being born again... so what?

i saw this in my mind's eye during server's meeting yesterday



and as i was seeing that, there was such a love just embracing me... my Daddy going 'do not be afraid my child, I am here, I am here, watching you take your first step, here to catch you if you fall. I let go because I love you and want you to grow - reach for the prize.'


comfort?
muchly so. the past couple of weeks have been insane... waiting for replies from applications/ making crazy decisions/ rushing around handing in forms/ going out with people

i'm terrified/ awed/ drowing in anticipation of what is to come. totally.

i've been going around saying... God opened that door to MOE... so i'm gonna step in, take courage, and He'll prosper me. but at night i've been just... (not really terrified, but i cant think of anything to describe it) ... it's like i'm a little child - taking my very first step, for the first time not having something to hold on to, not having someone hold my hand... and i'm afraid to fall.

everytime i talk to God, there's such approval, encouragement, love, His joy in my existence. i guess it has been ingrained in me that these things are hard to come by, not to mention easy to lose (the parents. heh. or perhaps just my perception warping what vibes i get from them) => and there we get that fear of falling. (okay i'm getting sidetracked...)




somewhen then.. i realised/ remembered something about my walk with God

what is it about being born again? why do we even call it 'being born again'... being made new?
i grew up a christian... but i only accepted Christ formally around sec 2... when He stopped being that God i worship... and became my personal savior - where i had a reason to worship.

you're born again. you're made new in the spirit man... but you're still broken inside, there's still all that flesh to die to

just a babe.. newborn, God picks you up and cradles you lovingly against His chest, healing the brokenness, the bitterness, till you're whole.

and He feeds you, gives you strength as you grow up in the Word, in good teaching, as you become more and more assured of His love for you, more assured of Your standing with Him.

then He teaches you to move out of your dark corner of despair, to crawl toward the light, toward Him, no matter the circumstances... you learn to seek Him

then He takes you by the hand and teaches you to stand... equips you with dreams with gifts



He holds your hands as He leads you in the path He has planned for you... clears the way 'with His back (walking backwards)' face close to yours, encouraging you. 'comeon my child, you can do this' and when you take that step towards Him, He rejoices with you/ for you

then He teaches you to go further, to stand firm even when you feel alone. to take that step in the direction He's indicating... and to realise (eventually perhaps) that He hasn't left your side at all. He's just allowing you to walk by the spirit - in Him, instead of Him leading/ pulling you along by the hand... and He's just as ready as before to catch you if you fall.





i needed that reminder.
(this is as far as i've come... we shall see what happens next... i bet we repeat the growing process, in the various areas of our life that we surrender to Him)

what a disjointed post... that's what you get from a lack of sleep and an attempt to post an experience instead of an event