blessed..

prepare yourself! for a series of very very disjointed thoughts

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that i may be a blessing...
i think.
is a blessing in itself.

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to say that i am not affected by everything that happened last night would be a lie. a lie that i was striving to hold on to the whole of today (and ended up crunchyrolling the day away... i studied a grand total of 12 slides! oops. haha)

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afraid. of the decision i've made to lead a group in ocf next year. my heart screams for change... for potentials to be realised... for development. my mind tells me of the natural - something i know very well - that i have not what it takes (not strong enough, not kind enough, not 'there' yet). my heart quails at the task. my spirit affirms my decision. Daddy quirks a smile - I have plans for you.

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thrown off balance... at the self-sufficiency and the bitterness. at the should and should-not's i heard last night. by the knowledge that we each walk our paths... sad. that so much is being offered... but not taken

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love... is about giving and giving and giving.

taking from the guy with perfect love...
taking and taking and taking from Daddy...
who's all too happy to give.
who's pleased when you take from Him.
turning around...
then giving and giving and giving... because you have so much

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blessed...
to be in a position to bless others