less than 10 pages into this book i find...

"As a result, I grew up with serious feelings of rejection, fear, depression, anxiety, hopelessness, painful loneliness, and a sadness that planted a perpetual lump in my throat. It was the kind of lump you get when you have a constant ache in your heart and you must continually choke back a lifetime of uncried tears. you have kept them back for so long that you know they have become a torrential flood building up behind a dam. you learn to keep that dam from breaking at all costs because, if it ever did, it might destroy everything in its path. The kind of tears i'm talking about can only be released in the presence of unconditional love and acceptance. And where on earth can you go to find that?"


wow. so perfectly eloquent and real - and that depth of emotion that i cannot don't know how to release, except in the presence of God (which incidentally is the answer to that last question)

a few pages later there's this bit which describes the dryness i've been facing this last month or so (well not all of it, so i'm taking out snippets)


" On the outside it looked as if I had nothing to be concerned about. But on the inside I felt paralyzed to the point of not being able to do much of anything. And I had so much I needed to be doing. Good things. Things i have always wanted to do. yet i couldn't bring myself to do any of them. I had not been like this since i became a believer.

I had lost my vision for the future and couldn't seem to regain it no matter how I tried. I felt useless, aimless, and alone. Even despairing at times. I couldn't see beyond the day, and the day was a struggle to get through... It seemed as though I were being squeezed in a vise and then wrung out like a rag to dry in the heat of the day. I felt trapped by my own blessings - by the answers to my own prayers. i wanted to be anywhere but where i was, if that meant I could escape the misery. And this was a hard place to be because I had so many responsibilities and deadlines that going anyplace except to my laptop would have been criminal."

the answer to that she found to that predicament... and that i've been discovering this week...
the Lord said 'Simply worship Me'




kudos to the author being used by God...
and kudos to sam who forced me to talk, caused me to cry, reminded me that i'm loved till i had the emotional capacity to say 'i love you' again... it's such a blessing to call you my friend =)


excerpts by Stormie Omartian
The prayer that changes everything - The hidden power of praising God