and then there was a fleeting thought.... and then it was gone...

beloved, beloved... i am proud of you

day began with shouting match... no one wanted to listen to anyone...
shouting continued with the filling up of income tax forms... this time with me included
pause... take a breath
Lord help me
shouting continues with filling up of CPF forms... me included again
pause... take a breath... wonder why i'm in this job...
aunty joyce comes in... sanity returns momentarily
pause.. take a breath...
CPF madness resumes
Lord help me
pause... shoo unhelpful smirking dad off for lunch... it's 2.00
scramble around for mom to do banking holding the last shreds together...
pause... shoo mom off to do banking and to go for lunch... it's 2.30
and Then my mind wanders off... and i sit - unseeing but looking at the computer screen.. chasing the devil away
beloved I will keep you, I will NOT let you die
mom comes back all too early.... it's 3.00
office madness restarts.
i beg off and nap for 30 min... dad comes back at 4.00
less madness... i hold my sanity... they leave at 5.00
sigh of relief... do inane things till 6.00

okay regroup.. go home...



to the you who was standing next to me on the train, my heart goes out to you. even with the half baked brain left as i was standing in the train, i looked and i Noticed... and my heart burns for you... i see your pain and i understand... a little... at least.
Lord help me, i have not the courage, i have not any strength


but i stood there like i didn't notice... shaking on the inside, answering messages. i looked up into my reflection in the glass and saw eyes that were consumed by the events of the day, eyes that wouldn't behave for me to even look at you and offer a smile





i despaired...

beloved do not fear for I am with you



and as i went home, unlocked the door and went to change i was just crying... perhaps in pain for that person on the train.. perhaps just for me and the job... or for the parents who look each other in the eye and say 'i hate you', ' i don't know why i married you'

beloved, just let go, I am carrying you



and i marveled...