distracted

slept in today... did only 4 chapters of intro to psyc (when i was supposed to finish the rest of the module today. oops.)... played zuma (shucks it's come back to haunt me)... facebooked & blogsurfed... did the london paper sudokus... did much calling and smsing to try to surprise kenneth for his bdae...

productive? yah. just not for work =P

anyhow during my shower thinking time i was thinking about friendships.
thinking about how i'm unable to really maintain friendships & bother about people... though i'd like to think that i do. i'm not a relational person (aha the psycho personality test terms appear) and i'm a true blue introvert... i wish i could be more present to the many people i care about, and yet i do not/ can not summon up the energy to make the effort.

and then about intimacy circles & levels of friendship... how, being me (and rather lousy at maintaining contact), i'll probably only retain close friendships with these 8 people (none of whom will be in london next year... dang) in the many years to come. then there's quite large number bordering around the periphery of these 8... people whom i wish i would be closer to if i had the opportunity (and time, though that's just an excuse). broadening the radius still are the people who have walked into my life, made a huge impact, and walked out... and then the people i've worked with... and then the acquaintances.


thinking about all the people who have touched my life in one way or another... i was just feeling very blessed - that i wasn't a hermit. that Daddy has planted people in my life that i've learnt ever-so-much from... that have encouraged me, hung-out with me etc etc.

getting the MOE scholarship and coming to london has greatly broadened the circle peripheral to the 8 [also the acquaintences... lol the random ppl in hall i never talk to but say hi to etc]. which makes me wonder whether after the 3 years here, whether people would enter the 'inner circle' or simply drift out and away (no one has really crossed over yet, though some are teetering on the edge)... haha. makes me wonder also if i'm much of the time a pathetic friend and not 'real' enough, sincere enough, too headstrong & proud (yes. i do think i am much of the time), cold & unfeeling... aiyah the list is really long... list of 'things that charity needs to be transformed from glory to glory beholding Jesus' face'

but more so, how God works in really marvelous ways... cos 2 of the 8 in the 'inner circle' are 'new additions'. new-old-friends, people, who upon first meeting stepped right into the core of everything. Godly friendship and fellowship, not to mention that for all 8 of them, our beginnings were of chance-meetings/ mutual acquaintances - God-incidence i say... not coincidence. God-sustenance as well... since trust (for me at least) doesnt spring out of 4-day camps or 3-hour lunches...

perhaps Daddy is dealing with my fear of rejection... to be able to be truely 'me' in new company (all necessary in such a new environment as london)... still learning, still learning.

hmm. what a random post. *ramble ramble*