pre-thoughts

i've been answering questions the whole week... 'so what are you doing on friday?'
my answer: um... nothing? lectures, work, ocf?
them: no you can't just be doing that...?!

hmmm... what so special about the 21st anyway? i don't get it. heh... maybe cos i've been living as a mini-adult for some time now... financially independent, doing my own groceries, cooking, cleaning (yes omg.) i think i'm more in awe of the fact that i've been alive for 21 years.
and it's been an awesomely exciting journey with Daddy God (sometimes a bit too exciting...)

i remember thinking that 21 was a magic number... that i would somehow be completely free of parental control one day... free of the mess that was my parents' relationship... free of expectations... and free to do what i wanted instead of what was needed.

okay... that was when i was like 10... which kinda spiraled away into hopelessness when i was 12, a journey to the top storey of my apartment building, and to the sharp edge of a knife.

but standing where i am now, 21 is no biggie.
yeah fair enough, i'm now legally an adult and i can sue my parents and make my own decisions. so what? Jesus has loved me into wholeness... and i don't hate the parents anymore. i'm no longer bitter at the way i was brought up (or the circumstances surrounding it)... there's no need to 'escape' any situation with them in it (or anything else for that matter) cos Jesus is always there to save me.

so... when i was 10 (and very jaded) i wondered if life had any meaning.... and whether i'd manage to 'stick it out' till 21 where i could be free. and then i wondered if i would really be free... and whether i'd be even more jaded and depressed, since life was a never-ending cycle of trying and failing and getting hurt. contrary to that, Daddy has so filled me since then... and taught me to let myself love again. to love and not be afraid of getting hurt, to love and know that even if the world turned it's back on me Jesus would be right there standing with me.

and amazingly i came to love the parents, to want to obey them instead of having to please them. and i watched as my relationship with them began to have 'God' written all over it - i found myself able to talk to them as an equal... when earning their trust to go out for dinner with a friend was so difficult before; found them asking me (of all people) for advice, found that it was possible to share our walk with God. and i'm beginning to see His hand in their relationship as well... with the oh-so-crazy fights and misunderstandings being lifted up and mended in Him. and then there are all the kingdom friendships Daddy has blessed me with, friends that have walked me through each season of insanity and fear.

so what if it's my birthday tomorrow?
i'm romanced everyday by the King of kings =) and i know Jesus will never forsake me
what's another year of existence compared to that?