heidi... i want huggles.... =(... or anyone actually... just that heidi is the normal hugger...


i hate you i hate you i hate you... but that isnt true. (no not heidi)
so far you're the only one that can make me wish in the morning to never have to wake up... you and dad i guess... you and your 'if we don't go early we lose out' attitude... you and your 'must grab okay? got free thing must grab... got anything also must apply even if you don't want it' attitude


is it so wrong to want to go to medical school so badly? i guess i'm thickheaded yes. but why am i not allowed to trust God simply for a place to get in? why do you try so hard to get me involved in other things? why do you believe that the finances are difficult... doesn't God provide? why can't you just let go?


i know of course you want the best for me for everything... not to mention the best from me... and i guess that is good... but can you LISTEN for a moment? can you stop worrying at me for one moment?


it feels like you ripped my heart out... and in my mind's eye there's this strange vivid picture... of you holding it in a vice like grip... fingernails digging in... and there's all this stuff dangling from it... all the broken muscles tendons arteries veins... it physically hurts... in service today... it was like i could barely breathe

went in late to church today cos of the IT fair jam... and walked in exactly when pastor began 1 Corinthans 10:13

"No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God
is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but
with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to
bear it."

temptation being testing... and the idea behind the verse is amazing... but omg the pain... Lord help... i want to run away again...