my flesh

i feel inadequate... truly
in this bunch of people who have so much head knowledge, bible knowledge... people who debate/ discuss words, lines in the passages that i simply read... i am just so small.

all i have to offer is my life... my testimony - all i know is that Daddy loves me, all i can give is what Daddy has given me (but i can't quote chapter and verse without a search engine)...

but as i stand with this group of people, i'm afraid to be different. as they were going through the workshop on leading small group... going through the areas we should focus on, potential problems we might face, practical applications/ tips on leading - my faith just died. kaput. focusing on the wrong things altogether.

'there's no way i can do that... or that... or that... much less all of that together'
i'm pretty much CMI - but i should have known that already
this whole leading thing began as 'not I, but Jesus who lives in me'.
so i managed to share that i'm scared... and said that at the end it had to be God
but i need a revelation... not just knowledge that it's God working in me - rather than chiong off on my own effort - in that case i might as well not do anything... it amounts to such

...

[i saw this on zj's blog http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001813.cfm ...small things... big plan]