retreat

i've come away realising suddenly how much i've been blessed by pastor's ministry.

the speaker was more of a teacher than a pastor: camp theme 'Assured?' so he was speaking about the tabernacle and the symbolism - and how we may now draw near to God... and i realised later how people hadn't heard this before, how some people haven't been assured of their salvation... amazing then. that we have been so steeped in the word and anointing that we haven't realised it all these years.


i've also just realised... how weary i've been... and how i've been so busy that i didn't realise it. just the awareness that i need a ministry... i really need to sit down and receive and feed... just feed on the word of God.

listening to the bit of worship on pastor benjamin's blog - the link that heiman put in my tagboard... i just wonder at what God is doing back home in Arrow... how awesome it must have been to just be there. and at the same time... where is my portion here Lord? my soul thirsts, there's nothing left to offer... and there's a different kind of depression here, or perhaps its desperation... in seeing the sun disappear around 3pm. (and having it rain the whole day and knowing it'll rain the whole week =S)

and i'm just running away again... building walls of ice that shouldn't be there... so you won't see the exhaustion, the brokenness, the pain, the need for assurance of love that is lurking behind them. i'm sorry. especially to you... i wonder if you can accept this.