Berets and Baguettes: day1&2

Day 1
took a hike from the train station in search of the hostel and found it about 20 min later (sleep deprived and all)... checked in, dumped bags and went off to our first touristy spot of the day - the Eiffel tower

super teenage ninja turtle u-glen

my first impression of Paris -- crap it's as gloomy as london... and so i asked Daddy God for some blue sky... just for a while to take photos with.. guess what happened =)
we went up the tower (climbed... and earned our lunch), came down and spotted this cute kid! btw i think the previous photo looks kinda obscene for some reason -.- maybe cos it's the 'iron lady'

ray of hope

and then came my blue sky! which lasted for about 5 min while we took the photos =D

went on to see Invalids, then walked to (and through) Champs-Élysées... found the famous macaroons from Laduree (yum. and really ex! 1.30 a piece!) and ended the day at Arc de Triomphe where we happened upon some commemorative ceremony... right place at the right time man... though glen probably disagrees cos we couldn't take nice photos - the place was just barricaded and the nice angles taken by camera crew =.=

Day 2
started off bright and early (with not enough sleep on my part) and headed down to Notre Dame de Paris. honestly. it looked like just another church on the inside (perhaps i've seen too many 'empty' buildings) but the gargoyles on the outside were amazingly lifelike. and the stairs to get to them were amazing too... painfully so.
next up was Musée d'Orsay with some funky (and kinky - but i didn't take photos) exhibits... and then a hike to The Panthéon where we didn't go in cos it was late, entrance fees disgusting and we were falling asleep on our feet. headed back to the hostel after that with much anticipation for dinner =)

hellooooooo anybody homeeee?oh i would so love to have this in my living room
tri-colour galore
tired travellers

we ended up nua-ing in the hotel instead of leaving to take a peek at the Basilica of the Sacré Cœur on Montmarte (where we were staying)... which resulted in an interestingly stressful experience for me navigating down the hill to the dinner restaurant in as short a time as possible and finding that about 50% of the roads that were on the hill weren't marked on the tourist map. fun.

view from the hill

Dinner was an atas 3 course 31 euro affair at Bistrot des Vignes... well worth the money...

kir and wine
through a looking wine glass
1st course: Rabbit pate with prune and porto jelly
2nd course: Duck fillet in calvados sauce and mashed potatoes
3rd course: Homemade baba with St James rum
and dessert coffee =)

On the walk back to the hostel to work off the calories, we walked through the montmarte district proper. Paris wins the London red-light-district hands down... sex shops on a main road? no problem... gosh. and so we ended the touristy part of the day with glen using rach's head as a tripod - awesome innit?

coffee cupcake overload =)

i'm supposed to blog about Paris... which was really amazing - but i just baked... and these are so yummy i just have to post photos =P

partner in crime!first batch done
and the final product *tadah*

last singing lesson with paul

the best part of the creative arts is that you can be crazy and get away with it...
that and the fact that i don't have to be me... all sensible and responsible and a good student etc etc. haven't been secure enough to do so since i turned 13 - time to let loose again eh.

i've thoroughly enjoyed these 5 lessons being 'screamed' at by my singing teacher, making nice sounds... making some really terrible sounds... haha. there are gonna be more lessons but he won't be the one taking us. (aww.) so kudos to him for being able to draw out the crazy side of me with a bunch of strangers.

paul & I
bunch of strangers-turned-friends =)

why use bodyshop when you can bake?

i just baked the second batch of cookies from the batter i froze yday - didn't have time to put them in the oven and still make it for hebrew class. it's incredible... why use body butter to moisturise when molding cookies give the exact same effect?

this time i remembered to take a photo.
i should just quit school and make food for people to eat...

count your blessings

i've never realised just how blessed i am

yeah i'm in london, the government pays for my education, i have enough $$ to go travelling round europe, i have a secure job when i graduate, there are friends here i can trust, there are friends and family waiting for me back home etc etc.

but what of this... i never realised :

• how much of a blessing heating was until i had to take a cold shower
• never really counted living at home a blessing until friends spent more than a month looking for a place to stay in
• never really counted having internet and being contactable until hearing stories about how people waited for 2 months for internet to be set up
• how much of a blessing health was until everyone (or sounded like it at one point) fell sick with seasonal flu
• never appreciated the sun until i came here and found that it sets at around 4pm
• the blessing of blue sky until i came here and experienced 3 months of grey
• having hair was a blessing until i met people of my age who have thinning hair
• that clouds are a blessing until i went to greece with zero cloud cover and burnt to a crisp
  

that's all i can think of off the top of my head. but wow. we take for granted so many things... and forget that Daddy has blessed us with each of these.

i'm truly blessed. regardless.

the shower was so cold my hair turned blue

pictures are more interesting i think...

this is my partner in crimeah lian hair...
"i look like i murdered a blueberry" ~faith
(these are my hands... hers looked much worse)
i think i look like i got painted blue...
and sadly... the outcome was so dark that it looked black =(
well 3 days later it now looks a little blue-r

on hindsight... i should have done my whole head since it's so dark anyway. maybe i'll buy the dye back to sg and do it before NIE starts - when my hair has grown out/ regained some life

and i needn't have bleached (this really pisses me off)... and i could have bought the purple that's much lighter instead... but ohwell at least it didn't become green...

Lord let the dye wash out quick quick so it gets lighter... =P

quotable quotes

i have amusing friends...

"if anyone insists I sit and type data in, I will be thoroughly tempted to trip them up and force them to photocopy their bottom"
~christie


"boys can be so dim sometimes...
that's why God made eve... cos He knew that if left alone they would f*** things up"
~soph

...

update on the gas saga:
the engineers were trumping through our flats today... and they dug up the street to get to the pipes... so hopefully we'll have gas again in the near future =D

hello how are you

i was just procrastinating my essay...
it's supposed to be timed but my brain gave way around the 50 min mark and i'm stuck at the conclusion and don't know what to write...

therefore my mind started wandering - and it stopped at the youth sermon on sunday... basically a challenge to go out and 'BE' the light of the world... to be friendly, let God's love show through you, step out/ step up... speak to people, love them - have an 'others-centered' ministry

that's difficult. cos you really need a 'Christ-centered' esteem for yourself to have the courage to do that. and making real friends isn't easy... especially if you're to be the person 'there' for them to look to and see Jesus in. in fact, being real is hard enough... cos you have to wear your heart on your sleeve in today's culture with smiling plastic faces.

wow. i simply can't. i balk at meeting new people in new settings... and it's not as if i'm a fantastic friend to even the oldest of friends

so here i lift my hands yet again and say - anoint me Lord for i cannot. i give all that i am and am not to You, all that i can and can not to You. use and change me that i may touch the lives of the people around me

daylight savings is off

so. i went around the week reminding people and being reminded that clocks go back an hour today. unfortunately daylight savings was still on in my brain when i got up this morning.

therefore. i went to church 1 hour early for the 11am service and realised it only when i was standing at the doors.

but. all things work for good... cos 1 hr early for 11am service is 1 hr late for the 9am service and i managed to catch the sermon (most of it anyway). and i'm back home early and have more time to prep for the essay due on tuesday before i have to go set-up for youth at 330pm.

cold showers

1. some gas pipe on the street burst
2. they are gonna take some time to lay pipes before we can get gas
3. it is about 10 degrees outside
4. heating requires gas

*whine*

until then... i shall miserably freeze in the shower and sulk under the duvet be joyful in my tribulation and proclaim the works of the Lord as i pray pray pray that London will become super duper productive on my street.

nice emo

yay i found this off j ieyun's blog... after watching the one hwei posted on fbook and liking it waay too much.

must watch!

Leave Me from Daros Films on Vimeo.

one heartbeat at a time

this song really spoke to me...



it's was written for moms haha... i'm ahead of my years... but:

You, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time
Making history with every touch and every smile
Oh, you, you may not see it now
But I believe that time will tell
How you, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time
~One Heartbeat At A Time, Steven Curtis Chapman

my order arrived

i am freaking out over using it... cos....
blue.
i probably need to bleach my hair though... cos the proposed output for dark hair looks black. rawr.

love is in the air

you know that school has kicked in when your calendar doesn't just say 'do readings for project/ lecture x' but begins to have an hour by hour plan for the day. or worse still... days ahead. today was probably my first day like that though lessons have been on for two weeks now.

9am -> 2 hours of lecture, 1 hour seminar with tutor, 2 hour meeting with project mentor, go home to grab books to sell to juniors/ back to school to pass books, grab lunch, be a lab rat for junior, an hour or so trying to wrap my brain around the project and what the mentor said -> 5pm hurrah. then finally a break before dinner... 7pm -> hebrew class (where i got totally pwned and felt completely stupid) -> 9pm therefore i'm blogging now cos every fibre of my being is rejecting anything that has to do vaguely with university before i sleep.

anyway.
...

i've been thinking a lot about love these two weeks... about how it's seemingly 'the season to get attached' for so many people. conversations with old friends/ people i haven't spoken to in a while inevitably have 'so, are you attached now?' or 'how is your bf/ gf?' when nothing like that would appear just a couple of years ago. haha. somehow that makes me wonder if i'll get together with anyone in the near future - preferably without any more of the emo drama that has happened in the last few years. unlikely though... since we're all human.

what g ordon said the other day was most profound:
being in love with someone and loving someone are two completely different things. being in love is easy. loving someone on the other hand...

i totally agree. i've liked (fallen for??) a couple of people over the years, but i have yet to learn to love - or perhaps i'm simply afraid to allow myself to be in the situation to do so. for that matter... sometimes i think i probably still can't love myself, much less love someone else. so... will i get attached in the near future? probably not until i learn to love (or until i meet a person i'll take the plunge for... haha shouldn't speak too soon yeah?) and yet some days i wonder if i have missed chances simply because i'm running away and whether there'll be more 'potentials' in the future.

but hey. where does God fit into the picture?
in fact... shouldn't this picture be fitting around God?

God is love. the one and only love that satisfies.
love that will cause me and whoever it is to cross paths
love that gives me favour with the person
love that will cause me to be able to love
love that will allow me to commit to love
love that provides wisdom for the decision
love that will never let me go
love that is always present
love that is there no matter what the decision
love that is.

behind closed doors

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what do you do?

oh the wonders of technology

today i got drenched in london rain while walking to and back from a friend's place with only a hoodie over a dry-fit tee at a wonderful temperature of 13 deg celsius -- which sparked off this conversation:

m@ta says:
bring umbrella
in times like this, u deserve to be smacked on the head
*smack*

cherie~ [london.] says:
so mean
i can't believe you're doing this to me one continent away lol

m@ta says:
haha
msn transcends geographical distance
allows me to cybersmack you

born to be a housewife

i can't quite relay the tremendous amount of satisfaction i get when i cook/ bake for people and they shovel the food down like it's their first meal in a few days

and there's the 'relaxation' when i'm grocery shopping... and (wow.) i actually like cleaning - as long as i'm not cleaning up after people. well. with the exception of the toilet

...

my mom wonders why i never do any of this when i'm at home... i wonder why too.

identity crisis

i'll be honest - summer brought on a slew of questions one of which was:

who am i really? if i am like 'a' when i'm at home with family... 'b' with people i work with... 'c' with friends from secondary school... 'd' with singaporeans in london... 'e' with the ncc cg.. 'f' with the friends that i don't really have to say much to... 'g' with those i don't really have much to say to... 'h' to my dear atas flatmates... you get my drift.

perhaps i'm only 'me' before God
but what eugene said yday to me in passing was a revelation - even though it's something i 'know' already - that my identity isn't and shouldn't be based on who i'm hanging out with.

it feels schizo - like i don't really have a 'me' cos it's just adapting and adapting and adapting
but maybe it's a gift... this... being able to connect with different types of people

...

and another question - am i being too open?
according to the parents i am too 'me' to people i don't know well enough. i wonder if they're right... vulnerability attracts people somehow - and in a short span of time i've found myself with much favour with the opposite sex. (haha. maybe like i told h eiman... i should try un-praying my grandma's prayer that i'll find a guy quickly in my final year and get married when i get back to singapore) unfortunately in the midst of wondering about this 'openness' business i've probably cut off some people during summer. for that i apologise... esp to those who went from 'knowing me' to 'knowing about me'

i found an answer recently... rather... a label for these thoughts - fear of the unknown.
fear of having more drama... more what-ifs... of potentially leading someone on without realising it (sorry guys... girls aren't so straightforward)... of having to say 'no'... or having my heart say yes etc.

...

and ever so slowly i'm coming to a new-found realisation of a fact that has been preached oh-so-many-times... that my identity is in Christ... that God's in control - or in some circles you'd say 'we serve a sovereign God'

which means i can be 'me'... whatever the 'me' means
that i can be real and present. to be free to make mistakes cos Jesus' sacrifice covers each and every bit of my falling short.. even if it affects other people directly - and to know that for each of those individuals that Jesus is Lord over their life as well. all things work for good. even if what i do may cause pain

no way.

someone died the first week of school...

http://live.cgcu.net/news/2019

ball. plural.

yesterday at covent garden i heard a busker say 'i have three balls hidden in my pants. don't worry parents, your children won't get that. but if they do then i wonder what you've been teaching them'


today at church at the youth meeting,
we were talking about how christian men nowadays 'do not have the balls' to ask a girl out.


oh hello london. i've missed you. lol

london

feels more like home than singapore did in the last 3 months. odd.
(and my roomie agrees with me)

at the same time i really wish i could be present to experience life with you over there.

greedy aren't i?

perfect people

i had a nice chat yesterday with a friend over supper... and we were swapping 'life-stories' about how God has worked in our lives. and this dawned on me --


we humans pursue perfection...

we admire the 'pro's in their various fields wondering why we may never be like them - and we seem to realise that we fail miserably most of the time, being simply unable to reach the 'perfection' we desire...

then there seems to be two kinds of people in the world --
a) those who act out (extroverts maybe?) and start trying everything and anything in the hope that through 'that something' they'd achieve the happiness they perceive the 'perfect people' achieve
b) those who give up (introverts?) and take it out on themselves - thinking that there's no way to get the happiness of 'perfect people'


but hey no one's perfect.
so what is this 'perfection' that we all strive for?

i think it's there simply because of God - the God that people don't seem to want to acknowledge.

we were created in His image, the very image of perfection... and covered by His perfect grace and favour. and then our dear adam ate that fruit -.-" and we obtained the concept of 'getting what you deserve'... only that it's root is probably 'being perfect gives happiness' and true perfection can only be found in Him - in Jesus' perfect finished work on the cross.


oh yeah... i left out a group of people... the 'self made' ones who haven't realised that no amount of effort to be ' almost perfect' would put them in the desired state of happiness.

seek ye first the kingdom of God huh.

annoyed

1. i got a virus in my thumb drive
2. i plugged it into lappy
3. i did stuff with files on thumb drive
4. i plugged my hard drive into lappy
5. i did stuff with hard drive and thumb drive
6. i removed both and plugged them into dad's desktop comp
7. dad's comp detects virus in all removable media
8. i google the name of the virus
9. i find out that it's a high risk trojan that records keypress
10. i realised that i did some internet banking transactions
11. i go around trying all the virus scanners & adware scanners available
12. i still can't find and get rid of the root of the virus
13. i go fishing in all my stuff for the recovery discs and drivers and end up digging up all the 'things to bring to london' and dumping them in suitcase (note: room looks like a tornado hit)
14. i run through files and back stuff up on my poor infected hard drive praying that the desktop can keep it clean later on
15. i run the recovery disc and install drivers
16. one of the drivers cannot be installed
17. i attempt to download driver and transfer with thumb drive.. it doesn't work
18. i install the virus protectors and go online to get the driver
19. i get the driver and have to re-install a list of things that can only be installed properly with that driver already present
20. i begin moving files back and installing all the programs again

it has been 10 hours and counting. ouch.
but hey. thank God i didn't lose any data, haven't encountered any bank fraud... and i'm still in sg where i can go buy new stuff =P

closet elmo

leaving for london this year is different.

it's not not that i don't want to go... heh. i love london to bits. and my calling for the season is there... so much so that for the last month i've been looking forward to life in london even while in sg. i guess it's simply the place where i'm actually 'of use' and blessing people rather than simply being present


but going means too many things this time around...

leaving people behind - it only struck me this year how fast people's lives move on... how the population has increased by 1 mil in 2 years 0_o. being gone one year was fine... but in two years you somehow get half erased from people's lives. summer was spent trying to get to know people properly again - and finally 'integrating back' it's time to go again. shucks

the end - graduate, leave london, new season.
somehow i don't wanna have so much change anymore... i've given up a piece of myself to each new person i've met in the last two years (to different degrees of closeness)... a part to each place i've visited and things i've done.

yeah sure. there are new and exciting things coming.. things that Daddy intend to bless me with - and i'll enjoy them... but bits of me have been left behind and are going to be left behind for good in the near future. honestly, that's frightening... even knowing that God's in control [lol. i'd say it's exciting on a good day... but it's not that easy to move on]



ah i found a word for it..
bittersweet.

what can i say

enter stage left:
man insecure of his existence, fear of failing

enter stage right:
woman insecure of financial provision

stage center:
prove youself. earn my trust. oh i'm working so hard



need God yo.

hrm

on hindsight... perhaps i'm just afraid to get into any situation that requires more commitment - perhaps for fear that the situation will turn out to be something like what i see everyday at home... or for fear that i'll break something in the process

one more thing for You to restore huh.. Daddy God?
it's not supposed to be about me or my fears in the first place -.- but for me to realise that You hold all things together... me included.

strange arguments

this is just so 0_o!
check it out and tell me what you think?

[note: if you're not a believer/ a new believer... it's probably best not to read it. it's just... strange]

thinking occurs in the shower

when there's just the water the soap and Jesus there's nothing much else to do but think. and the byproduct of thinking half the time is strange questions that i have no answer to.

for example, how do you raise a child to understand that love is free but doesn't come cheap. that only by giving can you receive something in return. and that money can't buy anything of real worth at all... but can be used to bless people (worth more than anything money can buy)?

......

anyway in cg today we were talking about addiction... and doing some sharing - what is your response to boredom/ loneliness.. and what do you do to fill the gap? during the whole time i just couldn't think of a thing i'm really addicted to... all the addiction seems seasonal... like anime to fill time during holidays... being 'addicted' to studying when it's exam period... addicted to meeting and talking to people cos it's summer and i haven't seen them for so long - things that basically come and go (although i must admit that they do have a hold on me... many times undesirably so)

then i just realised in the shower that yeah. there has been major addiction... a rather long time back. an addiction to pain. an addiction to the identity of being unreachable, untouchable, always in pain, emo, self-harm etc etc. interesting how i completely forgot about it... considering i was toying with the idea of blogging on that topic a couple weeks back. oh the wonders of a shower. lol

you are so sweet

what happens on a trip to KL to visit the relatives? aside from the eating and following the parents and eating and following the parents and eating and eating and eating and maybe a little shopping... and eating and eating - you get my drift -.-"

there are moments of brilliance like this:

cousin: you are so sweet

me & aunt: awwwww

cousin: i mean your blood

me & aunt: *realise that the comment refers to the conversation about mosquitoes* oh.

oh look it's september already

spent thursday in jb being brought around by wenx and er jie (heh.) but i have no pictures to show of it cos it's jb after all and my camera isn't something that could fit in my pocket.

summary:
get picked up... driven... makan... driven... buy buns... chill... driven... dessert... chill... buy kueh... chill... driven... makan... chill... go back sg

oh that's the life man =P
and i really loved the short time there with her family (and 'family') just being in the middle of something that isn't dysfunctional... to have/ see real live family conversation instead of 'talk'. thanks wenx for the awesome time =)


today was yet another day of waking up to a horrible alarm clock and going back to sleep... and waking up once it they shut up... heh then went to help do some stuff for decor for connect 09 and rehearsal for my sabo-ed role in the intro segment

then rushed over for the ocf freshers welcome thing where i was greeted with
'oi/ hey haven't seen you for the whole summer! where/ how have you been?'
which ended in supper @ chomp chomp and conversations about london churches, discipleship and the like... perhaps i'm in seasonal transition lol. these friends actually feel more 'right' to be with than many people i've gone out with in sg -which is probably a good thing cos they're the people i'll spend the rest of the year with. or maybe it's just that it's more 'comfortable' to spend time with people you're already spending time with rather than attempting to pick things up where you left off.

at any rate... the date simply reminds me that things are moving on... more change to come... more leaning on Daddy.. to appreciate what is right in front of me for it's not going to stay there for much longer.

and the time reminds me that i have to sleep (though i'm not sleepy) to make it for breakfast at 740 before connect. right. i am gone.