new beginnings

i should talk about church camp first i suppose... since i haven't written anything about it at all. but i can't really consolidate what i've received into writing so i'll leave it at that.

my expectation of God going into camp... was that my ceiling (my faith, awareness of his love etc etc.) would become my floor... and that i would begin to move in a new and greater anointing with a greater revelation of Jesus. i got what i asked for to say the least... and it's just interesting how this last week before school reopens has been so challenging in many different ways.

i started teaching on wed - 'rising' to the last minute call to teach the supplementary classes of a teacher who need to go on medical leave. i say 'rising' cos in reality i dragged my feet (on the bright side i walked into the staffroom and heard similar complaints haha.)

so work officially started... and i became officially stressed. cos... well, i'm such a newbie to the school and to teaching... don't know all the procedures... heck, for supplementary class i didn't even know what to teach cos the materials were not ready. and then i realised on friday, that i had no clue what i was going to do with the kids on monday and that i needed to submit weekly lesson plans every monday. so i brought everything home together with a pile of marking and spent the better part of the morning today trying to figure something out. without much success i might add.

throughout all of that... i had zero connection with all i had received from camp. zero dependence on God. zilch. i kind of compartmentalized Him - so my faith stayed in the 'church box' and i threw all of me into the 'work box' and tried to make things work out. but service today was really timely... and reminded me that God really loves me and is faithful... and it's ALL under Him, ALL about Him.

i guess the answer to my prayer is in operation... just thinking about it, God has put me in a position where one of my greatest challenges to my faith - my intellect - is challenged. I'm in a job that i have no expertise in... yet expected to perform in. And from past results and observations - I really cannot make it on my own... and this situation i'm stuck in is causing (or forcing) me to lean on Him. that's a lovely predicament =P God is just too cool