and life goes on

back from camp... i actually came back yesterday night =P figured it was pointless to stay the night and not-sleep and go home the next day.

camp was... i dunno... kinda fun... different culture (?) with partygoers galore. i managed to do what i went there to do - made lots of friends, get to know more seniors. but i realised at the end of it last night when they were playing a mild version of a drinking game, how difficult it would be for me to stick by my principles over there. there is pressure to party/ club/ drink till you're drunk/ play like crazy. it was a strange experience as i came to the end of myself in the middle of an indian poker game (this girl had to do a forfeit and kiss a senior >.<) and found myself silently praying that God would preserve me in that kind of environment, give me favour to fit in... to be in the world (and belong) but not of the world. i realised it wouldn't be as easy fitting in as i thought...

by Your favour and grace Lord.


to backdate this a bit... Daddy God's really amazing...

on saturday at servers meeting 1230pm... i was falling asleep as deacon matthew was sharing with us the spirit of serving, thinking "when this ends i can go to some corner and take a nap... and be more alert for service (which starts at 4.30)" the meeting ended at 2pm.. and we went to set up.

serving is a calling... a longing to do something in the kingdom of God... i wanted to serve this week... my 2nd last arrow before London 0_o but i was so tired. in any case, i asked esther how come i wasn't scheduled for today, whether it was for the newcomers to learn. and she turned to me and said 'ya, but they're not here, do you want to do main cam today?' i said yes, and abruptly realised that no less than 10 min ago i was commenting to someone that if i were to serve today i'd probably be able to fall asleep at the camera and you'd see pastor walk out of frame =P

i started off tired, i did... and behind the cam you only get a 2D picture of what's going on... normally your brain shuts down after a while, but as worship progressed my brain started to wake up. then pastor had ministering and i was struck with something i never thought of before - Lord, i want to go up but i'm stuck here serving You. normally in worship, you lift your hands in surrender, lose yourself in His love and come out refreshed... all the more so in ministering, with special anointing as leaders lay hands on you.

and there i was, stuck behind the camera, both hands busy, having to stay alert... and being a bit sad that i couldn't go up... when i realised the portion that servers have...

i used to be in CREW... an usher, basically 'helps' ministry... in ministering, you run around to catch the people getting slain in the Spirit. As you stand behind the person the leader/ pastor is praying for, you can literally feel the backwash of the anointing, even covering you. i realised the privillege of being in video at that point - we get to see the big picture. video is involved in most, if not all events... behind the camera we get to see the multitude of people go up, see the presence of God fall, see people walk away from the front with love shining from their faces... and we get to go up now and then to physically receive... but who's to say that God doesn't touch the people way back in the crowd?

so behind the camera, in the complete opposite of the position i'd normally have in worship - eyes wide open, watching everything, hands controlling the camera, holding still and thinking about the framing instead of concentrating on Him, i just told Him - Lord my heart is open, i want that anointing, that refreshing and i can't go up to get prayed for. You placed me here Lord, so You sustain me, give me strength to stand here, to film well for the whole service and not zone out. Lord i draw from You, right here, right now. - and the sweet physical manifestation of His presence came.

i videoed the rest of the sermon... with the exception of 30 min where hweifen took over from me so i could rest - and doing something as tiring as standing still for 2+ hours and staring at a tiny screen thinking about framing, i came away from serving... more refreshed than when i went in.

God is so good... it blows me away.