so i finally have some time to breathe... and blog.
gosh it's been such a whirlwind of activity i've hardly had time to think... and my blogposts have all become lists. goodness - what a far cry from what i started this blog for!
as for what i've been busy with... well here's the vid i made -blood sweat tears... and staying up till 7am in the morning the day before the event to finsh it.
and a vid of the rehearsal =) ( ... the person who videoed the actual event on my cam took it on timelapse!!!! omg.)
...
today... someone told me that their first impression of me was 'oh this girl quite strong one... can bully (meaning tease i think) her'
wow.
i tell you i see only the fluctuations... the instability.
the small in-the-corner-under-the-table moments...
the brokenness.. the insecurity...
the desperation... crying out to God from just looking at. well. life.
that must mean that what he's looking at is Jesus...
the Jesus-transformed-me...
man. what a far cry it is from who i was just 2/3 years ago...
.
.
these two weeks have been insane really... so many things on my plate... that at any point in time that i forgot that it wasn't me who was doing the work, the world would just crash down.
just take yesterday for example. lol. i took a nap... and woke up feeling condemned like nobody's business. cos i realised... that i had finished all the work for the term and there was nothing left to do.. yet at the same time i realised that i couldn't see the point of doing any of the things i had done. i've lost contact with people... been so busy in OCF that i haven't really had time to talk to people... i've 'lost' many of the things we did together last year... and a term has come and gone. (esther asked me on msn 'how's life in london? more and more blessed?' and i was just stunned... cos i realised that i haven't been really cherishing it... but just going about life.)
been so busy doing things... not spending enough time on the 'correct' things like work... not spending enough time feeding on the word - simply dry... and overwhelmed by emptiness. looking forward to being the only one at home next week... and yet dreading being alone - knowing the amount of reading i've yet to do that i want to catch up on. the amount of things i've been doing that i wish i could just drop (but yet not drop)... the amount of things i still need to do... and yet not wanting to do anything.
lol. talk about being confused.
.
.
and yet... Daddy's been so awesome...
the grades for my essays - done in half the amount of time i took to do an essay last year - were all good... surprisingly so.
i got a first for my first lab - done in quite a rush again...
my small group is holding together... somehow...
i'm heading the worship team & leading bible study on alternate weeks... somehow
i'm settling groceries and cooking and chores every week... somehow
i actually have a bunch of close ang moh friends (and we're doing a LOT of work together for labs... somehow)
how's it possible? i don't know. it's not me.
[i'm still that small girl hiding in the corner... waiting for someone to reach out a hand and save me]
...
shall endeavour to enjoy myself more... hehe ...
time to chill. spend time with my Best Friend... find my stability again.
i miss all of you guys back home... gosh. i really took for granted the encouragement, the openness... the safety. <3.
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