weird

we were having some retreat in some hotel... with a lift lobby
and i lent nat's household (who shared a room for some reason) my boardgame at gordon's request. and i left them playing it....

then i got the game back somehow - saw that they had written 'thanks it was fun' and things like that... i thought 'oh ok' and kept the game

gordon came knocking at my door saying 'did you get the game back? did you see their notes?' and *then* it occurred to me - omg what did they write?? and i went to check the game and found that they had written it in PEN and was fuming mad... who the heck writes on someone's new game??? esp after said someone had kindly lent it to them? at this point gordon goes 'to further show our appreciation nat wanted me to give you this' and fished out half a pack of chocolate digestives.. but i ignored him

(i think the scene changed haha)

then the ocfers were meeting in some room... i was walking down the corridor towards the room... alone and feeling really pissed and thinking 'omg that was a new game argh. what idiotic people' and i just about reached the room when i felt someone poke my back - i looked but there was no one there... then poke again - and i looked again... which happened about 5/6 times (now annoyed as well) until i finally caught a glimpse of who it was... kern. and then he darted into the meeting room.

suddenly a bunch of ocfers appeared and went into the room and i was about to go in when yuchian pulled me aside (i guess i had a pissed face on) and started yelling at me cos nat was unhappy that i rejected their kindness 'that is appreciation! don't you understand that?' and i just got angrier and more annoyed and felt more misunderstood as she stood there yelling at me as all the ocfers gaped as they streamed past us.

and all i could say was this strangled 'what appreciation? what idiot calls destroying someone else's property APPRECIATION?' before becoming this sobbing wreck on the floor. then yuchian disappeared into the meeting room and i found myself under the table in foetal position (dunno where the table came from...) on the carpet in the middle of some hotel corridor
.
.
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and then i woke up properly... and realised that i had actually been crying in my sleep and couldn't feel anything but anger and sadness for a breathless 10 min

gosh. what a way to remember what pain felt like -.-