full tank please

here's a delayed post cos blogger won't open for me at home

I asked my daddy on friday… why do we go to church every week?

It was supposed to be a business discussion… we were talking about why people eat chocolate for enjoyment…why people are fat (the good feelings that come with food. Ehe… Works for my dad anyways) … and how to sell his class so that people would believe that they’d get the same satisfaction/ improvement out of it say… like chocolate, or perhaps an amazing workout that helps the brain. Then we started talking about the superteen camp that he sent me for. A camp that I thought was pretty much useless. They did mindmapping – I did that in school… visualisation – did that in school too. But as I was talking to him I realised, what that camp did was to raise the people’s self esteem – to make all of us believe that we’re A students – that we’re not stupid and that with a little work we can make it in this rat race and be the number one rat.

And then I realised… that I get pretty much the same thing when I’m in church camp. I forget all the problems… and there’s a spiritual high… and I know that I know that I know that Jesus loves me, that I AM an A student, I AM God’s Beloved, I AM MEANT TO REIGN IN LIFE. And I focus on Him and Him alone. That's something that people who don’t know Jesus wouldn’t have – you miss out on knowing that there’s someone always looking out for you, someone who actually cares… and doesn’t ask for anything in return.

So I asked my dad that question, trying to get him to understand why people would pay for a certain product… in the case of church… why people come back again and again for more.

You know what he said?

He said… ‘it’s cos the bible tells them to do so.”

And that was just so sad…

Just now, after Arrow…i realised how much life this world is lacking. If each of us had a faith meter/ a life meter… after each service that we actively listen – God pours out His life into us, and we’re filled, refreshed… and so our meter is maxed out, full, overflowing with the goodness of God… then Monday comes… and someone/ something comes along and takes away a little… and Tuesday a little more, so on so forth. And at the end of it you become just an empty shell… just something like the rest of the world… pottering around aimlessly with no reason to live.

So why do we go to church every week?

To refill. To drink from the living waters. To be refreshed. NOT cos the bible commands you to. I’d bet we get endorphins from worship.. more than what we get with chocolate. It does us good to REMEMBER every week, what we’re living for, to re-focus on Jesus, to wash the filth off our feet… all the problems that the world throws at us. We need that talking-to from the pulpit, to turn our eyes from the problems we have to Jesus the solution. And as the week passes by… we labour – we strive to maintain that position of rest, not trying to solve all our problems by ourselves, but keeping our eyes on the solution – keeping our eyes on HIM

"For he that is entered into his rest, he also hath ceased from his own works, as God did from his.
Let us labour therefore to enter into that rest, lest any man fall after the same example of unbelief."
~Romans 4:10-11

Why am I writing this? I dunno. I’m not particularly high in the faith meter at the moment, not totally dry… more like.. the car petrol meter… past the last quarter but not quite empty. I suppose it’s to say that it isn’t as easy as it seems to remain aware of Him all the time (I suppose that’s why Paul said to LABOUR… cos it’s difficult… sure I can preach grace… but it’s easier said than done.) my major refilling happens during services. I talk to God… cry to Him… everytime… anytime… but services have an anointing that’s different… like fellowship… where 2 or 3 are gathered His Presence is there. And I’ve been missing CG and service and stuff for other things recently… it’s amazing how low I’ve dropped in such a short time. It’s like Jesus is my drug =P can’t live without Him.

And that’s scary… cos all this time, I’ve had to fight so hard just to go for Sunday services… and fight against parents who are Christian… parents who are able to throw bible verses of obedience at me like anything… parents who believe that the time spent in church is better spent elsewhere/ studying/ getting things done… just go for Sunday service and go home (perhaps the logic behind it is the ‘cos God said so’ thing)

Thing is, when you’re just low, you have no more fight left, you give up and don’t go to church… and in that you don’t get filled… and you go lower and lower into yourself, into your depression… the flesh is just completely dead. That makes me wonder how I’ll survive in uni… if the old church rules apply again. I suppose everyone’s different, but church is a privilege… something that was always dangling out of reach till after the A’s… and I wonder if the parents will continue to let me go so often when I’m in uni. They already ask me why I go so often… ‘a little less church/ missing a service wont kill you’ they say.

Nope. Missing church doesn’t kill you. But what the world throws at you does.

Hunters don’t go after dead birds… and they don’t go after the live ones that fly away… just after the dying ones to make sure they die. When you’re full of the life of Christ… the devil can’t do a thing. When you don’t know Christ, he can’t be bothered… cos you’re his anyway. But when there is a slow draining of that life… he’s interested…

So Lord… comeon… resuscitate me… I wanna fly free.