and everyone else who has read something and not said anything
HOI YOU! TAG!
=P
Monday, July 30, 2007
Sunday, July 29, 2007
in all things give thanks
in this case. for protection.
i - being lazy to get up properly and flip the switch to my laptop adaptor - reached over, put one leg down on the floor from my bed and stretched.
and slipped. (on the UCL accomodation booklet no less. lol.)
so i came crashing down to the floor at an amazing speed... smashed my left arm on the table beside my bed... my right end of my hip bone into the weighing scale... knee to the floor... and got the wind knocked out of me.
all in all. ow. and the bruises will be interesting to see in a while.
but. i could have smashed my head into the corner of that table, just narrowly missed it.. and the adaptor i pulled down with me narrowly missed my head too.
and. if i had landed... with my hip not on the weighing scale but really *splat* on the floor... i probably would have cracked some ribs...
lookie that. protection in the face of stupidity. =P
i - being lazy to get up properly and flip the switch to my laptop adaptor - reached over, put one leg down on the floor from my bed and stretched.
and slipped. (on the UCL accomodation booklet no less. lol.)
so i came crashing down to the floor at an amazing speed... smashed my left arm on the table beside my bed... my right end of my hip bone into the weighing scale... knee to the floor... and got the wind knocked out of me.
all in all. ow. and the bruises will be interesting to see in a while.
but. i could have smashed my head into the corner of that table, just narrowly missed it.. and the adaptor i pulled down with me narrowly missed my head too.
and. if i had landed... with my hip not on the weighing scale but really *splat* on the floor... i probably would have cracked some ribs...
lookie that. protection in the face of stupidity. =P
Saturday, July 28, 2007
SIRENS
first police... then ambulance...
shouts.
more shouts.
"PUT DOWN YOUR..."
"PUT IT DOWN NOW..."
strangled cries.
and silence.
i wonder if i can sleep.
shouts.
more shouts.
"PUT DOWN YOUR..."
"PUT IT DOWN NOW..."
strangled cries.
and silence.
i wonder if i can sleep.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
excerpts
Never Let Go of a Dream From God
Even though my parents continually spoke greatness into me and were an example of loving parents, the dream-stealer, with a glimpse into my potential, was hard at work to destroy me. I scrambled through my teenage years believing the worst about myself - believing I was fat and ugly, believing I needed to work harder to be loved more, to please, or to be accepted. I felt I was the reason for divorce in my family. It's a familiar story for too many young people.
Now I know it was the devil, the dream-stealer, who came to steal the future that God had placed in my young heart. He works especially hard on young people or on people with new dreams in their hearts so that he can dash all hope and kill a dream-seed in its tender beginnings. He took my baby before I even had a chance to fight for it. He steals-- that's his personality-- he's a thief.
God-dreams will always find opposition, even before you realise that your amazing idea may be more than a whimsical thought. How many times has a great idea come to you and then instantly you thought, Ah, wouldn't that be great, but I could never...? When you hear the words "I could never..." know the enemy is planning your defeat rather than your victory, snuffing out a dream in its infancy.
When Jesus was born, the enemy of God put the desire in Herod to search for Him and have Him killed. Before Moses was born, this same dream-stealer made Pharaoh decree that all baby boys were to be killed. The devil recognises a God-dream long before we do.
...
Let God Breathe Life Into Your Dream
You know a dream is from God when you can let go of it, but it won't let go of you. I am so thankful that God is outstandingly generous, and my dreams are fulfilled because of His grace to breathe life into the seeds of desire in my heart.
God breathed life into Adam; He breathed life into creation; and He wants to breathe life into the life that has been given to you. The life that God breathes is His supernatural presence to bring His favor and abundance into our natural life, It is the power to defeat the dream-stealer.
Jesus said that He came to bring us life, not death, and life to the full. He explained, "The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life [zoe], and that they might have it more abundantly" ( John 10:10 KJV). The word abundant is from a Greek word perissos, which means "superabundant in quantity" or "superior in quality," by implication, "excessive." In and through Christ, we have access to a life that is exceeding, abundantly above, more advantageous, very highly, beyond measure, more , superfluous, vehemently full of God's goodness. That's awesome!
You can live your whole life doing what is natural: get up in the morning, go to work, come home at the end of the day, go to sleep, and get up again the next day, only to do it all over again -- that's a natural life. But the supernatural life is being aware of the presence of God in all you do. The supernatural life happens when you let God breathe His life into yours. Jesus is the dimension to our natural, everyday life that causes us to do the supernatural things that demonstrate the glory of His presence in our lives.
...
These are examples of what I call the heaven exchange, when God literally exchanges our weaknesses for His strength, our brokenness for His wholeness. He tells us, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:9)
When you stand and choose to rejoice in the face of opposition, you are literally using the spiritual warfare weapons Paul describes in 2 Corinthians 10:4: "The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary they have divine power to demolish strongholds." Psalm 66:3 says, " So great is your power that your enemies cringe before you."
...
Dreams Versus Goals
There is a great difference between a dream and a goal. Goals are awesome. Goals are honorable; goals are godly; goals are noble. But with forward planning and discipline, goals are set to equip you to achieve them.
Let me challenge you with this thought: If you can figure out how you can do it, then it is not a dream. It's a goal. I tell you, I don't want to get to heaven and have God say, "Well done, my good and faithful planner." Just pulling off your plans is great, but I want to live in the faith realm, in the God Gap, the land of the miraculous!
...
Things You Don't Want to Know About the Dream
It is hard work. Seeing our dreams come to pass is hard work. It takes focus. There are long hours, frustration, times of testing and stretching. When we are in the God Gap, it's scary; it doesn't feel comfortable, and it's not nice. It is not supposed to be comfortable! We need to learn to keep saying, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13 NKJV).
Sometimes when we we're in our God Gap it will seem unfair. Sometimes our God Gap will seem not like a dream bur rather our own little nightmare. There are comparisons and disappointments, We might feel we have been overlooked. There might be tragedy, which did not fit in to how we thought life would unfold. At a women's conference in 2001, one of my girl friends had just lost her five-month-old baby. And she came to the conference and cried her way through it. Do you know where she was living? In her God Gap. "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen" (Hebrews 11:1 NKJV). Do you know where my friend was safest? In the God Gap. The Holy Spirit is working and moving to see her dream still realised. Her dream is not over, even though it felt like her life was over. But she had to walk through that tragedy. It will sometimes seem unfair, but God's timing is perfect. Psalm 31:14-15 says, " I will trust in you, O LORD.... My times are in your hands." It is lovely to pray all these Scriptures when our world is going great, but we need to sow them into our hearts for when our days are not going great so that we can confess them and state the Word of God over our circumstances.
Second Corinthians 1:20-22 says, "For no matter how many promises God has made, they are 'Yes' in Christ. And so through him the 'Amen' is spoken by us to the glory of God." Not in our own strength but through Him is the "Amen" spoken to the glory of God. "Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, set His seal of ownership on us, and put His Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come." And at the end of verse 24 it says, "Because it is by faith you stand firm." By faith! not always easy, but by faith.
Another thing to realise is that it's not all about you. I know, it's a shock! God wants us healed, whole, well, strong, so we can go and minister to the brokenhearted, the hurting, and the needy. Not so we can sing worship songs forever! My natural person would love to sing and worship for days, and it would really help, heal, and make me tender before the Father, but we need to know how to bring all we learn into the process of living life well! It's not all about me. We need to be consumed with the needs of others. Sometimes we can be so consumed with seeing our dreams come to pass, and we can become so focused on that, that our eyes don't even see the very thing God has put in our hand, and we miss it, we miss the whole experience of the journey -- being so consumed with the impossible, all that we don't have, that we forget that God has given us favour for each day, making the impossible possible.
One way to see your dreams come true is simply by making other people's dreams a reality. I love that. I love that in our worship and creative arts team I have been given the privilege of being able to help other people's dreams come true. It is hard work, and it comes at a cost. To get creative people; not just people, but creative people -- a different thing altogether -- working together in harmony like a well-oiled machine, under the oil of the Holy Spirit, comes at a cost. That's why heaven loves it. Unity is costly. It's all about Him, and when we understand it's all about Him and about taking others to Him, well, there's just no words to describe that sense of fulfillment.
that's a very very long extract from "The Kiss of Heaven - God's Favor to Empower Your Life Dream" by Darlene Zschech.
this is Spirit prompting... when you approach the TV area intending to channel surf cos there's nothing but the thoughts swirling around your head... and instead you pick up a book left there and start reading - and God speaks to you.
it's actually just for me to remember... when i'm off to London and the book is back home in S'pore. but if you read it... i hope you've been blessed by it =) .
Even though my parents continually spoke greatness into me and were an example of loving parents, the dream-stealer, with a glimpse into my potential, was hard at work to destroy me. I scrambled through my teenage years believing the worst about myself - believing I was fat and ugly, believing I needed to work harder to be loved more, to please, or to be accepted. I felt I was the reason for divorce in my family. It's a familiar story for too many young people.
Now I know it was the devil, the dream-stealer, who came to steal the future that God had placed in my young heart. He works especially hard on young people or on people with new dreams in their hearts so that he can dash all hope and kill a dream-seed in its tender beginnings. He took my baby before I even had a chance to fight for it. He steals-- that's his personality-- he's a thief.
God-dreams will always find opposition, even before you realise that your amazing idea may be more than a whimsical thought. How many times has a great idea come to you and then instantly you thought, Ah, wouldn't that be great, but I could never...? When you hear the words "I could never..." know the enemy is planning your defeat rather than your victory, snuffing out a dream in its infancy.
When Jesus was born, the enemy of God put the desire in Herod to search for Him and have Him killed. Before Moses was born, this same dream-stealer made Pharaoh decree that all baby boys were to be killed. The devil recognises a God-dream long before we do.
...
Let God Breathe Life Into Your Dream
You know a dream is from God when you can let go of it, but it won't let go of you. I am so thankful that God is outstandingly generous, and my dreams are fulfilled because of His grace to breathe life into the seeds of desire in my heart.
God breathed life into Adam; He breathed life into creation; and He wants to breathe life into the life that has been given to you. The life that God breathes is His supernatural presence to bring His favor and abundance into our natural life, It is the power to defeat the dream-stealer.
Jesus said that He came to bring us life, not death, and life to the full. He explained, "The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life [zoe], and that they might have it more abundantly" ( John 10:10 KJV). The word abundant is from a Greek word perissos, which means "superabundant in quantity" or "superior in quality," by implication, "excessive." In and through Christ, we have access to a life that is exceeding, abundantly above, more advantageous, very highly, beyond measure, more , superfluous, vehemently full of God's goodness. That's awesome!
You can live your whole life doing what is natural: get up in the morning, go to work, come home at the end of the day, go to sleep, and get up again the next day, only to do it all over again -- that's a natural life. But the supernatural life is being aware of the presence of God in all you do. The supernatural life happens when you let God breathe His life into yours. Jesus is the dimension to our natural, everyday life that causes us to do the supernatural things that demonstrate the glory of His presence in our lives.
...
When you know grief so overwhelming that you feel you will drown in the depths of emotion, this is when you need to choose to worship the King -- there at your lowest point. This is where the sweet presence of God will wash over you, and our Father will breathe His breath into your life, allowing you to rise again and find His grace and favour to go on.
When you feel your world is in complete darkness, choose to praise Him in the midst of it. God's glorious light will invade the situation, and the reality is that dark and light cannot coexist. An explosion of praise chases the darkness away, and again His kiss -- the reality of why we need a Savior is revealed.
These are examples of what I call the heaven exchange, when God literally exchanges our weaknesses for His strength, our brokenness for His wholeness. He tells us, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:9)
When you stand and choose to rejoice in the face of opposition, you are literally using the spiritual warfare weapons Paul describes in 2 Corinthians 10:4: "The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary they have divine power to demolish strongholds." Psalm 66:3 says, " So great is your power that your enemies cringe before you."
...
Dreams Versus Goals
There is a great difference between a dream and a goal. Goals are awesome. Goals are honorable; goals are godly; goals are noble. But with forward planning and discipline, goals are set to equip you to achieve them.
Let me challenge you with this thought: If you can figure out how you can do it, then it is not a dream. It's a goal. I tell you, I don't want to get to heaven and have God say, "Well done, my good and faithful planner." Just pulling off your plans is great, but I want to live in the faith realm, in the God Gap, the land of the miraculous!
...
Things You Don't Want to Know About the Dream
It is hard work. Seeing our dreams come to pass is hard work. It takes focus. There are long hours, frustration, times of testing and stretching. When we are in the God Gap, it's scary; it doesn't feel comfortable, and it's not nice. It is not supposed to be comfortable! We need to learn to keep saying, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13 NKJV).
Sometimes when we we're in our God Gap it will seem unfair. Sometimes our God Gap will seem not like a dream bur rather our own little nightmare. There are comparisons and disappointments, We might feel we have been overlooked. There might be tragedy, which did not fit in to how we thought life would unfold. At a women's conference in 2001, one of my girl friends had just lost her five-month-old baby. And she came to the conference and cried her way through it. Do you know where she was living? In her God Gap. "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen" (Hebrews 11:1 NKJV). Do you know where my friend was safest? In the God Gap. The Holy Spirit is working and moving to see her dream still realised. Her dream is not over, even though it felt like her life was over. But she had to walk through that tragedy. It will sometimes seem unfair, but God's timing is perfect. Psalm 31:14-15 says, " I will trust in you, O LORD.... My times are in your hands." It is lovely to pray all these Scriptures when our world is going great, but we need to sow them into our hearts for when our days are not going great so that we can confess them and state the Word of God over our circumstances.
Second Corinthians 1:20-22 says, "For no matter how many promises God has made, they are 'Yes' in Christ. And so through him the 'Amen' is spoken by us to the glory of God." Not in our own strength but through Him is the "Amen" spoken to the glory of God. "Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, set His seal of ownership on us, and put His Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come." And at the end of verse 24 it says, "Because it is by faith you stand firm." By faith! not always easy, but by faith.
Another thing to realise is that it's not all about you. I know, it's a shock! God wants us healed, whole, well, strong, so we can go and minister to the brokenhearted, the hurting, and the needy. Not so we can sing worship songs forever! My natural person would love to sing and worship for days, and it would really help, heal, and make me tender before the Father, but we need to know how to bring all we learn into the process of living life well! It's not all about me. We need to be consumed with the needs of others. Sometimes we can be so consumed with seeing our dreams come to pass, and we can become so focused on that, that our eyes don't even see the very thing God has put in our hand, and we miss it, we miss the whole experience of the journey -- being so consumed with the impossible, all that we don't have, that we forget that God has given us favour for each day, making the impossible possible.
One way to see your dreams come true is simply by making other people's dreams a reality. I love that. I love that in our worship and creative arts team I have been given the privilege of being able to help other people's dreams come true. It is hard work, and it comes at a cost. To get creative people; not just people, but creative people -- a different thing altogether -- working together in harmony like a well-oiled machine, under the oil of the Holy Spirit, comes at a cost. That's why heaven loves it. Unity is costly. It's all about Him, and when we understand it's all about Him and about taking others to Him, well, there's just no words to describe that sense of fulfillment.
that's a very very long extract from "The Kiss of Heaven - God's Favor to Empower Your Life Dream" by Darlene Zschech.
this is Spirit prompting... when you approach the TV area intending to channel surf cos there's nothing but the thoughts swirling around your head... and instead you pick up a book left there and start reading - and God speaks to you.
it's actually just for me to remember... when i'm off to London and the book is back home in S'pore. but if you read it... i hope you've been blessed by it =) .
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
pre-empted
where is my place in MOE... among all these scholars who are so driven and want to accomplish great things, when i am not?
where is my place in Arrow... now that i'm supposed to move up but cannot?
where is my place in caregroup... to appear for 3 months a year only?
where is my place in ministry... now that i'm going off to London and cannot serve in NCC?
where is my place at home... surely not still the glue that holds the parents together?
where is my place with my friends... now that we're all going different ways?
where is my place in London... i don't even have a place to stay...
Daddy God's been sayin the same thing over and over in my spirit.. just that i haven't been listening... long before i could pinpoint the questions as the source.
You belong in My arms, safe in My embrace.
I AM all that you need.
you belong here,
I love you more than you can imagine
rest my child, and let Me do the work.
my identity in Christ... my life in Your hands
true safety - true belonging
where is my place in Arrow... now that i'm supposed to move up but cannot?
where is my place in caregroup... to appear for 3 months a year only?
where is my place in ministry... now that i'm going off to London and cannot serve in NCC?
where is my place at home... surely not still the glue that holds the parents together?
where is my place with my friends... now that we're all going different ways?
where is my place in London... i don't even have a place to stay...
Daddy God's been sayin the same thing over and over in my spirit.. just that i haven't been listening... long before i could pinpoint the questions as the source.
You belong in My arms, safe in My embrace.
I AM all that you need.
you belong here,
I love you more than you can imagine
rest my child, and let Me do the work.
my identity in Christ... my life in Your hands
true safety - true belonging
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
nothing to do
i'm in the office again working. this time doing part time for the parents. and the parents have another part-timer (a fren) who has been working for them. so i have no idea whatsoever of what needs to be done. and i finished all the things that they asked me to do. hmmm.
so i was writing down my pack list (man... so many things to pack =S). i'll have to go home and do a clothes inventory, cd inventory... load all the sermons and music into my lappie. but just listed down all the things i could think of, and the things i needed to buy. heh. i'm bringing my doggie along =)
anyway. random question. does anyone feel completely out of the loop?
-everyone's off to uni, going for orientation camps... and here i am... with no uni confirmation, accomodation, visa, trying to rush out stuff for the tspc performance, unprepared, unpacked... and all i can say to my friends is - oh camp? have a good time at camp!/ how was camp? ready for uni? - and listen to their replies and not-understand cos it seems so extraordinary (it sounds alot simpler too, cos you can rush home and get stuff... and not have to wait 3 weeks for something to be shipped over)
-then there's the sending people off... people who are all ready to go and starting term late august (okay i bet they're all panicking =P)... it's like cutting someone out from your life (unintentionally of course) and never seeing them again - okay i'm just being melodramatic. but having dates booked on my calendar to send so and so, so and so etc. off.... =(
i must treasure my friends more and keep in contact.
Charity. you are NOT allowed to be a Hermit Crab and hide from people.
God give me strength.
it all boils down to Daddy God in the end. Daddy I cannot. but i know You can. and You WILL. so you put me here for a purpose - in the land of the TS(O)s, where amazingly, about half the people are Christians and passionate about You - so You give me the giftings, the strength, the courage, the excellence, perserverance, Your favour (got alot. but that's not a bloggable thing. lol), Your grace to shine for You.
and a reason to live. =)
so i was writing down my pack list (man... so many things to pack =S). i'll have to go home and do a clothes inventory, cd inventory... load all the sermons and music into my lappie. but just listed down all the things i could think of, and the things i needed to buy. heh. i'm bringing my doggie along =)
anyway. random question. does anyone feel completely out of the loop?
-everyone's off to uni, going for orientation camps... and here i am... with no uni confirmation, accomodation, visa, trying to rush out stuff for the tspc performance, unprepared, unpacked... and all i can say to my friends is - oh camp? have a good time at camp!/ how was camp? ready for uni? - and listen to their replies and not-understand cos it seems so extraordinary (it sounds alot simpler too, cos you can rush home and get stuff... and not have to wait 3 weeks for something to be shipped over)
-then there's the sending people off... people who are all ready to go and starting term late august (okay i bet they're all panicking =P)... it's like cutting someone out from your life (unintentionally of course) and never seeing them again - okay i'm just being melodramatic. but having dates booked on my calendar to send so and so, so and so etc. off.... =(
i must treasure my friends more and keep in contact.
Charity. you are NOT allowed to be a Hermit Crab and hide from people.
God give me strength.
it all boils down to Daddy God in the end. Daddy I cannot. but i know You can. and You WILL. so you put me here for a purpose - in the land of the TS(O)s, where amazingly, about half the people are Christians and passionate about You - so You give me the giftings, the strength, the courage, the excellence, perserverance, Your favour (got alot. but that's not a bloggable thing. lol), Your grace to shine for You.
and a reason to live. =)
i'm tired
with a capital T.
and i cannot sleep. grrr. insomnia. what's the world coming to?
lol. such an uninspiring post.
i just want time time time alone to spend with Daddy God... and not to be pulled in various directions by various groups of people who need things from me/ want to go out with me/ or just the tons of things that have piled up that i have to do.
well... rehearsal was productive today. the classroom scene is increduously funny now LOL. and my timing for audio cues is getting better... av logistics are done... aiyoh.
*grunts*
i shall go to sleep. (or at least try.)
and i cannot sleep. grrr. insomnia. what's the world coming to?
lol. such an uninspiring post.
i just want time time time alone to spend with Daddy God... and not to be pulled in various directions by various groups of people who need things from me/ want to go out with me/ or just the tons of things that have piled up that i have to do.
well... rehearsal was productive today. the classroom scene is increduously funny now LOL. and my timing for audio cues is getting better... av logistics are done... aiyoh.
*grunts*
i shall go to sleep. (or at least try.)
Thursday, July 19, 2007
i thought this only happened in movies
lol. MOE thing today... in formal attire...
you know in those shows... the muscle men flex... then their shirts burst?
yah. i didn't flex... but RIIIIPP...
thank God i was in the toilet at that time... pfft. trying to tape together a small tear in the shirt
stupid malaysian shirt =(
you know in those shows... the muscle men flex... then their shirts burst?
yah. i didn't flex... but RIIIIPP...
thank God i was in the toilet at that time... pfft. trying to tape together a small tear in the shirt
stupid malaysian shirt =(
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
delayed reactions...
God gave me what i wanted!
Dear KAM MEI EN CHARITY THEODORA,
Application to NUS University Scholars Programme
Congratulations! I am very happy to let you know that your application to join University Scholars Programme is successful.
Our office is currently processing your letter of offer, and you can expect to receive it by Wednesday, July 18, 2007. Please do submit the acceptance form to our office by July 23, 2007.
We welcome you to our learning community at the Scholars Programme!
Yours sincerely
Associate Professor Peter Pang
Director
NUS University Scholars Programme
hmmm.... but i rejected my place at NUS! (haha... looks like the admin in S'pore isn't that fast after all)
Dear KAM MEI EN CHARITY THEODORA,
Application to NUS University Scholars Programme
Congratulations! I am very happy to let you know that your application to join University Scholars Programme is successful.
Our office is currently processing your letter of offer, and you can expect to receive it by Wednesday, July 18, 2007. Please do submit the acceptance form to our office by July 23, 2007.
We welcome you to our learning community at the Scholars Programme!
Yours sincerely
Associate Professor Peter Pang
Director
NUS University Scholars Programme
hmmm.... but i rejected my place at NUS! (haha... looks like the admin in S'pore isn't that fast after all)
Sunday, July 15, 2007
celebration!
celebrate wat?!?! (lol. so singaporean!)
celebrate.... lots of things actually.
celebrate the OBS experience.
i'm really tempted to type in all the OBS stuff after reading heiman's blog... lol. since i haven't gotten down to writing it out properly. but no. i shall resist!!
celebrate all the 'bad' things that happened... lots of rain/ sun at awkward times... waiting out the storm, tent pole cords breaking, tents flooding, catapult not catapulting *hehe*... His favour and grace was just so abundant, and so obvious then. we reached camp not far from the estimated time.. no one got super depressed/ mad with anyone.
celebrate Barker watch.
*for you people i'm writing thank-you-notes to - that these notes aren't just a formality (it's been a long time since people have impacted me in that particular way).
*for everyone's openness in sharing, for keeping the circle a safe place - i really learnt a lot from you guys.
*for being a happy bunch of peeps =). laughter is a blessing. really.
*for being nice and concerned when i was stinky, un-bathed, whiny and basically walking around like a zombie. (kudos to jonathan who kept going 'no, no, you must build catapult okay?' like i was 6 or something. me laughing at what he said kept me going. lol.)
*most of all for being a catalyst and helping me find myself (i lost track of where i was going sometime ago. it really helped to get out and change mindset for a while)
celebrate quick quotes from Daddy God.
1. by ps gabriel with the song 'turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face.."
you must look FULL in His face. if you look halfway, there must be something wrong with your eyes! [imagine the reverse of being cross-eyed.... one eye on the cross, and the other on your problems. not a very comfortable state to be in >.<]
2. by ps prince (i'm not sure whether it's his... or koped from somewhere) when you have a habit
you get rid of the h, you still have a bit
you get rid of the a, you still have the bit
you get rid of the b, you still have it
it takes the t (cross) to get rid of the i (self-consciousness) in it
celebrate the knowing of His continual presence.
i caught a whiff of this during worship. "to You i belong, by Your grace You have called me Your own"
=in Him, we have a place of belonging
and in that we have a reason for living=
celebrate stepping out.
into the unknown. into uni. into the great things i know God has in store for me. even though i'm super freaked out and it's like a huge questionmark made of an amalgamation of questionmarks.
--
I see an open heaven
I see blessings fall like rain
I see glory beyond understanding fill this place
--
(zomg.. my dad was surfing for hymn mp3s and happened upon a sermon... and it's an indian sounding pastor! XD *amused* hahah... it's like pastor prince when he does his accent)
celebrate.... lots of things actually.
celebrate the OBS experience.
i'm really tempted to type in all the OBS stuff after reading heiman's blog... lol. since i haven't gotten down to writing it out properly. but no. i shall resist!!
celebrate all the 'bad' things that happened... lots of rain/ sun at awkward times... waiting out the storm, tent pole cords breaking, tents flooding, catapult not catapulting *hehe*... His favour and grace was just so abundant, and so obvious then. we reached camp not far from the estimated time.. no one got super depressed/ mad with anyone.
celebrate Barker watch.
*for you people i'm writing thank-you-notes to - that these notes aren't just a formality (it's been a long time since people have impacted me in that particular way).
*for everyone's openness in sharing, for keeping the circle a safe place - i really learnt a lot from you guys.
*for being a happy bunch of peeps =). laughter is a blessing. really.
*for being nice and concerned when i was stinky, un-bathed, whiny and basically walking around like a zombie. (kudos to jonathan who kept going 'no, no, you must build catapult okay?' like i was 6 or something. me laughing at what he said kept me going. lol.)
*most of all for being a catalyst and helping me find myself (i lost track of where i was going sometime ago. it really helped to get out and change mindset for a while)
celebrate quick quotes from Daddy God.
1. by ps gabriel with the song 'turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face.."
you must look FULL in His face. if you look halfway, there must be something wrong with your eyes! [imagine the reverse of being cross-eyed.... one eye on the cross, and the other on your problems. not a very comfortable state to be in >.<]
2. by ps prince (i'm not sure whether it's his... or koped from somewhere) when you have a habit
you get rid of the h, you still have a bit
you get rid of the a, you still have the bit
you get rid of the b, you still have it
it takes the t (cross) to get rid of the i (self-consciousness) in it
celebrate the knowing of His continual presence.
i caught a whiff of this during worship. "to You i belong, by Your grace You have called me Your own"
=in Him, we have a place of belonging
and in that we have a reason for living=
celebrate stepping out.
into the unknown. into uni. into the great things i know God has in store for me. even though i'm super freaked out and it's like a huge questionmark made of an amalgamation of questionmarks.
--
I see an open heaven
I see blessings fall like rain
I see glory beyond understanding fill this place
--
(zomg.. my dad was surfing for hymn mp3s and happened upon a sermon... and it's an indian sounding pastor! XD *amused* hahah... it's like pastor prince when he does his accent)
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
feeling lost
i was surfing various leaders' blogs and found this on gilbert's:
a prayer during ministering time at the end of one campus ministry...
"I want you to just close your eyes, and let the anointing fill this place, and let the Father love you, telling you that you are special, let Him take away every sense of unworthiness within you, take away those unworthy thoughts...
You are unique, you are loved...
just feel the anointing here, the Father wanting to love His people, the Father wanting to love His children, maybe your parents tell you, or have told you that you're unworthy, the Father in heaven runs to embrace you... in your weakness, in your stench, in your sin...
He will never reject you. The world can reject you, your family can reject you, your friends may despise you, but the Father will never despise of reject you.
Just let the love of God just flow...if you want to let those tears flow just let them flow is doesn't matter, just let it flow, the feeling of God is here in this place, He's restoring esteem, restoring wholeness, thank you Jesus...
Thank you Father how you love them, how you love us Lord...
If someone has told you before that you're good for nothing, that is a lie, you're not a good for nothing...God gave everything He has for you, you are His everything, you are the Father's everything...you are the Father's everything...thank you Lord...let Your love flow and embrace everyone...
just open your heart and let the love of God flow into your life and , go beyond your mind, and get into your spirit...
He loves you, He looks beyond your weakness into your every need, the bible says a broken spirit He will not despise, maybe you say 'God I have nothing to offer you but brokenness', God says He will not despise, maybe you say 'I have been bruised in my life, I'm like a bruised reed, God will not break that bruised reed. Maybe you say, 'I'm like the fire that's going out, the smothering wick, like the fire that's going out.' God will not blow you out, He will light that fire in your life all over again. Thank you Jesus..
I want you to just stand there, and receive the love of God today, receive His goodness in your life, by letting His spirit overwhelm you, let the anointing overwhelm you, if you feel like crying just let those tears flow, don't worry, because He is your refuge, He's your hiding place..."
i was just overwhelmed then... cos His presence just came *wham* a rush of love and reassurance. and the tears just started to fall.
been feeling lost the whole day... after the supercharged high of OBS, not needing to think about where i'm going, what i'm doing next, the long long long list of things i haven't done, whether i chose the right path... thinking about the people that i care for (look i'm worrying! even though i know that all things work for good. it's hard to trust. yes... hard to trust God)... then bam it hits. and i just don't want to face the world. so i did nothing the whole day... lol. woke up super late, then added all my watch people to msn, then went for a super long walk. escapism.
which is why this was so precious (that i'm actually blogging about it). such refreshing.
through the tears i suddenly thought about the last sharing circle my watch had... where we digressed into talking about crying and being emotional. the thing is. i don't cry... most of the time i can't let myself do it. only in His presence do i feel safe enough to let go. OBS was so precious because everyone was so open, things within the circle were safe. okay i'm digressing too. nvm
a prayer during ministering time at the end of one campus ministry...
"I want you to just close your eyes, and let the anointing fill this place, and let the Father love you, telling you that you are special, let Him take away every sense of unworthiness within you, take away those unworthy thoughts...
You are unique, you are loved...
just feel the anointing here, the Father wanting to love His people, the Father wanting to love His children, maybe your parents tell you, or have told you that you're unworthy, the Father in heaven runs to embrace you... in your weakness, in your stench, in your sin...
He will never reject you. The world can reject you, your family can reject you, your friends may despise you, but the Father will never despise of reject you.
Just let the love of God just flow...if you want to let those tears flow just let them flow is doesn't matter, just let it flow, the feeling of God is here in this place, He's restoring esteem, restoring wholeness, thank you Jesus...
Thank you Father how you love them, how you love us Lord...
If someone has told you before that you're good for nothing, that is a lie, you're not a good for nothing...God gave everything He has for you, you are His everything, you are the Father's everything...you are the Father's everything...thank you Lord...let Your love flow and embrace everyone...
just open your heart and let the love of God flow into your life and , go beyond your mind, and get into your spirit...
He loves you, He looks beyond your weakness into your every need, the bible says a broken spirit He will not despise, maybe you say 'God I have nothing to offer you but brokenness', God says He will not despise, maybe you say 'I have been bruised in my life, I'm like a bruised reed, God will not break that bruised reed. Maybe you say, 'I'm like the fire that's going out, the smothering wick, like the fire that's going out.' God will not blow you out, He will light that fire in your life all over again. Thank you Jesus..
I want you to just stand there, and receive the love of God today, receive His goodness in your life, by letting His spirit overwhelm you, let the anointing overwhelm you, if you feel like crying just let those tears flow, don't worry, because He is your refuge, He's your hiding place..."
i was just overwhelmed then... cos His presence just came *wham* a rush of love and reassurance. and the tears just started to fall.
been feeling lost the whole day... after the supercharged high of OBS, not needing to think about where i'm going, what i'm doing next, the long long long list of things i haven't done, whether i chose the right path... thinking about the people that i care for (look i'm worrying! even though i know that all things work for good. it's hard to trust. yes... hard to trust God)... then bam it hits. and i just don't want to face the world. so i did nothing the whole day... lol. woke up super late, then added all my watch people to msn, then went for a super long walk. escapism.
which is why this was so precious (that i'm actually blogging about it). such refreshing.
through the tears i suddenly thought about the last sharing circle my watch had... where we digressed into talking about crying and being emotional. the thing is. i don't cry... most of the time i can't let myself do it. only in His presence do i feel safe enough to let go. OBS was so precious because everyone was so open, things within the circle were safe. okay i'm digressing too. nvm
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
leave of absence
i have been MIA... but i'm back from OBS! and i brought back souvenirs...
2 polo tees (i have enough t-shirts... but they were comfy... and i need more decent stuff)
lots and lots of reflections...
a nice photo of my watch
a certificate from OBS
sand fly bites (in super weird places!! just at my butt, on my hips, armpit =X)
mozzy bites (lots and lots with one weird one in particular... on my stomach. mozzy probably bit through a hole in the dry-fit shirt grrr)
a rash... at the skin fold places
a sunburn (somehow managed to not-burn while kayaking, but got burnt in the last 2 hours there while belaying people on the tripod. hmmmm.)
some OBS water... probably some sea water too
a portion of pulau ubin (sand... sand... and more sand)
it was. fulfilling. i won't go into detail... that's in the journal they gave... learnt a lot of stuff unconsciously from other people/ sharing sessions. i think the people in Barker (the watch) were just fantastic... people with a great sense of humour, enthusiastic, caring, understanding. the list goes on. i really thank God for them (they'll make fabulous teachers. heh) and i think some kingdom friendships were made. amazing that denise, heidi, angel were all in the watch... and daniel's (Arrow Vid) girlfriend hei man *wow divine coincidence* and our crazy instructor (very cool guy!) cunning Connel *grin*
major event 1:
waking up early at 5 am on sunday with denise, heidi, hei man, ian, you sheng to have 'morning service' and pray over the expedition later... it was... well... Daddy God was there all the way =)
major event 2:
joining forces in kayaks hei man and i, heidi and jonathan to tow you sheng and angel cos you sheng was a bit seasick... jonathan = clown hehe. it was so so cool. my left side died completely after that (negotiating the river was cool too! and the next day trecking we saw where we went during low tide... and there was nothing but mud)
major event 3:
doing guard duty at camp... and then not wanting to go back in the tent cos there wasn't enough space and it smelled like socks... so. we hung around outside until the next next next shift people (another watch) came, then someone had the idea of putting a poncho on the ground and we all slept outside (people with flooded tents etc.)
major event 4:
getting somewhat lost, then taking over the navigation for a while... I LEARNT HOW TO READ A TERRAIN MAP =)
major event 5:
building a catapult while half asleep with the rest of the watch (we were so tired we all got super high... and started bargaining with instructors =S) yah. and the catapult catapulted a negative distance XD... but we all just laughed it off - our cheer? BARKER relak.... that's as crazy a group as you can get i think. =D [well. we're teachers, not engineers. lol]
i say. kayaking in the open sea/ negotiating a river/ trecking in ubin with God... is really incomparable.. it's amazing to do with Daddy holding your hand... also, we got the full works of an outdoor trip - not often you get super hot sun, then rain while kayaking, lots of mud when crossing a land mass carrying kayaks, raining at camp with flooding tents - can't really get more experience than that in singapore. and what was really fantastic was that so many of my watch were Christians... there was such camaraderie and love from each person, even through all the rain and darkness and low points (like me being unable to bathe for 2 days and completely dead on my feet at the end.. not to mention cramps).
memorable? definately.
2 polo tees (i have enough t-shirts... but they were comfy... and i need more decent stuff)
lots and lots of reflections...
a nice photo of my watch
a certificate from OBS
sand fly bites (in super weird places!! just at my butt, on my hips, armpit =X)
mozzy bites (lots and lots with one weird one in particular... on my stomach. mozzy probably bit through a hole in the dry-fit shirt grrr)
a rash... at the skin fold places
a sunburn (somehow managed to not-burn while kayaking, but got burnt in the last 2 hours there while belaying people on the tripod. hmmmm.)
some OBS water... probably some sea water too
a portion of pulau ubin (sand... sand... and more sand)
it was. fulfilling. i won't go into detail... that's in the journal they gave... learnt a lot of stuff unconsciously from other people/ sharing sessions. i think the people in Barker (the watch) were just fantastic... people with a great sense of humour, enthusiastic, caring, understanding. the list goes on. i really thank God for them (they'll make fabulous teachers. heh) and i think some kingdom friendships were made. amazing that denise, heidi, angel were all in the watch... and daniel's (Arrow Vid) girlfriend hei man *wow divine coincidence* and our crazy instructor (very cool guy!) cunning Connel *grin*
major event 1:
waking up early at 5 am on sunday with denise, heidi, hei man, ian, you sheng to have 'morning service' and pray over the expedition later... it was... well... Daddy God was there all the way =)
major event 2:
joining forces in kayaks hei man and i, heidi and jonathan to tow you sheng and angel cos you sheng was a bit seasick... jonathan = clown hehe. it was so so cool. my left side died completely after that (negotiating the river was cool too! and the next day trecking we saw where we went during low tide... and there was nothing but mud)
major event 3:
doing guard duty at camp... and then not wanting to go back in the tent cos there wasn't enough space and it smelled like socks... so. we hung around outside until the next next next shift people (another watch) came, then someone had the idea of putting a poncho on the ground and we all slept outside (people with flooded tents etc.)
major event 4:
getting somewhat lost, then taking over the navigation for a while... I LEARNT HOW TO READ A TERRAIN MAP =)
major event 5:
building a catapult while half asleep with the rest of the watch (we were so tired we all got super high... and started bargaining with instructors =S) yah. and the catapult catapulted a negative distance XD... but we all just laughed it off - our cheer? BARKER relak.... that's as crazy a group as you can get i think. =D [well. we're teachers, not engineers. lol]
i say. kayaking in the open sea/ negotiating a river/ trecking in ubin with God... is really incomparable.. it's amazing to do with Daddy holding your hand... also, we got the full works of an outdoor trip - not often you get super hot sun, then rain while kayaking, lots of mud when crossing a land mass carrying kayaks, raining at camp with flooding tents - can't really get more experience than that in singapore. and what was really fantastic was that so many of my watch were Christians... there was such camaraderie and love from each person, even through all the rain and darkness and low points (like me being unable to bathe for 2 days and completely dead on my feet at the end.. not to mention cramps).
memorable? definately.
Sunday, July 01, 2007
Clement... is the King...
LOL.
highlight of today's sermon from ps prince
Romans 6:14
For sin (this state of falling short of God's standard) shall not have dominion over you, for you are not under law (the state of your being judged by God) but under grace (the state of Jesus' being given to you)
so 'all the derivatives of sin don't apply to you anymore!'
[i was blessed by that =)]
so... cos i was doing derivatives (differentiation) before service i thought of this:
d/d sin (sin) = ??
and Clement gave this answer
d/d sin (sin) = laws of COS
go Clement!
highlight of today's sermon from ps prince
Romans 6:14
For sin (this state of falling short of God's standard) shall not have dominion over you, for you are not under law (the state of your being judged by God) but under grace (the state of Jesus' being given to you)
so 'all the derivatives of sin don't apply to you anymore!'
[i was blessed by that =)]
so... cos i was doing derivatives (differentiation) before service i thought of this:
d/d sin (sin) = ??
and Clement gave this answer
d/d sin (sin) = laws of COS
go Clement!
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