good tidings we bring...

i'm just back from egypt!

well actually one day ago... but hit oxford street immediately to check out boxing day sales XD
back with 12gb of photos... 1200 pounds less in my pocket... and unforgettable experiences

i've one week till i'm off to budapest - really gotta get some studying done... then school reopens and thesis writing begins... hurrah =S. this feels quite surreal... like december has disappeared without christmas coming.

anyway i promise to put up some photos before i'm off to budapest again =)

Isaiah 51:1-13

¹ “Listen to Me, you who follow after righteousness,
You who seek the LORD:
Look to the rock from which you were hewn,
And to the hole of the pit from which you were dug.
^.
.
.
6 Lift up your eyes to the heavens,
And look on the earth beneath.
For the heavens will vanish away like smoke,
The earth will grow old like a garment,
And those who dwell in it will die in like manner;
But My salvation will be forever,
And My righteousness will not be abolished.
⁷ “ Listen to Me, you who know righteousness,
You people in whose heart is My law:
Do not fear the reproach of men,
Nor be afraid of their insults.
⁸ For the moth will eat them up like a garment,
And the worm will eat them like wool;
But My righteousness will be forever,
And My salvation from generation to generation.”
.
.
.
¹² “ I, even I, am He who comforts you.
Who are you that you should be afraid
Of a man who will die,
And of the son of a man who will be made like grass?
¹³ And you forget the LORD your Maker,
Who stretched out the heavens
And laid the foundations of the earth;

raw emotion

the singing teacher pulled something out of me yesterday - amid the nerves ( cos i was singing to her for the first time)...

singing as an expression of the soul. i've always known that... but it never really sank in - or translated to the singing itself cos i'm just so afraid of sounding bad (which then causes me to sound bad cos i tense up and can't sing when i'm scared). i sounded so so so bad yesterday that i went home and cried... cos it was such a waste - and i absolutely hated myself at that moment for not producing what i knew i could... for not sounding as i should

and then it really hit me - that it isn't about me... that it's not about whether people will criticise me afterward (which definitely happens in singing class) but about having expression flow through me - and in context... having God express His love/ our wonder/ adoration through me

fear stops the talents that God has given us huh. i don't have a right to say 'i can't sing' cos God's given me a voice and pitching... and now the ability to harmonise

but this fear of man/ of making mistakes... God really has to remove it... cos He has given me so much - and not just the singing - that i can do with my life... that i can use for His glory that i don't dare to show cos i don't dare to be me/ tend to screw up under pressure. and therein lies the problem - cos it's not me who has to scrounge up the courage and do well under those circumstances but God has to be the one to do the work through me

end-of-term-syndrome

i didn't do any work today...

but i'm about 40 quid poorer
and 2 dresses and a shirt richer


yes. i actually own dresses now. (and one of them cost 5 pounds haha)

house-wife-y day

0930: wake up.. snooze...
1000: wake up proper, wash up, spend time with Daddy God
1045-1145: grab a bite for breakfast and clean kitchen
1145: run to chinatown in an attempt to get claypot rice paste... couldn't find it but got sushi-making-stuff instead =) and some nasi goreng paste haha
1230: run to sainsbury to get groceries & stuff for baking
1320: rush back to meet rachel to give lemon meringue pie tutorial (haha!)
no pic unfortunately... wasn't pretty cos the pie base was too small to hold everything and the meringue was spilling out oops. but it was quite yummy =D...
1500: short break while waiting for liz to come... watch the plumber do his thing (our toilet's leaking)
1520: liz appears... time to do red velvet cupcakes!
1600: oops... got distracted while mixing stuff. mixed butter and cake flour instead of butter and sugar -.-"
me - shall we throw it away?
liz - no! cannot waste food... do something with it!

therefore... i went searching for cinnamon roll recipes and we made bread haha.
"turd"! haha couldn't be bothered to make the end bit of the roll look nice =P
well... eventually got round to doing what we meant to do in the first place =P
1800: sometime in the middle multi-tasked and made dinner -> fake claypot rice
and ended the day off with dessert
2100: chillin & eating... and now down to work (which i haven't done all day oops.)

all in a days work. i should be a housewife. sigh.

hurhur

waking up 10 min before the start of lecture... running for lecture and being 10 min late... coming back after lecture after wondering if there's seminar and loitering outside the seminar room... buying & eating lunch... then k.o.-ing for the next 3 hours all make for an interesting day.

that said.
it's end of term! yay!
but therefore also a lot of work! boo!
so today i really really didn't wanna get out of bed...

awesome goodness

wow.
today i was so truly humbled by the goodness and greatness of God.

the story goes something like this -
one christian fellowship christmas outreach, very last minute planning, me doing sound (grabbed alvin to do projection). found out at the last minute that there were very many requirements for each item... that there wasn't a planned pre-event rehearsal, that no one had seen the place before, that the church venue we were using has a digital mixer that i'm not familiar with... and that somehow i was to be able to make them sound good and make things flow on the av side.

me = 0_0 and ='( with lack of preparation and help from people who also know sound and stuff

but at the end of the day, it worked... somehow... and during the altar call 3 people gave their lives to Jesus (from what i could see at least - not sure about feedback from the evangelism team)

and i felt just then that... wow... our abilities are that small... the event that disorganised and still God used us... blessed the event... and i really felt that the Holy Spirit was working in people's lives just then.

Daddy took care of all of it.
wow.

...

And once again I look upon the cross where You died
I'm humbled by Your mercy and I'm broken inside
Once again I thank You
Once again I pour out my life

regression

in stats... it's finding the best-fit line among a bunch of scatterpoints such that the sum of squares (from the line to each point) is minimised. and there are a bunch of ways to do it - but let's not go there.

in my life.. i suspect it's the act of going back to singapore.

which is a bit strange... cos singapore is home right? but i seem to shrink down into i-am-small-worthless-cannot-do-anything-for-myself mode and stop doing things... challenging myself etc etc. if that's not regression what is? haha.

well that's what's been happening in the two summers past. in all the going home and finding that i don't really fit into 'home' or the idea of it -- and trying to squeeze back into the box that makes all of us singaporean. hum. london lets the 'me' in me out... which makes me wonder whether i'll be able to keep that me even after going back to singapore for good. (graduation-blues... haha oops)

Lord... can you make me not-regress...? to not be bound by all the 'i cannot' and 'circumstances cannot' but to live only bound by You...