastic time of fellowship... lol... jiahao accused me of coming just cos there was a bbq but i didnt know about it until fri night! and i decided to go before that. lol.
i think some people have been wondering why i dont go for all the cg outings.. or even just cg... it's just too painful for fight for it cos my mom digs up the past and throws it in my face.. we came to a compromise, sorta, that i can go for either something on saturday or something on sunday. and yes, i'd pick sunday service over caregroup
yesterday i made an exception - and a good one it was =)
i think... cos jiahao asked directly, and there wouldn't be any chance of going for cg nearer the A levels... i decided to ask... and decided that i would just miss today's service
worship was ... powerful to say the least, somehow i took a very very long time to get into the flow. only after the 5th song (and there were only 6 in total) did i realise the 'who' i was singing about. then God rushed in and took over. there was such an undescribable presence in the house, jiahao and coach andy started speaking over us.. i don't remember what they said and i don't think i really heard them [it was really strange... like i was underwater or something] but my spirit was jumping up and down shouting "YES and AMEN"!
they called for people who wanted acceleration... so i went to catch people first..
then jiahao decided to pray for me suddenly lol.
i guess prayers are private =) but he said somth like "without touching you i can feel the anointing flow over you" and i thought "oh is that what it is?" lol. it was.. warm... then he said "like oil" and i dunno whether he touched me or not (maybe my hair =P) but one moment i was standing, the next i was falling and wondering why in the world i was falling... could feel whoever it was struggling to catch me... heavyweight i am =P
[that was for you, all you people who want(ed) to know what being slain is like]
what happened yesterday.. i never felt before. i was on fire.. it was Hot! Hot! Hot!... and such assurance and love... and... strength was imparted to keep the fire for God burning and... strength to 'give away?' to love people.. so different! that is, from everything i've felt from various prayers...before it was all healing of brokenness.. this was empowerment.
then the message:
it was about the Benjamin generation... -who we are- and to know how to take for ourselves the benefits God has already given.
Benjamin had:
5x the food => bread of God - the word
5x the clothes => that we are clothed in righteousness and are now entitled all the benefits
and ps darren's revelation... tt got passed down through jiahao
"Benjamin is a ravenous wolf;
In the morning he shall devour the prey,
And at night he shall divide the spoil" ~Genesis 49:27
Benjamin is hungry for more - and he eats without having to fight
=> God has fought your battle and what you take from him is according to your hunger - to eat of the 'bread of life' of the word in the day.
the blessings/ benefits that Benjamin had were given to him in accordance to his 'hunger'
=> you obtain benefits from God later - and this is 'spoil' for you need not work for it.
the message opened a whole new realm for me... we'll see where it leads =) i just want to really take hold of it and apply it. i dont know how yet... =P as God leads
after that was the bbq! (i dont know how to spell bbq in english =S) fantastic time of fellowship... lol... jiahao accused me of coming just cos there was a bbq but i didnt know about it until fri night! and i decided to go before that. lol.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
in quick succession... cos i cant call this 'prelims'
this little girl smiled at me on the escalator today! and i smiled back =) then she kept turning around to look at me and smile! *so sweet*
i'm not even realated to the girl... never seen her in my life... but she made my day
we know from the Word that God delights in His children... but i doubt it's truly ingrained... it's amazing really, i-the-stranger was happy cos someone else's kid smiled happily at me...
how much more does our Father in heaven love us..
this little girl smiled at me on the escalator today! and i smiled back =) then she kept turning around to look at me and smile! *so sweet*
i'm not even realated to the girl... never seen her in my life... but she made my day
we know from the Word that God delights in His children... but i doubt it's truly ingrained... it's amazing really, i-the-stranger was happy cos someone else's kid smiled happily at me...
how much more does our Father in heaven love us..
prelims
all my results are finally out! and praise God! not the 4As 2Ds i want but still a blessing =) for the amount of work i put in...
A for bio! [the one and only in class =D makes up for everything man.]
B for physics [i missed A by 2 marks]
B for math [haha i thought i'd get a C or a D or somthing]
C for chem [thought this paper was terribly done... my fault =P]
Bio S.... *drumroll* i got MERIT!!! 25% of bio s population got merit... and no distinctions. even the bio god with initials t.r.e (if you're in bio s you'll know >.<) didnt get a distinction!
[i'm amazed again at how good God is... falling over and over in love with You =)]
Chem S... i got 9.5 out of 60 (such a joke isnt it? someone got 0/60 btw... oops) the highest mark in the level just passed! hehe... maybe i'll get merit for this too
A for bio! [the one and only in class =D makes up for everything man.]
B for physics [i missed A by 2 marks]
B for math [haha i thought i'd get a C or a D or somthing]
C for chem [thought this paper was terribly done... my fault =P]
Bio S.... *drumroll* i got MERIT!!! 25% of bio s population got merit... and no distinctions. even the bio god with initials t.r.e (if you're in bio s you'll know >.<) didnt get a distinction!
[i'm amazed again at how good God is... falling over and over in love with You =)]
Chem S... i got 9.5 out of 60 (such a joke isnt it? someone got 0/60 btw... oops) the highest mark in the level just passed! hehe... maybe i'll get merit for this too
Sunday, October 01, 2006
essays
i'm writing my personal statement *sigh*
everytime i read it through... i think... 'well yes, but that's not me'
but how can i possibly write what has made me... well... me?
hello i have been suicidal, nice to meet you too...
hello i was broken, the knife was my friend [or anything else sharp for that matter]..
and God saved me and healed me... and i value everything around me cos i know how easy it is to 'snuff it... giving glory to God is my only purpose [and the best one at that] for living
and the uni will accept me rite -- deranged psycho that i was (maybe they think 'am') pfft.
.
.
.
.
.
i don't wanna think about essays for US unis =S
... but therapy seems fashionable over there... maybe being psycho isnt too bad =P... jeanine suggested this essay title "depression and how i dealt with it" - yeah and i have only one sentence for it - God rescued me and gave me a reason to live...
hello __________ i wanna do psychology major 'cos well, 'been there done that', survived 'cos of all the people put in my life to help me get through it... and i wanna be armed to be able to touch lives like they have mine in the future.
grawh.
God give me the grace, the eloquence, most of all the favour to get through this.
everytime i read it through... i think... 'well yes, but that's not me'
but how can i possibly write what has made me... well... me?
hello i have been suicidal, nice to meet you too...
hello i was broken, the knife was my friend [or anything else sharp for that matter]..
and God saved me and healed me... and i value everything around me cos i know how easy it is to 'snuff it... giving glory to God is my only purpose [and the best one at that] for living
and the uni will accept me rite -- deranged psycho that i was (maybe they think 'am') pfft.
.
.
.
.
.
i don't wanna think about essays for US unis =S
... but therapy seems fashionable over there... maybe being psycho isnt too bad =P... jeanine suggested this essay title "depression and how i dealt with it" - yeah and i have only one sentence for it - God rescued me and gave me a reason to live...
hello __________ i wanna do psychology major 'cos well, 'been there done that', survived 'cos of all the people put in my life to help me get through it... and i wanna be armed to be able to touch lives like they have mine in the future.
grawh.
God give me the grace, the eloquence, most of all the favour to get through this.
men & women's meeting
today was really anointed.... heh.
lunch: with good company with the caregroup - rushed but hey, fellowship is fellowship =)
women's meeting:
pre-meeting was fascinating - they were giving out earrings, doing nails, braiding hair... hehe... i happily stood there and *watched* =)
then there was a makeup seminar 0_o by someone who works in mediacorp and is from the curch... someone who said "now we put on the concealer... but praise God who transforms us from glory to glory, someday we won't need concealer anymore! amen?" *amused*
then came the message - preached by ps chin's wife
in a nutshell i guess i would say it was about esteem: view yourself with the knowledge of the love of God - knowledge that God sees you as his child, and that his love and acceptance is always there. have a Christ-esteem and not a self- esteem - ground yourself in the love of Christ and there will be no more need of that quest to get acceptance from people.
praise & worship nite:
fort canning + stage + strobe lights + much jumping = FUN!
[despite the drops of flying sweat and being coated in sweat that isnt just my own yes]
after:
jem treated the caregroup to ben & jerry's!!!! JEM ROCKS!
we ordered a 'vermonster' i think it's called... 20 scoops of icecream, 4 bananas and sauce and sprinkles =D... and the staff were so happy and enthu tt someone finally ordered it! they all perked up and got out the scoops and a huuuge tub. lol.
then i zaoed early cos it was late... and praise God, i didn't get scolded even though i was supposed to go back by 11 but reached home near 12 instead [my normal curfew is 9 =S which makes it all the more amazing rite?!]
but what i really took home today wasn't the makeup tips... or the message... or the jumping in worship...or even the icecream =P but a fresh revelation of how much God loves me. in the middle of one of the slow songs God just spoke deep down saying "I love you and I have forgiven you. I have forgiven every single mistake you have made, every single one, even the ones that you cannot forgive yourself for. I know the thoughts in your head, the things you cannot ever share." at that point in time i was simply swept away... and i couldn't stop crying heh. spending time with Daddy God is just Awesome (yes the capital A), there's such refreshing and revival in His tangible presence.
Jesus You are my Best Friend - You know me better than i know myself =)
[i am reminded of my first personal encounter with God and a particular camp experience that i wanna share... but... it'll take too long to post =P. lazy larh]
lunch: with good company with the caregroup - rushed but hey, fellowship is fellowship =)
women's meeting:
pre-meeting was fascinating - they were giving out earrings, doing nails, braiding hair... hehe... i happily stood there and *watched* =)
then there was a makeup seminar 0_o by someone who works in mediacorp and is from the curch... someone who said "now we put on the concealer... but praise God who transforms us from glory to glory, someday we won't need concealer anymore! amen?" *amused*
then came the message - preached by ps chin's wife
in a nutshell i guess i would say it was about esteem: view yourself with the knowledge of the love of God - knowledge that God sees you as his child, and that his love and acceptance is always there. have a Christ-esteem and not a self- esteem - ground yourself in the love of Christ and there will be no more need of that quest to get acceptance from people.
praise & worship nite:
fort canning + stage + strobe lights + much jumping = FUN!
[despite the drops of flying sweat and being coated in sweat that isnt just my own yes]
after:
jem treated the caregroup to ben & jerry's!!!! JEM ROCKS!
we ordered a 'vermonster' i think it's called... 20 scoops of icecream, 4 bananas and sauce and sprinkles =D... and the staff were so happy and enthu tt someone finally ordered it! they all perked up and got out the scoops and a huuuge tub. lol.
then i zaoed early cos it was late... and praise God, i didn't get scolded even though i was supposed to go back by 11 but reached home near 12 instead [my normal curfew is 9 =S which makes it all the more amazing rite?!]
but what i really took home today wasn't the makeup tips... or the message... or the jumping in worship...or even the icecream =P but a fresh revelation of how much God loves me. in the middle of one of the slow songs God just spoke deep down saying "I love you and I have forgiven you. I have forgiven every single mistake you have made, every single one, even the ones that you cannot forgive yourself for. I know the thoughts in your head, the things you cannot ever share." at that point in time i was simply swept away... and i couldn't stop crying heh. spending time with Daddy God is just Awesome (yes the capital A), there's such refreshing and revival in His tangible presence.
Jesus You are my Best Friend - You know me better than i know myself =)
[i am reminded of my first personal encounter with God and a particular camp experience that i wanna share... but... it'll take too long to post =P. lazy larh]
Sunday, September 03, 2006
hello
here i am. typing out the first ever post. when i should really be studying for prelims. er. just that my mind seems to be wandering... visiting the past and such =P
i have started a blog.
amazing.
never thought this would happen. really. feels like i'm jumping on the bandwagon. lol.
always thought that my life kinda sucked, you know. and unlike many people out there with blogs/ or perhaps the many people out there without blogs, i figured that it wouldn't be worth it starting one. there isn't really a point in going 'hey world, my life really sucks' or perhaps pretend all the way and go 'hey world, my life is fantastic always'. there isnt a point in daily boring recounts for all the voyeuristic people out there either... not in my opinion anyway. i'd rather have a nice paper journal the server can't destroy and random people can't read.
there's a kind of responsibility in starting a blog? perhaps the knowledge that i'd affect the mood of whoever's reading it... never really wanted to take on that responsibility. still, i'm starting this (finally. yes.) with a difference, i hope, with the aim of touching lives. i pray that God will make that happen.
why now after all this time? i've finally realised... rather the word has entered my heart... and i'm learning... just how much God really loves me. for every single thing i go through/ have gone through, He has been there with me, carrying me every step of the way. knowing that, each thing just becomes another testimony of His love for me, and that is something i want to share with people.
The turning point was probably one of the things coach Angie shared with the new servers in Campus Creative Unit - that even as we believed in God and in Him carrying us through all the problems in life, life is not about the 'cool' bits or the 'smooth' bits - we bear our brokenness with pride... that the goodness of God will be seen in our failures, and the saving grace and the love our Father has for us will spread to the world.
So yeah. i hope it'll work out. i suppose there'll be pleas for prayers along the way for various things =P. well if you know me, keep me in prayer =). if you don't you still can =).
yeah i realise that i'm still anonymous.
that will change [hopefully soon? but probably not] together with the template [i reallly want my own... it's my 'site' after all... will some pro person care to do it for me? *looks hopeful*]. after A levels probably. [don't ask me what i'm doing here instead of studying. grawh.]
i have started a blog.
amazing.
never thought this would happen. really. feels like i'm jumping on the bandwagon. lol.
always thought that my life kinda sucked, you know. and unlike many people out there with blogs/ or perhaps the many people out there without blogs, i figured that it wouldn't be worth it starting one. there isn't really a point in going 'hey world, my life really sucks' or perhaps pretend all the way and go 'hey world, my life is fantastic always'. there isnt a point in daily boring recounts for all the voyeuristic people out there either... not in my opinion anyway. i'd rather have a nice paper journal the server can't destroy and random people can't read.
there's a kind of responsibility in starting a blog? perhaps the knowledge that i'd affect the mood of whoever's reading it... never really wanted to take on that responsibility. still, i'm starting this (finally. yes.) with a difference, i hope, with the aim of touching lives. i pray that God will make that happen.
why now after all this time? i've finally realised... rather the word has entered my heart... and i'm learning... just how much God really loves me. for every single thing i go through/ have gone through, He has been there with me, carrying me every step of the way. knowing that, each thing just becomes another testimony of His love for me, and that is something i want to share with people.
The turning point was probably one of the things coach Angie shared with the new servers in Campus Creative Unit - that even as we believed in God and in Him carrying us through all the problems in life, life is not about the 'cool' bits or the 'smooth' bits - we bear our brokenness with pride... that the goodness of God will be seen in our failures, and the saving grace and the love our Father has for us will spread to the world.
So yeah. i hope it'll work out. i suppose there'll be pleas for prayers along the way for various things =P. well if you know me, keep me in prayer =). if you don't you still can =).
yeah i realise that i'm still anonymous.
that will change [hopefully soon? but probably not] together with the template [i reallly want my own... it's my 'site' after all... will some pro person care to do it for me? *looks hopeful*]. after A levels probably. [don't ask me what i'm doing here instead of studying. grawh.]
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