SG day in london

heh against my better judgement i volunteered for this thingy (on the 25th)... and had to go down one day before to be briefed (the day with cloudless sky and camera-less me. ohwell.) anyhow it was held at hampton court palace - it shouldn't be called 'in london' haha. it's in surrey - and 'london' is normally used to refer to central london. not to mention you need to take a train there =P

but the suburbs are really pretty

i didn't get to go into the castle even with the sg day security pass =(
but it's real pretty from the outside - the kind you dream of when you're a kid and wanting to be a princess =)

the event was held in this far corner of the palace grounds - huuge empty space... probably for equestarian stuff since there's a paddock next to it. on briefing day we actually took the shortcut in and had to avoid A LOT of horse shit.

i think the coolest part of volunteering is being able to see how things are run... and to be on the inside when things start. heh. but no perks for volunteering: we still had to queue for the free food. although er. being rather despo we actually went ard asking the aunties & uncles if they had food on the briefing day.. heh.

on the day itself we got in before the 'doors' were open to public and tried to wrangle some food before we needed to queue. got stopped by a couple of marshalls though - "we're not serving till 1015 queue up later!". but yum. got my quota of food w/o having to queue =) it was really weird though... speaking to the hawkers in singlish - in london no less. seriously. reverse culture shock. esp on briefing day... being briefed in english with hokkien/ canto/ malay phrases thrown in as exclamations... chatting up the aunties & uncles for food. lol.

road signs sprouted up overnightso did the road tax hahasingaporean national past-time: queueing up for free thingscalm before the stormbefore:after: (this is actually quite empty cos i took the photo in the first 10 min of the event)

the MOE booth was a walk-through thing... but was quite a hit with the kids.. i spent the first part of the day hiding behind the display in the 'storeroom' and mugging. (heh. RJ kid la) then i spent the next part of the day in my shift thrusting balloons into people's hands and counting every single person that crossed the boundary into the booth. ohwell. but it was super fun... shoving balloons at people and going 'you're never too old to have one!' haha. and they adults all look uber amused and actually take it!

some of the more funky stuff at the booth was this art & craft thing... and an old-school classroom (angus... got your wooden table and chairs and chalkboard) with old-school games. thay also had this area for chapteh and zero-point. lol i had various ang-moh's coming up to me and asking whether they could find chapteh in london.couldn't get into the palace but managed to walk around the grounds a bit - beautiful... esp since it's spring and the flowers are out =) i got to see tulips though i didn't manage to go to amsterdam this reading week heh.

lego treeslavender is really lavender... there were enough that we could smell the flowers on the wind
i like this photo heh

awesomely unproductive day =) but *yum*
and lol. i didn't quite make the deadline of posting this 'tomorrow'

i promise to blog tmr about singapore day when i take a break...

that said. my daddy was so amusing today when i called home.
i got greeted with a prayer which went something like 'you will remember all that you have studied and go into the exams with a cool head. and you will score 90 marks and distictions'

my response *AMEN!*

hah. 90 marks. more exams = more bread
i need more days like this lol.


Lord I thank You for my first class in every single paper that i take this season of exams... not by my works but by Your favour and grace. i claim financial provision - this year and the years to come. I thank You for overflowing abundant blessings... supernatural favour with my profs & coursemates... supernatural wisdom and love in my work and relationships. In Jesus name amen!

today, we broke down the kitchen door. -.-

prosperity message

heh... this was the sermon on sunday check it out! i think the guy's incredibly blunt - but it's really cool to hear sermons that essentially have the same revelation as pastor =)

and wow it's been a week since i last posted
pray for me... can't seem to concentrate properly this week =S

waiting for my hair to dry

so after muggging... i started cleaning the kitchen at 12am and had an interesting convo with jason about well. theologians' interpretation of 'work' in paul's letters.

our conclusion? "er... why can't it be both then, they aren't mutually exclusive"

then i was reminded about the rapid fire (and some rather nasty) comments on this person's blog i was reading last night. no idea who the person is... but basically the person says that pastor prince is a heretic and that everyone in NCC is deluded and being led astray by false doctrine...

(nothing new there lol. been like that for what... 10 years or more? and the things he was called a heretic about back then are now being preached in churches - even in london)

what i don't understand... is why debate these things like there's no tomorrow? must we prove that 'my interpretation is right and yours is wrong'? granted if you see practices that shouldn't be in a person's life you should correct in love. er. but where's the love in arguing and shooting a person down? isn't it more like... share what you believe, pray for them to get a revelation (and do it in private so you aren't indirectly telling them off) - and maybe God will reveal that you're wrong instead lol.

well the bible says:
For this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, says the LORD: I will put My laws in their mind and write them on their hearts; and I will be their God, and they shall be My people. None of them shall teach his neighbor, and none his brother, saying, ‘Know the LORD,’ for all shall know Me, from the least of them to the greatest of them.
~Hebrews 8:10-11

maybe we should start taking God at His word ;)
chill a bit more... since it's the Holy Spirit doing the teaching anyway

this bit of sermon was playing last night

if someone says well pastor prince, if someone renounces Jesus and all that they don't have salvation anymore...

A: well pastor prince, do you believe that a person has free choice after he's saved?
B: yes i do
A: ya that explains it, if someone with their free choice renounces Jesus he is gone and the person loses his salvation
B: now here is where i'd like to ask you a question: does a sinner have free choice?
A: yes
B: can a sinner by his free choice renounce satan and satan is gone?

(long elaboration... but basically. no.)

B: wow. so a sinner with his free choice renounces satan and satan is still around... whereas a christian renounces Jesus and Jesus is gone.



ehe that begs the question... who's bigger in your life? Jesus or satan?

your heart is good

koped from zj's blog:

The new covenant has two parts to it: “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh” (Ezek. 36:26). God removed your old heart when he circumcised your heart; he gives you a new heart when he joins you to the life of Christ. That’s why Paul can say “count yourselves dead to sin” and “alive to God in Christ Jesus” (Rom. 6:11). You have a new life—the life of Christ. And you have a new heart. Do you know what this means? Your heart is good.

Each person knows that now his body is the temple of God: “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?” (1 Cor. 6:19). Indeed it is. “Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit lives in you?” (1 Cor. 3:16). Okay— each of us is now the temple of God. So where, then, is the Holy of Holies?

Your heart.

That’s right—your heart. Paul teaches us in Ephesians that “Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith” (3:17). God comes down to dwell in us, in our hearts. Now, we know this: God cannot dwell where there is evil. “You are not a God who takes pleasure in evil; with you the wicked cannot dwell” (Ps. 5:4). Something pretty dramatic must have happened in our hearts, then, to make them fit to be the dwelling place of a holy God.

It’s undeniable: the new covenant, accomplished through the work of Christ, means that we have new hearts. Our hearts are good. Or God’s a liar.

Until we embrace that stunning truth, we will find it really hard to make decisions, because we can’t trust what our hearts are saying. We’ll have to be motivated by external pressure since we can’t be motivated by our hearts. In fact, we won’t find our calling, our place in God’s kingdom, because that is written on our hearts’ desires. We’ll have a really hard time hearing God’s voice in a deeply intimate way, because God speaks to us in our hearts. We’ll live under guilt and shame for all sorts of evil thoughts and desires that the Enemy has convinced us were ours. God will seem aloof. Worship and prayer will feel like chores.

Of course, I just described the life most Christians feel doomed to live.

Now listen to Jesus:

Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thornbushes, or grapes from briers. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. (Luke 6:44–45, emphasis added)

Later, explaining the parable of the sower and the seed, Jesus says,

The seed on good soil stands for those with a noble and good heart, who hear the word, retain it, and by persevering produce a crop. (Luke 8:15, emphasis added)

Jesus himself teaches that the heart can be good and even noble. That somebody is you, if you are his. God kept his promise. Our hearts have been circumcised to God. We have new hearts. Do you know what this means? Your heart is good. Let that sink in for a moment. Your heart is good.

What would happen if you believed it, if you came to the place where you knew it was true? Your life would never be the same. My friend Lynn got it, and that’s when she exclaimed, “If we believed that . . . we could do anything. We would follow him anywhere!”

~Waking the Dead

the greatest freedom came in the gift of Love

a gift that cost Jesus His life
but is free for me to receive.

and i now stand righteous before God
a free man
but more than that

i've been adopted into His family
to call God Daddy
and to receive the abundant blessings from His unfailing infinite supply.


now this i need to remember. more so than all the stuff i'm studying.

有收获 =)

i haven't blogged for 5 whole days... amazing... considering the fact that it's mugging season and my mind normally wanders (which is blog-writing material)

anyhow it's been mugging mugging mugging... without 大哥 so no crazy photos or exploits to blog about. pretty productive though, with some worship prac and random meals (and too much anime =.=) thrown in. and there was this productive waste of time today... in an expedition to camden loch and burning a hole in my pocket =P.

i got stuff for my roomie, and some people back home (haha angus i'm not gonna give away what's on the badge tho i really wanna take a photo of it). oh. and i got this shirt.



LOL.

David & Goliath

this was in my neuroscience textbook -.-":

Many of you are familiar with the famous story of David and Goliath, which appears in the Hebrew scriptures (Old Testament). The armies of the Philistines and the Israelites were gathered for battle when Goliath, a Philistine, came forth and challenged the Israelites to settle the dispute by sending out their best man to face him in a fight to the death. Goliath, it seems, was a man of great proportions, measuring more than "six cubits" in height. If you consider that a cubit is the distance from the elbow to the tip of the middle finger, about 20 inches, this guy was more than 10 feet tall! Goliath was armed to the teeth with body armour, a javelin, and a sword. To face this giant, the Israelites sent David a young and diminutive shepherd, armed only with a sling and five smooth stones. Here's how the action is described in the Revised Standard Version of the bible (1 Samuel 17:48):

When the Philistine arose and came and drew near to meet David, David ran quickly toward the battle line to meet the Philistine. And David put his hand in his bag and took out a stone, and slung it, and struck the Philistine on his forehead; the stone sank into his forehead, and he fell on his face to the ground.

Now why, you might ask, are we giving a theology lesson in a neuroscience textbook? The answer is that our understanding of the visual pathway offers an explanation, in addition to divine intervention, for why Goliath was at a disadvantage in this battle. Body size is regulated by the secretion of growth hormone from the anterior love of the pituitary gland. in some cases, the anterior love becomes hypertrophied (swollen) and produces excessive amounts of the hormone, resulting in body growth to unusually large proportions. such individuals are called pituitary giants and can measure well over 8 feet tall.

Pituitary hypertrophy also disrupts normal vision. Recall that the optic nerve fibres from the nasal retinas cross in the optic chiasm, which butts up against the stalk of the pituitary. Any enlargement of the pituitary compresses these crossing fibres and results in a loss of peripheral vision called bitemporal hemianopia, or tunnel vision. (See if you can figure out why this is true from what you know about the visual pathway.) We can speculate that David was able to draw close and smite Goliath, because when David raced to the battle line, the pituitary giant had completely lost sight of him.

i'm waay blessed.

satisfaction

[i was just prompted to do a search... so]


Oh, satisfy us early with Your mercy,
That we may rejoice and be glad all our days!
~Psalm 90:14

With long life I will satisfy him,
And show him My salvation.
~Psalm 91:16

You open Your hand
And satisfy the desire of every living thing.
~Psalm 145:16

For He satisfies the longing soul,
And fills the hungry soul with goodness.
~Psalm 107:9

The LORD will guide you continually, And satisfy your soul in drought, And strengthen your bones; You shall be like a watered garden, And like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.
~Isaiah 58:11

They shall not be ashamed in the evil time,
And in the days of famine they shall be satisfied.
~Psalm 37:19

My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness,
And my mouth shall praise You with joyful lips.
~Psalm 63:5

The backslider in heart will be filled with his own ways, But a good man will be satisfied from above.
~Proverbs 14:14

A man’s stomach shall be satisfied from the fruit of his mouth;
From the produce of his lips he shall be filled.
Death and life are in the power of the tongue,
And those who love it will eat its fruit.
~Proverbs 18:20-21

Bless the LORD, O my soul;
And all that is within me, bless His holy name!
Bless the LORD, O my soul,
And forget not all His benefits:
Who forgives all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases,
Who redeems your life from destruction,
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies,
Who satisfies your mouth with good things,
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
~Psalm 103:1-5

Lord be it unto me.
And teach me to be satisfied in You and only You.

this is the video which ate 4 days of my life.


but it was good... and quite amazing actually, how everything kind of fell in place. i spent one whole day looking for the song... emailed the OCF people in desperation... and at the end of the day, went 'Daddy help, give me a song', randomly clicked on something in my itunes... and found it. amazing. (and all the songs suggested after that didn't have quite the same ring)

and people were asking me what the song was at the end of the event cos the people they invited wanted to know... so i guess it really was holy spirit inspired.. heh.

...

but now that there's nothing to rush... simply studying feels very empty =S i need some inspiration Lord. Daddy i'm scared... have no faith... and i don't know what i'm doing anymore. and annoying thoughts are intruding again

Daddy's timing

haha man i realised how nicely all the dates work out for the end of this term and summer hols (the bits i know at least)

Daddy's the best organiser i think... i wanted to go for a holiday in amsterdam this easter mugging break... but couldn't find a girl to go with me (therefore cannot) - but this means more money for end-of-term holiday =P

and the schedule works out to be
30/4 to 26/5 : exams
27/5 to 31/5 : short trip (3 or 4 days)
1/6 and 2/6 : 3rd year briefing
3/6 to 11/6 : trip to greece (or somewhere else... about 9 days)
13/6: probably fly home
15/6 to 18/6: church camp

19/6 - july : shop for work clothes and hang out with people
july : sch attachment

heh looks like i'll be doing some amazing packing and unpacking again. but at least i'm not moving house this year ^^

sandpaper

... an essay due tomorrow
... and a video to be done for easter

hmm.

i'm healed in Jesus' name.

one saturday with Jesus

i just came back from the most amazing ENCOUNTER in worship.

worship central is this worship conference run by htb (holy trinity brompton) a church in london. AND they have the most amazing band... who really brought us into the presence of God.

for all my NCC friends.. think history makers camp on the last night - with ang moh enthusiasm lasting almost the whole day (with talks in between)

went for two of the workshops:
Equip - where they taught us about the band... i was hoping for more on worship leading skills and stuff, but their band has amazing rapport (and OCF worship has a long long long long way to go lol.) and i learnt alot of techie stuff =)) [angus you'd be drooling at their guitarist's pedals]

Empower - talking about song writing... how to tell when a song is ready to be set loose, the amount of reading that goes into it. not very applicable to me BUT... as he was speaking i realised that i could apply all those principles to vid (or any creative ministry for that matter). the spirit of sheer excellence... sitting and waiting on the Lord with your ideas etc.


amazing amazing amazing.
i didn't realise how i've missed real worship till now. =DDD i am full and happy.

thank You Lord for the food -- amen

i was just in the shower the other day and randomly thought about this. when we eat together as a house... we say grace - with varying styles/ words depending on who's praying. one of my housemates is non-christian, but doesn't mind that we say grace together - so we do.

then i was wondering what she thought of us saying grace... since we're typically hungry, say it quickly, and get down to the food. not only that (lol.) we typically say the same things over and over again every meal ["pass the fats to the next house Lord" in my case]. and so i wondered if it was just a ritual to her.. in the same vein... could it be just a ritual to us?

i wonder if i do actually see God as my provider in EVERYTHING i have in my life. i can admit immediately to taking food for granted. food's on the table say a quick grace, eat.

do we as christians really thank God for the food? or just say it because well... it shows people we're christian/ it's a 'social norm' in christian circles. similarly... do i see Daddy God as my provider? do i give thanks as such?

nup. which actually makes His love for me all the more amazing

adulthood

i've been busy... so it's belated. here's a BEEEG THANK YOU to all of you who made the day not-so-normal (and that would be an understatement by far). i shall be organised and group the events/ items & the people who have so blessed me =).

THANK YOU for the SURPRISES and embarrassment:
1. ken/ gordon/ soph/ chrissie
my housemates who performed some covert operations thing and surprised me with cake! (gordon snuck out of the house to get the cake he & zhen baked in the afternoon... and my room is next to the front door =P) haha and soph was really sneaky in the way she turned off the light lol.

2a. christine/ hania/ sylvia/ meskerem/ divia
my coursemates who called junli to get gordon to open the door to prepare the kitchen during the 2 hour break (where they all disappeared and i was doing work alone in the common room lol) to surprise me when lessons ended. BOY was i surprised... haha they 'invited themselves over' cos 'they forgot my birthday' and wanted to hang out for a while after school to prevent me from doing work - well. covert ops successful. haha.

a whole TUB of the yummy pudding dessert made by christine's mom the conspiritorsthe conspirators and me!

and thank you for the amazing artist kit! haha i'll use it some time
2b. xni/ meif/ zainab/ hina/ philea/ two people who didn't sign off
for birthday wishes on a beeg card =)

3. steph/ disong/ shwn/ eugene/ joseph/ chermain
erm... thank you worship team for bursting out in song before OCF started (in front of everyone OMG) haha but ^^ your love is much felt.

4. ame/ jason/ ben/ cheh kuan/ tim (via sms)
my OCF small group for cake and little gifts =) and making half of OCF sing happy birthday to me O_O. haha and the best present was them doing my questionnaire for my lab class! lol.

5. rachel
my secret hot date! haha! i can't believe gordon managed to keep your identity secret for so long. thank you for an amazing dinner! fine dining *drool* haha i dun go holidaying liao... save money go eat good food with you!


THANK YOU for gifts and cards and such:
1. ame: flowers and balloon
2. junli: (through yuchian heh) a nice box of pens
3. zhen: lip gloss (omg... i'm on my way to becoming more girl!)
4. cheh kuan: thank you. seriously. that's what life is all about to me really, and it's so so amazing and encouraging to know that it really is happening =).
5. angus: man bro.... your call topped the cake that night! miss ya company man.
6. zhenqiang: diamonds! (no not the rocks) but yay i finally have a sweater i've been looking for since 1st year =)
7. mrs naidu: =) i'm blessed to have you as a 'cher!
8. drea: i'm uber blessed to be your friend =D heh i think Daddy really orchestrated things
8. ruth panz: i just got your card today! =D hee i think we won't all meet till we grad tho... haha no heidi in summer


THANK YOU for wishes and such:
1. all the texts: chu/ tim/ rachel/ wenling
2. facebook - too many of you to write here =) but you guys are much appreciated!


Daddy God... thank You for loving me, for showing me repeatedly that i'm worth it, for blessing me with such amazing people for friends, for seeing me through each and every situation to get to this point.



...


adulthood. well i really need a revelation of 'God will take care of the consequences' (to quote angus). doing the right thing isn't exactly painful on my part... just difficult to do... and my heart sinks when i think about the probabilty that i'm causing pain. but well. at 21, i'll choose to stand by what i believe in - i believe there's no such thing as 勉强 in anything that involves Daddy God, likewise nothing in my life should ever have that... and i'll hold on to that, and the hope that does not disappoint.

pre-thoughts

i've been answering questions the whole week... 'so what are you doing on friday?'
my answer: um... nothing? lectures, work, ocf?
them: no you can't just be doing that...?!

hmmm... what so special about the 21st anyway? i don't get it. heh... maybe cos i've been living as a mini-adult for some time now... financially independent, doing my own groceries, cooking, cleaning (yes omg.) i think i'm more in awe of the fact that i've been alive for 21 years.
and it's been an awesomely exciting journey with Daddy God (sometimes a bit too exciting...)

i remember thinking that 21 was a magic number... that i would somehow be completely free of parental control one day... free of the mess that was my parents' relationship... free of expectations... and free to do what i wanted instead of what was needed.

okay... that was when i was like 10... which kinda spiraled away into hopelessness when i was 12, a journey to the top storey of my apartment building, and to the sharp edge of a knife.

but standing where i am now, 21 is no biggie.
yeah fair enough, i'm now legally an adult and i can sue my parents and make my own decisions. so what? Jesus has loved me into wholeness... and i don't hate the parents anymore. i'm no longer bitter at the way i was brought up (or the circumstances surrounding it)... there's no need to 'escape' any situation with them in it (or anything else for that matter) cos Jesus is always there to save me.

so... when i was 10 (and very jaded) i wondered if life had any meaning.... and whether i'd manage to 'stick it out' till 21 where i could be free. and then i wondered if i would really be free... and whether i'd be even more jaded and depressed, since life was a never-ending cycle of trying and failing and getting hurt. contrary to that, Daddy has so filled me since then... and taught me to let myself love again. to love and not be afraid of getting hurt, to love and know that even if the world turned it's back on me Jesus would be right there standing with me.

and amazingly i came to love the parents, to want to obey them instead of having to please them. and i watched as my relationship with them began to have 'God' written all over it - i found myself able to talk to them as an equal... when earning their trust to go out for dinner with a friend was so difficult before; found them asking me (of all people) for advice, found that it was possible to share our walk with God. and i'm beginning to see His hand in their relationship as well... with the oh-so-crazy fights and misunderstandings being lifted up and mended in Him. and then there are all the kingdom friendships Daddy has blessed me with, friends that have walked me through each season of insanity and fear.

so what if it's my birthday tomorrow?
i'm romanced everyday by the King of kings =) and i know Jesus will never forsake me
what's another year of existence compared to that?

in faith

here i am at the end of a rather painfully tiring week.
and i've finished:
1 lab report (worth 12.5% of my final module grade)
1 stats exam (worth 50%)
1 computing project (worth 50%)

not that it was 'really busy' or anything (only non-stop work). just that i keep forgetting that i'm the child of God. i get what Jesus deserves... and it isn't about striving - doing everything everyone else is doing... getting stressed along with everyone else. but it's about dwelling in Him, feeding on Him, following Him, doing His work... and I'll see His abundant blesings chase after me. that my work will prosper cos of His favour and grace... not measured by whether i put in that one iota more of effort into a paper.

i'm in for another amazing week:
1 computing exam (worth 50%)
the start of my mini-project (worth 50%)
...should really get started on some reading lol.
woohoo. so Lord i claim by faith that i'll remember Your grace in the coming week

the last bit of this post was supposed to go up on wednesday... but then the pekchek day occurred. and then i wanted to post it on thursday... but something strange happened. for the first time in some time i felt the flesh really erupt. and by that i mean erupt. basically i was trying to finish the computing report... so for the whole week, every break i had went to doing the programming (cos i can't do it at home). wednesday was pekchek day, thursday... i stayed to do it but got chased out cos there were first year labs... as usual.

nevermind that, i managed to get the comps before the class at 2pm and snuck in at around 4pm when the class was ending. so i was finishing the last bits of the program and feeling happy that the whole ordeal was finally ending... showed it to my friend... and her mentee saw it and asked me for help. she was doing the same project... but only just started that week - therefore was VERY stressed. and i spent a rather long time explaining bits to her instead of doing work. therefore by the end of the day i was tired (explaining is hard work, harder than thinking)... and not as accomplished as i would have liked to be.

went home and made coffee chicken for dinner... and embarked on a kitchen cleaning spree... which lasted all of four hours. so i was tired... and ken came back and was being ken... and i snapped. consumed by an overwhelming loneliness, unfulfillment and lack of purpose. and as he continued being annoying... there was this other overwhelming urge to punch him in the face. (i can't quite believe myself reading this... cos it's so not me. but it happened.) so i shut down, shut out and couldn't bring myself to blog anymore. couldn't quite believe what i had almost done... but i was seething. it was so weird... being angry... never really felt anything like that before.

...

anyway, i'm gonna claim stuff in faith. (finally.)
so everyone, say 'amen' in faith with me k?

1. i have first class honours in my work and exams
2. my eyesight is 500deg in Jesus name
3. i have favour with my project mentor in Jesus name
4. i will take time to love people and be unafraid of rejection cos Jesus loved me
5. i am 54kg and have toned (unflabby) legs/arms in Jesus name
6. i remember that i am not consumed by work and fear but by His love and strength in all that i do
7. i am waaayy too blessed in Jesus name =)

amen?

amen!