wish i could put up the parody for this... "God on high... this song's too high! Pity me... change the key!" lol
normal version first:
pop version... (the music is weird... but this guy is actually higher 0_0)
oh. i posted the lyrics for this one before... (On My Own - Les Miserables)
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
questions for Daddy.
So.
Why do i have parents that want to know everything? no privacy leh.
Why do they want to read all the documents when they are unable to digest/ don't want to read properly and end up asking lots of strange unrelated questions?
Why the parents talk/ worry so much but don't contribute much in the way of helping me decide/ actually doing something like research if they want to know/ worry so much?
Why You never give me all the scholarships/ uni choices that were my first choice?
Why You give me all my last choices? so weird.
Why You never tell me Your plans? I'm so blur!
Where in the world am i going?
relevant eh...?
i suppose i can actually answer all those questions... the answers are written on my spirit... my life is for Him... and He's giving me His best and nothing less... too bad they don't coincide with my plans... and too bad that i don't know how in the world His plans are gonna make my dreams (dreams that He put in my heart) come true. well. God's best is Definately better than my best.
but. zomg. the last few 'why' questions i've been asking God... lol i'm such a petulant child.
sounds familar? haha. i kinda identify with that. lol
so.
i'm gonna take what He has given me and run with it. who knows what the future holds? who cares actually. I know He holds my future.
Why do i have parents that want to know everything? no privacy leh.
Why do they want to read all the documents when they are unable to digest/ don't want to read properly and end up asking lots of strange unrelated questions?
Why the parents talk/ worry so much but don't contribute much in the way of helping me decide/ actually doing something like research if they want to know/ worry so much?
Why You never give me all the scholarships/ uni choices that were my first choice?
Why You give me all my last choices? so weird.
Why You never tell me Your plans? I'm so blur!
Where in the world am i going?
relevant eh...?
i suppose i can actually answer all those questions... the answers are written on my spirit... my life is for Him... and He's giving me His best and nothing less... too bad they don't coincide with my plans... and too bad that i don't know how in the world His plans are gonna make my dreams (dreams that He put in my heart) come true. well. God's best is Definately better than my best.
but. zomg. the last few 'why' questions i've been asking God... lol i'm such a petulant child.
DADDY I WANT THE CANDY!!! IT IS BRIGHT AND PRETTY!!! I WANT IT NOW!!
No.
BUT DAAAAADDY...!!!!
It's not good for you.
DADDY! DADDY PLEASE! PWEASE? *puppydog eyes*
I have better things in store for you. Comeon now.
*throws tantrum* WHY WHY WHY WHY!!! I WANT IT NOW!!!
sounds familar? haha. i kinda identify with that. lol
so.
i'm gonna take what He has given me and run with it. who knows what the future holds? who cares actually. I know He holds my future.
Sunday, May 27, 2007
at the end of the day
running wildly around my head...
At the end of the day you're another day older,
and thats all you can say for the life of the poor.
It's a struggle, it's a war, and there's nothing that anyone's giving
one more day standing about what is it for?
One day less to be living.
At the end of the day, you're another day colder,
and the shirt on your back doesn't keep out the chill.
And the righteous hurry past, they dont hear the little ones crying,
and the winter is coming on fast, ready to kill.
One day nearer to dying.
At the end of the day, there's another day dawning,
and the sun in the morning is waiting to rise.
Like the waves crashing the sand,
like a storm that will break any second,
there's a hunger in the land.
There's a reckoning still to be reckoned,
and there's gonna be hell to pay,
at the end of the day.
[from Les Miserables]
Our lives will change when tomorrow comes
Tonight our hearts drown the distant drums
and we have music all right
tearing the night
A song played on a solo saxophone
A crazy sound, a lonely sound
A cry that tells us love goes on and on
Played on a solo saxophone
It's telling me to hold you tight
and dance like it's the last night of the world
[from Miss Saigon]
Do you want one more tale of a Vietnam girl?
Want to know I was bound to a man I don't love?
Do you want to be told how my village was burned?
Want to hear how my family was blasted away?
How I ran from the rice field and saw them in flames?
How my parents were bodies whose faces were gone?
I have had my fill of pain
I will not look back again
I would rather die
[from Miss Saigon]
grawh my thoughts are flying all over the place.
At the end of the day you're another day older,
and thats all you can say for the life of the poor.
It's a struggle, it's a war, and there's nothing that anyone's giving
one more day standing about what is it for?
One day less to be living.
At the end of the day, you're another day colder,
and the shirt on your back doesn't keep out the chill.
And the righteous hurry past, they dont hear the little ones crying,
and the winter is coming on fast, ready to kill.
One day nearer to dying.
At the end of the day, there's another day dawning,
and the sun in the morning is waiting to rise.
Like the waves crashing the sand,
like a storm that will break any second,
there's a hunger in the land.
There's a reckoning still to be reckoned,
and there's gonna be hell to pay,
at the end of the day.
[from Les Miserables]
Our lives will change when tomorrow comes
Tonight our hearts drown the distant drums
and we have music all right
tearing the night
A song played on a solo saxophone
A crazy sound, a lonely sound
A cry that tells us love goes on and on
Played on a solo saxophone
It's telling me to hold you tight
and dance like it's the last night of the world
[from Miss Saigon]
Do you want one more tale of a Vietnam girl?
Want to know I was bound to a man I don't love?
Do you want to be told how my village was burned?
Want to hear how my family was blasted away?
How I ran from the rice field and saw them in flames?
How my parents were bodies whose faces were gone?
I have had my fill of pain
I will not look back again
I would rather die
[from Miss Saigon]
grawh my thoughts are flying all over the place.
Saturday, May 26, 2007
i love my name =)
here's a delayed post cos i ended up panicking and rushing out my accomodation form to UCL... (i decided... i'm going... on whose sponsorship... that will depend)
my name:
Kam - 'gan tian' in Chinese = sweet
Mei - 'mei li' in Chinese = beautiful
En - 'en dian' in Chinese = grace
Charity - in KJV = love
Theodora - dunno where from... XD = God's gift
so i'm sweet beautiful grace love God's gift =)
but that's not the point.
i got sidetracked reading the bible yesterday when i saw 'Ephraim'... and started searching for the meaning in Strongs.
Ephraim אפרים (ef·rah'·yim) = "double ash-heap: I shall be doubly fruitful"
[haha i have a friend called double fruitfullness! may he be doubly fruitful haha.]
so i searched for charity... even though i knew it meant love:
charity = agapē
1) affection, good will, love, benevolence, brotherly love
2) love feasts
=> it's the word consistently used in the context of God's love for us... and only found in the new testament (granted. you wouldn't find greek in the old testament)
then i searched for 'love' in the old testament:
אהב 'ahab (http://cf.blb.org/lang/lexicon/lexicon.cfm?strongs=0157)
1) human love for another, includes family, and sexual
2) human appetite for objects such as food, drink, sleep, wisdom
3) human love for or to God
4) act of being a friend
-> lover (participle)
->friend (participle)
5) God's love toward man
-> to individual men
-> to people Israel
-> to righteousness
=>this love is mostly man to man... or in commandment to love God (to desire, to breathe after)
אהבה 'ahabah (http://cf.blb.org/lang/lexicon/lexicon.cfm?strongs=0160)
1) love
-> human love for human object
---> of man toward man
---> of man toward himself
---> between man and woman
---> sexual desire
2) God's love to His people
=> 0_0... God's love to His people in the old testament is like that for an object?? like ownership of a woman... hm
then in the new testament:
phileō (http://cf.blb.org/lang/lexicon/lexicon.cfm?strongs=5368)
1) to love
-> to approve of
-> to like
-> sanction
-> to treat affectionately or kindly, to welcome, befriend
2) to show signs of love
-> to kiss
3) to be fond of doing
-> be wont, use to do
=> a more intimate version... mostly used in the context of Jesus when in the world
agapaō [verb] (http://cf.blb.org/lang/lexicon/lexicon.cfm?strongs=25)
1) of persons
-> to welcome, to entertain, to be fond of, to love dearly
2) of things
-> to be well pleased, to be contented at or with a thing
agapē [noun] (http://cf.blb.org/lang/lexicon/lexicon.cfm?strongs=26)
1) affection, good will, love, benevolence, brotherly love
2) love feasts
=> God's unconditional love =)
so from old testament to new testament ... old covenant to new:
we have progressed - from being an 'object' owned by God that is loved... or someone that has to try 'to desire, to breathe' God and keep His laws
but now we have His unconditional love... agapē... consistently there for us... so amazing right...!
Brings new meaning to what Paul said...
[oh. and it's my name! coolness(= ]
my name:
Kam - 'gan tian' in Chinese = sweet
Mei - 'mei li' in Chinese = beautiful
En - 'en dian' in Chinese = grace
Charity - in KJV = love
Theodora - dunno where from... XD = God's gift
so i'm sweet beautiful grace love God's gift =)
but that's not the point.
i got sidetracked reading the bible yesterday when i saw 'Ephraim'... and started searching for the meaning in Strongs.
Ephraim אפרים (ef·rah'·yim) = "double ash-heap: I shall be doubly fruitful"
[haha i have a friend called double fruitfullness! may he be doubly fruitful haha.]
so i searched for charity... even though i knew it meant love:
charity = agapē
1) affection, good will, love, benevolence, brotherly love
2) love feasts
=> it's the word consistently used in the context of God's love for us... and only found in the new testament (granted. you wouldn't find greek in the old testament)
then i searched for 'love' in the old testament:
אהב 'ahab (http://cf.blb.org/lang/lexicon/lexicon.cfm?strongs=0157)
1) human love for another, includes family, and sexual
2) human appetite for objects such as food, drink, sleep, wisdom
3) human love for or to God
4) act of being a friend
-> lover (participle)
->friend (participle)
5) God's love toward man
-> to individual men
-> to people Israel
-> to righteousness
=>this love is mostly man to man... or in commandment to love God (to desire, to breathe after)
אהבה 'ahabah (http://cf.blb.org/lang/lexicon/lexicon.cfm?strongs=0160)
1) love
-> human love for human object
---> of man toward man
---> of man toward himself
---> between man and woman
---> sexual desire
2) God's love to His people
=> 0_0... God's love to His people in the old testament is like that for an object?? like ownership of a woman... hm
then in the new testament:
phileō (http://cf.blb.org/lang/lexicon/lexicon.cfm?strongs=5368)
1) to love
-> to approve of
-> to like
-> sanction
-> to treat affectionately or kindly, to welcome, befriend
2) to show signs of love
-> to kiss
3) to be fond of doing
-> be wont, use to do
=> a more intimate version... mostly used in the context of Jesus when in the world
agapaō [verb] (http://cf.blb.org/lang/lexicon/lexicon.cfm?strongs=25)
1) of persons
-> to welcome, to entertain, to be fond of, to love dearly
2) of things
-> to be well pleased, to be contented at or with a thing
agapē [noun] (http://cf.blb.org/lang/lexicon/lexicon.cfm?strongs=26)
1) affection, good will, love, benevolence, brotherly love
2) love feasts
=> God's unconditional love =)
so from old testament to new testament ... old covenant to new:
we have progressed - from being an 'object' owned by God that is loved... or someone that has to try 'to desire, to breathe' God and keep His laws
"And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might." ~Deuteronomy 6:5 (KJV)[i can't imagine... the love there is ahab... to desire to breathe God... i think i most assuredly cannot keep the law.]
but now we have His unconditional love... agapē... consistently there for us... so amazing right...!
Brings new meaning to what Paul said...
Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become [as] sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.that love he's talking about? agapē... substitute it... without the love of God... i am nothing.
And though I have [the gift of] prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.
And though I bestow all my goods to feed [the poor], and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.
~1 Corinthians 13:1-3
[oh. and it's my name! coolness(= ]
Friday, May 25, 2007
randomness...
okay this counts as a friday post! hurrah... then i'm not blogging too much in one day... XD. it's rather addictive.
so. bible study today. last one too. this is something... you HAVE to get the tape/ cd for. seriously. i'm blessed. and it's so much stuff that it's not possible to blog it... (Definately Word In Season for me)
anyhow... in the spirit of randomness... i saw something cool the other day... tuesday i think, and wanted to mention it but forgot. so i was reminded today when pastor was saying 'you don't need to wait for this Great Sign from Heaven'
i saw this white line of cloud... stretching from one big cloud to another... and completely cloudless sky in between. it wasn't the scattered kind of thing you get when jet planes fly formations... but it was CLOUD... and it was parallel to the road. so i cross the road to get to the bus stop... and in doing that i crossed that line. and it was so cool! it was like crossing a line drawn in heaven... like stepping out - to do Something haha. maybe it's just my imagination eh. lol.
oh.
when i reached the bus stop across the road... it was gone.
okay okay the real intention of this post is to... put up embarassing photos of myself... where is my self respect? and GREEN omg.
hullo i don't know how to wear this headband thingy
EVERYONE SAYS YOU'RE BORING... SO DO SOMETHING
like getting your ears dug by a friend?
okay okay... HEAR NO EVIL...
actually... more like 'SEE' right?
lol... i think the shirt says it all... mad. absolutely.
so. bible study today. last one too. this is something... you HAVE to get the tape/ cd for. seriously. i'm blessed. and it's so much stuff that it's not possible to blog it... (Definately Word In Season for me)
anyhow... in the spirit of randomness... i saw something cool the other day... tuesday i think, and wanted to mention it but forgot. so i was reminded today when pastor was saying 'you don't need to wait for this Great Sign from Heaven'
i saw this white line of cloud... stretching from one big cloud to another... and completely cloudless sky in between. it wasn't the scattered kind of thing you get when jet planes fly formations... but it was CLOUD... and it was parallel to the road. so i cross the road to get to the bus stop... and in doing that i crossed that line. and it was so cool! it was like crossing a line drawn in heaven... like stepping out - to do Something haha. maybe it's just my imagination eh. lol.
oh.
when i reached the bus stop across the road... it was gone.
okay okay the real intention of this post is to... put up embarassing photos of myself... where is my self respect? and GREEN omg.
hullo i don't know how to wear this headband thingy
EVERYONE SAYS YOU'RE BORING... SO DO SOMETHING
like getting your ears dug by a friend?
okay okay... HEAR NO EVIL...actually... more like 'SEE' right?
lol... i think the shirt says it all... mad. absolutely.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
onephonecall... can change your life
haha. don't i know it.
someone saved my life that way.
anyway. news. i got a call this morning and missed it. so person sends me a message to call back.
so.
MOE is offering me teaching scholarship for psyc...
and the eventual path is to do educational psyc (consultant for schools) ... or to teach...
so.
i am lost and undecided.
so.
Lord... get MOH to reply quick quick... cos i dunno how to decide.
was just telling hwei that i'm scared/excited about uni cos it's uncharted territory...
and if i take up the scholarship... it's UK uni... even more uncharted territory...
and now i'm not sure if i want to do teaching... cos MOH was considering me for clinical psyc
and clinical psyc... is 934615 times closer to what i want to do in life
Daddy... you move my hand okay? so i'll sign the correct form.
someone saved my life that way.
anyway. news. i got a call this morning and missed it. so person sends me a message to call back.
so.
MOE is offering me teaching scholarship for psyc...
and the eventual path is to do educational psyc (consultant for schools) ... or to teach...
so.
i am lost and undecided.
so.
Lord... get MOH to reply quick quick... cos i dunno how to decide.
was just telling hwei that i'm scared/excited about uni cos it's uncharted territory...
and if i take up the scholarship... it's UK uni... even more uncharted territory...
and now i'm not sure if i want to do teaching... cos MOH was considering me for clinical psyc
and clinical psyc... is 934615 times closer to what i want to do in life
Daddy... you move my hand okay? so i'll sign the correct form.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
what i know... and what i feel... are separate
so. i am stopping myself from feeling second rate.
it's rather absurd.
student... going to study psychology in NUS... good right? especially since student will probably at least do a masters in it.
but when you add in all the 'should have's... it changes everything.
should have qualified for an American uni
should have gotten this/ that scholarship to go overseas
should have taken a loan/ earned enough money to go to UK
should have gotten into medicine
FOCUS Charity. it's His plan. your plans without His grace bring you nowhere.
Delight yourself also in the LORD, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
~Psalm 37:4
well. He knows my heart better than i know mine.
so. now i have big dreams without the plan i thought i had to get there.
woah, check it out. a little more of dying to self.
i human... say... 'cannot make it'
God says 'I am'
so there.
live.
it's rather absurd.
student... going to study psychology in NUS... good right? especially since student will probably at least do a masters in it.
but when you add in all the 'should have's... it changes everything.
should have qualified for an American uni
should have gotten this/ that scholarship to go overseas
should have taken a loan/ earned enough money to go to UK
should have gotten into medicine
FOCUS Charity. it's His plan. your plans without His grace bring you nowhere.
Delight yourself also in the LORD, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
~Psalm 37:4
well. He knows my heart better than i know mine.
so. now i have big dreams without the plan i thought i had to get there.
woah, check it out. a little more of dying to self.
i human... say... 'cannot make it'
God says 'I am'
so there.
live.
um.
i still havent gotten the letter! lol.
but yeah. i didn't get med.. the status enquiry says i'm offered FASS. so there.
Lord! where am i going now?
anyhow. i'm not that upset. told Daddy God that i wasn't gonna let a letter ruin my life.. and here i am, not numb. but knowing that i'm following His plan.. in a way. the desire hasn't changed, neither has the path. but there's no straight road now... just have to lean on Him with all i've got
[gosh my parents are taking it worse than i expected... darling daughter didn't get medicine? with straight A's? must appeal must appeal! wtf.]
oh. this. lol.
dance?! and math is higher than theatre?? gosh. but i guess the front few are pretty accurate.
but yeah. i didn't get med.. the status enquiry says i'm offered FASS. so there.
Lord! where am i going now?
anyhow. i'm not that upset. told Daddy God that i wasn't gonna let a letter ruin my life.. and here i am, not numb. but knowing that i'm following His plan.. in a way. the desire hasn't changed, neither has the path. but there's no straight road now... just have to lean on Him with all i've got
[gosh my parents are taking it worse than i expected... darling daughter didn't get medicine? with straight A's? must appeal must appeal! wtf.]
oh. this. lol.
You scored as Psychology. You should be a Psychology major!
What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3) created with QuizFarm.com |
dance?! and math is higher than theatre?? gosh. but i guess the front few are pretty accurate.
Sunday, May 20, 2007
so. not very spiritual. not very full of faith. not very calm.
i'm freaking scared to open the letterbox cos i know that med results are out.
it's strange you know. cos i keep going Lord guide me, lead me in the path you want me to go. but if things don't go the way i envision them to go... i start whining and complaining and being sad etc.
Just yesterday Sam shared about serving... and keeping your eyes on Him alone, not on the results/ expectations of you/ that you have as a server. seriously. i need to apply that to life... to all aspects of my life.
With God as my partner... i can lean on Him... i question myself, do i really believe? and the answer i suppose is no. if i did completely believe, i'd be leaning on Him now... and i'll be unafraid.
So. Daddy. Teach me more about You. Give me a fresh revelation about Your goodness. Let me be completely dependent and really know that all things work for good.
i'm freaking scared to open the letterbox cos i know that med results are out.
it's strange you know. cos i keep going Lord guide me, lead me in the path you want me to go. but if things don't go the way i envision them to go... i start whining and complaining and being sad etc.
Just yesterday Sam shared about serving... and keeping your eyes on Him alone, not on the results/ expectations of you/ that you have as a server. seriously. i need to apply that to life... to all aspects of my life.
Romans 8:28
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
~NKJV
We are assured and know that [God being a partner in their labor] all things work together and are [fitting into a plan] for good to and for those who love God and are called according to [His] design and purpose.
~Amplified
With God as my partner... i can lean on Him... i question myself, do i really believe? and the answer i suppose is no. if i did completely believe, i'd be leaning on Him now... and i'll be unafraid.
So. Daddy. Teach me more about You. Give me a fresh revelation about Your goodness. Let me be completely dependent and really know that all things work for good.
Friday, May 18, 2007
i don't understand
what it's like to have a sibling.. what the fights are like... what the tender moments are like... what family is like. [and in that category... what it's like to have a sister /brother /older/ younger/ more/ fewer]
what it's like to have half a family.. perhaps someone left/ someone gone... what it's like to be a survivor, the one who's left living when others are dead
what it's like to be stupid/ completely smart/ mediocre
what it's like to be in poly instead of JC... what it's like to be in a JC that isnt the same one as me
what it's like to study in university... to graduate with a piece of paper [diploma/ degree/ masters etc.]... and then to have to make a living...
what it's like to have a boss/ colleagues/ proper working hours
how to love a person... when to touch/ hold/ hug.. when to give.. take.. accept.. reject... compromise... what it's like to cross that line between friendship and relationship... or even.. where that line appears
what it's like to be shunned/ hated... or how two people who seem to hate each other can still live together
rejection from a guy/ a parent/ a spouse/ a child/ a friend
fear of the dark/ light/ animals/ people (depending on who)/ hope/ dreams etc.
the list goes on...
i don't understand your life.
actually i don't understand anything...
i dont even understand my own life
but i know someone who understands everything.
and His name is Jesus.
and i guess. that's all i need to understand.
[this stems from folding 60 pieces of paper into thirds without having to think.. so brain moves into other directions]
what it's like to have half a family.. perhaps someone left/ someone gone... what it's like to be a survivor, the one who's left living when others are dead
what it's like to be stupid/ completely smart/ mediocre
what it's like to be in poly instead of JC... what it's like to be in a JC that isnt the same one as me
what it's like to study in university... to graduate with a piece of paper [diploma/ degree/ masters etc.]... and then to have to make a living...
what it's like to have a boss/ colleagues/ proper working hours
how to love a person... when to touch/ hold/ hug.. when to give.. take.. accept.. reject... compromise... what it's like to cross that line between friendship and relationship... or even.. where that line appears
what it's like to be shunned/ hated... or how two people who seem to hate each other can still live together
rejection from a guy/ a parent/ a spouse/ a child/ a friend
fear of the dark/ light/ animals/ people (depending on who)/ hope/ dreams etc.
the list goes on...
i don't understand your life.
actually i don't understand anything...
i dont even understand my own life
but i know someone who understands everything.
and His name is Jesus.
and i guess. that's all i need to understand.
[this stems from folding 60 pieces of paper into thirds without having to think.. so brain moves into other directions]
Thursday, May 17, 2007
panic!
doesn't even begin to cover it.
omg. since when did interviewers call you in the morning and ask you to go for a re-interview the next day??
Hey God... you kidding me?
omg. since when did interviewers call you in the morning and ask you to go for a re-interview the next day??
Hey God... you kidding me?
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
i just caught myself with the strangest thought.
i was thinking about my interview to get into medicine in NUS... and along those lines came the thought that i shouldn't be thinking about whether my interview could get me in
and then it went on to hey i'm a child of God... even if the interview was terrible... His grace and favour abounds. i should get that place in NUS... where's my faith?
and then hmm... maybe i need to work on having faith
haha. i caught myself there. how strange is that? faith and works simply don't mix... if you work on faith you're telling God "hey God. look at me! see i believe! since i believe you better give it to me! look i have faith.. i have faith... so you must give me okay? see i did so much for you, i gave up so much to show my faith.. comeon God give it to me" in the end it's by your own works that you try to obtain what you want. us foolish men... trying to bargain with God
i must have faith. i must have faith. i must have faith. lol. repeat that more and you'll probably go insane. it doesnt work that way... can't psycho a fallen mind to believe. but faith comes by hearing, and hearing of the word of God... when you have a revelation of how good Daddy is you simply believe and have faith. Just Because.
i was thinking about my interview to get into medicine in NUS... and along those lines came the thought that i shouldn't be thinking about whether my interview could get me in
and then it went on to hey i'm a child of God... even if the interview was terrible... His grace and favour abounds. i should get that place in NUS... where's my faith?
and then hmm... maybe i need to work on having faith
haha. i caught myself there. how strange is that? faith and works simply don't mix... if you work on faith you're telling God "hey God. look at me! see i believe! since i believe you better give it to me! look i have faith.. i have faith... so you must give me okay? see i did so much for you, i gave up so much to show my faith.. comeon God give it to me" in the end it's by your own works that you try to obtain what you want. us foolish men... trying to bargain with God
i must have faith. i must have faith. i must have faith. lol. repeat that more and you'll probably go insane. it doesnt work that way... can't psycho a fallen mind to believe. but faith comes by hearing, and hearing of the word of God... when you have a revelation of how good Daddy is you simply believe and have faith. Just Because.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
cats... this time
3 posts in a day? waaaay too much. but omg... today's the day that i happen on weird videos... weird-anointing eh.
i suppose if i went 'meow meow MEOW!' at those cats they wouldn't respond...
i suppose if i went 'meow meow MEOW!' at those cats they wouldn't respond...
weirdest interview ever
lol. i evesdropped. first they didn't close the door... then they did but i could still hear them. so.
their discussion went something like this:
maybe next time we should have a mass session where we bring the candidates to the hospitals so they know more about what they're in for. it'll be better to test for aptitude rather than knowledge of the subject...
when is the psc interview and test? a lot earlier right. yah maybe we should do something like that... and also offer more scholarships for (i forgot what for)
etc. etc... then:
hey, this one is another borderline psc case... but her application says psychology all over it
eh... are they talking abt my app?
maybe we should make an exception... cos it's a borderline cutoff... they couldn't offer her because her application was too focused on psychology... yesterday there was another one bent on doing psyc right... oh! this one applied for medicine as well. i wonder what's the outcome. (then more stuff about the app... that sounded strangely familiar) what was the one yesterday? that one (she) chose speech therapy right. *silence*
ehe... sounds like they're talking abt me... okay maybe not
anyway we just start and ask the first one in...
so i got asked in...
and the first statement was 'congratulations'
lol. they were talking abt me.
anyway. it was weird cos the scholarship doesn't cover psychology... and they asked me to tell them why they should pick me, physiotherapy was obviously not my first choice... i got asked abt my back injury whether i could carry stuff if i took up physiotherapy. so i was telling them that it was an option before i narrowed down my choices... and since the Health Science Scholarship doesn't seem to have psyc i put that down.
heh. all in all.. not a good interview i suppose. but super fun... all the CEOs of the hospitals and board of directors.. heh 7 person panel and a chair too close to look at them all. and there was the whole... well we're supposed to interview you... but we dunno what for cos we're not supposed to offer you psyc unless under exceptional circumstances... and we wanna offer you but we can't really. and the ... i dunno why i'm here for an interview cos i know they dun list psyc as an option in their scholarship... guess i'll just find out more by actually going for the interview rather than withdrawing... experience... hm.
hey Daddy God... you do the work. =)
their discussion went something like this:
maybe next time we should have a mass session where we bring the candidates to the hospitals so they know more about what they're in for. it'll be better to test for aptitude rather than knowledge of the subject...
when is the psc interview and test? a lot earlier right. yah maybe we should do something like that... and also offer more scholarships for (i forgot what for)
etc. etc... then:
hey, this one is another borderline psc case... but her application says psychology all over it
eh... are they talking abt my app?
maybe we should make an exception... cos it's a borderline cutoff... they couldn't offer her because her application was too focused on psychology... yesterday there was another one bent on doing psyc right... oh! this one applied for medicine as well. i wonder what's the outcome. (then more stuff about the app... that sounded strangely familiar) what was the one yesterday? that one (she) chose speech therapy right. *silence*
ehe... sounds like they're talking abt me... okay maybe not
anyway we just start and ask the first one in...
so i got asked in...
and the first statement was 'congratulations'
lol. they were talking abt me.
anyway. it was weird cos the scholarship doesn't cover psychology... and they asked me to tell them why they should pick me, physiotherapy was obviously not my first choice... i got asked abt my back injury whether i could carry stuff if i took up physiotherapy. so i was telling them that it was an option before i narrowed down my choices... and since the Health Science Scholarship doesn't seem to have psyc i put that down.
heh. all in all.. not a good interview i suppose. but super fun... all the CEOs of the hospitals and board of directors.. heh 7 person panel and a chair too close to look at them all. and there was the whole... well we're supposed to interview you... but we dunno what for cos we're not supposed to offer you psyc unless under exceptional circumstances... and we wanna offer you but we can't really. and the ... i dunno why i'm here for an interview cos i know they dun list psyc as an option in their scholarship... guess i'll just find out more by actually going for the interview rather than withdrawing... experience... hm.
hey Daddy God... you do the work. =)
Monday, May 14, 2007
full tank please
here's a delayed post cos blogger won't open for me at home
I asked my daddy on friday… why do we go to church every week?
It was supposed to be a business discussion… we were talking about why people eat chocolate for enjoyment…why people are fat (the good feelings that come with food. Ehe… Works for my dad anyways) … and how to sell his class so that people would believe that they’d get the same satisfaction/ improvement out of it say… like chocolate, or perhaps an amazing workout that helps the brain. Then we started talking about the superteen camp that he sent me for. A camp that I thought was pretty much useless. They did mindmapping – I did that in school… visualisation – did that in school too. But as I was talking to him I realised, what that camp did was to raise the people’s self esteem – to make all of us believe that we’re A students – that we’re not stupid and that with a little work we can make it in this rat race and be the number one rat.
And then I realised… that I get pretty much the same thing when I’m in church camp. I forget all the problems… and there’s a spiritual high… and I know that I know that I know that Jesus loves me, that I AM an A student, I AM God’s Beloved, I AM MEANT TO REIGN IN LIFE. And I focus on Him and Him alone. That's something that people who don’t know Jesus wouldn’t have – you miss out on knowing that there’s someone always looking out for you, someone who actually cares… and doesn’t ask for anything in return.
So I asked my dad that question, trying to get him to understand why people would pay for a certain product… in the case of church… why people come back again and again for more.
You know what he said?
He said… ‘it’s cos the bible tells them to do so.”
And that was just so sad…
Just now, after Arrow…i realised how much life this world is lacking. If each of us had a faith meter/ a life meter… after each service that we actively listen – God pours out His life into us, and we’re filled, refreshed… and so our meter is maxed out, full, overflowing with the goodness of God… then Monday comes… and someone/ something comes along and takes away a little… and Tuesday a little more, so on so forth. And at the end of it you become just an empty shell… just something like the rest of the world… pottering around aimlessly with no reason to live.
So why do we go to church every week?
To refill. To drink from the living waters. To be refreshed. NOT cos the bible commands you to. I’d bet we get endorphins from worship.. more than what we get with chocolate. It does us good to REMEMBER every week, what we’re living for, to re-focus on Jesus, to wash the filth off our feet… all the problems that the world throws at us. We need that talking-to from the pulpit, to turn our eyes from the problems we have to Jesus the solution. And as the week passes by… we labour – we strive to maintain that position of rest, not trying to solve all our problems by ourselves, but keeping our eyes on the solution – keeping our eyes on HIM
And that’s scary… cos all this time, I’ve had to fight so hard just to go for Sunday services… and fight against parents who are Christian… parents who are able to throw bible verses of obedience at me like anything… parents who believe that the time spent in church is better spent elsewhere/ studying/ getting things done… just go for Sunday service and go home (perhaps the logic behind it is the ‘cos God said so’ thing)
Thing is, when you’re just low, you have no more fight left, you give up and don’t go to church… and in that you don’t get filled… and you go lower and lower into yourself, into your depression… the flesh is just completely dead. That makes me wonder how I’ll survive in uni… if the old church rules apply again. I suppose everyone’s different, but church is a privilege… something that was always dangling out of reach till after the A’s… and I wonder if the parents will continue to let me go so often when I’m in uni. They already ask me why I go so often… ‘a little less church/ missing a service wont kill you’ they say.
Nope. Missing church doesn’t kill you. But what the world throws at you does.
Hunters don’t go after dead birds… and they don’t go after the live ones that fly away… just after the dying ones to make sure they die. When you’re full of the life of Christ… the devil can’t do a thing. When you don’t know Christ, he can’t be bothered… cos you’re his anyway. But when there is a slow draining of that life… he’s interested…
So Lord… comeon… resuscitate me… I wanna fly free.
I asked my daddy on friday… why do we go to church every week?
It was supposed to be a business discussion… we were talking about why people eat chocolate for enjoyment…why people are fat (the good feelings that come with food. Ehe… Works for my dad anyways) … and how to sell his class so that people would believe that they’d get the same satisfaction/ improvement out of it say… like chocolate, or perhaps an amazing workout that helps the brain. Then we started talking about the superteen camp that he sent me for. A camp that I thought was pretty much useless. They did mindmapping – I did that in school… visualisation – did that in school too. But as I was talking to him I realised, what that camp did was to raise the people’s self esteem – to make all of us believe that we’re A students – that we’re not stupid and that with a little work we can make it in this rat race and be the number one rat.
And then I realised… that I get pretty much the same thing when I’m in church camp. I forget all the problems… and there’s a spiritual high… and I know that I know that I know that Jesus loves me, that I AM an A student, I AM God’s Beloved, I AM MEANT TO REIGN IN LIFE. And I focus on Him and Him alone. That's something that people who don’t know Jesus wouldn’t have – you miss out on knowing that there’s someone always looking out for you, someone who actually cares… and doesn’t ask for anything in return.
So I asked my dad that question, trying to get him to understand why people would pay for a certain product… in the case of church… why people come back again and again for more.
You know what he said?
He said… ‘it’s cos the bible tells them to do so.”
And that was just so sad…
Just now, after Arrow…i realised how much life this world is lacking. If each of us had a faith meter/ a life meter… after each service that we actively listen – God pours out His life into us, and we’re filled, refreshed… and so our meter is maxed out, full, overflowing with the goodness of God… then Monday comes… and someone/ something comes along and takes away a little… and Tuesday a little more, so on so forth. And at the end of it you become just an empty shell… just something like the rest of the world… pottering around aimlessly with no reason to live.
So why do we go to church every week?
To refill. To drink from the living waters. To be refreshed. NOT cos the bible commands you to. I’d bet we get endorphins from worship.. more than what we get with chocolate. It does us good to REMEMBER every week, what we’re living for, to re-focus on Jesus, to wash the filth off our feet… all the problems that the world throws at us. We need that talking-to from the pulpit, to turn our eyes from the problems we have to Jesus the solution. And as the week passes by… we labour – we strive to maintain that position of rest, not trying to solve all our problems by ourselves, but keeping our eyes on the solution – keeping our eyes on HIM
"For he that is entered into his rest, he also hath ceased from his own works, as God did from his.Why am I writing this? I dunno. I’m not particularly high in the faith meter at the moment, not totally dry… more like.. the car petrol meter… past the last quarter but not quite empty. I suppose it’s to say that it isn’t as easy as it seems to remain aware of Him all the time (I suppose that’s why Paul said to LABOUR… cos it’s difficult… sure I can preach grace… but it’s easier said than done.) my major refilling happens during services. I talk to God… cry to Him… everytime… anytime… but services have an anointing that’s different… like fellowship… where 2 or 3 are gathered His Presence is there. And I’ve been missing CG and service and stuff for other things recently… it’s amazing how low I’ve dropped in such a short time. It’s like Jesus is my drug =P can’t live without Him.
Let us labour therefore to enter into that rest, lest any man fall after the same example of unbelief."
~Romans 4:10-11
And that’s scary… cos all this time, I’ve had to fight so hard just to go for Sunday services… and fight against parents who are Christian… parents who are able to throw bible verses of obedience at me like anything… parents who believe that the time spent in church is better spent elsewhere/ studying/ getting things done… just go for Sunday service and go home (perhaps the logic behind it is the ‘cos God said so’ thing)
Thing is, when you’re just low, you have no more fight left, you give up and don’t go to church… and in that you don’t get filled… and you go lower and lower into yourself, into your depression… the flesh is just completely dead. That makes me wonder how I’ll survive in uni… if the old church rules apply again. I suppose everyone’s different, but church is a privilege… something that was always dangling out of reach till after the A’s… and I wonder if the parents will continue to let me go so often when I’m in uni. They already ask me why I go so often… ‘a little less church/ missing a service wont kill you’ they say.
Nope. Missing church doesn’t kill you. But what the world throws at you does.
Hunters don’t go after dead birds… and they don’t go after the live ones that fly away… just after the dying ones to make sure they die. When you’re full of the life of Christ… the devil can’t do a thing. When you don’t know Christ, he can’t be bothered… cos you’re his anyway. But when there is a slow draining of that life… he’s interested…
So Lord… comeon… resuscitate me… I wanna fly free.
Friday, May 11, 2007
code blue
flatline we have a flatline *beeeeeeeeep*
been rather addicted to Grey's Anatomy...
i need refreshing... soul feels rather... ragged at the edges...
life has... hm. stopped since all the interviews and essays have been done. i really don't know what i'm doing... i don't know what i'm here for... i don't know where i'm going. i know that my Daddy God has big plans for me.. and i know that He'll bring me places.. that i'm called for great things. but i'm.. not quite here anymore.
excuse me world. i'll be back.
just let me hide for a while.
been rather addicted to Grey's Anatomy...
i need refreshing... soul feels rather... ragged at the edges...
life has... hm. stopped since all the interviews and essays have been done. i really don't know what i'm doing... i don't know what i'm here for... i don't know where i'm going. i know that my Daddy God has big plans for me.. and i know that He'll bring me places.. that i'm called for great things. but i'm.. not quite here anymore.
excuse me world. i'll be back.
just let me hide for a while.
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
I shall scream, scream, scream!
my holidays... are flyyying awaaaayyy... =(
and i haven't done anything at aaaaall... okay la. i earned some money. hung out with ppl. stuff like that. *sigh*
i feel so... unaccomplished. all that essay writing... all those interviews... then all those ppl dao me, shelve me and never send me anything... then there's UCAS chasing me for my decision... which incidentally is dependant on the other decisions RAWR.
and songs from Oliver! have taken up residence in my brain.
round and round and round. (i shall SCREAM Mr Bumble...) goodness.
what am i doing with my time? i honestly don't know...
i submit to you a 4 letter curse, incidentally a word.
L.A.Z.Y.
inertia perhaps... everything seems to be starting next week. MOH interview, ballet, probably driving too... since my mom managed to call a private instructor that i thought sounded nice over the phone.
oh... and apparently the acceptance/ rejection letters come next week too.
gah. someone give me a good kick in the ass and get me moving. look. even the post is just me rambling... no inspiration/interesting thing.
meh.
today is the day i spend crawling around plugging things into different computers. what fun. -_- i suppose i feel more useful when life is busybusybusy. more fun to be pretend panicky (sometimes it's real. yah) then to be all stone-ded and fuzzy. butbutbut. i don't wanna do anything.
and i haven't done anything at aaaaall... okay la. i earned some money. hung out with ppl. stuff like that. *sigh*
i feel so... unaccomplished. all that essay writing... all those interviews... then all those ppl dao me, shelve me and never send me anything... then there's UCAS chasing me for my decision... which incidentally is dependant on the other decisions RAWR.
and songs from Oliver! have taken up residence in my brain.
round and round and round. (i shall SCREAM Mr Bumble...) goodness.
what am i doing with my time? i honestly don't know...
i submit to you a 4 letter curse, incidentally a word.
L.A.Z.Y.
inertia perhaps... everything seems to be starting next week. MOH interview, ballet, probably driving too... since my mom managed to call a private instructor that i thought sounded nice over the phone.
oh... and apparently the acceptance/ rejection letters come next week too.
gah. someone give me a good kick in the ass and get me moving. look. even the post is just me rambling... no inspiration/interesting thing.
meh.
today is the day i spend crawling around plugging things into different computers. what fun. -_- i suppose i feel more useful when life is busybusybusy. more fun to be pretend panicky (sometimes it's real. yah) then to be all stone-ded and fuzzy. butbutbut. i don't wanna do anything.
Saturday, May 05, 2007
lol... what's the probability
first meeting ruth's class at her class' outing in the same theatre when out for my class outing...
and now this. lol. suspicions confirmed *shrug* none of my business.
.
.
.
anyhow. something else that's unbelievable
and now this. lol. suspicions confirmed *shrug* none of my business.
.
.
.
anyhow. something else that's unbelievable
Thursday, May 03, 2007
whyyy
one more interviewwww...
i suppose i shouldn't be complaining... some people would kill to be considered for scholarships... meh
i realised what's been bugging me the last few weeks... the insane fear that overpowered me time and again (ever been a quivering wreck trying to hide in a corner? if you haven't please don't try.) it hit me on the train on the way home... i'm scared that all this is a dream... that it's impossible to be happy for so long... that suddenly everything will crumble and i'll be back to the dark hole of old... to the old habits, stuck in my mind with no idea of how to get out. it was so strange so much that i couldn't put my finger on it. i was scared that i wasn't real... just cos i was happy. [too bad devil. go to hell and stay there this time.] cos my God is FOR me, Jesus bought me the right to have everything go my way.
on the note of insanity... here's some table tennis/ ping pong matches...
this one's fake (duh) you've probably watched it before
this one's real (before an actual match...) talk abt skill gosh.
i suppose i shouldn't be complaining... some people would kill to be considered for scholarships... meh
i realised what's been bugging me the last few weeks... the insane fear that overpowered me time and again (ever been a quivering wreck trying to hide in a corner? if you haven't please don't try.) it hit me on the train on the way home... i'm scared that all this is a dream... that it's impossible to be happy for so long... that suddenly everything will crumble and i'll be back to the dark hole of old... to the old habits, stuck in my mind with no idea of how to get out. it was so strange so much that i couldn't put my finger on it. i was scared that i wasn't real... just cos i was happy. [too bad devil. go to hell and stay there this time.] cos my God is FOR me, Jesus bought me the right to have everything go my way.
on the note of insanity... here's some table tennis/ ping pong matches...
this one's fake (duh) you've probably watched it before
this one's real (before an actual match...) talk abt skill gosh.
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
hebrew... mostly
Deliver us...
When you believe.. (the harmony bit is soo pretty!)
it's really cool to hear it in hebrew... imagine... just how the people cried out to God
.
.
.
.
Deliver us in cantonese... it sounds remarkably like some wu xia show... the front bit is really funny... =S if you understand cantonese and watch tvbi... well. heh
hmmm
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
~2 Timothy 1:7
.
.
.
.
.
.
it is real, though, that insane paralysing fear that comes without reason.
oh bugger that urge to go hide under a table...
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