uh. eggs...

another kk thing... gosh

http://www.iloveegg.com/egg_english.htm

beware. it is high-pitched and uh...





*lost for words*

have you ever wondered

how impossibly young you are compared to God?

i was just thinking that as children of God... we're so impossibly small compared to Him... completely ignorant compared to Him (well if we knew just a fraction of what He knows, we'd probably go insane... heck... some people are insane, condemned by the knowledge of good and evil that man was not built to have)

we sing "He's got the whole world in His hands" as little kids... do we understand that kids song?

if my Daddy God is so big... how come i'm always still trying to do things my way?



pastor joshua was giving an illustration of the magnitude of grace on sunday.
God's grace justly given through Jesus' sacrifice is so all-encompassing... let's call it infinity
take the infinity of grace and subtract one sin... you get infinity
take the infinity of grace and subtract one year's worth of sin... you get infinity
take the infinity of grace and subtract your life's sin... you get infinity


can you imagine that infinite amount of patience? just waiting for you to realise what you're doing wrong and forgiving you all that time. and waiting... just waiting for you to realise that He's there and He's bigger than all your troubles... waiting for you to realise how BIG and how GOOD He is... wiating for you to give everything to Him so that He can do Mighty Wonders.



time to let go, let God
and believe that God will do good things big time



no one said that would be easy...
me human... me like to cling to my fears
me human... me very very small
me a child of God... me victorious, me free.

what do you think

God sees when He looks at you worshipping?



He sees Jesus' perfection in your life.




so i'll stand
with arms high and heart abandoned
in awe
of the One who gave it all

.

.

.

i love serving in video ministry... it's a blessing to be able to join the people in worship and have your spirit soar. at the same time stay alert - and it's a God given alertness for the people you might want to capture on camera. it's really a different anointing, a different portion for people who are serving, i've been an usher and done logistics before, we can't close our eyes and lose ourselves in worship but the spirit still soars.

and in that you become aware of the palpable presence of God and His strength holding you up, aware of the mighty things that God is doing just inches away from the camera, aware that even as you flash the lyrics on the screen and know that most peoples' eyes are closed - as you cannot lift your hands from the keyboard you control - you know that God has ordained you to play a part in what is happening, that you are one of those privilleged to 'set the stage' for God to work. you stand in awe of the things that are happening in front of you, in awe of the amazing things to come.

nostalgia..ahaha

courtesy of Gina who is busy organising class birthday. hehe.



were we crazy or what? but i miss the fun we had.. we made every single teacher cry once i think... but they all loved us still XD really blessed to have spent two years in a class like that. a class with cliques in and outside of class, yet cliques that merged and mingled, a class with true camaraderie. if you're reading this and you're from 413. thank you for giving me memories of a class i can be proud of =)

what am i doing here?

i should be writing my essay for the University Scholars Programme....

pfft.

but the question looks like this:
Write an essay that explains why you’ve been intrigued by an idea, concept, or theory you have encountered. This idea can come from either a traditional academic discipline -- such as history, science, philosophy, or mathematics -- or from fields such as film, engineering, art, or politics.
(400 to 600 words)
that's not too bad... then they have this:
In planning your essay, bear the following in mind: we are looking for evidence of your specific, first-hand response to an idea or theory. Your essay should identify the idea and explain if you have a personal, unique, or notable relation to it. Then, analyze the concept with as much detail and depth as possible, explaining how your engagement with this idea changed or broadened your thinking.
i don't know what to write about... it's not like i keep track of the stuff that changes my life drastically. discipline i guess will probably be history/ science/ film/ art.. hmm maybe write on life/ death/ birth/ forgiveness perhaps...

bah. 8 days more to the due date

and here's a revisitation of the things to do list...


1. study for basic theory & take test
2. learn driving & advanced theory
3. rip and burn cds for dad
4. finish cross stitch
5. pack my tables and floor (the room's not too messy) - hopefully by today =P
6. finish learning Classical Gas
7. learn how to play Radical Dreamers
8. read the bible at least once through
9. learn photoshop from nbyn
10. make my paper model train i bought from taiwan
11. try to shrink that phonics pdf file... (nah. not bothering)
12. clean up my bio notes so i can sell them - i think i have to get rid of all the diagrams... maybe put spaces so people can draw their own... and references so they can find the pics in campbell perhaps
o Carbon
o Water
o Water relations
o Lipids
o Cell membrane structure
o Microscopy
o Carbohydrates
o Proteins
o Enzymes
o Mitosis & meiosis
o Genetic control & inheritance
o Inherited changes
o Evolution
o Transport in mammals
o Respiration
o Photosynthesis
o Ecology
o Transport in plants
o Homeostasis, liver, endocrine
o Kidney (to make)
o Nervous control
o Molecular genetics
o Intro to biotech (to make)
o Medical biotech
o Food biotech
o Agricultural biotech (to finish)
o Environmental biotech (to make)
uh... 13? learn makeup from nbyn?

on a side note... stuff i need to do around march
1. apply to uni
2. do that psc scholarship application =S

well i did other things =P
1. apply for Global Merit Scholarship
2. get random things certified true
3. get hooked on some strange fanfic or another
4. make sermon slides for the book of Romans (i will get round to doing the rest of the new testament... i will...)

meh. procrastination

before the switch was on...

Bible Study was cool...

during worship it was like someone flipped a light switch inside me... and i was suddenly just happy and alive. i just don't have the words to describe it, i was grinning like an idiot and trying very hard not to do so or laugh cos it was the last song and most pple were really in the flow... i think it's rather scary to be talking to God and completely open then hear someone start laughing behind you =P yeah. it was like the band around my heart that has been there for some time snapped. and suddenly my heart could beat again.. and i could Live

was Rev. Joe Purcell preaching today, pastor prince in Israel... and gonna send sermons from there... damn cool! but yeah... sermon... in a really small nutshell. to have that zoe life of God -can you even imagine what kind of Energy that must be? for mere words to have the power of creation. and as we meditate on the Word, the spirit is - awoken... for a lack of a better word- and just by basking in His light, our spirit is empowered, shining forth His glory, His life. with that kind of faith and knowledge what kind of disastrous (for the devil) prayers shall we pray?







cool huh. i guess my switch has been off for the last two weeks or so.

sue macs! wait... kfc actually

i just sliced my index finger on the rim of the ice milo cup from kfc... thank god i finished the chicken first... or it would have been rather nasty to eat...

i didnt know soft plastic cup caps would cut when you tried to take them off... honest! they look... soft and... demure... and... um. =P


then again... a couple of months ago i sliced my finger in nearly the same spot with a pair of wooden chopsticks - the take-away kind - when i was prying them apart...


haha. talk about pathetic

You calm the storms in me

i found this yesterday when i was aimlessly searching the net for pics 'cos i was too tired to talk to people and too full to sleep... heh

check out the line between dark clouds and clear sky... and that beam of light from heaven
imagine this. Jesus standing between the dark and the light, with a single word calming the storm.

"Now when He got into a boat, His disciples followed Him. And suddenly a great tempest arose on the sea, so that the boat was covered with the waves. But He was asleep. Then His disciples came to Him and awoke Him, saying, “Lord, save us! We are perishing!” But He said to them, “Why are you fearful, O you of little faith?” Then He arose and rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was a great calm."
~Matthew 8:23-26

imagine. That's my God who is in me.

.

.

.

really like this pic... isnt the poor bunny rabbit cute? and that was us... broken torn and unwanted in the world, seeking someone who would love us. Jesus came to love us, though broken we are, and did not just leave us that way but patched us up and made us whole again for the world to see.

.

.

.

is this the picture in your head when you imagine God holding you?
it's mine in a small way i guess... yet it's so distant from God himself... imagine not just the hand but big great Daddy God hugging you..

i ask myself... 'who's hand is bigger?' and knowing the answer, i still wonder why i find it so hard to believe

then time and again i hear the spirit say "Let go my child, I will carry you, I will hold you close, I will weather your storm."

i tell you a secret... it's about my nus application...

my parents wanted me to apply for the Global Merit Scholarship... and it was 2 days to the deadline...

guess what... i didn't want to apply with some half-baked essay (after writing more than 5... i think i have the right to refuse...) and then there was that terrible question "Describe in less than 2000 characters, an exceptional achievement that highlights your academic interests and intellectual capacity that would be of value to the NUS community." hence the angst in previous posts...

anyway... on to the secret...








nah... not safe to post...

but. the essay got written and the app submitted... and my mom is going to drive to NUS to hand in supporting documents... deadline is today... 15 Mar. and she drove me around today to get all the stuff done. when you have parents that adamant... how to refuse?

breathe

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ Alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
'Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious day
Up from the grave he rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

In Christ alone I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory let it be said of me
My source of strength My source of hope
In Christ alone I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory let it be said of me
My source of strength My source of hope
Is Christ alone

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His Hand
'til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.

In Christ Alone (medley) ~ Phillips Craig & Dean

i'll send you the song if you ask nicely =) cool how songs can just speak to you... staying sane is rather difficult at the moment i admit. pray for me.
bloody parents and 'since when have we expected anything of you?'... 'we expect no less than you trying your best'... ... and the best = getting everything = trying everything = succeeding... yeah right you don't expect anything. somehow i always feel like i don't measure up. help Lord

it is finished

um. my psc essay tt is... thank you everyone who read and commented =) (i sound like a fanfic writer 0_o)

and YAY KinKit! Fantastic junior gave me nice quote! =)

now... the rest of the apps.

heidi... i want huggles.... =(... or anyone actually... just that heidi is the normal hugger...


i hate you i hate you i hate you... but that isnt true. (no not heidi)
so far you're the only one that can make me wish in the morning to never have to wake up... you and dad i guess... you and your 'if we don't go early we lose out' attitude... you and your 'must grab okay? got free thing must grab... got anything also must apply even if you don't want it' attitude


is it so wrong to want to go to medical school so badly? i guess i'm thickheaded yes. but why am i not allowed to trust God simply for a place to get in? why do you try so hard to get me involved in other things? why do you believe that the finances are difficult... doesn't God provide? why can't you just let go?


i know of course you want the best for me for everything... not to mention the best from me... and i guess that is good... but can you LISTEN for a moment? can you stop worrying at me for one moment?


it feels like you ripped my heart out... and in my mind's eye there's this strange vivid picture... of you holding it in a vice like grip... fingernails digging in... and there's all this stuff dangling from it... all the broken muscles tendons arteries veins... it physically hurts... in service today... it was like i could barely breathe

went in late to church today cos of the IT fair jam... and walked in exactly when pastor began 1 Corinthans 10:13

"No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God
is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but
with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to
bear it."

temptation being testing... and the idea behind the verse is amazing... but omg the pain... Lord help... i want to run away again...

scars

here i am typing this instead of working on my psc essay....... procrastination!... but yeah... God.. HELP...


i saw a guy in the mrt on the way home from campus today and he had a huge scar on his left shoulder... maybe abt 3 inches long... and nearly 1cm wide.. looked like someone was fighting with him and left a mark. so i was just staring at him aimlessly and wondering how he got the scar when the Spirit just prompted me to realise that some people may have physical scars... but everyone has some sort of internal scar... somehow somewhere.

everytime you fight a mental battle - perhaps the pain when someone says something bad about you and you take it to heart - it leaves a mental scar... if it occurs for long enough... perhaps an open wound in your heart... then there are the scars on your soul... everytime the devil launches an attack and manages to do some damage

and then i realised... that no matter how long you wait for the wounds to close... no matter how much therapy you go through... the wounds would only close... and they leave a scar -- scar tissue is much more fragile than original tissue... and it takes just so little to open up that wound again

and so we really really need God... God the only one able to wipe everthing away with Jesus death to give us a clean slate... to heal us into His perfection... changing us from glory to glory. Jesus was sent to absorb/ consume the judgement for our sins.. that we may be deemed righteous in God's eyes... to be completely worthy of His love... that we may be perfect in His eyes. God is just so good that He wants to heal and make whole every part of our life.. and Jesus made it all possible


amazing isnt it... and... haha.. i dunno why i just typed that

I want to sing
Until I am lost in Your love
Till I'm found in Your presence
Worshipping before your throne
Held by Your spirit
Entering into Your flow
How precious this moment
Lord I want you to know

It's You
You who have won my heart
Taken me into Your arms
Comforted me like a friend
Your love
Surrounded me from the start
I never want to be apart
From You ever again


howcome we never sing songs like that anymore?
the song came to mind in the office... and just singing that alone and typing out stuff i could feel God's presence just enter the place... He's love is just so amazing
.
.
.

while seaching for the actual lyrics for that song... i came across other old old songs that we never sing anymore.... like this

He walked where I walk
He stood where I stand
He felt what I feel
He understands
He knows my frailty
Shared my humanity
Tempted in every way
Yet without sin

God with us, so close to us
God with us, Emmanuel (2x)
Emmanuel

One of a hated race
Stung by the prejudice
Suffering injustice
Yet He forgives
Wept for my wasted years
Paid for my wickedness
He died in my place
That I might live

Emmanuel, Emmanuel
Emmanuel, Emmanuel

if you know what the song sounds like... granted... it's nothing like the kind of worship/ praise songs today... or the hymns that other people sing... but the words are fantastic don't you think? Jesus has been through every single thing, every temptation, every judgement of sin. On the cross bearing our sins, the judgement of God fell on Him and consumed Him... but he was left - ALIVE - at the end of it all.

i think this line is the most amazing of all "He felt where I feel, He understands" and then "He died in my place, That I might live"... maybe it's just my obsession with life eh... but it's soo cool... that my God knows exactly what i go through, my God isnt a static wooden carving... or even a static gold carving... or one who lived and died... but Jesus died and ROSE from the dead - and the Holy Spirit is in me. My God is with me wherever i go, no matter what i do. and He understands


and then there were the Sunday Skool songs!

God's not dead He's alive
God's not dead He's alive
God's not dead He's alive
I can feel Him all over me

No no no no no
No no no no no
No no no no no

I can feel Him in my head
I can feel Him in my hands
I can feel Him in my knees
I can feel Him in my toes
I can feel Him all over me

[remember the actions?? Hehe]
.
.
.

Joy is the flag flown high from the castle of my heart
From the castle of my heart
From the castle of my heart
Joy is the flag flown high from the castle of my heart
When the King is in residence there

So let it fly in the sky
Let the whole world know, let the whole world know
So let it fly in the sky, let the whole world know
That the King is in residence there



haha... i guess i'm ancient in church...

what do you see?

i was just watching the hillsongs vid on Jem's blog (one of my cg mates) and i was reminded of something... amazing

when you close your eyes in God's presence... what do you see?
when you open your eyes in the middle of worship... what do you see?


i see the same thing over and over


i see a new generation praising God, a generation that will change the world
i see people on fire for God, people who know the love of God
i see the Rock filled with youths all praising God
i see the broken being restored
i see people being healed
i see the aged rising up - empowered and so alive that they jump to fast songs
i see people of a different spirit, people who radiate life
i see God's love
.
.
.


you better watch out, 'cos God's coming this way
and GOOD things are happening all over the place

and then there was a fleeting thought.... and then it was gone...

beloved, beloved... i am proud of you

day began with shouting match... no one wanted to listen to anyone...
shouting continued with the filling up of income tax forms... this time with me included
pause... take a breath
Lord help me
shouting continues with filling up of CPF forms... me included again
pause... take a breath... wonder why i'm in this job...
aunty joyce comes in... sanity returns momentarily
pause.. take a breath...
CPF madness resumes
Lord help me
pause... shoo unhelpful smirking dad off for lunch... it's 2.00
scramble around for mom to do banking holding the last shreds together...
pause... shoo mom off to do banking and to go for lunch... it's 2.30
and Then my mind wanders off... and i sit - unseeing but looking at the computer screen.. chasing the devil away
beloved I will keep you, I will NOT let you die
mom comes back all too early.... it's 3.00
office madness restarts.
i beg off and nap for 30 min... dad comes back at 4.00
less madness... i hold my sanity... they leave at 5.00
sigh of relief... do inane things till 6.00

okay regroup.. go home...



to the you who was standing next to me on the train, my heart goes out to you. even with the half baked brain left as i was standing in the train, i looked and i Noticed... and my heart burns for you... i see your pain and i understand... a little... at least.
Lord help me, i have not the courage, i have not any strength


but i stood there like i didn't notice... shaking on the inside, answering messages. i looked up into my reflection in the glass and saw eyes that were consumed by the events of the day, eyes that wouldn't behave for me to even look at you and offer a smile





i despaired...

beloved do not fear for I am with you



and as i went home, unlocked the door and went to change i was just crying... perhaps in pain for that person on the train.. perhaps just for me and the job... or for the parents who look each other in the eye and say 'i hate you', ' i don't know why i married you'

beloved, just let go, I am carrying you



and i marveled...

must make mention (alliteration!)

of the people who flooded me with blessings!

through sms:
evelyn (all the way from taiwan!!!), matheus, jos (uh... coach jos >.<), hweifen & jofid (even after cg celebrated), andrea, charlotte, joasseph & khee ngiap (wow you guys rmb me), mingjie...

mingjie!! haha here's what she sent me

"Haha hope i'm not too late to wish u Happy Birthday Cherie! Read from back to
front. This is not spam. ishemle hddeH aq 'f! aAa!H?e ue? n adoH !'si weajp jn
jaAafaHm u peaHe jeah snohor jaHfoue n Hs!m ! 'hepHfj!q hddeH"

so this cherie spent time walking ard staring at handphone upside down =P (i wonder whether pple thought i was mad)

and online:
ephraim! (even after cg celeb again... must make special mention cos he entertained me the whole day), izzy

on a side note, save the mangoes! (look, this one would rather commit suicide than be eaten)

[edit/] some late night stragglers... (i still love you guys yah?)
on sms: Jem, Esther (my small dua tao), on msn: justin, kern, kenneth (all the way from princeton!)

and then there's late night me and God - who reassures me that it doesnt matter whether it's my birthday or not, every day i spend with Him is a special day =)

a day in the life of charity

granted. charity doesn't have 19th birthdays everyday.

but the day was normal.

and omg. my mom disguised my present by putting it in an old sewing kit bag before wrapping it. SNEAKY SNEAKY!!

well my cam's missing or i'd post pics...

must post a pic of what my mom did to my doggies on my bed when i wasn't at home 0_0 (er.. tt sounds wrong somehow.)

i shall endeavour to post pics. i shall i shall.



[edit/] i found my cam... so to document my mom's madness

thanks =)

to hweifen:
I was not bluffing when i said i didnt realise the cake was for me!!!

hehe.

um... pic of cake cutting will come when yeow sends it....

look at what kk sent me!

the poor lappys....

A levels

hmm
i disappointed someone! my bio tchr's first sentence to me was 'WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?!'

well. then again.. *shrug* they're good.

Biology A
Chemistry A
Math A
Physics A

GP A1

Biology S U
Chemistry S M

really thank God =) GP is a real shocker... hehe


i'm amazed ya. at how good God is, was just singing along to Hillsong stuff and His presence suddenly came along and gave me a hug... and a "I'm proud of you my child" even though all that i have is given by Him.

thank You Daddy =)