fake-o

'this is not real... not real... not real'
was what was going through my head yesterday
'you can't smile like this, you aren't happy, you're not being real'
throughout yday's teachers fellowship... lurking at the corners of my mind - the voice of condemnation. disgusting.

then when i came home it was
'you fake-o, fake-o...'
as i was just talking to old friends.. filling up my days with 'meeting people'
who can i be real to... who do i have to tell things to - technically everyone
realistically? no-one (but that isn't true either) 'fake-o... happy-clappy christian'

so annoying.