anyway the feeling i've been getting as i've been resting is of someone having toiled and climbed up this mountain towards some goal... and then having reached that, to turn back and see... well. this.
not that i've climbed out of destruction, but that i've forgotten about what's really important... and left some important relationships behind (feels like i've left them behind to die =P)
what's the point of throwing in all my time and effort? dunno.
i forgot my priorities... put work in first place - and i was consumed by my need to do it PERFECTLY and my inability to do so. but when it was all over, there was no sense of accomplishment, only an incomprehensible sense of loss, like i've forgotten something important... as if i was looking down the hill i climbed and seeing only the carnage of the relationships i didn't protect. so the last few weeks i kept looking at what was going on around me and wondering - why is it that they can have XYZ and i can't seem to let go
the something i forgot => GRACE GRACE
perfection was never mine to begin with - only mine to receive. and only Jesus can take first place in my life. here's to a new and growing revelation of that.
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