introspection

you know how the devil tries to tell you that you're not worth it?
and how he tries to steal your joy in the little things in life?

I am the righteousness of God in Christ
I am crowned with glory and honour
His favour surrounds me like a shield
My worth is found in the worth of Jesus

but all that flew out the window when i saw my NIE practicum results. Just a pass. how can? what did i do wrong, i didn't work hard enough etc etc. (happily forgetting that i did get a rather good GPA) and being sad that my overall grade was pulled down to a credit rather than staying at distinction because i didn't even get a credit for my practicum.

it's hard to accept. especially since i found out that majority of the people in my clique got distinctions... 'what's wrong with me? why am i not as good as they are? did i not work hard enough? am i not smart enough?' were just a few questions running through my head when i first saw the results last night and met my friends this morning.

i am sad... that i missed the mark, just like missing my first class honours degree by an overall 1 mark - having my grade hover around distinction but not hit a distinction is just painful and annoying. its even worse when i start comparing to my other friends (the over-achiever classmates i grew up with in my elite school)

but that's me trying... and me forgetting that my worth is in Christ... my life belongs to Christ... God has gone before me and is preparing the way for me... that it doesn't matter really cos He loves me and whatever happens now is simply in preparation for eternity. My success is not dependent on the grading that man gives but on the judgement of God... and He judges me righteous, number one, cos i am in Christ...

"Blessed is the man You choose,
And cause to approach You,
That he may dwell in Your courts.
We shall be satisfied with the goodness of Your house,
Of Your holy temple."
~Psalm 65:4

"For the LORD God is a sun and shield;
The LORD will give grace and glory;
No good thing will He withhold
From those who walk uprightly."
~Psalm 84:11