realisations...

havent been posting much... heh. not sure if people read this anymore but ohwell.

today i walked into 4th service alone.... for the first time since coming back to sg. it was strange/ lost/ empty of connection. which i thought was odd, since i've been going alone to service in london practically every week for 3 years now with no problems - and that's in a foreign country no less.

then i realised just how fragile my bonds with people are... how it's so easy to neglect them and be 'busy' over here... how asian culture demands that we keep things private... and how i have closed off and vanished into the crowd.

i missed london desperately then. missed the place where i was free, open, real. and then it dawned on me... that come september, i'm not gonna leave this place and go back there... i have to stay here... and somehow remain free, open, real...

ack. why am i walking this path Lord? it's been 2 months coming home and i still cant see what my position is in this place