i'm going homeee

on 8th of june (touchdown on the 9th... in time for camp. woohoo! that is if i get a place to go =P grace grace.)
and will stay there for about 3 months. JIO ME TO GO OUT K?

just thought i'd publicise it since it's the season where everyone asks everyone else if they'll be home for summer ^^

--

other exam news.

had my german oral yday... it was okay... "pretend you're at a restaurant with two germans at your table and start a conversation with them"... but in the end it was rather one sided with the teacher asking all the questions - and she asked me what i normally have for breakfast... and don't eat breakfast anymore! ohwell. Daddy was good tho =). there was supposed to be this other german teacher as the other examiner... who would ask questions, but she was sick and the replacement person didn't speak german though understood it... so i essentially had a conversation with my normal german teacher (who is really nice and casual about things... is the kind that would fight for students' rights - and who is also the department head 0_o). amazing.

today was the first paper... Social Psychology
my hand is no longer (or maybe was never) used to writing and writing... 3 hrs of essay... bleh.
Daddy's amazing again... i studied 6 of 9 things... all 6 came out... and in very very simple straightforward ways -- discuss the factors... what are the main reasons... compare and contrast ___ theories etc. yay =)! though that makes me wonder if everyone would end up writing the same essays and all get very average marks -.-"... haha. i actually ended up writing questions i thought no one would do =P kiasu eh?

of miracles and such...

3rd post of the day. oops.

just went for the 7pm service at kensington temple... where a guest pastor - gypsy william lee - a healing evangelist was preaching & doing miracles. they've been holding the revival and healing services every night for over a month now... and i must say that the miracles & the works of God in this time have simply been amazing... better still. people are coming in droves to get a miracle.. and get saved in the process. there's something just so awesome about seeing God at work... working through little nobodys and making them His-bodys... using a gypsy with no proper education to reach out to so many...

two things struck me today - one, where he said that he was an evangelist... and that that was it. that everything was about the gospel of Christ. that he never tires of hearing the gospel, preaching the gospel, preaching salvation. woah. what a revelation he has of 'all Jesus' and 'none of me'. cos i admit, sitting under pastor prince's ministry for so long... and hearing about Jesus and Jesus and Jesus and how each thing in the bible points to Him... sometimes i can actually go to church and completely miss the point - thinking: 'oh it's this sermon again... about ____' ... i've only recently begun to realise just how much i need to hear it over and over and over to really remind myself, all of Him, none of me.

the other was at the end of the service when he was praying for a lady - they call a few people on stage to publicly pray for them, even as the leaders and other pastors pray for people at the front of the stage... this lady had depression... and as he was praying for her he said 'God wants to heal your mind today, will you let Him?'... and the mic picked up what she said. 'yes... but i don't think i'm worth it' - that really struck me... as i identified with that searing pain... as i 'heard' Daddy's answer: of course you are worth it. you are worth it, and I'm going to make you realise that. I'm gonna love you into wholeness, love you like never before, love you till you realise just how much you're worth to Me. I will not let you go.


of course you are worth it.




---

this was ringing in my spirit... but i just couldn't find it earlier on - the parting words of Jesus before he left:

And these signs will follow those who believe: In My name they will cast out demons; they will speak with new tongues; they will take up serpents; and if they drink anything deadly, it will by no means hurt them; they will lay hands on the sick, and they will recover.”
~Mark 16:17-18

it feels like my ministry is beginning... i'm super excited... lay hands... Jesus said. all we have to do is lay hands - and they will recover. not by our power or our prayer or our faith... but because of His goodness. lay hands... and love the broken into wholeness.

house

no... not House MD. house.
it's a new experience.. this house searching business - never needed to think about rent/ rooms/ safety etc before. the wonders of an overseas education. haha.

we just called a house meeting.. cos we haven't been successful in finding 5-man places, so one of our future housemates may have to look for someplace else =(. it'd be nice to get a place like the one in the pic... though something like that in central london + near to school would cos a BOMB. and price & location come first. dang.

still searching... let's see what Daddy has in store for His kids...
relak relak. sure good one.

distracted

slept in today... did only 4 chapters of intro to psyc (when i was supposed to finish the rest of the module today. oops.)... played zuma (shucks it's come back to haunt me)... facebooked & blogsurfed... did the london paper sudokus... did much calling and smsing to try to surprise kenneth for his bdae...

productive? yah. just not for work =P

anyhow during my shower thinking time i was thinking about friendships.
thinking about how i'm unable to really maintain friendships & bother about people... though i'd like to think that i do. i'm not a relational person (aha the psycho personality test terms appear) and i'm a true blue introvert... i wish i could be more present to the many people i care about, and yet i do not/ can not summon up the energy to make the effort.

and then about intimacy circles & levels of friendship... how, being me (and rather lousy at maintaining contact), i'll probably only retain close friendships with these 8 people (none of whom will be in london next year... dang) in the many years to come. then there's quite large number bordering around the periphery of these 8... people whom i wish i would be closer to if i had the opportunity (and time, though that's just an excuse). broadening the radius still are the people who have walked into my life, made a huge impact, and walked out... and then the people i've worked with... and then the acquaintances.


thinking about all the people who have touched my life in one way or another... i was just feeling very blessed - that i wasn't a hermit. that Daddy has planted people in my life that i've learnt ever-so-much from... that have encouraged me, hung-out with me etc etc.

getting the MOE scholarship and coming to london has greatly broadened the circle peripheral to the 8 [also the acquaintences... lol the random ppl in hall i never talk to but say hi to etc]. which makes me wonder whether after the 3 years here, whether people would enter the 'inner circle' or simply drift out and away (no one has really crossed over yet, though some are teetering on the edge)... haha. makes me wonder also if i'm much of the time a pathetic friend and not 'real' enough, sincere enough, too headstrong & proud (yes. i do think i am much of the time), cold & unfeeling... aiyah the list is really long... list of 'things that charity needs to be transformed from glory to glory beholding Jesus' face'

but more so, how God works in really marvelous ways... cos 2 of the 8 in the 'inner circle' are 'new additions'. new-old-friends, people, who upon first meeting stepped right into the core of everything. Godly friendship and fellowship, not to mention that for all 8 of them, our beginnings were of chance-meetings/ mutual acquaintances - God-incidence i say... not coincidence. God-sustenance as well... since trust (for me at least) doesnt spring out of 4-day camps or 3-hour lunches...

perhaps Daddy is dealing with my fear of rejection... to be able to be truely 'me' in new company (all necessary in such a new environment as london)... still learning, still learning.

hmm. what a random post. *ramble ramble*

berlin ist sehr kalt (26/3)-day3

woke up in the morning almost-afternoon greeted by mr sunshine... aka. Medusa and was inspired to do weird things to his hair... (those pics are on junli's cam unfortunately...).

we wanted to take the tour to potsdam - out of berlin for the day, but discovered that they didn't run the tours in that season. so it was free & easy again, blessed with awesome weather. took the train to potsdam to explore the place since it was near berlin. what was a potsdam? old palace buildings and park grounds. strangely enough, after taking the bus from the bahnhof (train station) to the palace grounds... the first gate we saw looked exactly like one of my neighbour's gates... hmmm. but the grounds were beautiful... and we spent the day just fooling around and singing songs and relaxing and eating and eating and eating =P

currywurst =)sausage meat shop... yum. i got to try the raw pork on bread thing! can't rmb what it's calledthe indian-looking gate tt's rather similar to my neighbour'swindmilllllltoo pretty a composition to resistrandom shelter-looking thing - that couldn't possibly provide shelterwe were wondering what these were: diseased trees?Lego land: the triangular treeswe were heresurfer boys"oh look the tree is shorter than me!"*boiing*chi dun *boiing*"He was a skater boy, she said 'see ya later boy'..."

as usual... when we saw interesting statues & things... we couldn't help but do weird things with them.. and the boys. well. army boys lah. what to do? [unfortunately eugene's cam ran out of batt... so i couldn't take more videos ='(]

let's take a relaxing batheew. you guys stinkarmy maneuverslicking a 冰棒

and we walked and walked and walked the extensive park grounds to reach one of the palace historical buildings. but it was closed cos it was some seasonal thing. so we walked and walked somemore... and did more random things

cannot go in? no problem. take picture and pretend we did.all hail princess junli!deprived childhood: s'pore got no trees to climb

after walking and walking and walking and walking and walking... we finally got back out of the grounds... and decided to look for ice-cream (as if it wasn't cold enough.) all the small vendor places were closed though, so we went into mövenpick to defrost and have something to eat. but. just outside the restaurant was a kiddy playground - and we couldn't resist (deprived childhood. ahahaha. check out all the happy faces man!)

high-class dining...high-class apple pie & brownie... high-class prices toostop and smell the testtube??

after that we headed back to the bahnhof to find a way to the next stop: the pyramid - which was in the middle of a different park. haha. had a really interesting time waiting for the bus, marching on the spot to keep warm and singing campfire songs (bunch of 5 kuku's we were. =D funness.) by then it was about 7 plus, and we finally got the bus back to the bahnhof to get directions to the pyramid. on the way to the pyramid, we found a kebap kiosk! with a really nice store owner. haha. super funny... as he was trying to ask us where we were from, and if we were studying in the uni in berlin etc. and everyone was looking at me to translate -_-" but i could only understand 10%. oops. the kebap was really good though *drool*.and then fright night began:
the bus dropped us at some ulu road... in a residential area... which was near the park gates, but completely deserted. we somehow found the park gates... and realised they were locked!! and it dawned on me that there were no streetlamps in the park and it was pitch dark. oops. the boys *ahem* began to talk about ghostly things to try to freak us out as well. loll.

i got a revelation about trust then... cos while it was rather worrying - in a foreign land with unknown roads etc. we were still relaxed about well. being lost. and it was faith i think, that He would bring us safely back no matter what. quite amazing that, cos the busstop we dropped at was on a one-way road, so we had to walk to the place before the one-way road began to find the busstop going back to the train station =p.

our dark and lonely busstop4 ghosts 'chers of the futurewhere's that bus??freeeezin and lost in potsdam

got safely back to the train station... and stopped for yet more food (cos junli wanted the toy from the happymeal =P) before taking the train back to our hostel. i learnt how to play loot! and we were playing all the way till past 1am - with beer as the loser's forfeit (lol.) this time, junli was the one who kena... (well that, and she was trying to get me to drink less) and amazingly... she was actually tipsy!! haha "i shall go brush my face and wash my teeth now" =P never seen her so 'seh' before. heh. well... at least if anyone got drunk it'd be in good/ safe company.

and so the day ended... with quiet time (i must say it was very nice to do qt with all the lights off but the reading light above the bed)... and turning off angus' light (yes. again.)

oh yes. sometime when i was going to sleep, a light came on from junli's bed... her ipod light, which she switched off, then got up, went to the loo and came back. [but the next morning she actually asked me 'charity did you help me turn my ipod off and pack the earphones? hahaha gosh.]

=).

rest - is holy spirit directed activity...

lets see...
what to mug.
when to mug.
how to mug.
what to do.
when to do.
how to do.

and the excess baggage has fallen away:
can i finish studying what i planned?
will i not do well if i don't?
am i doing the right thing by keeping on _____ ?
can i continue to resist _____ ?
will ______ lead me to be _____?

so.

does all that matter??

not really.

[but that said. i am burying myself in books and happily mugging. Lord make this revelation remain firm till the end of exams and forever.]

Daddy rox

Daddy rox my sox =P

haha. i was thinking yday that i wanted to go to the park to mug for a change of environment... but it's been not-too-warm + very-windy so that'd mean i had to layer to go out with the intention of staying out

and then i woke up today and saw the weather forecast:
7-19 deg...
that's like summer-ish liao! awesome =)

escapism

escape...
wh00t. into Your arms.
into Your arms.

let's get a new revelation
to relak mug

cos my exams are in Your hands

berlin ist sehr kalt (25/3)-day2

[my very belated post...]

free & easy day... started off super free. we were supposed to leave at 930am and walk slowly to visit the inside of the places we walked past the day before on the tour. BUT. cos most of us were doing quiet time in the morning... we started off with a mini-cg thing...

"so. share what God imparted to you in your qt"
"what are you expecting from God this trip"

and i was super blessed by it. nothing better than good sharing... no. Godly sharing to start off the day =). now this was what i missed most about not being in singapore. not having a group of people to really talk to. not just to complain about the day or things that have happened... or to worry about things to come, but having people around you who would remind you of Jesus, all He has done in your life, the hope you have in the future... and point you to the cross instead of letting you sink deeper and deeper into yourself. awesomely blessed... to have this opportunity to go travelling with this bunch of people.

so. Berlin was forecasted to have snow storms the 4 days we were there... but the 1st day was a perfect sunny day (cold. but sunny.) during the sharing... for the question 'so what are you expecting from God'... ame said 'i want snow'. and snow it did! beautifully... yet light enough so it wasn't a nuisance. we then went to the Berliner Dom (that we saw from the outside the previous day) - and it was so free and so easy that we just stopped to play with snow and take photos =)

you'll never see this in spore ever.evil eugene & the snow mountaingroup photo! (with the church in the background)this reminds me of a korean drama thinghow to resist jumping shots?

and so. instead of queueing up to go to church (hehe..) we had to pay an entrance fee to get in cos it was a tourist attraction. needless to say it was grand.

and yet and yet. looking at it from the outside, then going in, i couldn't help but wonder... why in the world did they build such ornate churches? couldn't the money be used to do something better? was this just glorification of man - that the priests at that time were big-shots or something... who had the power and authority to 'show off'...

or looking at it - was i supposed to be happy? happy that the church was big enough to require a large building... was this a reflection of God's blessing on the church? no doubt it was really affluent then. i couldn't decide...many interesting conversations as we climbed to the top of the dome to check out the view. with an interesting staircase experience - cos the stairs weren't made for more than one person to climb at a time and there were people coming down the stairs as we went up (had to squeeze onto this small landing platform to wait for people to pass. lol)... also... i was thinking that it would be quite amusing if someone attempted suicide from the top of the dome (it's taller than 7 storeys i think =P) haha... come to church to pray for deliverance... then see how beautiful it is, get depressed cos you're poor... then commit suicide... whoops. defeated purpose here.
we were then running late from what we had planned... so skipped the national museum building tt was next to the church and went on a hunt for the 'pasar malam' we spied on the walking tour (some tentage that is.) but but. we walked and walked and walked... and at alexander platz found that the tentage was probably something part of the shop that we mistook for a pasar malam thing. oops. by then it was close to 2pm and we were hungryy... and then God led us to this cool Bavarian restaurant... check out the food *drool*

crispy pork knuckle (Bavarian style)pork knuckle in the style of the Berlin areaassortment of sausages (bratwurst!!)happy anticipatory faces =D

next stop after we were filled was the jewish museum. they had a special exhibition going on - on cliches over the years... mainly dealing with jews & christians. the exhibits were... strange to say the least. but oh so true.

guess what this is...curly hair...? hmmmm..."Israeli artist Tamir Lahav-Radlmesser asked friends and acquaintences throughout the world for samples of their pubic hair. ...humourous portraits whose uniformity thwarts any attempt to draw inferences about the individuals portrayed."you dig my nose and i'll dig yours XD"Dennis Kardon responded to the stereotype of a 'Jewish nose' by multiplying it... The result is a sculpture of forty-nine 'Jewish noses' that challenges the cliché... show(ing) the absurdity of such thinking."all the skin-tones of the people in the world

we took.. really long at the extra exhibition - really took our time there - but finally went on to other parts of the building. one was this dark cold room with a single source of light - where they put you in there for 10 sec and let you reflect on history and the deaths. smart i say. a really cheap exhibit to maintain... and really ... the experience of being cold, what with the sensory deprivation... claustrophobia of circumstance.

then there was the garden of exile... with alot of concrete pillars out in the cold. walking through it made me wonder whether the jewish artists really liked concrete or something. that. and the other exhibits took so much time that we didn't get to see the full permanent exhibit - only saw the back half of it, recovering of the community after the Holocaust (ohwell.) but the whole thing was rather poignant... and really made me reflect.

completely unrelated to reflection... this really reminded me of the walls in CS =Pplease donate to charity...extra exhibit 1: act daoextra exhibit 2: bored.

the exhibit that really captured me, though, was this:
"Menashe Kadishman's installation 'Shalechet' is first a memorial to the Holocaust. But he reaches beyond this and dedicates it to all innocent victims of violence and war. He requests that visitors walk upon the work. The title 'fallen leaves' raises suggestions both of negative predestination and of hope for new life in the coming spring"


hear the wailing cries of the dead
the screams of the innocent - unheard.
watch. as we tread over them, forgotten
building our lives upon their misery.
listen.
lest we forget.

---

then we went into the museum gift shop... and i saw this notebook... that i really really wanted to buy. but it was so expensive 0_o... 8 euros... and i was giam siap and decided not to get it. aww.

when we came out of the museum... it was snowing again!
so pretty =)
dandruff?

decided to 'try our luck' to go to parliment house and check out the night view from the dome... it was pretty late and the place closed at 10pm, but cos we were so cold... we decided to head into dunkin' doughnuts for a snack before proper dinner (and warm up). 'cos we were so 'chill' about time, we ended up reaching the parliment house 15 min before 10... where the people outside told us that it was closing and that it would be impossible to get in. junli... the woman of faith... was amazing... and psycho-ed us... just do the singaporean thing, queue, and see whether we get in. if we can't then too bad. (amazing again, that everyone was relaxed... even queueing lol. trust God to get us in =P)

fattening fooood! *yum* distracted by the Brandenburg Gate (Brandenburger Tor) on the way to parliment housethe flag outside parlimentview from the domeseats of parlimentwaiting-for-train faces

went back happy and satisfied... and went to get dinner from the mexican restaurant across the road from the hostel - awesome company, awesome food =).



went back at the end of the day to use our one-for-one beer vouchers at the bar in the hostel... and everyone being non-drinkers well... ended up playing uno to force-feed the beer lol. and i kena so many times -_-". i think i drank one litre... that is, the one big mug in the pic. before/during: after:
so half tipsy... went to do qt and ended the day -again- turning off angus' reading light.