i've been thinking about roots... and how i simply don't have them anymore - especially when i'm in sg
what i have are memories of two years past - or at best perhaps the half-grown ones of london. being 'home' is a frightening thing. especially when i realise that my old inner circle has stopped being just that.. and that everyone is kind of on the periphery.
the 3 months spent at 'home' are strange. time is mostly spent building relationships... the old as well as the new, sometimes as if the old ones never existed (only that i'm haunted by what was.) and yet, simply because it's only 3 months, it's so difficult to invest anything more than the occasional meeting.
perhaps it's just me being afraid to get attached to anything/ anyone... and then have to up and leave almost immediately. it's somewhat the same in london - knowing that at the end of the 3 years the relationships would very likely degenerate into short meaningless conversations over msn at odd hours of the day. i'm supposedly coming home (??) but treating it as home gets more and more difficult as time passes. it's simply 'another country' to get used to... cos home as i remember it, is long gone.
sometimes i don't wanna say anymore 'hello's...
just so i won't have to say so many 'goodbye's
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