-to everyone who actually knows what the title is... envy me.. cos you probably won't get a chance to do it in singapore! XD-
i have just spent... the last 3 hours of my life climbing up and down ladders, bolting and chaining (impossibly grimy) lights to the rigging... =D [not quite a normal girl's idea of fun. but there you go.] oh. and the garage (mini theatre that school plays are held in) has an effects system and a pseudo DJ cd player... and i spent dinner fooling around with them!
of course... my hall mates have all disappeared off to go clubbing... whatever. i just got to rig lights! [and now try to finish my essay pfft]
i have known you for... 6 weeks now. and boy have things changed... i never would have dreamed this... and i'm scared... terrified actually... but you know that. hmmm. sit back and see what God says/ does...
Monday, October 29, 2007
Saturday, October 27, 2007
thoughts in the shower
i am amazingly tired and in the midst of writing an essay so this post probably will reflect that.
have you ever wondered what defines an adult?
did someone decide that 21 (at least in our present culture) was a nice number and people would be mature by then ... call them 'adult'... give them responsibilities?
are these people we call adults... really 'adult'?
or perhaps... they're just children like us (okay i guess i'm not quite a 'child' anymore... ) struggling... just like us to stay afloat in this scary world.
and parents...
perhaps they were once broken children... who came together and found each other... and ended up living their lives for you their child.
perhaps they still are those broken children who have never stopped feeling alone.
i wonder.
my mom's from this dysfunctional family where the dad got a mistress, mom never forgave dad raised the family by herself (damn poor)... now is suspicious and thinks all men are evil but thinks that her son is better than her daughter still... oh. and doesn't ever listen to what you say
my dad's from this dysfunctional family where the dad put so much pressure on them that his sister killed herself (i never really realised the significance of calling my aunt '2nd aunt' in cantonese)... where they grew up feeling completely worthless and inept.
and they formed our dysfunctional family...
somehow i suspect every family has a story like that... (at least where God isn't involved)
talk about falling short of God's will. too bad man is imperfect
(fairytales do NOT come true)
we need God man...
[cherie wants a hug... =( give cherie a hug! cherie will love you for it XD]
have you ever wondered what defines an adult?
did someone decide that 21 (at least in our present culture) was a nice number and people would be mature by then ... call them 'adult'... give them responsibilities?
are these people we call adults... really 'adult'?
or perhaps... they're just children like us (okay i guess i'm not quite a 'child' anymore... ) struggling... just like us to stay afloat in this scary world.
and parents...
perhaps they were once broken children... who came together and found each other... and ended up living their lives for you their child.
perhaps they still are those broken children who have never stopped feeling alone.
i wonder.
my mom's from this dysfunctional family where the dad got a mistress, mom never forgave dad raised the family by herself (damn poor)... now is suspicious and thinks all men are evil but thinks that her son is better than her daughter still... oh. and doesn't ever listen to what you say
my dad's from this dysfunctional family where the dad put so much pressure on them that his sister killed herself (i never really realised the significance of calling my aunt '2nd aunt' in cantonese)... where they grew up feeling completely worthless and inept.
and they formed our dysfunctional family...
somehow i suspect every family has a story like that... (at least where God isn't involved)
talk about falling short of God's will. too bad man is imperfect
(fairytales do NOT come true)
we need God man...
[cherie wants a hug... =( give cherie a hug! cherie will love you for it XD]
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
insanity
is sleeping at 2 on monday and waking up for lectures at 9 on tuesday
is going for a party (traffic stopping... my first time clubbing... must say i don't think much of it though there's a high and it is admittedly fun)... then supper at 1am... and getting back at 2am... watching anime to 3am... and going for 9am lectures on wednesday
is having a movie marathon on wednesday afternoon, going trampolining and coming back for another movie at 11pm with lessons on thursday that last from 10am-5pm
as you can tell i have given up on studying till friday...
is going for a party (traffic stopping... my first time clubbing... must say i don't think much of it though there's a high and it is admittedly fun)... then supper at 1am... and getting back at 2am... watching anime to 3am... and going for 9am lectures on wednesday
is having a movie marathon on wednesday afternoon, going trampolining and coming back for another movie at 11pm with lessons on thursday that last from 10am-5pm
as you can tell i have given up on studying till friday...
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
home
is where the heart is...
and my heart is back with all the people in singapore.
miss you guys.
for that matter...
miss being able to be irresponsible
miss just randomly going into shops to eat (knowing that they're affordable)
miss heidi's huggles (and andrea and izzy and hwei...)
miss being able to hold an insane conversation with people without the insinuations (sooo many things have some connotation or another... and they're witty! cannot talk to them when i'm not fully awake =S)
miss having a ministry... church service with a long full sermon...
i don't miss food though... lol.
and my heart is back with all the people in singapore.
miss you guys.
for that matter...
miss being able to be irresponsible
miss just randomly going into shops to eat (knowing that they're affordable)
miss heidi's huggles (and andrea and izzy and hwei...)
miss being able to hold an insane conversation with people without the insinuations (sooo many things have some connotation or another... and they're witty! cannot talk to them when i'm not fully awake =S)
miss having a ministry... church service with a long full sermon...
i don't miss food though... lol.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
indecision + grace
i'm really n00b and dunno what i'm doing... and dunno whether i'm making a wise choice... there's no right or wrong to it... just timing and season... (if you're kaypoh enough you can poke me on msn... i'll tell if you're a close fren)
anyhow.
we're reading/studying the book of hebrews for OCF... hebrews chapter 1... but i got stuck around the first few verses cos they're just too awesome:
God, who at various times and in various ways spoke in time past to the fathers by the prophets, has in these last days spoken to us by His Son, whom He has appointed heir of all things, through whom also He made the worlds; who being the brightness of His glory and the express image of His person, and upholding all things by the word of His power, when He had by Himself purged our sins, sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high, having become so much better than the angels, as He has by inheritance obtained a more excellent name than they.
~Hebrews 1:1-4
what right do i have... to have a saviour intercede for me... God's Son Himself came to my level and 'by Himself purged (my) sins' doing a complete work to clense me of all my sins (all my falling short of God)... who finally sat down (complete rest after a finished work) at the right hand (my saviour is God's right hand man!!) of God.
what right do i have... to have that intimacy with God? to have such an awesome intercessor... my Saviour King be a channel of communication.. the chapter goes on to describe the standing of Jesus in God's eyes. i can't even begin to imagine such an awesome personality coming down to my level... coming down to take my sins... to give me that intimacy with God.
[and then remember all the blessings of God in Christ that are yours because of this. wow.]
today i was just reading Numbers 16 (i'm reading my way through the bible... finally =P)
go read it for yourself... but here's a quick summary:
the people of israel came against moses and aaron, determining that they should come directly to God and protesting their leadership... so moses told them to offer incense to God. God judges them sinful, the earth opens and swallows the families up... the people offering incense get burnt to a crisp. ouch. so the people are damn scared... God tells eleazar to pick the cencers out of the blaze and make a covering on the altar [beautiful picture of Jesus here] to remind the children of israel of this day (but i think they forgot rather quickly)
the next day they speak out again.. and God's judgement comes and they die like flies till Aaron runs out with a censer of incense and stands between the living and the dead making atonement for the people.
read Hebrews 1:1 again... knowing what the judgement of God is like... (and that's just for the people complaining against the leaders of God and having no faith...) man i would be burnt and gone for all the times i've complained to God and question His existence in my life.
mmm. grace.
okay off to shop (hehe.) and to church.
anyhow.
we're reading/studying the book of hebrews for OCF... hebrews chapter 1... but i got stuck around the first few verses cos they're just too awesome:
God, who at various times and in various ways spoke in time past to the fathers by the prophets, has in these last days spoken to us by His Son, whom He has appointed heir of all things, through whom also He made the worlds; who being the brightness of His glory and the express image of His person, and upholding all things by the word of His power, when He had by Himself purged our sins, sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high, having become so much better than the angels, as He has by inheritance obtained a more excellent name than they.
~Hebrews 1:1-4
what right do i have... to have a saviour intercede for me... God's Son Himself came to my level and 'by Himself purged (my) sins' doing a complete work to clense me of all my sins (all my falling short of God)... who finally sat down (complete rest after a finished work) at the right hand (my saviour is God's right hand man!!) of God.
what right do i have... to have that intimacy with God? to have such an awesome intercessor... my Saviour King be a channel of communication.. the chapter goes on to describe the standing of Jesus in God's eyes. i can't even begin to imagine such an awesome personality coming down to my level... coming down to take my sins... to give me that intimacy with God.
[and then remember all the blessings of God in Christ that are yours because of this. wow.]
today i was just reading Numbers 16 (i'm reading my way through the bible... finally =P)
go read it for yourself... but here's a quick summary:
the people of israel came against moses and aaron, determining that they should come directly to God and protesting their leadership... so moses told them to offer incense to God. God judges them sinful, the earth opens and swallows the families up... the people offering incense get burnt to a crisp. ouch. so the people are damn scared... God tells eleazar to pick the cencers out of the blaze and make a covering on the altar [beautiful picture of Jesus here] to remind the children of israel of this day (but i think they forgot rather quickly)
the next day they speak out again.. and God's judgement comes and they die like flies till Aaron runs out with a censer of incense and stands between the living and the dead making atonement for the people.
read Hebrews 1:1 again... knowing what the judgement of God is like... (and that's just for the people complaining against the leaders of God and having no faith...) man i would be burnt and gone for all the times i've complained to God and question His existence in my life.
mmm. grace.
okay off to shop (hehe.) and to church.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
kai's quotes #01
frisbee... dinner... west wing party (i have now met a lot of people)... potato chips party...
put...tired singaporeans in a room... give them chips... and you get things like these:
"if God had wanted us to be drunk. He would have turned us into glasses of water."
"write on your econs tutorial... the kink in the demand curve is caused by the ruler. see what he (the tutor) says about that."
on the topic of the guy tt draws 3D sidewalk chalk pictures:
"take pieces of paper and write numbers... in different sizes... one dollar... then you'll pwn him. 4D diagrams"
when someone was blasting techno music in a room near the lift and kai and i were bobbing to it:
"this is so loser. we're borrowing someone's music to club... but we're not dressed to party... lets go get changed and meet at the lifts to go clubbing. very safe one."
well. maybe it's just kai.
put...tired singaporeans in a room... give them chips... and you get things like these:
"if God had wanted us to be drunk. He would have turned us into glasses of water."
"write on your econs tutorial... the kink in the demand curve is caused by the ruler. see what he (the tutor) says about that."
on the topic of the guy tt draws 3D sidewalk chalk pictures:
"take pieces of paper and write numbers... in different sizes... one dollar... then you'll pwn him. 4D diagrams"
when someone was blasting techno music in a room near the lift and kai and i were bobbing to it:
"this is so loser. we're borrowing someone's music to club... but we're not dressed to party... lets go get changed and meet at the lifts to go clubbing. very safe one."
well. maybe it's just kai.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
muggertoad
ehehe. trying to be one anyway ^^
i've joined... christian union, frisbee, stage crew, singapore society... and i'm gonna try volunteering. lets see how it goes. agressive peace hmmm. i claim it!
i was just reading this passage last night... about moses leading the people out of egypt and the journey to the promise land
So Moses said to the LORD, “Why have You afflicted Your servant? And why have I not found favor in Your sight, that You have laid the burden of all these people on me? Did I conceive all these people? Did I beget them, that You should say to me, ‘Carry them in your bosom, as a guardian carries a nursing child,’ to the land which You swore to their fathers? Where am I to get meat to give to all these people? For they weep all over me, saying, ‘Give us meat, that we may eat.’ I am not able to bear all these people alone, because the burden is too heavy for me. If You treat me like this, please kill me here and now—if I have found favor in Your sight—and do not let me see my wretchedness!”
~Numbers 11:11-15
two things struck me.
moses' desperation... the 'why why why God', the 'i cannot make it', 'i give up', 'i don't want to be responsible' inherent in his cry [powerful man of God... current leader of israel... showing complete weakness.] . and then there's the very fact that he could make such comments to God, the intimacy and openness.
it reminds me that it's okay to be weak... it's okay to be real. even such a man of God has his moments.... i wonder. how many of us would actually turn to God like that (us. with status as sons and daughters of the Most High in Jesus Christ). how many of us are actually conscious of our standing in Christ... conscious of the love of the Father. how many of us run to Him when we face troubles? and moses had intimacy with God... how much more us?
then there was God's reply
So the LORD said to Moses: “Gather to Me seventy men of the elders of Israel, whom you know to be the elders of the people and officers over them; bring them to the tabernacle of meeting, that they may stand there with you. Then I will come down and talk with you there. I will take of the Spirit that is upon you and will put the same upon them; and they shall bear the burden of the people with you, that you may not bear it yourself alone.
~Numbers 11:16-17
an answer of provision... put in current context would be Daddy God taking our burden from us saying - peace, I fight your battles. - Stand still! and see the salvation of the Lord.
i've joined... christian union, frisbee, stage crew, singapore society... and i'm gonna try volunteering. lets see how it goes. agressive peace hmmm. i claim it!
i was just reading this passage last night... about moses leading the people out of egypt and the journey to the promise land
So Moses said to the LORD, “Why have You afflicted Your servant? And why have I not found favor in Your sight, that You have laid the burden of all these people on me? Did I conceive all these people? Did I beget them, that You should say to me, ‘Carry them in your bosom, as a guardian carries a nursing child,’ to the land which You swore to their fathers? Where am I to get meat to give to all these people? For they weep all over me, saying, ‘Give us meat, that we may eat.’ I am not able to bear all these people alone, because the burden is too heavy for me. If You treat me like this, please kill me here and now—if I have found favor in Your sight—and do not let me see my wretchedness!”
~Numbers 11:11-15
two things struck me.
moses' desperation... the 'why why why God', the 'i cannot make it', 'i give up', 'i don't want to be responsible' inherent in his cry [powerful man of God... current leader of israel... showing complete weakness.] . and then there's the very fact that he could make such comments to God, the intimacy and openness.
it reminds me that it's okay to be weak... it's okay to be real. even such a man of God has his moments.... i wonder. how many of us would actually turn to God like that (us. with status as sons and daughters of the Most High in Jesus Christ). how many of us are actually conscious of our standing in Christ... conscious of the love of the Father. how many of us run to Him when we face troubles? and moses had intimacy with God... how much more us?
then there was God's reply
So the LORD said to Moses: “Gather to Me seventy men of the elders of Israel, whom you know to be the elders of the people and officers over them; bring them to the tabernacle of meeting, that they may stand there with you. Then I will come down and talk with you there. I will take of the Spirit that is upon you and will put the same upon them; and they shall bear the burden of the people with you, that you may not bear it yourself alone.
~Numbers 11:16-17
an answer of provision... put in current context would be Daddy God taking our burden from us saying - peace, I fight your battles. - Stand still! and see the salvation of the Lord.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
The Way Home
can't resist posting this. LOL. the things that happen behind the closed doors of the music rooms in halls...
The Way Home [Music/Lyrics: Melvin, YuChian, Nick, Jason, DiSong]
I so miss you and she is just a substitute.
You are a work of art, you bring warmth to my heart.
It really breaks my heart to know how long we’ll be apart.
For you (for you, for you) I’ll go out of my way.
Oh my Tao Huay!
Char Kuay Tiao, Bak (bak bak bak) Kut Teh, Roti Prata, Sambal Stingray
Nasi Lemak, To (to to to) sai, Milo Dinosaur, Godzilla
Chicken Rice, Yu (yu yu yu) Char Kuay, Bar Chor Mee, Chili Crabs (chili crabs, chili crabs)!
Chai Tao Kuay, Xiao Long Bao, Ha Kao, Siew Mai, Hokkien Mee, Popiah, Otah, Curry Puff!!!
The Way Home [Music/Lyrics: Melvin, YuChian, Nick, Jason, DiSong]
I so miss you and she is just a substitute.
You are a work of art, you bring warmth to my heart.
It really breaks my heart to know how long we’ll be apart.
For you (for you, for you) I’ll go out of my way.
Oh my Tao Huay!
Char Kuay Tiao, Bak (bak bak bak) Kut Teh, Roti Prata, Sambal Stingray
Nasi Lemak, To (to to to) sai, Milo Dinosaur, Godzilla
Chicken Rice, Yu (yu yu yu) Char Kuay, Bar Chor Mee, Chili Crabs (chili crabs, chili crabs)!
Chai Tao Kuay, Xiao Long Bao, Ha Kao, Siew Mai, Hokkien Mee, Popiah, Otah, Curry Puff!!!
Thursday, October 11, 2007
take my hand
and lead me to salvation
take my love
for love is everlasting
and remember
the truth that once was spoken
to love another person
is to see the face of God...
just got back from watching les miserables... fantastic. worth every penny of the 22.50 (which took quite a lot of research to get... actual price of ticket is 55 quid)... 'thank you' to all the guys who thanked me for organising. you guys made it worth it =)... for other musicals... wait a bit. must recover first >.<
sigh. i actually spent quite some time typing out an emo bit. but now it's gone. oh well.
take my love
for love is everlasting
and remember
the truth that once was spoken
to love another person
is to see the face of God...
just got back from watching les miserables... fantastic. worth every penny of the 22.50 (which took quite a lot of research to get... actual price of ticket is 55 quid)... 'thank you' to all the guys who thanked me for organising. you guys made it worth it =)... for other musicals... wait a bit. must recover first >.<
sigh. i actually spent quite some time typing out an emo bit. but now it's gone. oh well.
Monday, October 08, 2007
provision
went for service at kensington temple yesterday... guess what. the hillsong worship team was there leading a worship/ ministering service and it was fantastic.
i just went in with a... Lord i need to feel you, i want my portion... feed me... show me how to survive. the presence of God was so strong in that place... just for me? perhaps. it's so awesome to see people just lost in worship. especially in this wild party-madness culture... awesome to see people getting high on God instead of alcohol.
-take courage little one, courage my darling. beloved stand firm in who you are for I am with you-
and i suddenly realised how much God has influenced every single day.
- making Godly friends in OCF... people to go church hopping with.. people to have deep conversations with... =) i miss all you guys back in Singapore though.
- being antisocial and not going to pubs/ clubs with people - i still know quite a lot of people... through relatively little effort of mine
- being nerdy and a muggertoad - i actually have supportive hall mates who study with me (my room is the mugger room. gosh.)
- even church hopping - i realised there's been provision for every service
company appeared for me when i was supposed to go alone... hillsong's worship the first sun, good messages on the 2nd sun, and yesterday... it was like an Arrow service!
- choosing of my subsidary courses - linguistics... was because MOE wanted some english thing and it was the most interesting english thing. and then today i realised that i do a bit of that in psyc... and i do a bit of psyc in linguistics =P
serves me right for worrying that i won't be fed enough at services on sundays over here. God's my provider... not the preacher or the church =)
i just went in with a... Lord i need to feel you, i want my portion... feed me... show me how to survive. the presence of God was so strong in that place... just for me? perhaps. it's so awesome to see people just lost in worship. especially in this wild party-madness culture... awesome to see people getting high on God instead of alcohol.
-take courage little one, courage my darling. beloved stand firm in who you are for I am with you-
and i suddenly realised how much God has influenced every single day.
- making Godly friends in OCF... people to go church hopping with.. people to have deep conversations with... =) i miss all you guys back in Singapore though.
- being antisocial and not going to pubs/ clubs with people - i still know quite a lot of people... through relatively little effort of mine
- being nerdy and a muggertoad - i actually have supportive hall mates who study with me (my room is the mugger room. gosh.)
- even church hopping - i realised there's been provision for every service
company appeared for me when i was supposed to go alone... hillsong's worship the first sun, good messages on the 2nd sun, and yesterday... it was like an Arrow service!
- choosing of my subsidary courses - linguistics... was because MOE wanted some english thing and it was the most interesting english thing. and then today i realised that i do a bit of that in psyc... and i do a bit of psyc in linguistics =P
serves me right for worrying that i won't be fed enough at services on sundays over here. God's my provider... not the preacher or the church =)
Sunday, October 07, 2007
insignificant
just one soul in the millions on this planet earth
just another person in London - from a minority group no less, trying to adapt to an 'amazing' drinking/ clubbing/ pubbing culture
just another student in uni among the thousands of really smart people
just another face in the lecture theatre
just another voice in the tutorial groups
just another member of a clique
just another member of the family
just a random person.
but think about this...
the God who made the heavens and the earth
the God who holds the universe in the palm of His hand
decided that you were important to Him
decided to send His Son to die to redeem you from sin
yearns for a relationship with you
loves you like a father would a child
knows the deepest workings of your heart
that you have the privilege to say Abba Father... to say Daddy God
saw through your facade to the need and made you whole
took the insignificant you and gave you a future and a hope
what has been keeping me going =)
just another person in London - from a minority group no less, trying to adapt to an 'amazing' drinking/ clubbing/ pubbing culture
just another student in uni among the thousands of really smart people
just another face in the lecture theatre
just another voice in the tutorial groups
just another member of a clique
just another member of the family
just a random person.
but think about this...
the God who made the heavens and the earth
the God who holds the universe in the palm of His hand
decided that you were important to Him
decided to send His Son to die to redeem you from sin
yearns for a relationship with you
loves you like a father would a child
knows the deepest workings of your heart
that you have the privilege to say Abba Father... to say Daddy God
saw through your facade to the need and made you whole
took the insignificant you and gave you a future and a hope
what has been keeping me going =)
Thursday, October 04, 2007
lessons
have begun! and ended for the week (4 days only hurrah) one whole day to mug mug mug =P
lessons:
psychology - the science is really... bio... fun stuff. the statistics... is A level stuff. so i'm happy =)
linguistics (grammar) - was a really cool class... we discuss sentences, how to study them, decipher the rules behind so-called 'ungrammatical' sentences - in today's tutorial we were discussing a black dialect... there are sooo many things about english i didn't know! and all the grammar rules and stuff that the parents taught me at some point that i've forgotten...
i'm wondering whether i chose the right subsidary course. a second year i spoke to said it was the worst bit of his BA linguistics and the toughest... i don't know whether i can score... but ultimately it doesn't matter i guess. God give me the grace =)
german - just got the class confirmed... and bought the book (seems such a waste to do german *again*... but i guess that'll free up my workload.. rather than try a totally new language. i half wanted to take chinese =P)
so what have i been doing...
- running from one building to another to get to my lectures (fairly) on time [my optional classes clash with my compulsory ones... so it involves a lot of running and sneaking around]
- getting caught in the rain
- stage crew (avu equivalent) meeting on mon
- muggerfest on tue (cos i only had 1 hr of lessons)
- ice-skating then a ballet class on wed
- just got back from a sound lesson... nothing new... but the tech head really knows his stuff... can probably pester him to teach me the more in-depth theories and mixes (unfortunately the bloomsbury theatre system isn't digital... i want to play with a digital mixer!!!) i'm still considering whether to join... but i guess i can pay the 3 pounds and be a sleeping member that goes for training without doing shows >.<
and as a result...
i have caught the 'freshers flu' and am (un)happily sitting in my room sniffling and being woozy =(
i wish i had an edifying post to put up...but i haven't been thinking much lately... just spending my free time slacking and enjoying His presence. ah well.
lessons:
psychology - the science is really... bio... fun stuff. the statistics... is A level stuff. so i'm happy =)
linguistics (grammar) - was a really cool class... we discuss sentences, how to study them, decipher the rules behind so-called 'ungrammatical' sentences - in today's tutorial we were discussing a black dialect... there are sooo many things about english i didn't know! and all the grammar rules and stuff that the parents taught me at some point that i've forgotten...
i'm wondering whether i chose the right subsidary course. a second year i spoke to said it was the worst bit of his BA linguistics and the toughest... i don't know whether i can score... but ultimately it doesn't matter i guess. God give me the grace =)
german - just got the class confirmed... and bought the book (seems such a waste to do german *again*... but i guess that'll free up my workload.. rather than try a totally new language. i half wanted to take chinese =P)
so what have i been doing...
- running from one building to another to get to my lectures (fairly) on time [my optional classes clash with my compulsory ones... so it involves a lot of running and sneaking around]
- getting caught in the rain
- stage crew (avu equivalent) meeting on mon
- muggerfest on tue (cos i only had 1 hr of lessons)
- ice-skating then a ballet class on wed
- just got back from a sound lesson... nothing new... but the tech head really knows his stuff... can probably pester him to teach me the more in-depth theories and mixes (unfortunately the bloomsbury theatre system isn't digital... i want to play with a digital mixer!!!) i'm still considering whether to join... but i guess i can pay the 3 pounds and be a sleeping member that goes for training without doing shows >.<
and as a result...
i have caught the 'freshers flu' and am (un)happily sitting in my room sniffling and being woozy =(
i wish i had an edifying post to put up...but i haven't been thinking much lately... just spending my free time slacking and enjoying His presence. ah well.
Monday, October 01, 2007
sunday again
i feel fairly well fed... and i now understand how pampered i've been to be under pastor prince...
all souls church 9.30am today
traditional hymns, hymnals, pews, bibles... a good sermon, somth that pastor preached before. at the end i was thinking... "so short!?!" the sermon was like the first 20 min of pastor's normal service... at which point he would go 'i haven't started yet, are you ready for the word?' message about being aware of legalism and Jesus' stand towards it
lunch with Overseas Christian Fellowship (OCF) seniors @ chinatown
back to hall
where i found a group of singaporeans crashing and melvin acting as tour guide =S... and ended up spending 1hr plus with them in the music room instead of napping as originally intended
hillsong london 5.00pm
very eventful journey... LOL. took the bus cos it's only 1 pound... then the bus got caught in a jam... so it terminated service a long long way from where we were supposed to go (victoria station). so we took the tube... and the victoria line (shorter way) was closed! so we had to change twice to get to a station actually 3 stops from where we (junli and i) were... grrr. then there was the miscommunication with joseph... meet at 4pm at busstop outside skool became meet at 4pm there... so he waited for us - and we were late =S
BUT.
worth the journey. John Bevere preaching... and also my first good spiritual 'meal' in London. about seeking God with reverence... distinguishing the 'fear of the Lord' and plain 'fear'... really just calling people to develop their relationship with God. solid... but still pretty short. hum.
and i got my savior king cd! 15 pounds ... 45 sing dollars (but the cd actually looks different! and sounds different too! haha. should compare the s'pore australian and london recordings with clement when i go back next year)
dinner with junli and joseph @ joseph's place (yay chinese food. =P)
yup. lessons start tmr 9am and there are sooo many other things to settle... *wail* haha. pray that i keep that internal peace though i'm gonna be running/ have been running around like a 'siao char bo' =)
all souls church 9.30am today
traditional hymns, hymnals, pews, bibles... a good sermon, somth that pastor preached before. at the end i was thinking... "so short!?!" the sermon was like the first 20 min of pastor's normal service... at which point he would go 'i haven't started yet, are you ready for the word?' message about being aware of legalism and Jesus' stand towards it
lunch with Overseas Christian Fellowship (OCF) seniors @ chinatown
back to hall
where i found a group of singaporeans crashing and melvin acting as tour guide =S... and ended up spending 1hr plus with them in the music room instead of napping as originally intended
hillsong london 5.00pm
very eventful journey... LOL. took the bus cos it's only 1 pound... then the bus got caught in a jam... so it terminated service a long long way from where we were supposed to go (victoria station). so we took the tube... and the victoria line (shorter way) was closed! so we had to change twice to get to a station actually 3 stops from where we (junli and i) were... grrr. then there was the miscommunication with joseph... meet at 4pm at busstop outside skool became meet at 4pm there... so he waited for us - and we were late =S
BUT.
worth the journey. John Bevere preaching... and also my first good spiritual 'meal' in London. about seeking God with reverence... distinguishing the 'fear of the Lord' and plain 'fear'... really just calling people to develop their relationship with God. solid... but still pretty short. hum.
and i got my savior king cd! 15 pounds ... 45 sing dollars (but the cd actually looks different! and sounds different too! haha. should compare the s'pore australian and london recordings with clement when i go back next year)
dinner with junli and joseph @ joseph's place (yay chinese food. =P)
yup. lessons start tmr 9am and there are sooo many other things to settle... *wail* haha. pray that i keep that internal peace though i'm gonna be running/ have been running around like a 'siao char bo' =)
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
i conquered the world!
on monday =D
i forgot what this is >.<>
the thames... my phone cam is pretty lousy =(
the fountain @ piccadilly
the people i went to ikea with... lol. and the london buses
train station (lots of people bike here)
heehee =P i was actually stoning in the room while mark hui xuan and kai played... then hui xuan had to go... and mark walked her back and left... so melvin took over mark and i took over hui xuan... (and i beat two guys at RISK!) see the little orange guys in the top left corner? i kicked them out!
okay photo post =P
typical english breakfast... only without the happy face (you can choose to have beans or noodles as well... just 4 items and two drinks and toast)
i forgot what this is >.<>
the thames... my phone cam is pretty lousy =(
the fountain @ piccadilly
the people i went to ikea with... lol. and the london buses
train station (lots of people bike here)that's it for now =) [this post was mainly to gloat about winning in risk XD]
Monday, September 24, 2007
sunday
was a really interesting experience... the pace of life here slows down soooo much... you see ppl just sitting around relaxing... the people walking at the shops walk slower too. (and all the singaporean christians went to morning services =S so i had no one to hang out with) stoned with a jap year 2 till about 4pm then went for service
hillsongs... has great worship (to be expected right?) but the preaching isn't very solid... at least yesterday's one wasn't. lots of verses thrown at you to substantiate a point... but not very anointed. messages here are short! like 20 min.. and they get a lot of guest speakers (pastor's coming in october). i guess i'll check out another church in the morning then go for the afternoon service again next week. i feel like hillsong is a good place to serve... but dunno about feeding and growing there.
we shall see.
pray for me!
hillsongs... has great worship (to be expected right?) but the preaching isn't very solid... at least yesterday's one wasn't. lots of verses thrown at you to substantiate a point... but not very anointed. messages here are short! like 20 min.. and they get a lot of guest speakers (pastor's coming in october). i guess i'll check out another church in the morning then go for the afternoon service again next week. i feel like hillsong is a good place to serve... but dunno about feeding and growing there.
we shall see.
pray for me!
Saturday, September 22, 2007
thank you =)
i realise i haven't put up a thank you post yet... i guess it's cos it means that i'm really here and not going back... and won't see you guys for a year. bah.
thank you! to the people who
gave me a letter/ wrote in the black book:
xingcong (though i'll see you in london lol.), jofid, heiman, andrea, izzy, jiahao, shawn, joseph, jem, hwei, michael, joy, joash, fel, lindis, u-glen, eph, clement, yeow, amanda, jan, yuhua, zj, jane, esther, daniel, renhao
gave me cool stuff:
felicia (i'm using the bag to carry my shower stuff to the shower!!), u-glen (my last mooncakes in singapore), the whoever(s) who contributed to the webcam (haha i haven't set it up yet!), shawn for the book, janiah for plane food (your brownies are really good... *drool*)
sent me off at the airport:
(wah long list and sorry sorry, very lag in putting up photos.)
shawn, hwei, jan, lindis, jofid, justin, andrea, izzy, daniel, renhao, jane, amanda, esther, xingcong, joel
and the well wishes of the rest... 'last meals' and such.
i feel loved ^^ hehe.
it's been super busy... well sorta. heh i could choose to be a hermit in my room i guess. still shopping and getting stuff to make my room 'mine'... going to ikea today!
thank you! to the people who
gave me a letter/ wrote in the black book:
xingcong (though i'll see you in london lol.), jofid, heiman, andrea, izzy, jiahao, shawn, joseph, jem, hwei, michael, joy, joash, fel, lindis, u-glen, eph, clement, yeow, amanda, jan, yuhua, zj, jane, esther, daniel, renhao
gave me cool stuff:
felicia (i'm using the bag to carry my shower stuff to the shower!!), u-glen (my last mooncakes in singapore), the whoever(s) who contributed to the webcam (haha i haven't set it up yet!), shawn for the book, janiah for plane food (your brownies are really good... *drool*)
sent me off at the airport:
(wah long list and sorry sorry, very lag in putting up photos.)
shawn, hwei, jan, lindis, jofid, justin, andrea, izzy, daniel, renhao, jane, amanda, esther, xingcong, joel
and the well wishes of the rest... 'last meals' and such.
i feel loved ^^ hehe.
it's been super busy... well sorta. heh i could choose to be a hermit in my room i guess. still shopping and getting stuff to make my room 'mine'... going to ikea today!
Thursday, September 20, 2007
sunburnt skin + london weather = peeling = gross
more details!
my room:
i think i'm really blessed... cos i've got a toilet and adjoining showers in the same corridor as my room. toilets are shared by the whole floor... 2 on each floor so some pple walk really far just to use a toilet (the inside of the hall is a maze... and lots of fire doors so you can't really tell where you're going) toilets are clean =) well... even the public toilets are a lot cleaner than singapore... and there are very few of those around... so you can imagine the number of people using them.
the room itself is pretty small... no pictures for you till i finish putting away stuff ^^ (which probably will never happen) i got a mug yesterday for £1 *yay* can make hot drinks once i get a kettle (the ones provided in the pantry are scarily yellow 0_0) i was blessed by the last person who used the room... i brought 10 hangers and i haven't used any of them cos the last person left about 15! no lack here.
weather report:
i'm getting used to it! it's about 10-20 deg... windchill is terrible but i can walk ard the hall in shorts and t-shirt without being too cold. out of doors two layers has been enough so far. but wind blowing = brrr (today's pretty warm. joy!) super dry here though... moisturising has become a ritual... and bits of me a cracking and flaking off eep. flaky christian ehehe...
shopping:
i think i've been doing nothing but shopping. and walking around.. albeit not productively. we met a year 3 ucl guy who used to be classmates with some of the s'pore guys (the world is too small lor.) and he was saying tt everything we seemed to want can be found in ikea... so off to ikea on saturday =P it isn't as easy to get lost in london as they say. it's pretty much the same as s'pore, you walk in the general direction of the place and you'll find it.
orientation:
it's pretty much free and easy, no groups/ course introductions... so i've pretty much been going up to random ppl, introducing myself and talking to them about uni and courses and countries (so surface! bleh.) i've met... 1 german, 2 from hongkong, 1 brit, 1 czech, 1 china, 2 malaysians, 1 american (postgrad student!), 1 swede (although i only talked to this guy in passing)... and a couple of girls on my floor... brits i think, i didn't ask. hmmm. still trying to get to know people around my hall. there is unfortunately a tendency for singaporeans to stick together and eat together and walk around together... so the only chance for talking to people is in waiting for the lifts. hmmm.
i can't think of anything else... humph. shall go do qt and off to be a kiasu singaporean =P gonna enrol 1 hr before our enrolment time starts... heh
my room:
i think i'm really blessed... cos i've got a toilet and adjoining showers in the same corridor as my room. toilets are shared by the whole floor... 2 on each floor so some pple walk really far just to use a toilet (the inside of the hall is a maze... and lots of fire doors so you can't really tell where you're going) toilets are clean =) well... even the public toilets are a lot cleaner than singapore... and there are very few of those around... so you can imagine the number of people using them.
the room itself is pretty small... no pictures for you till i finish putting away stuff ^^ (which probably will never happen) i got a mug yesterday for £1 *yay* can make hot drinks once i get a kettle (the ones provided in the pantry are scarily yellow 0_0) i was blessed by the last person who used the room... i brought 10 hangers and i haven't used any of them cos the last person left about 15! no lack here.
weather report:
i'm getting used to it! it's about 10-20 deg... windchill is terrible but i can walk ard the hall in shorts and t-shirt without being too cold. out of doors two layers has been enough so far. but wind blowing = brrr (today's pretty warm. joy!) super dry here though... moisturising has become a ritual... and bits of me a cracking and flaking off eep. flaky christian ehehe...
shopping:
i think i've been doing nothing but shopping. and walking around.. albeit not productively. we met a year 3 ucl guy who used to be classmates with some of the s'pore guys (the world is too small lor.) and he was saying tt everything we seemed to want can be found in ikea... so off to ikea on saturday =P it isn't as easy to get lost in london as they say. it's pretty much the same as s'pore, you walk in the general direction of the place and you'll find it.
orientation:
it's pretty much free and easy, no groups/ course introductions... so i've pretty much been going up to random ppl, introducing myself and talking to them about uni and courses and countries (so surface! bleh.) i've met... 1 german, 2 from hongkong, 1 brit, 1 czech, 1 china, 2 malaysians, 1 american (postgrad student!), 1 swede (although i only talked to this guy in passing)... and a couple of girls on my floor... brits i think, i didn't ask. hmmm. still trying to get to know people around my hall. there is unfortunately a tendency for singaporeans to stick together and eat together and walk around together... so the only chance for talking to people is in waiting for the lifts. hmmm.
i can't think of anything else... humph. shall go do qt and off to be a kiasu singaporean =P gonna enrol 1 hr before our enrolment time starts... heh
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
contact details
if anyone wants my address, room tel, hp drop me a tag/ comment/ email/ msn!
if you're from cg, there's a post saved as a draft on the blog/ a copy on the google whiteboard (but people haven't been added to it... yet...?)
if you're from arrow vid it's on the google whiteboard too! (if you want i'll put one on the groups as well, but i'm lazy to log in to yahoo)
yup. if you're from school/ moe/ acquaintance sorry... haha i can't remember everyone so i need you to tell me you want my contact XD
if you're from cg, there's a post saved as a draft on the blog/ a copy on the google whiteboard (but people haven't been added to it... yet...?)
if you're from arrow vid it's on the google whiteboard too! (if you want i'll put one on the groups as well, but i'm lazy to log in to yahoo)
yup. if you're from school/ moe/ acquaintance sorry... haha i can't remember everyone so i need you to tell me you want my contact XD
ehehe
okay. i'm vaguely wondering "Oh God... what have i gotten myself into" and discovering a need for many things that i didn't pack... heh
highlights of yesterday:
taking the tube... (i fell asleep =P thank God for friends who stay awake, and for hooking me up with Hillsong London people)
walking! many things are expensive... walked to the theatre where Hillsongs is, supermarket, argos... i think i can still get lost cos we were following a fren ard (who has been here about a week alr) and i was just blindly following. lol.
more walking! i got my london phone number... pay-as-you-go... see how it goes... whether getting a plan is worth it. -i foresee many msn nights with the phone off-
got back and started unpacking (information overload gosh)... then i heard many doors closing and poked my head out to ask someone/ anyone and went down to dinner. happily followed the girls in front of me until i got to the cashier. and i got stuck! cos i didn't have the pass card... the card machine wasn't working when i checked in! so i had to abandon my food and get one. pfft.
in the queue to talk with the wardens i saw a guy with the same kind of expression as i had... so i started talking to him haha. same problem with food! seems pretty nice, a local from essex. hehe. favour favour.
okay off to breakfast
highlights of yesterday:
taking the tube... (i fell asleep =P thank God for friends who stay awake, and for hooking me up with Hillsong London people)
walking! many things are expensive... walked to the theatre where Hillsongs is, supermarket, argos... i think i can still get lost cos we were following a fren ard (who has been here about a week alr) and i was just blindly following. lol.
more walking! i got my london phone number... pay-as-you-go... see how it goes... whether getting a plan is worth it. -i foresee many msn nights with the phone off-
got back and started unpacking (information overload gosh)... then i heard many doors closing and poked my head out to ask someone/ anyone and went down to dinner. happily followed the girls in front of me until i got to the cashier. and i got stuck! cos i didn't have the pass card... the card machine wasn't working when i checked in! so i had to abandon my food and get one. pfft.
in the queue to talk with the wardens i saw a guy with the same kind of expression as i had... so i started talking to him haha. same problem with food! seems pretty nice, a local from essex. hehe. favour favour.
okay off to breakfast
Monday, September 17, 2007
0 days!
haha i didn't have time to blog with all the last min packing.
quick update. i'm in london, safe, baggage chucked inside my hall.
i can't check in till after 2pm (london's 7 hrs behind)
i can't get my debit card... it is mia. but at least the account is set up..
going for lunch/ getting phone/ water distiller in a while.
yup.
the two hillsong pple who came to pick me up are funky... (maybe i'll serve in video min there too =P) see how it goes. i'm still hanging out with the bunch of sporean frens... so pray that i make friends quick quick and make good Godly ones too =)
quick update. i'm in london, safe, baggage chucked inside my hall.
i can't check in till after 2pm (london's 7 hrs behind)
i can't get my debit card... it is mia. but at least the account is set up..
going for lunch/ getting phone/ water distiller in a while.
yup.
the two hillsong pple who came to pick me up are funky... (maybe i'll serve in video min there too =P) see how it goes. i'm still hanging out with the bunch of sporean frens... so pray that i make friends quick quick and make good Godly ones too =)
Thursday, September 13, 2007
4 days
hmmm... people are going 'ohno! i still have so much to pack/ i'm over the weight limit!!' i'm going 'um... i can't seem to find things to pack... aside from more clothes... am i missing something here?'
anyhow.
the to-do list:
1. pack... wash clothes... pack
2. buy 200ml showergel of some sort
3. print more passport photos
4. buy that stupid clever pencilcase
5. get eyebrows trimmed (yes.. i do know they need work)
6. pack my room (omg once i'm gone my room's gonna become their office >.<) 5. sort out music on my comp 6. rip sermons + music into comp7. collect my x-ray from joel
8. book the cab from airport to hall (well... if i don't get a lift, i'll prob take the tube with nick and zihao...)
i feel relatively accomplished XD.
tomorrow/ today will be all about money... get what little pay i can from working for parents, change money for me... get travellers cheques in case of emergency... (my UK branch got changed to Russell Sq apparently. thank God.)... close my UOB account (with that measly $2200 in it =P to go into paying parents for all the stuff they bought for me. omg tt brings my spore expenditure to $4000+)
last bible study. can't wait =D
ohoh. there's this courtesy of the 'dandan' on my tagboardXD (i actually didn't get to see it cos i was inside the audi talking to people... so. hurrah for the invention of video cameras)
Online Videos by Veoh.com
anyhow.
the to-do list:
1. pack... wash clothes... pack
3. print more passport photos
4. buy that stupid clever pencilcase
5. get eyebrows trimmed (yes.. i do know they need work)
6. pack my room (omg once i'm gone my room's gonna become their office >.<) 5. sort out music on my comp 6. rip sermons + music into comp
8. book the cab from airport to hall
i feel relatively accomplished XD.
tomorrow/ today will be all about money... get what little pay i can from working for parents, change money for me... get travellers cheques in case of emergency... (my UK branch got changed to Russell Sq apparently. thank God.)... close my UOB account (with that measly $2200 in it =P to go into paying parents for all the stuff they bought for me. omg tt brings my spore expenditure to $4000+)
last bible study. can't wait =D
ohoh. there's this courtesy of the 'dandan' on my tagboardXD (i actually didn't get to see it cos i was inside the audi talking to people... so. hurrah for the invention of video cameras)
Online Videos by Veoh.com
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
6 days
and i haven't done anything on the to-do list...
oh i taught my mom to msn! haha... so fun... she doesn't scream at me anymore =D!
and i'm finally getting round to doing this... =P
Look at the list of books below. Bold the ones you’ve read, italicize the ones you want to read, cross out the ones you won’t touch with a 10 foot pole, put a cross infront of the ones on your book shelf, and asterisk* the ones you’ve never heard of.
01. The Da Vinci Code (Dan Brown)
02. +Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen)
03. +To Kill A Mockingbird (Harper Lee)
04. Gone With The Wind (Margaret Mitchell)
05.+ The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (Tolkien)
06.+ The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring (Tolkien)
07.+ The Lord of the Rings: Two Towers (Tolkien)
08.+ Anne of Green Gables (L.M. Montgomery)
09.* Outlander (Diana Gabaldon)
10.* A Fine Balance (Rohinton Mistry)
11.+ Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Rowling)
12.* Angels and Demons (Dan Brown)
13.+ Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Rowling)
14. A Prayer for Owen Meany (John Irving)
15. Memoirs of a Geisha (Arthur Golden)
16.+ Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (Rowling)
17. *Fall on Your Knees (Ann-Marie MacDonald)
18. The Stand (Stephen King)
19.+ Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban(Rowling)
20.+ Jane Eyre (Charlotte Bronte)
21. The Hobbit (Tolkien)
22. The Catcher in the Rye (J.D. Salinger)
23. + Little Women (Louisa May Alcott)
24.* The Lovely Bones (Alice Sebold)
25. Life of Pi (Yann Martel)
26. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams)
27. Wuthering Heights (Emily Bronte)
28. The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe (C. S. Lewis)
29. East of Eden (John Steinbeck)
30.+ Tuesdays with Morrie (Mitch Albom)
31. Dune (Frank Herbert)
32.* The Notebook (Nicholas Sparks)
33.* Atlas Shrugged (Ayn Rand)
34.* 1984 (Orwell)
35. The Mists of Avalon (Marion Zimmer Bradley)
36.* The Pillars of the Earth (Ken Follett)
37.* The Power of One (Bryce Courtenay)
38. I Know This Much is True (Wally Lamb)
39.* The Red Tent (Anita Diamant)
40. The Alchemist (Paulo Coelho)
41.* The Clan of the Cave Bear (Jean M. Auel)
42.* The Kite Runner (Khaled Hosseini)
43. Confessions of a Shopaholic (Sophie Kinsella)
44. The Five People You Meet In Heaven (Mitch Albom)
45.+ Bible (Bits and pieces.)
46.* Anna Karenina (Tolstoy)
47. The Count of Monte Cristo (Alexandre Dumas)
48. Angela’s Ashes (Frank McCourt)
49. The Grapes of Wrath (John Steinbeck)
50. She’s Come Undone (Wally Lamb)
51.* The Poisonwood Bible (Barbara Kingsolver)
52.+ A Tale of Two Cities (Dickens)
53. Ender’s Game (Orson Scott Card)
54.+ Great Expectations (Dickens)
55. The Great Gatsby (Fitzgerald)
56.* The Stone Angel (Margaret Laurence)
57.+ Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (Rowling)
58.* The Thorn Birds (Colleen McCullough)
59. The Handmaid’s Tale (Margaret Atwood)
60. The Time Traveller’s Wife (Audrew Niffenegger)
61.* Crime and Punishment (Fyodor Dostoyevsky)
62.* The Fountainhead (Ayn Rand)
63. War and Peace (Tolstoy)
64. Interview With The Vampire (Anne Rice)
65.* Fifth Business (Robertson Davis)
66. One Hundred Years Of Solitude (Gabriel Garcia Marquez)
67.* The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants (Ann Brashares)
68. Catch-22 (Joseph Heller)
69. Les Miserables (Hugo)
70. The Little Prince (Antoine de Saint-Exupery)
71. Bridget Jones’ Diary (Fielding)
72.* Love in the Time of Cholera (Marquez)
73. Shogun (James Clavell)
74. The English Patient (Michael Ondaatje)
75.+ The Secret Garden (Frances Hodgson Burnett)
76.* The Summer Tree (Guy Gavriel Kay)
77.* A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (Betty Smith)
78.* The World According To Garp (John Irving)
79.* The Diviners (Margaret Laurence)
80.+ Charlotte’s Web (E.B. White)
81.* Not Wanted On The Voyage (Timothy Findley)
82. Of Mice And Men (Steinbeck)
83.* Rebecca (Daphne DuMaurier)
84.* Wizard’s First Rule (Terry Goodkind)
85.+ Emma (Jane Austen)
86. Watership Down (Richard Adams)
87. Brave New World (Aldous Huxley)
88. The Stone Diaries (Carol Shields)
89. Blindness (Jose Saramago)
90. Kane and Abel (Jeffrey Archer)
91.* In The Skin Of A Lion (Ondaatje)
92. Lord of the Flies (Golding)
93.+ The Good Earth (Pearl S. Buck)
94.* The Secret Life of Bees (Sue Monk Kidd)
95. The Bourne Identity (Robert Ludlum)
96. The Outsiders (S.E. Hinton)
97. White Oleander (Janet Fitch)
98. A Woman of Substance (Barbara Taylor Bradford)
99.* The Celestine Prophecy (James Redfield)
100. Ulysses (James Joyce)
hehe i think my book knowledge is kinda sad..
and the crossed out ones are more like books i can't be bothered to read... like even if they were borrowed for me.
what a waste of time. hee =P
oh i taught my mom to msn! haha... so fun... she doesn't scream at me anymore =D!
and i'm finally getting round to doing this... =P
Look at the list of books below. Bold the ones you’ve read, italicize the ones you want to read, cross out the ones you won’t touch with a 10 foot pole, put a cross infront of the ones on your book shelf, and asterisk* the ones you’ve never heard of.
01. The Da Vinci Code (Dan Brown)
02. +Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen)
03. +To Kill A Mockingbird (Harper Lee)
05.+ The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (Tolkien)
06.+ The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring (Tolkien)
07.+ The Lord of the Rings: Two Towers (Tolkien)
08.+ Anne of Green Gables (L.M. Montgomery)
09.* Outlander (Diana Gabaldon)
10.* A Fine Balance (Rohinton Mistry)
11.+ Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Rowling)
12.* Angels and Demons (Dan Brown)
13.+ Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Rowling)
14. A Prayer for Owen Meany (John Irving)
15. Memoirs of a Geisha (Arthur Golden)
16.+ Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (Rowling)
17. *Fall on Your Knees (Ann-Marie MacDonald)
19.+ Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban(Rowling)
20.+ Jane Eyre (Charlotte Bronte)
21. The Hobbit (Tolkien)
22. The Catcher in the Rye (J.D. Salinger)
23. + Little Women (Louisa May Alcott)
24.* The Lovely Bones (Alice Sebold)
25. Life of Pi (Yann Martel)
26. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams)
27. Wuthering Heights (Emily Bronte)
28. The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe (C. S. Lewis)
29. East of Eden (John Steinbeck)
30.+ Tuesdays with Morrie (Mitch Albom)
31. Dune (Frank Herbert)
32.* The Notebook (Nicholas Sparks)
33.* Atlas Shrugged (Ayn Rand)
34.* 1984 (Orwell)
36.* The Pillars of the Earth (Ken Follett)
37.* The Power of One (Bryce Courtenay)
38. I Know This Much is True (Wally Lamb)
39.* The Red Tent (Anita Diamant)
40. The Alchemist (Paulo Coelho)
41.* The Clan of the Cave Bear (Jean M. Auel)
42.* The Kite Runner (Khaled Hosseini)
44. The Five People You Meet In Heaven (Mitch Albom)
45.+ Bible (Bits and pieces.)
46.* Anna Karenina (Tolstoy)
48. Angela’s Ashes (Frank McCourt)
49. The Grapes of Wrath (John Steinbeck)
50. She’s Come Undone (Wally Lamb)
51.* The Poisonwood Bible (Barbara Kingsolver)
52.+ A Tale of Two Cities (Dickens)
53. Ender’s Game (Orson Scott Card)
54.+ Great Expectations (Dickens)
55. The Great Gatsby (Fitzgerald)
56.* The Stone Angel (Margaret Laurence)
57.+ Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (Rowling)
58.* The Thorn Birds (Colleen McCullough)
59. The Handmaid’s Tale (Margaret Atwood)
60. The Time Traveller’s Wife (Audrew Niffenegger)
61.* Crime and Punishment (Fyodor Dostoyevsky)
62.* The Fountainhead (Ayn Rand)
63. War and Peace (Tolstoy)
65.* Fifth Business (Robertson Davis)
66. One Hundred Years Of Solitude (Gabriel Garcia Marquez)
67.* The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants (Ann Brashares)
68. Catch-22 (Joseph Heller)
69. Les Miserables (Hugo)
70. The Little Prince (Antoine de Saint-Exupery)
72.* Love in the Time of Cholera (Marquez)
73. Shogun (James Clavell)
74. The English Patient (Michael Ondaatje)
75.+ The Secret Garden (Frances Hodgson Burnett)
76.* The Summer Tree (Guy Gavriel Kay)
77.* A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (Betty Smith)
78.* The World According To Garp (John Irving)
79.* The Diviners (Margaret Laurence)
80.+ Charlotte’s Web (E.B. White)
81.* Not Wanted On The Voyage (Timothy Findley)
82. Of Mice And Men (Steinbeck)
83.* Rebecca (Daphne DuMaurier)
85.+ Emma (Jane Austen)
86. Watership Down (Richard Adams)
87. Brave New World (Aldous Huxley)
88. The Stone Diaries (Carol Shields)
89. Blindness (Jose Saramago)
91.* In The Skin Of A Lion (Ondaatje)
92. Lord of the Flies (Golding)
93.+ The Good Earth (Pearl S. Buck)
94.* The Secret Life of Bees (Sue Monk Kidd)
95. The Bourne Identity (Robert Ludlum)
96. The Outsiders (S.E. Hinton)
97. White Oleander (Janet Fitch)
98. A Woman of Substance (Barbara Taylor Bradford)
99.* The Celestine Prophecy (James Redfield)
hehe i think my book knowledge is kinda sad..
and the crossed out ones are more like books i can't be bothered to read... like even if they were borrowed for me.
what a waste of time. hee =P
Sunday, September 09, 2007
at this time
exactly 7 days later.
i'll be on a plane to Heathrow airport... and a new future.
and i don't know what to expect... but i guess it doesn't matter cos i know God is good =)
to-do:
1. pack... wash clothes... pack
2. buy 200ml showergel of some sort
3. print more passport photos
4. buy thatstupid clever pencilcase
5. get eyebrows trimmed (yes.. i do know they need work)
6. pack my room (omg once i'm gone my room's gonna become their office >.<)
5. sort out music on my comp
6. rip sermons + music into comp
7. collect my x-ray from joel
8. book the cab from airport to hall
can't seem to think of anything else... although i vaguely remember something.
heh... go out with friends... go out with random people... go out with parents... teach parents msn... figure out skype and teach parents (i'm lazy to do this... really.)...
7 days more!
i'll be on a plane to Heathrow airport... and a new future.
and i don't know what to expect... but i guess it doesn't matter cos i know God is good =)
to-do:
1. pack... wash clothes... pack
2. buy 200ml showergel of some sort
3. print more passport photos
4. buy that
5. get eyebrows trimmed (yes.. i do know they need work)
6. pack my room (omg once i'm gone my room's gonna become their office >.<)
5. sort out music on my comp
6. rip sermons + music into comp
7. collect my x-ray from joel
8. book the cab from airport to hall
can't seem to think of anything else... although i vaguely remember something.
heh... go out with friends... go out with random people... go out with parents... teach parents msn... figure out skype and teach parents (i'm lazy to do this... really.)...
7 days more!
Friday, September 07, 2007
indecision
packing options:
1.1 check-in big luggage bag, handcarry 45L bagpack + laptop bag (currently in progress, big bag ~22kg, handcarry 4kg laptop... well the weight of the laptop 3kg?)
1.2 same as 1.1 only that laptop, software, hd, camera go into handcarry, cables/ powercables/ mouse go into luggage
2.0 check in big luggage bag and 45L bagpack, use laptop bag as handcarry
3.0 check in big luggage bag and 45L bagpack, use small haversack as handcarry with laptop, camera, hd inside... cables and stuff into big luggage
4.1 don't bring bagpack (get parents to bring @ christmas), check in 2 medium luggage bags, use laptop bag as handcarry
4.2 like 4.1 only use small haversack with same conditions as 3.0
5.1 don't bring bagpack (same as above), check in 1 big luggage bag, use small luggage bag as handcarry + laptop bag
5.2 like 5.1 only without the laptop bag
how? suggestions?
couple of things... i'd like to have my bagpack with me if i can help it... i'm a bit more than half packed (weight of the check in might be a problem, max 30kg)... and i dunno whether it's safe to carry a laptop bag around in the open... space isn't a problem i think.
pfft.
1.1 check-in big luggage bag, handcarry 45L bagpack + laptop bag (currently in progress, big bag ~22kg, handcarry 4kg laptop... well the weight of the laptop 3kg?)
1.2 same as 1.1 only that laptop, software, hd, camera go into handcarry, cables/ powercables/ mouse go into luggage
2.0 check in big luggage bag and 45L bagpack, use laptop bag as handcarry
3.0 check in big luggage bag and 45L bagpack, use small haversack as handcarry with laptop, camera, hd inside... cables and stuff into big luggage
4.1 don't bring bagpack (get parents to bring @ christmas), check in 2 medium luggage bags, use laptop bag as handcarry
4.2 like 4.1 only use small haversack with same conditions as 3.0
5.1 don't bring bagpack (same as above), check in 1 big luggage bag, use small luggage bag as handcarry + laptop bag
5.2 like 5.1 only without the laptop bag
how? suggestions?
couple of things... i'd like to have my bagpack with me if i can help it... i'm a bit more than half packed (weight of the check in might be a problem, max 30kg)... and i dunno whether it's safe to carry a laptop bag around in the open... space isn't a problem i think.
pfft.
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
i wonder
what God feels when we complain about Him... when we call Him a lousy bugger (heh yeow.)
but i know from the bible that God is love... so that means He can't be anything else but love?
after all, all the judgement + anger was appeased at the cross... and we're covered by the blood of Jesus, made righteous through His death... so there's nothing left but love?
that blows the mind doesn't it...
...
a quickie: accomodation settled, can move in 17th after 2pm... visa called me so i'll collect my stuff on fri... cab, dunno yet... prob with nick unless it's very inconvenient (eek. then i'll be a lightbulb sharing a cab with a couple =P)... banking still pending - God... do something here.
but i know from the bible that God is love... so that means He can't be anything else but love?
after all, all the judgement + anger was appeased at the cross... and we're covered by the blood of Jesus, made righteous through His death... so there's nothing left but love?
that blows the mind doesn't it...
...
a quickie: accomodation settled, can move in 17th after 2pm... visa called me so i'll collect my stuff on fri... cab, dunno yet... prob with nick unless it's very inconvenient (eek. then i'll be a lightbulb sharing a cab with a couple =P)... banking still pending - God... do something here.
in my head
is a mess (just like my room)
maybe it doesn't look that way... but everything important to do with leaving Singapore's been going wrong
- i get the offer of scholarship... accept the UCL offer with minutes to spare... apply for accomodation and make it on the last day
visa app
- i wait very very long for confirmation... but i don't get it. so i email international office...
- i get a reply ~1month later: they sent a letter
- i get the letter... 1 week? later and happily go down to visa application office where they tell me: no, you can't make your visa cos the letter doesn't have all the info we need
- i email them again... and get joel to chase them, joel gets an email saying 'we faxed it to you'... but he hasn't received it...
- i finally get the acceptance letter, go down to visa office and apply
- that was two weeks ago... and i've been calling the office and getting engaged tones. pfft. so where's my visa?!?!
accomodation
- i find that everyone has their accomodation but me... i email accomodation office and get an offer (apparently UCL hadn't forwarded my details to the hall...)
- i have this amazingly troublesome time trying to get my documents to the hall by the deadline (okay not really... but it was quite strange that all my faxes couldn't get through...)
- i realise i don't have a hardcopy of proof of accomodation... nor confirmation that i can move in early on the 17th and i email them
- i'm still waiting...
banking
- i sign up for the international student account... (very happy... can get something done smoothly)
- i discover my account has been set up... branch: one in OXFORD... when i'm studying in? LONDON... pfft
- again i'm waiting for reply/ confirmation/ something
call me of little faith... but i'm wondering if this overseas thing has all been my effort and not His plan...
or maybe it's been going right... just in God's time and not mine
or maybe it's like what pastor says... that the devil catches a glimpse of the amazing things God has called you to do... then tries his best to stop it from happening...
maybe i should stop thinking so much and trust that my Daddy God makes all things work for good.
maybe it doesn't look that way... but everything important to do with leaving Singapore's been going wrong
- i get the offer of scholarship... accept the UCL offer with minutes to spare... apply for accomodation and make it on the last day
visa app
- i wait very very long for confirmation... but i don't get it. so i email international office...
- i get a reply ~1month later: they sent a letter
- i get the letter... 1 week? later and happily go down to visa application office where they tell me: no, you can't make your visa cos the letter doesn't have all the info we need
- i email them again... and get joel to chase them, joel gets an email saying 'we faxed it to you'... but he hasn't received it...
- i finally get the acceptance letter, go down to visa office and apply
- that was two weeks ago... and i've been calling the office and getting engaged tones. pfft. so where's my visa?!?!
accomodation
- i find that everyone has their accomodation but me... i email accomodation office and get an offer (apparently UCL hadn't forwarded my details to the hall...)
- i have this amazingly troublesome time trying to get my documents to the hall by the deadline (okay not really... but it was quite strange that all my faxes couldn't get through...)
- i realise i don't have a hardcopy of proof of accomodation... nor confirmation that i can move in early on the 17th and i email them
- i'm still waiting...
banking
- i sign up for the international student account... (very happy... can get something done smoothly)
- i discover my account has been set up... branch: one in OXFORD... when i'm studying in? LONDON... pfft
- again i'm waiting for reply/ confirmation/ something
call me of little faith... but i'm wondering if this overseas thing has all been my effort and not His plan...
or maybe it's been going right... just in God's time and not mine
or maybe it's like what pastor says... that the devil catches a glimpse of the amazing things God has called you to do... then tries his best to stop it from happening...
maybe i should stop thinking so much and trust that my Daddy God makes all things work for good.
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Monday, September 03, 2007
trying to squeeze my life into a 45L bagpack and beeg suitcase...
not that hard.
only that the mother is worried about the weight and i have to somehow pack so that the bags are of relatively the same (manageable) weight
in any case... i'm a quarter done... the clothes shall go in slowly day by day or i'll have only shorts and school shirts to wear for 2 weeks 0_o
can't pack the electronic things either cos i'm using them =S... then again... those are going into the laptop bag as my handcarry (with the exception of the many many data cables)
...
haha. the stupid vacuum packed pillow is happily un-vacuuming itself and puffing up
...
13 days more.
i haven't collected my visa (they aren't picking up the phone)
i haven't settled who's sharing a cab with me/ booked a cab from airport to hall
i haven't confirmed that i can move into my accomodation earlier
i haven't changed money/ made bank drafts or travellers cheques
i haven't got confirmation that the UK bank branch has been reassigned (they put me to a branch in Oxford... and i'm going to London...?)
i haven't got my password for S'pore side internet banking (culprit: memory loss)
i haven't bought a pencil case (bah.)
should i be panicking?
not that hard.
only that the mother is worried about the weight and i have to somehow pack so that the bags are of relatively the same (manageable) weight
in any case... i'm a quarter done... the clothes shall go in slowly day by day or i'll have only shorts and school shirts to wear for 2 weeks 0_o
can't pack the electronic things either cos i'm using them =S... then again... those are going into the laptop bag as my handcarry (with the exception of the many many data cables)
...
haha. the stupid vacuum packed pillow is happily un-vacuuming itself and puffing up
...
13 days more.
i haven't collected my visa (they aren't picking up the phone)
i haven't settled who's sharing a cab with me/ booked a cab from airport to hall
i haven't confirmed that i can move into my accomodation earlier
i haven't changed money/ made bank drafts or travellers cheques
i haven't got confirmation that the UK bank branch has been reassigned (they put me to a branch in Oxford... and i'm going to London...?)
i haven't got my password for S'pore side internet banking (culprit: memory loss)
i haven't bought a pencil case (bah.)
should i be panicking?
Saturday, September 01, 2007
burnt...
i haven't blogged in a few days... not that there's much to blog about...
- been editing vids [i have a new respect for all those fan-subbers out there... subbing takes forever! 0_o] i wanted to upload the TSPC one... but it's too long for youtube and they don't let me post it so no point.
- editing more vids... well taking them actually - ice-skating vid and turkish ice-cream-man vs nicholas to be uploaded soon (soon is relative to my free time)
- trying desperately to learn how to create a torrent so i can spare myself the pain of sending all the MOE scholars the TSPC vid... [meh. if only downloading from youtube was an option... but it becomes private... and then pple can't get the add anyway =( ]
ULTIMATE frisbee today with the
ULTIMATE tan lines (i am so chao-tar)
along with the 'burnt' theme... today's daily devotional=) :
Jesus Has You Covered
Imagine the perfection of Jesus covering you from head to toe in the sight of God every moment of the day. Does that sound like a dream? My friend, that is your reality because Jesus became your burnt offering at the cross.
In the case of the burnt offering, when the offerer lays his hand on the animal sacrifice (Leviticus 1:3–4), the perfection and beauty of the unblemished sacrifice is transferred to him, and God sees and accepts him in the perfection of the animal.
In Hebrew, the word “accepted” implies being treated with favour, delight and acceptance. This means that you, for whom Jesus became a burnt offering, are treated by God with favour, delight and acceptance because the beauty and perfection of Jesus has been transferred to you. As your burnt offering, Jesus have made atonement for you on your behalf.
Jesus is your atonement or covering for sin. How precious Jesus is to the Father is how precious you are to the Father because when the Father sees you, He sees Jesus, your atonement, your covering.
So every day, take Jesus as your burnt offering come to God and say, “Father, I thank You that Jesus is my burnt offering. He covers me from head to toe with His righteousness. I thank you Father, that You see me without spot or wrinkle. You see me covered in all the value and perfection of the work of Your Son. What He is to You, I am. Who He is to You, I am. As He is now, so am I. I am in Him!”
Jesus has you covered. You don’t appear before the Father with all your lack, faults and shortcomings. Jesus proclaims to you what is right with you in spite of what is wrong with you because He has you covered. Today, hear him telling you, “Go, girl! I have got you covered. There is nothing for you to worry about!” Hear him saying to you, “Go for it, son! I am covering you. There is nothing for you to fear!”
- been editing vids [i have a new respect for all those fan-subbers out there... subbing takes forever! 0_o] i wanted to upload the TSPC one... but it's too long for youtube and they don't let me post it so no point.
- editing more vids... well taking them actually - ice-skating vid and turkish ice-cream-man vs nicholas to be uploaded soon (soon is relative to my free time)
- trying desperately to learn how to create a torrent so i can spare myself the pain of sending all the MOE scholars the TSPC vid... [meh. if only downloading from youtube was an option... but it becomes private... and then pple can't get the add anyway =( ]
ULTIMATE frisbee today with the
ULTIMATE tan lines (i am so chao-tar)
check out my invisible watch...
right arm (the left one looks the same)
poor legs...
poor legs...
along with the 'burnt' theme... today's daily devotional=) :
Jesus Has You Covered
Then he shall put his hand on the head of the burnt offering, and it will be accepted on his behalf to make atonement for him. Leviticus 1:44
Imagine the perfection of Jesus covering you from head to toe in the sight of God every moment of the day. Does that sound like a dream? My friend, that is your reality because Jesus became your burnt offering at the cross.
In the case of the burnt offering, when the offerer lays his hand on the animal sacrifice (Leviticus 1:3–4), the perfection and beauty of the unblemished sacrifice is transferred to him, and God sees and accepts him in the perfection of the animal.
In Hebrew, the word “accepted” implies being treated with favour, delight and acceptance. This means that you, for whom Jesus became a burnt offering, are treated by God with favour, delight and acceptance because the beauty and perfection of Jesus has been transferred to you. As your burnt offering, Jesus have made atonement for you on your behalf.
Jesus is your atonement or covering for sin. How precious Jesus is to the Father is how precious you are to the Father because when the Father sees you, He sees Jesus, your atonement, your covering.
So every day, take Jesus as your burnt offering come to God and say, “Father, I thank You that Jesus is my burnt offering. He covers me from head to toe with His righteousness. I thank you Father, that You see me without spot or wrinkle. You see me covered in all the value and perfection of the work of Your Son. What He is to You, I am. Who He is to You, I am. As He is now, so am I. I am in Him!”
Jesus has you covered. You don’t appear before the Father with all your lack, faults and shortcomings. Jesus proclaims to you what is right with you in spite of what is wrong with you because He has you covered. Today, hear him telling you, “Go, girl! I have got you covered. There is nothing for you to worry about!” Hear him saying to you, “Go for it, son! I am covering you. There is nothing for you to fear!”
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
and life goes on
back from camp... i actually came back yesterday night =P figured it was pointless to stay the night and not-sleep and go home the next day.
camp was... i dunno... kinda fun... different culture (?) with partygoers galore. i managed to do what i went there to do - made lots of friends, get to know more seniors. but i realised at the end of it last night when they were playing a mild version of a drinking game, how difficult it would be for me to stick by my principles over there. there is pressure to party/ club/ drink till you're drunk/ play like crazy. it was a strange experience as i came to the end of myself in the middle of an indian poker game (this girl had to do a forfeit and kiss a senior >.<) and found myself silently praying that God would preserve me in that kind of environment, give me favour to fit in... to be in the world (and belong) but not of the world. i realised it wouldn't be as easy fitting in as i thought...
by Your favour and grace Lord.
to backdate this a bit... Daddy God's really amazing...
on saturday at servers meeting 1230pm... i was falling asleep as deacon matthew was sharing with us the spirit of serving, thinking "when this ends i can go to some corner and take a nap... and be more alert for service (which starts at 4.30)" the meeting ended at 2pm.. and we went to set up.
serving is a calling... a longing to do something in the kingdom of God... i wanted to serve this week... my 2nd last arrow before London 0_o but i was so tired. in any case, i asked esther how come i wasn't scheduled for today, whether it was for the newcomers to learn. and she turned to me and said 'ya, but they're not here, do you want to do main cam today?' i said yes, and abruptly realised that no less than 10 min ago i was commenting to someone that if i were to serve today i'd probably be able to fall asleep at the camera and you'd see pastor walk out of frame =P
i started off tired, i did... and behind the cam you only get a 2D picture of what's going on... normally your brain shuts down after a while, but as worship progressed my brain started to wake up. then pastor had ministering and i was struck with something i never thought of before - Lord, i want to go up but i'm stuck here serving You. normally in worship, you lift your hands in surrender, lose yourself in His love and come out refreshed... all the more so in ministering, with special anointing as leaders lay hands on you.
and there i was, stuck behind the camera, both hands busy, having to stay alert... and being a bit sad that i couldn't go up... when i realised the portion that servers have...
i used to be in CREW... an usher, basically 'helps' ministry... in ministering, you run around to catch the people getting slain in the Spirit. As you stand behind the person the leader/ pastor is praying for, you can literally feel the backwash of the anointing, even covering you. i realised the privillege of being in video at that point - we get to see the big picture. video is involved in most, if not all events... behind the camera we get to see the multitude of people go up, see the presence of God fall, see people walk away from the front with love shining from their faces... and we get to go up now and then to physically receive... but who's to say that God doesn't touch the people way back in the crowd?
so behind the camera, in the complete opposite of the position i'd normally have in worship - eyes wide open, watching everything, hands controlling the camera, holding still and thinking about the framing instead of concentrating on Him, i just told Him - Lord my heart is open, i want that anointing, that refreshing and i can't go up to get prayed for. You placed me here Lord, so You sustain me, give me strength to stand here, to film well for the whole service and not zone out. Lord i draw from You, right here, right now. - and the sweet physical manifestation of His presence came.
i videoed the rest of the sermon... with the exception of 30 min where hweifen took over from me so i could rest - and doing something as tiring as standing still for 2+ hours and staring at a tiny screen thinking about framing, i came away from serving... more refreshed than when i went in.
God is so good... it blows me away.
camp was... i dunno... kinda fun... different culture (?) with partygoers galore. i managed to do what i went there to do - made lots of friends, get to know more seniors. but i realised at the end of it last night when they were playing a mild version of a drinking game, how difficult it would be for me to stick by my principles over there. there is pressure to party/ club/ drink till you're drunk/ play like crazy. it was a strange experience as i came to the end of myself in the middle of an indian poker game (this girl had to do a forfeit and kiss a senior >.<) and found myself silently praying that God would preserve me in that kind of environment, give me favour to fit in... to be in the world (and belong) but not of the world. i realised it wouldn't be as easy fitting in as i thought...
by Your favour and grace Lord.
to backdate this a bit... Daddy God's really amazing...
on saturday at servers meeting 1230pm... i was falling asleep as deacon matthew was sharing with us the spirit of serving, thinking "when this ends i can go to some corner and take a nap... and be more alert for service (which starts at 4.30)" the meeting ended at 2pm.. and we went to set up.
serving is a calling... a longing to do something in the kingdom of God... i wanted to serve this week... my 2nd last arrow before London 0_o but i was so tired. in any case, i asked esther how come i wasn't scheduled for today, whether it was for the newcomers to learn. and she turned to me and said 'ya, but they're not here, do you want to do main cam today?' i said yes, and abruptly realised that no less than 10 min ago i was commenting to someone that if i were to serve today i'd probably be able to fall asleep at the camera and you'd see pastor walk out of frame =P
i started off tired, i did... and behind the cam you only get a 2D picture of what's going on... normally your brain shuts down after a while, but as worship progressed my brain started to wake up. then pastor had ministering and i was struck with something i never thought of before - Lord, i want to go up but i'm stuck here serving You. normally in worship, you lift your hands in surrender, lose yourself in His love and come out refreshed... all the more so in ministering, with special anointing as leaders lay hands on you.
and there i was, stuck behind the camera, both hands busy, having to stay alert... and being a bit sad that i couldn't go up... when i realised the portion that servers have...
i used to be in CREW... an usher, basically 'helps' ministry... in ministering, you run around to catch the people getting slain in the Spirit. As you stand behind the person the leader/ pastor is praying for, you can literally feel the backwash of the anointing, even covering you. i realised the privillege of being in video at that point - we get to see the big picture. video is involved in most, if not all events... behind the camera we get to see the multitude of people go up, see the presence of God fall, see people walk away from the front with love shining from their faces... and we get to go up now and then to physically receive... but who's to say that God doesn't touch the people way back in the crowd?
so behind the camera, in the complete opposite of the position i'd normally have in worship - eyes wide open, watching everything, hands controlling the camera, holding still and thinking about the framing instead of concentrating on Him, i just told Him - Lord my heart is open, i want that anointing, that refreshing and i can't go up to get prayed for. You placed me here Lord, so You sustain me, give me strength to stand here, to film well for the whole service and not zone out. Lord i draw from You, right here, right now. - and the sweet physical manifestation of His presence came.
i videoed the rest of the sermon... with the exception of 30 min where hweifen took over from me so i could rest - and doing something as tiring as standing still for 2+ hours and staring at a tiny screen thinking about framing, i came away from serving... more refreshed than when i went in.
God is so good... it blows me away.
Friday, August 24, 2007
give me strength
an update... against my better judgement cos of the time... but then again i probably won't get a chance to blog till... next wed or so.
21/8/07
- full day of work for parents
- break in the middle for photoshop class 1-2pm
- ballet 6.30-7.30pm
- dinner with aaron, my fellow true beginner in the beginner adult ballet class full of laselle ppl
- finally home to finish video editing of hwei's bdae-cake-smash... slept at... what, 2am?
22/8/07
- ice-skating with the MOE scholars 10am @ jurong east... which meant i woke up at 730am =(
- rush off for 2nd photoshop lesson, 2pm-4pm (the guy was nice and extended the time!)
- went looking for sandals around dhoby ghaut... no progress there though
- got picked up by joel for our scholars bible study thing... which ended at 10pm
- got a lift to orchard... picked up by parents for supper
- reached home at uh. 12am thereabouts
- against logic i turned on my lappy and started editing the TSPC video 0_0
- slept at... around 3am
23/8/07
- off to johor bahru for dental appointment... and an attempt at buying sport shoes
- woke up at 830am... and didn't actually move from where i was till about 9am lol.
- shopped. shopped? dunno. managed to buy some random items i needed... although my mom got most of the things on her list done. (no shoes still btw.)
- back home 9pm, turned on comp... and suddenly filled my nice empty friday with a lot of things
24/8/07
- meet xing cong at RJ 8.30am to get certified trues from office and stuff from bookshop
- head down to orchard and split up, me for visa and to check for sandal prices from that shop at cine, him to repair the poor new camera that got drowned in a waterfall
- meet again for lunch(?) with nicholas and head to queensway to get shoes/ sandals (i must must must buy this time grrr.)
- get home ... by 5 hopefully? and edit that TSPC vid... i'm still only doing our performance =(... oh yes. pack. - and must sleep early this time.
[edit] nick didn't show in the end... and i spent about $616 today... which brings the week's expenditure to $715... not counting cents, busfare and stuff. wow. on a happier note, i think i'm just about done with buying =)[/edit]
25/8/07
- meeting ex-classmates 8am chinatown for breakfast (the last breakfast. lol.)
- servers meeting 12.30pm @ church
- serving for arrow... 1.30pm to well... 8 plus 9... [edit] esther just told me i'm not down for tomorrow's service =D so i can bring my lappie and edit for TSPC/ ice skating and chill =)[/edit]
- dinner with the cg =) pray that i don't start nodding off into my food...
- probably reach home after 11pm
26/8/07
- going for... 1st service(?) with the cg pple who go then... ugh. if i can wake up... or maybe go alone to 2nd =S
- UCL freshers camp... 3.15pm pasir ris to catch shuttle to the place...
27/8/07
- camp. well.
28/8/07
- camp. yes. still. till about 10.30am
- freedom! XD
- arrow video training... probably 7.30 to... about 10
*takes a deep breath*
okay. off to bed.
21/8/07
- full day of work for parents
- break in the middle for photoshop class 1-2pm
- ballet 6.30-7.30pm
- dinner with aaron, my fellow true beginner in the beginner adult ballet class full of laselle ppl
- finally home to finish video editing of hwei's bdae-cake-smash... slept at... what, 2am?
22/8/07
- ice-skating with the MOE scholars 10am @ jurong east... which meant i woke up at 730am =(
- rush off for 2nd photoshop lesson, 2pm-4pm (the guy was nice and extended the time!)
- went looking for sandals around dhoby ghaut... no progress there though
- got picked up by joel for our scholars bible study thing... which ended at 10pm
- got a lift to orchard... picked up by parents for supper
- reached home at uh. 12am thereabouts
- against logic i turned on my lappy and started editing the TSPC video 0_0
- slept at... around 3am
23/8/07
- off to johor bahru for dental appointment... and an attempt at buying sport shoes
- woke up at 830am... and didn't actually move from where i was till about 9am lol.
- shopped. shopped? dunno. managed to buy some random items i needed... although my mom got most of the things on her list done. (no shoes still btw.)
- back home 9pm, turned on comp... and suddenly filled my nice empty friday with a lot of things
24/8/07
- meet xing cong at RJ 8.30am to get certified trues from office and stuff from bookshop
- head down to orchard and split up, me for visa and to check for sandal prices from that shop at cine, him to repair the poor new camera that got drowned in a waterfall
- meet again for lunch(?) with nicholas and head to queensway to get shoes/ sandals (i must must must buy this time grrr.)
- get home ... by 5 hopefully? and edit that TSPC vid... i'm still only doing our performance =(... oh yes. pack. - and must sleep early this time.
[edit] nick didn't show in the end... and i spent about $616 today... which brings the week's expenditure to $715... not counting cents, busfare and stuff. wow. on a happier note, i think i'm just about done with buying =)[/edit]
25/8/07
- meeting ex-classmates 8am chinatown for breakfast (the last breakfast. lol.)
- servers meeting 12.30pm @ church
- serving for arrow... 1.30pm to well... 8 plus 9... [edit] esther just told me i'm not down for tomorrow's service =D so i can bring my lappie and edit for TSPC/ ice skating and chill =)[/edit]
- dinner with the cg =) pray that i don't start nodding off into my food...
- probably reach home after 11pm
26/8/07
- going for... 1st service(?) with the cg pple who go then... ugh. if i can wake up... or maybe go alone to 2nd =S
- UCL freshers camp... 3.15pm pasir ris to catch shuttle to the place...
27/8/07
- camp. well.
28/8/07
- camp. yes. still. till about 10.30am
- freedom! XD
- arrow video training... probably 7.30 to... about 10
*takes a deep breath*
okay. off to bed.
Monday, August 20, 2007
hee.
i was listening to my ipod on the song shuffle... and N'sync came up... and omg my reaction was so jaded lol.
When winter comes in summer
When there's no more forever
Yeah, that's when I'll stop loving you (yah right, humans don't have the capacity to love)
That's when I'll stop loving you
I'm sure you've heard these words before (uh huh.)
And I know it's hard for you to trust them once more (definately so.)
You're afraid it all might end (it already did at some point.)
And a broken heart is scared of breaking again (you're right there. never healed.)
But you've gotta believe meI'll never leave you (as if you can keep a promise)
You'll never cry long as I am there (that's what you all say.)
And I will always be there (oh really?)
You will never be without love
When winter comes in summer (it's starting to happen already...)
When there's no more forever (there was never really a forever)
When lies become the truth (eh... doesn't that happen all the time?)
Oh you know then baby,
That's when I'll stop lovin'
That's when I'll stop loving you
...
that's when i reached home and turned it off. hehe.
but sarcastic thoughs aside - if you imagine Jesus saying it to you, it brings a whole new meaning to things =). Only a perfect man perfect God can keep His promises perfectly.
and that's my Saviour!
...
i love the Abrahamic blessings...
God does the do-ing, we just receive.
(and i find i love Him all the more cos Jesus qualified me for this.)
When winter comes in summer
When there's no more forever
Yeah, that's when I'll stop loving you (yah right, humans don't have the capacity to love)
That's when I'll stop loving you
I'm sure you've heard these words before (uh huh.)
And I know it's hard for you to trust them once more (definately so.)
You're afraid it all might end (it already did at some point.)
And a broken heart is scared of breaking again (you're right there. never healed.)
But you've gotta believe meI'll never leave you (as if you can keep a promise)
You'll never cry long as I am there (that's what you all say.)
And I will always be there (oh really?)
You will never be without love
When winter comes in summer (it's starting to happen already...)
When there's no more forever (there was never really a forever)
When lies become the truth (eh... doesn't that happen all the time?)
Oh you know then baby,
That's when I'll stop lovin'
That's when I'll stop loving you
...
that's when i reached home and turned it off. hehe.
but sarcastic thoughs aside - if you imagine Jesus saying it to you, it brings a whole new meaning to things =). Only a perfect man perfect God can keep His promises perfectly.
and that's my Saviour!
...
i love the Abrahamic blessings...
I will make you a great nation;
I will bless you
And make your name great;
And you shall be a blessing.
I will bless those who bless you,
And I will curse him who curses you;
And in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed.”
Genesis 12:2-3
blessing I will bless you, and multiplying I will multiply your descendants as the stars of the heaven and as the sand which is on the seashore; and your descendants shall possess the gate of their enemies. In your seed all the nations of the earth shall be blessed, because you have obeyed My voice.”
Genesis 22:17-18
God does the do-ing, we just receive.
(and i find i love Him all the more cos Jesus qualified me for this.)
Thursday, August 16, 2007
i choose to believe
i just caught this in the spirit this morning, after these past two weeks of swirling thoughts...
the other voice came back (if you know what i mean) for a moment and i was warring with it. all the 'what if's, the 'are you sure this is the right choice?'s, the 'what's your future, life isn't worth it', the 'comeon, you regret not dying right? see life so difficult' etc.
so i was asking God... are you really sure? God? cos i'm scared to death (rather literally.) and i don't know where i'm going... and preparations aren't going well. not well at all. i have not the strength to fight anymore.
... so i shut down... and shut out... and run away (and was rather surprised when ian looked at me yday at the prayer meeting and went 'you look tired, are you okay?' lol). some-when in there i was thinking about pastor's message about rest (timely reminder) ... and asking God 'eh God, this is so NOT rest la. how how? cannot go overseas being so depressed - so flat, how ah?'... thinking 'omg. talk about falling short of God's will... when you're afraid to sleep cos you don't want to face the next day'
and somehow this morning while thinking through the circumstances i'm in/ been through - it dawned on me... the purpose for the phrase "Let us labour therefore to enter into that rest" from Hebrews 4:11... that it takes effort, to choose to believe in Jesus, to choose to believe that God holds my world in the palm of His hand, to choose to believe that all things work for good no matter what happens to you.
so.
i choose to believe that God is good, He's my ABBA, my provider--
i choose to believe that my accomodation delay is because He is working to find me a great place to stay.
i choose to believe that the delay in my letters and my visa application is because He is crafting a place for me, a position in university.
i choose to believe that He will finance my life - that He is my provider, not my parents, not the scholarship board, not my boss.
...
i choose to believe that He has made me a blessing, and created me for an amazing purpose - no matter how unworthy i know i am
i choose to believe that He has planted me in MOE for a reason, to be an impact in some way for Christ
i choose to believe that He has created a niche for me in this batch of scholars - among people i barely know anything about, among a group of people i feel rather unworthy to be in
...
i choose to believe that He is Lord over my life, by extension my parents' lives
i choose to believe that one day He will restore their relationship, that He is the glue between them, not me.
...
i choose to believe that He is my Savior King, my protector, my healer.
i choose to believe that no weapon that comes against me shall prosper, that i will be safe in London and be happy in Him.
i choose to believe that i walk in the perfect health Jesus died to give me - that the 6/6 vision is coming, that my body is whole and not broken.
i choose to believe that Jesus and me, we make the majority - and He's all that matters.
...
and the war in my head just faded away.
and the email from residence just came saying i got international hall. thank you Daddy. (i guess you call these tears of love & joy)
the other voice came back (if you know what i mean) for a moment and i was warring with it. all the 'what if's, the 'are you sure this is the right choice?'s, the 'what's your future, life isn't worth it', the 'comeon, you regret not dying right? see life so difficult' etc.
so i was asking God... are you really sure? God? cos i'm scared to death (rather literally.) and i don't know where i'm going... and preparations aren't going well. not well at all. i have not the strength to fight anymore.
... so i shut down... and shut out... and run away (and was rather surprised when ian looked at me yday at the prayer meeting and went 'you look tired, are you okay?' lol). some-when in there i was thinking about pastor's message about rest (timely reminder) ... and asking God 'eh God, this is so NOT rest la. how how? cannot go overseas being so depressed - so flat, how ah?'... thinking 'omg. talk about falling short of God's will... when you're afraid to sleep cos you don't want to face the next day'
and somehow this morning while thinking through the circumstances i'm in/ been through - it dawned on me... the purpose for the phrase "Let us labour therefore to enter into that rest" from Hebrews 4:11... that it takes effort, to choose to believe in Jesus, to choose to believe that God holds my world in the palm of His hand, to choose to believe that all things work for good no matter what happens to you.
so.
i choose to believe that God is good, He's my ABBA, my provider--
i choose to believe that my accomodation delay is because He is working to find me a great place to stay.
i choose to believe that the delay in my letters and my visa application is because He is crafting a place for me, a position in university.
i choose to believe that He will finance my life - that He is my provider, not my parents, not the scholarship board, not my boss.
...
i choose to believe that He has made me a blessing, and created me for an amazing purpose - no matter how unworthy i know i am
i choose to believe that He has planted me in MOE for a reason, to be an impact in some way for Christ
i choose to believe that He has created a niche for me in this batch of scholars - among people i barely know anything about, among a group of people i feel rather unworthy to be in
...
i choose to believe that He is Lord over my life, by extension my parents' lives
i choose to believe that one day He will restore their relationship, that He is the glue between them, not me.
...
i choose to believe that He is my Savior King, my protector, my healer.
i choose to believe that no weapon that comes against me shall prosper, that i will be safe in London and be happy in Him.
i choose to believe that i walk in the perfect health Jesus died to give me - that the 6/6 vision is coming, that my body is whole and not broken.
i choose to believe that Jesus and me, we make the majority - and He's all that matters.
...
and the war in my head just faded away.
and the email from residence just came saying i got international hall. thank you Daddy. (i guess you call these tears of love & joy)
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
things of note
- i'm flying off in exactly 1 month.
- i went all the way to the visa application office... to find out that UCL didnt send me a letter with enough information - so i STILL haven't applied =(
- i still have no word from the halls of residence... (they had better give me a place to stay. grr.)
- i finally got my International Student Identity Card =D although i still dunno what it's good for >.<
- i spent $177.45 (just in the last two days)... not counting food - of which $73.65 was on stationery 0_o, $60 on lesson/ travel/ processing fees, $43.80 on clothes (if i had done my visa... it would be $317 more. gosh.)
... meh. whyyy the uni so slowww...
my spending power is scary =S and my shopping list is still rather long.. with the rather expensive items left... like earphones (i really don't want to look at my bank account balance. lol.)
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Monday, August 13, 2007
Sunday, August 12, 2007
coincidences
hoho. what's the probablility
walking through citilink towards MRT to find MOE UK pple to have lunch before Brit Council fair... i met (altogether no less.):
1. hweifen, who was walking through towards suntec for service
2. andrea, who was with someone for some rag day thing
3. farrah, whom andrea met... who was walking towards suntec for the Brit Council fair.
then. after walking off and being unable to find the MOE pple i randomly walked back to suntec... macs, and found hweifen and amanda. led by the spirit. haha.
i have been stagnating. i shall stop now. =)
off to feed.
walking through citilink towards MRT to find MOE UK pple to have lunch before Brit Council fair... i met (altogether no less.):
1. hweifen, who was walking through towards suntec for service
2. andrea, who was with someone for some rag day thing
3. farrah, whom andrea met... who was walking towards suntec for the Brit Council fair.
then. after walking off and being unable to find the MOE pple i randomly walked back to suntec... macs, and found hweifen and amanda. led by the spirit. haha.
i have been stagnating. i shall stop now. =)
off to feed.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
koped from heidi
and unlike her. i've changed... used to be INFJ... although the J was always teetering somewhere around 54% hohum.
... i don't want to sleep... cos it means that i have to face the next day...
... what mad logic is that?...
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
futility of existence
i can't get rid of this feeling. grawh.
someone give me a kick/ talking to if you know me well enough... if you don't, just pray for me.
lost.
go'way devil. you bore me.
someone give me a kick/ talking to if you know me well enough... if you don't, just pray for me.
lost.
go'way devil. you bore me.
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
how empty.
all that fuss about the performance (well of course we must have excellence... but that quest for perfection over a 10 min item? and the amount of money spent?)
all that fuss over 'our day'
and in the end it just dispersed.
...
i feel like a well-groomed product of the education system.
-look minister(s), we present to you the newest batch of scholars! look how well the ministry has done, you see, the educational system works. oh yes, look, no problems with the ceremony, didn't we do a good job? *promotion? hint hint*-
blast it all.
[i concede... i got to shake hands with ministers... got to talk to some of them... and to meet various teachers again... but the ceremony just...doesn't sit well with me]
all that fuss over 'our day'
and in the end it just dispersed.
...
i feel like a well-groomed product of the education system.
-look minister(s), we present to you the newest batch of scholars! look how well the ministry has done, you see, the educational system works. oh yes, look, no problems with the ceremony, didn't we do a good job? *promotion? hint hint*-
blast it all.
[i concede... i got to shake hands with ministers... got to talk to some of them... and to meet various teachers again... but the ceremony just...doesn't sit well with me]
Saturday, August 04, 2007
graduation.
i like graduating... unlike many people i know. it's fun to go to a new place, make new friends, do new things. not to mention less baggage.
grad party for JC cluster was yday, barbecue where the coaches cooked and we enjoyed ourselves =P although it seems like my cg ppl were all itching to cook (me included lol.)
but it just felt weird. yeah i'm graduating. but i'm not moving up in cg yet. and everyone there had common topics with various other people... the uni/ orientation/ choosing courses etc. which i know nothing about... so i just listened and did info gathering =S and more or less stuck to my cg ppl.. which i won't be able to do soon. bugger.
5 weeks more...
grad party for JC cluster was yday, barbecue where the coaches cooked and we enjoyed ourselves =P although it seems like my cg ppl were all itching to cook (me included lol.)
but it just felt weird. yeah i'm graduating. but i'm not moving up in cg yet. and everyone there had common topics with various other people... the uni/ orientation/ choosing courses etc. which i know nothing about... so i just listened and did info gathering =S and more or less stuck to my cg ppl.. which i won't be able to do soon. bugger.
5 weeks more...
Monday, July 30, 2007
Sunday, July 29, 2007
in all things give thanks
in this case. for protection.
i - being lazy to get up properly and flip the switch to my laptop adaptor - reached over, put one leg down on the floor from my bed and stretched.
and slipped. (on the UCL accomodation booklet no less. lol.)
so i came crashing down to the floor at an amazing speed... smashed my left arm on the table beside my bed... my right end of my hip bone into the weighing scale... knee to the floor... and got the wind knocked out of me.
all in all. ow. and the bruises will be interesting to see in a while.
but. i could have smashed my head into the corner of that table, just narrowly missed it.. and the adaptor i pulled down with me narrowly missed my head too.
and. if i had landed... with my hip not on the weighing scale but really *splat* on the floor... i probably would have cracked some ribs...
lookie that. protection in the face of stupidity. =P
i - being lazy to get up properly and flip the switch to my laptop adaptor - reached over, put one leg down on the floor from my bed and stretched.
and slipped. (on the UCL accomodation booklet no less. lol.)
so i came crashing down to the floor at an amazing speed... smashed my left arm on the table beside my bed... my right end of my hip bone into the weighing scale... knee to the floor... and got the wind knocked out of me.
all in all. ow. and the bruises will be interesting to see in a while.
but. i could have smashed my head into the corner of that table, just narrowly missed it.. and the adaptor i pulled down with me narrowly missed my head too.
and. if i had landed... with my hip not on the weighing scale but really *splat* on the floor... i probably would have cracked some ribs...
lookie that. protection in the face of stupidity. =P
Saturday, July 28, 2007
SIRENS
first police... then ambulance...
shouts.
more shouts.
"PUT DOWN YOUR..."
"PUT IT DOWN NOW..."
strangled cries.
and silence.
i wonder if i can sleep.
shouts.
more shouts.
"PUT DOWN YOUR..."
"PUT IT DOWN NOW..."
strangled cries.
and silence.
i wonder if i can sleep.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
excerpts
Never Let Go of a Dream From God
Even though my parents continually spoke greatness into me and were an example of loving parents, the dream-stealer, with a glimpse into my potential, was hard at work to destroy me. I scrambled through my teenage years believing the worst about myself - believing I was fat and ugly, believing I needed to work harder to be loved more, to please, or to be accepted. I felt I was the reason for divorce in my family. It's a familiar story for too many young people.
Now I know it was the devil, the dream-stealer, who came to steal the future that God had placed in my young heart. He works especially hard on young people or on people with new dreams in their hearts so that he can dash all hope and kill a dream-seed in its tender beginnings. He took my baby before I even had a chance to fight for it. He steals-- that's his personality-- he's a thief.
God-dreams will always find opposition, even before you realise that your amazing idea may be more than a whimsical thought. How many times has a great idea come to you and then instantly you thought, Ah, wouldn't that be great, but I could never...? When you hear the words "I could never..." know the enemy is planning your defeat rather than your victory, snuffing out a dream in its infancy.
When Jesus was born, the enemy of God put the desire in Herod to search for Him and have Him killed. Before Moses was born, this same dream-stealer made Pharaoh decree that all baby boys were to be killed. The devil recognises a God-dream long before we do.
...
Let God Breathe Life Into Your Dream
You know a dream is from God when you can let go of it, but it won't let go of you. I am so thankful that God is outstandingly generous, and my dreams are fulfilled because of His grace to breathe life into the seeds of desire in my heart.
God breathed life into Adam; He breathed life into creation; and He wants to breathe life into the life that has been given to you. The life that God breathes is His supernatural presence to bring His favor and abundance into our natural life, It is the power to defeat the dream-stealer.
Jesus said that He came to bring us life, not death, and life to the full. He explained, "The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life [zoe], and that they might have it more abundantly" ( John 10:10 KJV). The word abundant is from a Greek word perissos, which means "superabundant in quantity" or "superior in quality," by implication, "excessive." In and through Christ, we have access to a life that is exceeding, abundantly above, more advantageous, very highly, beyond measure, more , superfluous, vehemently full of God's goodness. That's awesome!
You can live your whole life doing what is natural: get up in the morning, go to work, come home at the end of the day, go to sleep, and get up again the next day, only to do it all over again -- that's a natural life. But the supernatural life is being aware of the presence of God in all you do. The supernatural life happens when you let God breathe His life into yours. Jesus is the dimension to our natural, everyday life that causes us to do the supernatural things that demonstrate the glory of His presence in our lives.
...
These are examples of what I call the heaven exchange, when God literally exchanges our weaknesses for His strength, our brokenness for His wholeness. He tells us, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:9)
When you stand and choose to rejoice in the face of opposition, you are literally using the spiritual warfare weapons Paul describes in 2 Corinthians 10:4: "The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary they have divine power to demolish strongholds." Psalm 66:3 says, " So great is your power that your enemies cringe before you."
...
Dreams Versus Goals
There is a great difference between a dream and a goal. Goals are awesome. Goals are honorable; goals are godly; goals are noble. But with forward planning and discipline, goals are set to equip you to achieve them.
Let me challenge you with this thought: If you can figure out how you can do it, then it is not a dream. It's a goal. I tell you, I don't want to get to heaven and have God say, "Well done, my good and faithful planner." Just pulling off your plans is great, but I want to live in the faith realm, in the God Gap, the land of the miraculous!
...
Things You Don't Want to Know About the Dream
It is hard work. Seeing our dreams come to pass is hard work. It takes focus. There are long hours, frustration, times of testing and stretching. When we are in the God Gap, it's scary; it doesn't feel comfortable, and it's not nice. It is not supposed to be comfortable! We need to learn to keep saying, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13 NKJV).
Sometimes when we we're in our God Gap it will seem unfair. Sometimes our God Gap will seem not like a dream bur rather our own little nightmare. There are comparisons and disappointments, We might feel we have been overlooked. There might be tragedy, which did not fit in to how we thought life would unfold. At a women's conference in 2001, one of my girl friends had just lost her five-month-old baby. And she came to the conference and cried her way through it. Do you know where she was living? In her God Gap. "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen" (Hebrews 11:1 NKJV). Do you know where my friend was safest? In the God Gap. The Holy Spirit is working and moving to see her dream still realised. Her dream is not over, even though it felt like her life was over. But she had to walk through that tragedy. It will sometimes seem unfair, but God's timing is perfect. Psalm 31:14-15 says, " I will trust in you, O LORD.... My times are in your hands." It is lovely to pray all these Scriptures when our world is going great, but we need to sow them into our hearts for when our days are not going great so that we can confess them and state the Word of God over our circumstances.
Second Corinthians 1:20-22 says, "For no matter how many promises God has made, they are 'Yes' in Christ. And so through him the 'Amen' is spoken by us to the glory of God." Not in our own strength but through Him is the "Amen" spoken to the glory of God. "Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, set His seal of ownership on us, and put His Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come." And at the end of verse 24 it says, "Because it is by faith you stand firm." By faith! not always easy, but by faith.
Another thing to realise is that it's not all about you. I know, it's a shock! God wants us healed, whole, well, strong, so we can go and minister to the brokenhearted, the hurting, and the needy. Not so we can sing worship songs forever! My natural person would love to sing and worship for days, and it would really help, heal, and make me tender before the Father, but we need to know how to bring all we learn into the process of living life well! It's not all about me. We need to be consumed with the needs of others. Sometimes we can be so consumed with seeing our dreams come to pass, and we can become so focused on that, that our eyes don't even see the very thing God has put in our hand, and we miss it, we miss the whole experience of the journey -- being so consumed with the impossible, all that we don't have, that we forget that God has given us favour for each day, making the impossible possible.
One way to see your dreams come true is simply by making other people's dreams a reality. I love that. I love that in our worship and creative arts team I have been given the privilege of being able to help other people's dreams come true. It is hard work, and it comes at a cost. To get creative people; not just people, but creative people -- a different thing altogether -- working together in harmony like a well-oiled machine, under the oil of the Holy Spirit, comes at a cost. That's why heaven loves it. Unity is costly. It's all about Him, and when we understand it's all about Him and about taking others to Him, well, there's just no words to describe that sense of fulfillment.
that's a very very long extract from "The Kiss of Heaven - God's Favor to Empower Your Life Dream" by Darlene Zschech.
this is Spirit prompting... when you approach the TV area intending to channel surf cos there's nothing but the thoughts swirling around your head... and instead you pick up a book left there and start reading - and God speaks to you.
it's actually just for me to remember... when i'm off to London and the book is back home in S'pore. but if you read it... i hope you've been blessed by it =) .
Even though my parents continually spoke greatness into me and were an example of loving parents, the dream-stealer, with a glimpse into my potential, was hard at work to destroy me. I scrambled through my teenage years believing the worst about myself - believing I was fat and ugly, believing I needed to work harder to be loved more, to please, or to be accepted. I felt I was the reason for divorce in my family. It's a familiar story for too many young people.
Now I know it was the devil, the dream-stealer, who came to steal the future that God had placed in my young heart. He works especially hard on young people or on people with new dreams in their hearts so that he can dash all hope and kill a dream-seed in its tender beginnings. He took my baby before I even had a chance to fight for it. He steals-- that's his personality-- he's a thief.
God-dreams will always find opposition, even before you realise that your amazing idea may be more than a whimsical thought. How many times has a great idea come to you and then instantly you thought, Ah, wouldn't that be great, but I could never...? When you hear the words "I could never..." know the enemy is planning your defeat rather than your victory, snuffing out a dream in its infancy.
When Jesus was born, the enemy of God put the desire in Herod to search for Him and have Him killed. Before Moses was born, this same dream-stealer made Pharaoh decree that all baby boys were to be killed. The devil recognises a God-dream long before we do.
...
Let God Breathe Life Into Your Dream
You know a dream is from God when you can let go of it, but it won't let go of you. I am so thankful that God is outstandingly generous, and my dreams are fulfilled because of His grace to breathe life into the seeds of desire in my heart.
God breathed life into Adam; He breathed life into creation; and He wants to breathe life into the life that has been given to you. The life that God breathes is His supernatural presence to bring His favor and abundance into our natural life, It is the power to defeat the dream-stealer.
Jesus said that He came to bring us life, not death, and life to the full. He explained, "The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life [zoe], and that they might have it more abundantly" ( John 10:10 KJV). The word abundant is from a Greek word perissos, which means "superabundant in quantity" or "superior in quality," by implication, "excessive." In and through Christ, we have access to a life that is exceeding, abundantly above, more advantageous, very highly, beyond measure, more , superfluous, vehemently full of God's goodness. That's awesome!
You can live your whole life doing what is natural: get up in the morning, go to work, come home at the end of the day, go to sleep, and get up again the next day, only to do it all over again -- that's a natural life. But the supernatural life is being aware of the presence of God in all you do. The supernatural life happens when you let God breathe His life into yours. Jesus is the dimension to our natural, everyday life that causes us to do the supernatural things that demonstrate the glory of His presence in our lives.
...
When you know grief so overwhelming that you feel you will drown in the depths of emotion, this is when you need to choose to worship the King -- there at your lowest point. This is where the sweet presence of God will wash over you, and our Father will breathe His breath into your life, allowing you to rise again and find His grace and favour to go on.
When you feel your world is in complete darkness, choose to praise Him in the midst of it. God's glorious light will invade the situation, and the reality is that dark and light cannot coexist. An explosion of praise chases the darkness away, and again His kiss -- the reality of why we need a Savior is revealed.
These are examples of what I call the heaven exchange, when God literally exchanges our weaknesses for His strength, our brokenness for His wholeness. He tells us, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:9)
When you stand and choose to rejoice in the face of opposition, you are literally using the spiritual warfare weapons Paul describes in 2 Corinthians 10:4: "The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary they have divine power to demolish strongholds." Psalm 66:3 says, " So great is your power that your enemies cringe before you."
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Dreams Versus Goals
There is a great difference between a dream and a goal. Goals are awesome. Goals are honorable; goals are godly; goals are noble. But with forward planning and discipline, goals are set to equip you to achieve them.
Let me challenge you with this thought: If you can figure out how you can do it, then it is not a dream. It's a goal. I tell you, I don't want to get to heaven and have God say, "Well done, my good and faithful planner." Just pulling off your plans is great, but I want to live in the faith realm, in the God Gap, the land of the miraculous!
...
Things You Don't Want to Know About the Dream
It is hard work. Seeing our dreams come to pass is hard work. It takes focus. There are long hours, frustration, times of testing and stretching. When we are in the God Gap, it's scary; it doesn't feel comfortable, and it's not nice. It is not supposed to be comfortable! We need to learn to keep saying, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13 NKJV).
Sometimes when we we're in our God Gap it will seem unfair. Sometimes our God Gap will seem not like a dream bur rather our own little nightmare. There are comparisons and disappointments, We might feel we have been overlooked. There might be tragedy, which did not fit in to how we thought life would unfold. At a women's conference in 2001, one of my girl friends had just lost her five-month-old baby. And she came to the conference and cried her way through it. Do you know where she was living? In her God Gap. "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen" (Hebrews 11:1 NKJV). Do you know where my friend was safest? In the God Gap. The Holy Spirit is working and moving to see her dream still realised. Her dream is not over, even though it felt like her life was over. But she had to walk through that tragedy. It will sometimes seem unfair, but God's timing is perfect. Psalm 31:14-15 says, " I will trust in you, O LORD.... My times are in your hands." It is lovely to pray all these Scriptures when our world is going great, but we need to sow them into our hearts for when our days are not going great so that we can confess them and state the Word of God over our circumstances.
Second Corinthians 1:20-22 says, "For no matter how many promises God has made, they are 'Yes' in Christ. And so through him the 'Amen' is spoken by us to the glory of God." Not in our own strength but through Him is the "Amen" spoken to the glory of God. "Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, set His seal of ownership on us, and put His Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come." And at the end of verse 24 it says, "Because it is by faith you stand firm." By faith! not always easy, but by faith.
Another thing to realise is that it's not all about you. I know, it's a shock! God wants us healed, whole, well, strong, so we can go and minister to the brokenhearted, the hurting, and the needy. Not so we can sing worship songs forever! My natural person would love to sing and worship for days, and it would really help, heal, and make me tender before the Father, but we need to know how to bring all we learn into the process of living life well! It's not all about me. We need to be consumed with the needs of others. Sometimes we can be so consumed with seeing our dreams come to pass, and we can become so focused on that, that our eyes don't even see the very thing God has put in our hand, and we miss it, we miss the whole experience of the journey -- being so consumed with the impossible, all that we don't have, that we forget that God has given us favour for each day, making the impossible possible.
One way to see your dreams come true is simply by making other people's dreams a reality. I love that. I love that in our worship and creative arts team I have been given the privilege of being able to help other people's dreams come true. It is hard work, and it comes at a cost. To get creative people; not just people, but creative people -- a different thing altogether -- working together in harmony like a well-oiled machine, under the oil of the Holy Spirit, comes at a cost. That's why heaven loves it. Unity is costly. It's all about Him, and when we understand it's all about Him and about taking others to Him, well, there's just no words to describe that sense of fulfillment.
that's a very very long extract from "The Kiss of Heaven - God's Favor to Empower Your Life Dream" by Darlene Zschech.
this is Spirit prompting... when you approach the TV area intending to channel surf cos there's nothing but the thoughts swirling around your head... and instead you pick up a book left there and start reading - and God speaks to you.
it's actually just for me to remember... when i'm off to London and the book is back home in S'pore. but if you read it... i hope you've been blessed by it =) .
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
pre-empted
where is my place in MOE... among all these scholars who are so driven and want to accomplish great things, when i am not?
where is my place in Arrow... now that i'm supposed to move up but cannot?
where is my place in caregroup... to appear for 3 months a year only?
where is my place in ministry... now that i'm going off to London and cannot serve in NCC?
where is my place at home... surely not still the glue that holds the parents together?
where is my place with my friends... now that we're all going different ways?
where is my place in London... i don't even have a place to stay...
Daddy God's been sayin the same thing over and over in my spirit.. just that i haven't been listening... long before i could pinpoint the questions as the source.
You belong in My arms, safe in My embrace.
I AM all that you need.
you belong here,
I love you more than you can imagine
rest my child, and let Me do the work.
my identity in Christ... my life in Your hands
true safety - true belonging
where is my place in Arrow... now that i'm supposed to move up but cannot?
where is my place in caregroup... to appear for 3 months a year only?
where is my place in ministry... now that i'm going off to London and cannot serve in NCC?
where is my place at home... surely not still the glue that holds the parents together?
where is my place with my friends... now that we're all going different ways?
where is my place in London... i don't even have a place to stay...
Daddy God's been sayin the same thing over and over in my spirit.. just that i haven't been listening... long before i could pinpoint the questions as the source.
You belong in My arms, safe in My embrace.
I AM all that you need.
you belong here,
I love you more than you can imagine
rest my child, and let Me do the work.
my identity in Christ... my life in Your hands
true safety - true belonging
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
nothing to do
i'm in the office again working. this time doing part time for the parents. and the parents have another part-timer (a fren) who has been working for them. so i have no idea whatsoever of what needs to be done. and i finished all the things that they asked me to do. hmmm.
so i was writing down my pack list (man... so many things to pack =S). i'll have to go home and do a clothes inventory, cd inventory... load all the sermons and music into my lappie. but just listed down all the things i could think of, and the things i needed to buy. heh. i'm bringing my doggie along =)
anyway. random question. does anyone feel completely out of the loop?
-everyone's off to uni, going for orientation camps... and here i am... with no uni confirmation, accomodation, visa, trying to rush out stuff for the tspc performance, unprepared, unpacked... and all i can say to my friends is - oh camp? have a good time at camp!/ how was camp? ready for uni? - and listen to their replies and not-understand cos it seems so extraordinary (it sounds alot simpler too, cos you can rush home and get stuff... and not have to wait 3 weeks for something to be shipped over)
-then there's the sending people off... people who are all ready to go and starting term late august (okay i bet they're all panicking =P)... it's like cutting someone out from your life (unintentionally of course) and never seeing them again - okay i'm just being melodramatic. but having dates booked on my calendar to send so and so, so and so etc. off.... =(
i must treasure my friends more and keep in contact.
Charity. you are NOT allowed to be a Hermit Crab and hide from people.
God give me strength.
it all boils down to Daddy God in the end. Daddy I cannot. but i know You can. and You WILL. so you put me here for a purpose - in the land of the TS(O)s, where amazingly, about half the people are Christians and passionate about You - so You give me the giftings, the strength, the courage, the excellence, perserverance, Your favour (got alot. but that's not a bloggable thing. lol), Your grace to shine for You.
and a reason to live. =)
so i was writing down my pack list (man... so many things to pack =S). i'll have to go home and do a clothes inventory, cd inventory... load all the sermons and music into my lappie. but just listed down all the things i could think of, and the things i needed to buy. heh. i'm bringing my doggie along =)
anyway. random question. does anyone feel completely out of the loop?
-everyone's off to uni, going for orientation camps... and here i am... with no uni confirmation, accomodation, visa, trying to rush out stuff for the tspc performance, unprepared, unpacked... and all i can say to my friends is - oh camp? have a good time at camp!/ how was camp? ready for uni? - and listen to their replies and not-understand cos it seems so extraordinary (it sounds alot simpler too, cos you can rush home and get stuff... and not have to wait 3 weeks for something to be shipped over)
-then there's the sending people off... people who are all ready to go and starting term late august (okay i bet they're all panicking =P)... it's like cutting someone out from your life (unintentionally of course) and never seeing them again - okay i'm just being melodramatic. but having dates booked on my calendar to send so and so, so and so etc. off.... =(
i must treasure my friends more and keep in contact.
Charity. you are NOT allowed to be a Hermit Crab and hide from people.
God give me strength.
it all boils down to Daddy God in the end. Daddy I cannot. but i know You can. and You WILL. so you put me here for a purpose - in the land of the TS(O)s, where amazingly, about half the people are Christians and passionate about You - so You give me the giftings, the strength, the courage, the excellence, perserverance, Your favour (got alot. but that's not a bloggable thing. lol), Your grace to shine for You.
and a reason to live. =)
i'm tired
with a capital T.
and i cannot sleep. grrr. insomnia. what's the world coming to?
lol. such an uninspiring post.
i just want time time time alone to spend with Daddy God... and not to be pulled in various directions by various groups of people who need things from me/ want to go out with me/ or just the tons of things that have piled up that i have to do.
well... rehearsal was productive today. the classroom scene is increduously funny now LOL. and my timing for audio cues is getting better... av logistics are done... aiyoh.
*grunts*
i shall go to sleep. (or at least try.)
and i cannot sleep. grrr. insomnia. what's the world coming to?
lol. such an uninspiring post.
i just want time time time alone to spend with Daddy God... and not to be pulled in various directions by various groups of people who need things from me/ want to go out with me/ or just the tons of things that have piled up that i have to do.
well... rehearsal was productive today. the classroom scene is increduously funny now LOL. and my timing for audio cues is getting better... av logistics are done... aiyoh.
*grunts*
i shall go to sleep. (or at least try.)
Thursday, July 19, 2007
i thought this only happened in movies
lol. MOE thing today... in formal attire...
you know in those shows... the muscle men flex... then their shirts burst?
yah. i didn't flex... but RIIIIPP...
thank God i was in the toilet at that time... pfft. trying to tape together a small tear in the shirt
stupid malaysian shirt =(
you know in those shows... the muscle men flex... then their shirts burst?
yah. i didn't flex... but RIIIIPP...
thank God i was in the toilet at that time... pfft. trying to tape together a small tear in the shirt
stupid malaysian shirt =(
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
delayed reactions...
God gave me what i wanted!
Dear KAM MEI EN CHARITY THEODORA,
Application to NUS University Scholars Programme
Congratulations! I am very happy to let you know that your application to join University Scholars Programme is successful.
Our office is currently processing your letter of offer, and you can expect to receive it by Wednesday, July 18, 2007. Please do submit the acceptance form to our office by July 23, 2007.
We welcome you to our learning community at the Scholars Programme!
Yours sincerely
Associate Professor Peter Pang
Director
NUS University Scholars Programme
hmmm.... but i rejected my place at NUS! (haha... looks like the admin in S'pore isn't that fast after all)
Dear KAM MEI EN CHARITY THEODORA,
Application to NUS University Scholars Programme
Congratulations! I am very happy to let you know that your application to join University Scholars Programme is successful.
Our office is currently processing your letter of offer, and you can expect to receive it by Wednesday, July 18, 2007. Please do submit the acceptance form to our office by July 23, 2007.
We welcome you to our learning community at the Scholars Programme!
Yours sincerely
Associate Professor Peter Pang
Director
NUS University Scholars Programme
hmmm.... but i rejected my place at NUS! (haha... looks like the admin in S'pore isn't that fast after all)
Sunday, July 15, 2007
celebration!
celebrate wat?!?! (lol. so singaporean!)
celebrate.... lots of things actually.
celebrate the OBS experience.
i'm really tempted to type in all the OBS stuff after reading heiman's blog... lol. since i haven't gotten down to writing it out properly. but no. i shall resist!!
celebrate all the 'bad' things that happened... lots of rain/ sun at awkward times... waiting out the storm, tent pole cords breaking, tents flooding, catapult not catapulting *hehe*... His favour and grace was just so abundant, and so obvious then. we reached camp not far from the estimated time.. no one got super depressed/ mad with anyone.
celebrate Barker watch.
*for you people i'm writing thank-you-notes to - that these notes aren't just a formality (it's been a long time since people have impacted me in that particular way).
*for everyone's openness in sharing, for keeping the circle a safe place - i really learnt a lot from you guys.
*for being a happy bunch of peeps =). laughter is a blessing. really.
*for being nice and concerned when i was stinky, un-bathed, whiny and basically walking around like a zombie. (kudos to jonathan who kept going 'no, no, you must build catapult okay?' like i was 6 or something. me laughing at what he said kept me going. lol.)
*most of all for being a catalyst and helping me find myself (i lost track of where i was going sometime ago. it really helped to get out and change mindset for a while)
celebrate quick quotes from Daddy God.
1. by ps gabriel with the song 'turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face.."
you must look FULL in His face. if you look halfway, there must be something wrong with your eyes! [imagine the reverse of being cross-eyed.... one eye on the cross, and the other on your problems. not a very comfortable state to be in >.<]
2. by ps prince (i'm not sure whether it's his... or koped from somewhere) when you have a habit
you get rid of the h, you still have a bit
you get rid of the a, you still have the bit
you get rid of the b, you still have it
it takes the t (cross) to get rid of the i (self-consciousness) in it
celebrate the knowing of His continual presence.
i caught a whiff of this during worship. "to You i belong, by Your grace You have called me Your own"
=in Him, we have a place of belonging
and in that we have a reason for living=
celebrate stepping out.
into the unknown. into uni. into the great things i know God has in store for me. even though i'm super freaked out and it's like a huge questionmark made of an amalgamation of questionmarks.
--
I see an open heaven
I see blessings fall like rain
I see glory beyond understanding fill this place
--
(zomg.. my dad was surfing for hymn mp3s and happened upon a sermon... and it's an indian sounding pastor! XD *amused* hahah... it's like pastor prince when he does his accent)
celebrate.... lots of things actually.
celebrate the OBS experience.
i'm really tempted to type in all the OBS stuff after reading heiman's blog... lol. since i haven't gotten down to writing it out properly. but no. i shall resist!!
celebrate all the 'bad' things that happened... lots of rain/ sun at awkward times... waiting out the storm, tent pole cords breaking, tents flooding, catapult not catapulting *hehe*... His favour and grace was just so abundant, and so obvious then. we reached camp not far from the estimated time.. no one got super depressed/ mad with anyone.
celebrate Barker watch.
*for you people i'm writing thank-you-notes to - that these notes aren't just a formality (it's been a long time since people have impacted me in that particular way).
*for everyone's openness in sharing, for keeping the circle a safe place - i really learnt a lot from you guys.
*for being a happy bunch of peeps =). laughter is a blessing. really.
*for being nice and concerned when i was stinky, un-bathed, whiny and basically walking around like a zombie. (kudos to jonathan who kept going 'no, no, you must build catapult okay?' like i was 6 or something. me laughing at what he said kept me going. lol.)
*most of all for being a catalyst and helping me find myself (i lost track of where i was going sometime ago. it really helped to get out and change mindset for a while)
celebrate quick quotes from Daddy God.
1. by ps gabriel with the song 'turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face.."
you must look FULL in His face. if you look halfway, there must be something wrong with your eyes! [imagine the reverse of being cross-eyed.... one eye on the cross, and the other on your problems. not a very comfortable state to be in >.<]
2. by ps prince (i'm not sure whether it's his... or koped from somewhere) when you have a habit
you get rid of the h, you still have a bit
you get rid of the a, you still have the bit
you get rid of the b, you still have it
it takes the t (cross) to get rid of the i (self-consciousness) in it
celebrate the knowing of His continual presence.
i caught a whiff of this during worship. "to You i belong, by Your grace You have called me Your own"
=in Him, we have a place of belonging
and in that we have a reason for living=
celebrate stepping out.
into the unknown. into uni. into the great things i know God has in store for me. even though i'm super freaked out and it's like a huge questionmark made of an amalgamation of questionmarks.
--
I see an open heaven
I see blessings fall like rain
I see glory beyond understanding fill this place
--
(zomg.. my dad was surfing for hymn mp3s and happened upon a sermon... and it's an indian sounding pastor! XD *amused* hahah... it's like pastor prince when he does his accent)
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
feeling lost
i was surfing various leaders' blogs and found this on gilbert's:
a prayer during ministering time at the end of one campus ministry...
"I want you to just close your eyes, and let the anointing fill this place, and let the Father love you, telling you that you are special, let Him take away every sense of unworthiness within you, take away those unworthy thoughts...
You are unique, you are loved...
just feel the anointing here, the Father wanting to love His people, the Father wanting to love His children, maybe your parents tell you, or have told you that you're unworthy, the Father in heaven runs to embrace you... in your weakness, in your stench, in your sin...
He will never reject you. The world can reject you, your family can reject you, your friends may despise you, but the Father will never despise of reject you.
Just let the love of God just flow...if you want to let those tears flow just let them flow is doesn't matter, just let it flow, the feeling of God is here in this place, He's restoring esteem, restoring wholeness, thank you Jesus...
Thank you Father how you love them, how you love us Lord...
If someone has told you before that you're good for nothing, that is a lie, you're not a good for nothing...God gave everything He has for you, you are His everything, you are the Father's everything...you are the Father's everything...thank you Lord...let Your love flow and embrace everyone...
just open your heart and let the love of God flow into your life and , go beyond your mind, and get into your spirit...
He loves you, He looks beyond your weakness into your every need, the bible says a broken spirit He will not despise, maybe you say 'God I have nothing to offer you but brokenness', God says He will not despise, maybe you say 'I have been bruised in my life, I'm like a bruised reed, God will not break that bruised reed. Maybe you say, 'I'm like the fire that's going out, the smothering wick, like the fire that's going out.' God will not blow you out, He will light that fire in your life all over again. Thank you Jesus..
I want you to just stand there, and receive the love of God today, receive His goodness in your life, by letting His spirit overwhelm you, let the anointing overwhelm you, if you feel like crying just let those tears flow, don't worry, because He is your refuge, He's your hiding place..."
i was just overwhelmed then... cos His presence just came *wham* a rush of love and reassurance. and the tears just started to fall.
been feeling lost the whole day... after the supercharged high of OBS, not needing to think about where i'm going, what i'm doing next, the long long long list of things i haven't done, whether i chose the right path... thinking about the people that i care for (look i'm worrying! even though i know that all things work for good. it's hard to trust. yes... hard to trust God)... then bam it hits. and i just don't want to face the world. so i did nothing the whole day... lol. woke up super late, then added all my watch people to msn, then went for a super long walk. escapism.
which is why this was so precious (that i'm actually blogging about it). such refreshing.
through the tears i suddenly thought about the last sharing circle my watch had... where we digressed into talking about crying and being emotional. the thing is. i don't cry... most of the time i can't let myself do it. only in His presence do i feel safe enough to let go. OBS was so precious because everyone was so open, things within the circle were safe. okay i'm digressing too. nvm
a prayer during ministering time at the end of one campus ministry...
"I want you to just close your eyes, and let the anointing fill this place, and let the Father love you, telling you that you are special, let Him take away every sense of unworthiness within you, take away those unworthy thoughts...
You are unique, you are loved...
just feel the anointing here, the Father wanting to love His people, the Father wanting to love His children, maybe your parents tell you, or have told you that you're unworthy, the Father in heaven runs to embrace you... in your weakness, in your stench, in your sin...
He will never reject you. The world can reject you, your family can reject you, your friends may despise you, but the Father will never despise of reject you.
Just let the love of God just flow...if you want to let those tears flow just let them flow is doesn't matter, just let it flow, the feeling of God is here in this place, He's restoring esteem, restoring wholeness, thank you Jesus...
Thank you Father how you love them, how you love us Lord...
If someone has told you before that you're good for nothing, that is a lie, you're not a good for nothing...God gave everything He has for you, you are His everything, you are the Father's everything...you are the Father's everything...thank you Lord...let Your love flow and embrace everyone...
just open your heart and let the love of God flow into your life and , go beyond your mind, and get into your spirit...
He loves you, He looks beyond your weakness into your every need, the bible says a broken spirit He will not despise, maybe you say 'God I have nothing to offer you but brokenness', God says He will not despise, maybe you say 'I have been bruised in my life, I'm like a bruised reed, God will not break that bruised reed. Maybe you say, 'I'm like the fire that's going out, the smothering wick, like the fire that's going out.' God will not blow you out, He will light that fire in your life all over again. Thank you Jesus..
I want you to just stand there, and receive the love of God today, receive His goodness in your life, by letting His spirit overwhelm you, let the anointing overwhelm you, if you feel like crying just let those tears flow, don't worry, because He is your refuge, He's your hiding place..."
i was just overwhelmed then... cos His presence just came *wham* a rush of love and reassurance. and the tears just started to fall.
been feeling lost the whole day... after the supercharged high of OBS, not needing to think about where i'm going, what i'm doing next, the long long long list of things i haven't done, whether i chose the right path... thinking about the people that i care for (look i'm worrying! even though i know that all things work for good. it's hard to trust. yes... hard to trust God)... then bam it hits. and i just don't want to face the world. so i did nothing the whole day... lol. woke up super late, then added all my watch people to msn, then went for a super long walk. escapism.
which is why this was so precious (that i'm actually blogging about it). such refreshing.
through the tears i suddenly thought about the last sharing circle my watch had... where we digressed into talking about crying and being emotional. the thing is. i don't cry... most of the time i can't let myself do it. only in His presence do i feel safe enough to let go. OBS was so precious because everyone was so open, things within the circle were safe. okay i'm digressing too. nvm
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
leave of absence
i have been MIA... but i'm back from OBS! and i brought back souvenirs...
2 polo tees (i have enough t-shirts... but they were comfy... and i need more decent stuff)
lots and lots of reflections...
a nice photo of my watch
a certificate from OBS
sand fly bites (in super weird places!! just at my butt, on my hips, armpit =X)
mozzy bites (lots and lots with one weird one in particular... on my stomach. mozzy probably bit through a hole in the dry-fit shirt grrr)
a rash... at the skin fold places
a sunburn (somehow managed to not-burn while kayaking, but got burnt in the last 2 hours there while belaying people on the tripod. hmmmm.)
some OBS water... probably some sea water too
a portion of pulau ubin (sand... sand... and more sand)
it was. fulfilling. i won't go into detail... that's in the journal they gave... learnt a lot of stuff unconsciously from other people/ sharing sessions. i think the people in Barker (the watch) were just fantastic... people with a great sense of humour, enthusiastic, caring, understanding. the list goes on. i really thank God for them (they'll make fabulous teachers. heh) and i think some kingdom friendships were made. amazing that denise, heidi, angel were all in the watch... and daniel's (Arrow Vid) girlfriend hei man *wow divine coincidence* and our crazy instructor (very cool guy!) cunning Connel *grin*
major event 1:
waking up early at 5 am on sunday with denise, heidi, hei man, ian, you sheng to have 'morning service' and pray over the expedition later... it was... well... Daddy God was there all the way =)
major event 2:
joining forces in kayaks hei man and i, heidi and jonathan to tow you sheng and angel cos you sheng was a bit seasick... jonathan = clown hehe. it was so so cool. my left side died completely after that (negotiating the river was cool too! and the next day trecking we saw where we went during low tide... and there was nothing but mud)
major event 3:
doing guard duty at camp... and then not wanting to go back in the tent cos there wasn't enough space and it smelled like socks... so. we hung around outside until the next next next shift people (another watch) came, then someone had the idea of putting a poncho on the ground and we all slept outside (people with flooded tents etc.)
major event 4:
getting somewhat lost, then taking over the navigation for a while... I LEARNT HOW TO READ A TERRAIN MAP =)
major event 5:
building a catapult while half asleep with the rest of the watch (we were so tired we all got super high... and started bargaining with instructors =S) yah. and the catapult catapulted a negative distance XD... but we all just laughed it off - our cheer? BARKER relak.... that's as crazy a group as you can get i think. =D [well. we're teachers, not engineers. lol]
i say. kayaking in the open sea/ negotiating a river/ trecking in ubin with God... is really incomparable.. it's amazing to do with Daddy holding your hand... also, we got the full works of an outdoor trip - not often you get super hot sun, then rain while kayaking, lots of mud when crossing a land mass carrying kayaks, raining at camp with flooding tents - can't really get more experience than that in singapore. and what was really fantastic was that so many of my watch were Christians... there was such camaraderie and love from each person, even through all the rain and darkness and low points (like me being unable to bathe for 2 days and completely dead on my feet at the end.. not to mention cramps).
memorable? definately.
2 polo tees (i have enough t-shirts... but they were comfy... and i need more decent stuff)
lots and lots of reflections...
a nice photo of my watch
a certificate from OBS
sand fly bites (in super weird places!! just at my butt, on my hips, armpit =X)
mozzy bites (lots and lots with one weird one in particular... on my stomach. mozzy probably bit through a hole in the dry-fit shirt grrr)
a rash... at the skin fold places
a sunburn (somehow managed to not-burn while kayaking, but got burnt in the last 2 hours there while belaying people on the tripod. hmmmm.)
some OBS water... probably some sea water too
a portion of pulau ubin (sand... sand... and more sand)
it was. fulfilling. i won't go into detail... that's in the journal they gave... learnt a lot of stuff unconsciously from other people/ sharing sessions. i think the people in Barker (the watch) were just fantastic... people with a great sense of humour, enthusiastic, caring, understanding. the list goes on. i really thank God for them (they'll make fabulous teachers. heh) and i think some kingdom friendships were made. amazing that denise, heidi, angel were all in the watch... and daniel's (Arrow Vid) girlfriend hei man *wow divine coincidence* and our crazy instructor (very cool guy!) cunning Connel *grin*
major event 1:
waking up early at 5 am on sunday with denise, heidi, hei man, ian, you sheng to have 'morning service' and pray over the expedition later... it was... well... Daddy God was there all the way =)
major event 2:
joining forces in kayaks hei man and i, heidi and jonathan to tow you sheng and angel cos you sheng was a bit seasick... jonathan = clown hehe. it was so so cool. my left side died completely after that (negotiating the river was cool too! and the next day trecking we saw where we went during low tide... and there was nothing but mud)
major event 3:
doing guard duty at camp... and then not wanting to go back in the tent cos there wasn't enough space and it smelled like socks... so. we hung around outside until the next next next shift people (another watch) came, then someone had the idea of putting a poncho on the ground and we all slept outside (people with flooded tents etc.)
major event 4:
getting somewhat lost, then taking over the navigation for a while... I LEARNT HOW TO READ A TERRAIN MAP =)
major event 5:
building a catapult while half asleep with the rest of the watch (we were so tired we all got super high... and started bargaining with instructors =S) yah. and the catapult catapulted a negative distance XD... but we all just laughed it off - our cheer? BARKER relak.... that's as crazy a group as you can get i think. =D [well. we're teachers, not engineers. lol]
i say. kayaking in the open sea/ negotiating a river/ trecking in ubin with God... is really incomparable.. it's amazing to do with Daddy holding your hand... also, we got the full works of an outdoor trip - not often you get super hot sun, then rain while kayaking, lots of mud when crossing a land mass carrying kayaks, raining at camp with flooding tents - can't really get more experience than that in singapore. and what was really fantastic was that so many of my watch were Christians... there was such camaraderie and love from each person, even through all the rain and darkness and low points (like me being unable to bathe for 2 days and completely dead on my feet at the end.. not to mention cramps).
memorable? definately.
Sunday, July 01, 2007
Clement... is the King...
LOL.
highlight of today's sermon from ps prince
Romans 6:14
For sin (this state of falling short of God's standard) shall not have dominion over you, for you are not under law (the state of your being judged by God) but under grace (the state of Jesus' being given to you)
so 'all the derivatives of sin don't apply to you anymore!'
[i was blessed by that =)]
so... cos i was doing derivatives (differentiation) before service i thought of this:
d/d sin (sin) = ??
and Clement gave this answer
d/d sin (sin) = laws of COS
go Clement!
highlight of today's sermon from ps prince
Romans 6:14
For sin (this state of falling short of God's standard) shall not have dominion over you, for you are not under law (the state of your being judged by God) but under grace (the state of Jesus' being given to you)
so 'all the derivatives of sin don't apply to you anymore!'
[i was blessed by that =)]
so... cos i was doing derivatives (differentiation) before service i thought of this:
d/d sin (sin) = ??
and Clement gave this answer
d/d sin (sin) = laws of COS
go Clement!
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