change

it's a viscious cycle this...

get email from mom. general gist of mail: you don't care for us right? cos you don't bother to contact us (meaning, you only talk to us once a week and don't tell us anything). various other similarly phrased statements and questions veiled in the 'so what are you doing now'.

read mail.
be pained.
answer mail as best as i can... which is not very well cos i can't give a good answer to most of the questions... it's not like my life is very happening and stuff.

[maybe i should make this daily template thing. today i went to school, came back, mugged, had dinner, met up with some ppl... tsk.]

feel rather condemned... cos i know i'm so not the guai daughter you want. marvel at your expectations of me... continue being pained - therefore won't talk about life cos i 'know' you won't understand, and i know you'll simply judge my actions.

and then it repeats.

Lord do something.
I can't possibly live these 3 years like this... me hurting them hurting me.
and even more so. i don't want them to live vicariously through me. i want them to live their lives for each other, with each other...