Monday, October 29, 2007

rigging

-to everyone who actually knows what the title is... envy me.. cos you probably won't get a chance to do it in singapore! XD-

i have just spent... the last 3 hours of my life climbing up and down ladders, bolting and chaining (impossibly grimy) lights to the rigging... =D [not quite a normal girl's idea of fun. but there you go.] oh. and the garage (mini theatre that school plays are held in) has an effects system and a pseudo DJ cd player... and i spent dinner fooling around with them!

of course... my hall mates have all disappeared off to go clubbing... whatever. i just got to rig lights! [and now try to finish my essay pfft]


i have known you for... 6 weeks now. and boy have things changed... i never would have dreamed this... and i'm scared... terrified actually... but you know that. hmmm. sit back and see what God says/ does...

Saturday, October 27, 2007

thoughts in the shower

i am amazingly tired and in the midst of writing an essay so this post probably will reflect that.


have you ever wondered what defines an adult?
did someone decide that 21 (at least in our present culture) was a nice number and people would be mature by then ... call them 'adult'... give them responsibilities?
are these people we call adults... really 'adult'?
or perhaps... they're just children like us (okay i guess i'm not quite a 'child' anymore... ) struggling... just like us to stay afloat in this scary world.

and parents...
perhaps they were once broken children... who came together and found each other... and ended up living their lives for you their child.
perhaps they still are those broken children who have never stopped feeling alone.
i wonder.

my mom's from this dysfunctional family where the dad got a mistress, mom never forgave dad raised the family by herself (damn poor)... now is suspicious and thinks all men are evil but thinks that her son is better than her daughter still... oh. and doesn't ever listen to what you say
my dad's from this dysfunctional family where the dad put so much pressure on them that his sister killed herself (i never really realised the significance of calling my aunt '2nd aunt' in cantonese)... where they grew up feeling completely worthless and inept.
and they formed our dysfunctional family...

somehow i suspect every family has a story like that... (at least where God isn't involved)

talk about falling short of God's will. too bad man is imperfect
(fairytales do NOT come true)


we need God man...




[cherie wants a hug... =( give cherie a hug! cherie will love you for it XD]

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

insanity

is sleeping at 2 on monday and waking up for lectures at 9 on tuesday

is going for a party (traffic stopping... my first time clubbing... must say i don't think much of it though there's a high and it is admittedly fun)... then supper at 1am... and getting back at 2am... watching anime to 3am... and going for 9am lectures on wednesday

is having a movie marathon on wednesday afternoon, going trampolining and coming back for another movie at 11pm with lessons on thursday that last from 10am-5pm

as you can tell i have given up on studying till friday...

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

home

is where the heart is...


and my heart is back with all the people in singapore.
miss you guys.

for that matter...
miss being able to be irresponsible
miss just randomly going into shops to eat (knowing that they're affordable)
miss heidi's huggles (and andrea and izzy and hwei...)
miss being able to hold an insane conversation with people without the insinuations (sooo many things have some connotation or another... and they're witty! cannot talk to them when i'm not fully awake =S)
miss having a ministry... church service with a long full sermon...


i don't miss food though... lol.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

indecision + grace

i'm really n00b and dunno what i'm doing... and dunno whether i'm making a wise choice... there's no right or wrong to it... just timing and season... (if you're kaypoh enough you can poke me on msn... i'll tell if you're a close fren)

anyhow.

we're reading/studying the book of hebrews for OCF... hebrews chapter 1... but i got stuck around the first few verses cos they're just too awesome:

God, who at various times and in various ways spoke in time past to the fathers by the prophets, has in these last days spoken to us by His Son, whom He has appointed heir of all things, through whom also He made the worlds; who being the brightness of His glory and the express image of His person, and upholding all things by the word of His power, when He had by Himself purged our sins, sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high, having become so much better than the angels, as He has by inheritance obtained a more excellent name than they.
~Hebrews 1:1-4

what right do i have... to have a saviour intercede for me... God's Son Himself came to my level and 'by Himself purged (my) sins' doing a complete work to clense me of all my sins (all my falling short of God)... who finally sat down (complete rest after a finished work) at the right hand (my saviour is God's right hand man!!) of God.

what right do i have... to have that intimacy with God? to have such an awesome intercessor... my Saviour King be a channel of communication.. the chapter goes on to describe the standing of Jesus in God's eyes. i can't even begin to imagine such an awesome personality coming down to my level... coming down to take my sins... to give me that intimacy with God.

[and then remember all the blessings of God in Christ that are yours because of this. wow.]

today i was just reading Numbers 16 (i'm reading my way through the bible... finally =P)

go read it for yourself... but here's a quick summary:
the people of israel came against moses and aaron, determining that they should come directly to God and protesting their leadership... so moses told them to offer incense to God. God judges them sinful, the earth opens and swallows the families up... the people offering incense get burnt to a crisp. ouch. so the people are damn scared... God tells eleazar to pick the cencers out of the blaze and make a covering on the altar [beautiful picture of Jesus here] to remind the children of israel of this day (but i think they forgot rather quickly)
the next day they speak out again.. and God's judgement comes and they die like flies till Aaron runs out with a censer of incense and stands between the living and the dead making atonement for the people.

read Hebrews 1:1 again... knowing what the judgement of God is like... (and that's just for the people complaining against the leaders of God and having no faith...) man i would be burnt and gone for all the times i've complained to God and question His existence in my life.

mmm. grace.



okay off to shop (hehe.) and to church.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

kai's quotes #01

frisbee... dinner... west wing party (i have now met a lot of people)... potato chips party...

put...tired singaporeans in a room... give them chips... and you get things like these:

"if God had wanted us to be drunk. He would have turned us into glasses of water."

"write on your econs tutorial... the kink in the demand curve is caused by the ruler. see what he (the tutor) says about that."

on the topic of the guy tt draws 3D sidewalk chalk pictures:
"take pieces of paper and write numbers... in different sizes... one dollar... then you'll pwn him. 4D diagrams"

when someone was blasting techno music in a room near the lift and kai and i were bobbing to it:
"this is so loser. we're borrowing someone's music to club... but we're not dressed to party... lets go get changed and meet at the lifts to go clubbing. very safe one."

well. maybe it's just kai.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

muggertoad

ehehe. trying to be one anyway ^^

i've joined... christian union, frisbee, stage crew, singapore society... and i'm gonna try volunteering. lets see how it goes. agressive peace hmmm. i claim it!

i was just reading this passage last night... about moses leading the people out of egypt and the journey to the promise land

So Moses said to the LORD, “Why have You afflicted Your servant? And why have I not found favor in Your sight, that You have laid the burden of all these people on me? Did I conceive all these people? Did I beget them, that You should say to me, ‘Carry them in your bosom, as a guardian carries a nursing child,’ to the land which You swore to their fathers? Where am I to get meat to give to all these people? For they weep all over me, saying, ‘Give us meat, that we may eat.’ I am not able to bear all these people alone, because the burden is too heavy for me. If You treat me like this, please kill me here and now—if I have found favor in Your sight—and do not let me see my wretchedness!”
~Numbers 11:11-15

two things struck me.
moses' desperation... the 'why why why God', the 'i cannot make it', 'i give up', 'i don't want to be responsible' inherent in his cry [powerful man of God... current leader of israel... showing complete weakness.] . and then there's the very fact that he could make such comments to God, the intimacy and openness.

it reminds me that it's okay to be weak... it's okay to be real. even such a man of God has his moments.... i wonder. how many of us would actually turn to God like that (us. with status as sons and daughters of the Most High in Jesus Christ). how many of us are actually conscious of our standing in Christ... conscious of the love of the Father. how many of us run to Him when we face troubles? and moses had intimacy with God... how much more us?


then there was God's reply

So the LORD said to Moses: “Gather to Me seventy men of the elders of Israel, whom you know to be the elders of the people and officers over them; bring them to the tabernacle of meeting, that they may stand there with you. Then I will come down and talk with you there. I will take of the Spirit that is upon you and will put the same upon them; and they shall bear the burden of the people with you, that you may not bear it yourself alone.
~Numbers 11:16-17

an answer of provision... put in current context would be Daddy God taking our burden from us saying - peace, I fight your battles. - Stand still! and see the salvation of the Lord.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

The Way Home

can't resist posting this. LOL. the things that happen behind the closed doors of the music rooms in halls...

The Way Home [Music/Lyrics: Melvin, YuChian, Nick, Jason, DiSong]



I so miss you and she is just a substitute.
You are a work of art, you bring warmth to my heart.
It really breaks my heart to know how long we’ll be apart.
For you (for you, for you) I’ll go out of my way.
Oh my Tao Huay!
Char Kuay Tiao, Bak (bak bak bak) Kut Teh, Roti Prata, Sambal Stingray
Nasi Lemak, To (to to to) sai, Milo Dinosaur, Godzilla
Chicken Rice, Yu (yu yu yu) Char Kuay, Bar Chor Mee, Chili Crabs (chili crabs, chili crabs)!
Chai Tao Kuay, Xiao Long Bao, Ha Kao, Siew Mai, Hokkien Mee, Popiah, Otah, Curry Puff!!!

Thursday, October 11, 2007

take my hand

and lead me to salvation
take my love
for love is everlasting
and remember
the truth that once was spoken
to love another person
is to see the face of God...

just got back from watching les miserables... fantastic. worth every penny of the 22.50 (which took quite a lot of research to get... actual price of ticket is 55 quid)... 'thank you' to all the guys who thanked me for organising. you guys made it worth it =)... for other musicals... wait a bit. must recover first >.<


sigh. i actually spent quite some time typing out an emo bit. but now it's gone. oh well.

Monday, October 08, 2007

provision

went for service at kensington temple yesterday... guess what. the hillsong worship team was there leading a worship/ ministering service and it was fantastic.

i just went in with a... Lord i need to feel you, i want my portion... feed me... show me how to survive. the presence of God was so strong in that place... just for me? perhaps. it's so awesome to see people just lost in worship. especially in this wild party-madness culture... awesome to see people getting high on God instead of alcohol.

-take courage little one, courage my darling. beloved stand firm in who you are for I am with you-





and i suddenly realised how much God has influenced every single day.



- making Godly friends in OCF... people to go church hopping with.. people to have deep conversations with... =) i miss all you guys back in Singapore though.
- being antisocial and not going to pubs/ clubs with people - i still know quite a lot of people... through relatively little effort of mine
- being nerdy and a muggertoad - i actually have supportive hall mates who study with me (my room is the mugger room. gosh.)
- even church hopping - i realised there's been provision for every service
company appeared for me when i was supposed to go alone... hillsong's worship the first sun, good messages on the 2nd sun, and yesterday... it was like an Arrow service!
- choosing of my subsidary courses - linguistics... was because MOE wanted some english thing and it was the most interesting english thing. and then today i realised that i do a bit of that in psyc... and i do a bit of psyc in linguistics =P


serves me right for worrying that i won't be fed enough at services on sundays over here. God's my provider... not the preacher or the church =)

Sunday, October 07, 2007

insignificant

just one soul in the millions on this planet earth
just another person in London - from a minority group no less, trying to adapt to an 'amazing' drinking/ clubbing/ pubbing culture
just another student in uni among the thousands of really smart people
just another face in the lecture theatre
just another voice in the tutorial groups
just another member of a clique
just another member of the family
just a random person.


but think about this...

the God who made the heavens and the earth
the God who holds the universe in the palm of His hand

decided that you were important to Him
decided to send His Son to die to redeem you from sin

yearns for a relationship with you
loves you like a father would a child
knows the deepest workings of your heart
that you have the privilege to say Abba Father... to say Daddy God

saw through your facade to the need and made you whole
took the insignificant you and gave you a future and a hope


what has been keeping me going =)

Thursday, October 04, 2007

lessons

have begun! and ended for the week (4 days only hurrah) one whole day to mug mug mug =P

lessons:
psychology - the science is really... bio... fun stuff. the statistics... is A level stuff. so i'm happy =)

linguistics (grammar) - was a really cool class... we discuss sentences, how to study them, decipher the rules behind so-called 'ungrammatical' sentences - in today's tutorial we were discussing a black dialect... there are sooo many things about english i didn't know! and all the grammar rules and stuff that the parents taught me at some point that i've forgotten...
i'm wondering whether i chose the right subsidary course. a second year i spoke to said it was the worst bit of his BA linguistics and the toughest... i don't know whether i can score... but ultimately it doesn't matter i guess. God give me the grace =)

german - just got the class confirmed... and bought the book (seems such a waste to do german *again*... but i guess that'll free up my workload.. rather than try a totally new language. i half wanted to take chinese =P)

so what have i been doing...
- running from one building to another to get to my lectures (fairly) on time [my optional classes clash with my compulsory ones... so it involves a lot of running and sneaking around]
- getting caught in the rain
- stage crew (avu equivalent) meeting on mon
- muggerfest on tue (cos i only had 1 hr of lessons)
- ice-skating then a ballet class on wed
- just got back from a sound lesson... nothing new... but the tech head really knows his stuff... can probably pester him to teach me the more in-depth theories and mixes (unfortunately the bloomsbury theatre system isn't digital... i want to play with a digital mixer!!!) i'm still considering whether to join... but i guess i can pay the 3 pounds and be a sleeping member that goes for training without doing shows >.<

and as a result...
i have caught the 'freshers flu' and am (un)happily sitting in my room sniffling and being woozy =(




i wish i had an edifying post to put up...but i haven't been thinking much lately... just spending my free time slacking and enjoying His presence. ah well.

Monday, October 01, 2007

sunday again

i feel fairly well fed... and i now understand how pampered i've been to be under pastor prince...

all souls church 9.30am today
traditional hymns, hymnals, pews, bibles... a good sermon, somth that pastor preached before. at the end i was thinking... "so short!?!" the sermon was like the first 20 min of pastor's normal service... at which point he would go 'i haven't started yet, are you ready for the word?' message about being aware of legalism and Jesus' stand towards it

lunch with Overseas Christian Fellowship (OCF) seniors @ chinatown

back to hall
where i found a group of singaporeans crashing and melvin acting as tour guide =S... and ended up spending 1hr plus with them in the music room instead of napping as originally intended

hillsong london 5.00pm
very eventful journey... LOL. took the bus cos it's only 1 pound... then the bus got caught in a jam... so it terminated service a long long way from where we were supposed to go (victoria station). so we took the tube... and the victoria line (shorter way) was closed! so we had to change twice to get to a station actually 3 stops from where we (junli and i) were... grrr. then there was the miscommunication with joseph... meet at 4pm at busstop outside skool became meet at 4pm there... so he waited for us - and we were late =S

BUT.
worth the journey. John Bevere preaching... and also my first good spiritual 'meal' in London. about seeking God with reverence... distinguishing the 'fear of the Lord' and plain 'fear'... really just calling people to develop their relationship with God. solid... but still pretty short. hum.

and i got my savior king cd! 15 pounds ... 45 sing dollars (but the cd actually looks different! and sounds different too! haha. should compare the s'pore australian and london recordings with clement when i go back next year)

dinner with junli and joseph @ joseph's place (yay chinese food. =P)

yup. lessons start tmr 9am and there are sooo many other things to settle... *wail* haha. pray that i keep that internal peace though i'm gonna be running/ have been running around like a 'siao char bo' =)